R-e-s-p-e-c-t

As a wife, one of my greater struggles in marriage has been “putting on a gentle and quiet spirit.” Edric and I both have strong personalities. So when we are head to head about something, it is hard for me to back down. I have to make a conscious effort to remember that my role is to respect and support my husband, and to trust his leadership.

Yesterday, I disrespected him in front of a group of leaders from TMA Homeschool. We were gathered around a table discussing the Family Convention (a convention that happened today). Edric had asked me to give a short explanation of the plans for homeschool curriculum and materials that we will be offering to parents. I was resistant because my perspective was, “I don’t want to over promise anything.” I would rather under promise and over deliver when it comes to managing people’s expectations. I didn’t want to tell parents that we are bringing in new resources. Instead I wanted parents to pleasantly discover the materials when they became available.

Edric is great at casting a vision and rallying people behind a cause. But I like to be conservative about what I say when I manage people’s expectations. I prefer to do things quietly and behind the scenes, without announcing what I am doing. Therefore, the conflict that transpired between us was, essentially, a personality difference.

While we almost always handle our conflict in private, yesterday, Edric got frustrated with me for resisting his request. And I got irritated that he kept on insisting that I do something that I was not comfortable with. But my big, horrible and disrespectful mistake was standing up and walking out of the room when he said, “If you don’t want to contribute anything to this discussion then you can leave the room.” He actually said it in a very calm manner but since I was upset, I stood up quietly and left anyway. I trotted out the room in front of other key leaders.

Boy, I knew I was wrong. The Lord pointed out to me that I had just disrespected my husband. I had never done this before (I mean the walk out part in front of others).

A few moments after, Edric looked for me and took me aside. He asked me why I did what I did. I explained myself (very poorly), and he corrected my behavior and wrong attitude. He explained how important it was that I am positive and encouraging towards the initiatives that he requires of the team. And he also apologized to me for not making his expectations of me more clear.

At a certain point we both started laughing because the drama of what happened was so ridiculous. The Lord reminded me that Edric is my authority and that I am called to respect him. I said sorry to Edric. The Lord also told me to go back into the meeting room and apologize to the entire team. Humble yourself! Fix your attitude and be a good example!

So I went back in and apologized to everyone for being disrespectful and having the wrong attitude. They actually laughed at us and thought the whole incident was comedic. But I am glad I made that public apology because I really was wrong. And during the Family Convention this morning, of course I spoke the part that Edric asked me to.

By God’s grace, I am growing in this area. I always have to tell myself, respect for Edric is not conditional. It is commanded of me and obedience leads to blessing. When I am respectful towards Edric, his heart is open to me and he is inspired to be sweet and tender towards me. (I much prefer that he remain this way!)

God has given my husband authority over me. He is the leader of our marriage and home. And I need to trust that God speaks through my husband when he makes decisions. (If I am worried that he is making a wrong decision the solution is prayer.)

However, seeing our relationship from this perspective takes spiritual lenses. My number one enemy is my pride — I want to do things my way instead of God’s way. So the secret to r-e-s-p-e-c-t is to walk intimately with God. Yesterday, I attended morning prayer watch and I had quality time with the Lord. I think this was the reason why I felt the conviction of the Lord when I was being disrespectful. I could not escape the prodding of the Holy Spirit!

Well, all is well and good between Edric and I. And I thank the Lord that he continues to work on my character and help me become more gentle and quiet in spirit, even if it is antithetical to my personality. I am still a work in progress. ๐Ÿ˜‰

“Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves.”(Romans 13:2 NASB)

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    wonderful sharing!!!!..it happens to the best and loving couple..your humility and acceptance are soooo appealing and absolutely appreciated…God is so pleased and so DELIGHTED AT THE HUMILITY YOU HAVE SHOWN AS A WIFE…and the NON judgemental attitude of Edric,made it easy for both of you to reconnect..right away !!!.great example to the many….take care …HUGS,LOVE and PRAYERS to both of you ….

  2. wonderful sharing!!!!..it happens to the best and loving couple..your humility and acceptance are soooo appealing and absolutely appreciated…God is so pleased and so DELIGHTED AT THE HUMILITY YOU HAVE SHOWN AS A WIFE…and the NON judgemental attitude of Edric,made it easy for both of you to reconnect..right away !!!.great example to the many….take care …HUGS,LOVE and PRAYERS to both of you ….

  3. Donna SImpao says:

    Now that is a LOVE story:)

  4. princess says:

    hi joy! i always look forward to your blogs because your write so well with so much heart which makes your blogs so real, inspiring and encouraging. God bless you and your family!

  5. Hi Joy,
    I would like to commend you for humbling yourself. I know that for us women “our” way is mostly or if not always the “right way” So, if we really don’t get intimate with God we will never know what the RIGHT way is. RESPECT is a problem for a lot of women but with God nothing is impossible. Everything is a work in progress. ๐Ÿ™‚ Have a great weekend ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. daisymendoza says:

    You are a woman of God , Joy, humble and repentant. Edric is blessed to have a wife like you. And I thank God for giving me a daughter- in- law like you. Indeed,true love reigns!!! God bless you!

  7. Hello, Joy!

    Your authenticity throughout your blog is very refreshing and encouraging.

    Blessings,
    Winnie

  8. Hi, I just want to say that this post really hit home. Even though I don’t have a husband yet, I’m reminded that I need to show respect to the men who are in authority in my life (such as my dad, boyfriend, etc). It’s hard because sometimes it’s easy to joke around and laugh at their mistakes (in a kind way) but the Lord convicted me through your writing. Praise God for your humility and honesty. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Ayayay! Such an inspiring, lovely and godly couple. I appreciate your honesty so much Joy! God bless!

  10. Only God – in us – is the One who makes us to be a better person each day… The question is – will we allow HIM to make us?

  11. thanks so much Joy for all your inspiring blogs that reminds me of my own relationships and family life…you have such a blessed marriage with your husband, so highly look up to both of you from your testimonies. i was only able to watch your testimony, from 700 club’s “Why bad things happen to good people?” and can’t help but hope more and pine more on the Lord in my own life, reflecting on your testimony….I have an unbeliever husband and experiencing the consequences of my disobedience in marrying one….when all else fails, at this moment, i can only hope on the Lord’s grace and mercy. Thank you for reminding me. ๐Ÿ™‚

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