Facebook Issues and Marriage

This morning Edric and I had a social media issue which I blew out of proportion. I never thought Facebook would get a glorified spot in our relationship but it did.

We were biking back from the park when Edric suggested that I avoid checking the profile of a certain person. I thought he was treating me like a child and I reacted. In fact I was not looking where I was headed and I crashed my bike into the sidewalk. And then I starting blaming him for causing my fall!

What upset me was I don’t impose what he can and cannot look at or whose profiles he checks out, and here he was putting restrictions on me for something that I felt wasn’t even worth discussing.

In his words, “I am your husband and it is my duty to protect you but you also need to do your part by not putting yourself in harm’s way…”

Well, I was so annoyed, I disrespectfully stamped my foot like a bratinella and walked off into the kitchen to escape from the dialogue. My response was, “I can’t believe you are telling me this when you (do this and that)…”

I ran upstairs to take a shower and let him finish his workout alone. I began to grumble before God…”This is so unfair and exasperating!”

But the Lord reminded me, “What did you learn in your meeting last night?”

The evening before, my mom talked about humility to a small gathering of wives. Oh the timing!

She very specifically shared about listening to our husbands with a gentle and quiet spirit. This is one evidence of humility.

Amidst my irritation, I resisted for a bit. I busied myself getting ready for a seminar I had to give this morning. When I ran into Edric again at the breakfast table he was placid and calm. He didn’t even bring up my behavior or attitude.

So naturally, on the way to my seminar, I felt convicted. I knew I had to apologize. I was clearly the one at fault. Edric was sincere in wanting to protect me.

This Facebook person was someone I used to be attracted to. Even if I have ZERO x infinity feelings for him at present, Edric had every right to insist that I be mindful of my Facebook activity. I should not be so overconfident. I am not invisible. Emotional carelessness could give the evil one a “back door” entrance into my relationship with Edric.

How can I really say that feelings cannot be resurrected just because I feel nothing now? And why would I ever want to hazard that possibility at all? Marriage requires a commitment to protecting it at all costs, from all known threats, visible and invisible.

Furthermore, I ought to give Edric no reason to worry or doubt my affections for him. And if any of my actions cause him to feel otherwise, then I must be willing to change. As for his own actions, I am not his policeman or his judge so I don’t need to compare and use that as a pathetic tactic to give myself license to research, google or look up men that are attractive. (For the record, I really don’t do this as a habit!)

When I settled this in my heart, I asked for his forgiveness for being disrespectful. Stamping my foot and blurting out cutting remarks were very wrong no matter what my reasons were. His reply was, “Of course I forgive you. In fact I was waiting for you to say something.”

As a wife, I struggle with suppressing and controlling my inclination to usurp Edric’s authority over me. I want to be the one to dictate what I can and cannot do. I don’t always like it when he micromanages my life. But the root of this is pride. God gave me a husband who corrects and minds even the small things in me so I will learn to listen and grow in Christlikeness. He is the one who sees all the flaws, the ones I want to hide from everyone else. He is the one who knows me best, especially my weaknesses. God uses Edric to chisel off what mars the image of the person God is edifying me to be. So it is in my best interest to honor what Edric asks me to do…even during occasions when his suggestions seem ridiculous or his corrections aren’t given in a manner which I would prefer.

Last Sunday the message was about living in the triangle of God’s blessing: we are blessed to bless others, just like the patriarch, Abraham exemplified for us (Genesis 12). But the conditions for blessing are intimacy with God+faith+obedience.

I want God’s blessing in my life and I certainly want to bless others, too. But I need to be in the triangle of blessing first. As a wife, one of the very clear ways I can put myself in that favorable position before God is to apply faith and obedience in the context of my marriage. This isn’t about trying to manipulate a God who cannot be manipulated. This is about believing in and following the principles of a God whose nature and desire is to bless those who do so.

When I had to speak this morning I knew that God’s hand would not be upon me if I didn’t humble myself and apologize to Edric for challenging his authority. And when I did, I felt that halo of anger around my head broken, and I could minister to the families I was called to without hypocrisy.

The ridiculous Facebook issue has been resolved. Edric and I said our sweet I love yous to one another before he left for a business trip with our eldest son. As he went out the door, I thought to myself, why would I ever let something shallow and meaningless damage what is so precious to me…my relationship with the most amazing man in this world, and my relationship with the One who gave him to me?

Seek the Lord, all who are humble, and follow his commands. Seek to do what is right and to live humbly…
(Zephaniah 2:3 NLT)

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Live In the Triangle of God’s Blessing

Comments

  1. Jennifer says:

    This is an eye opener tnx

  2. It just happened to me this morning! Such a timely read.

  3. “Emotional carelessness could give the evil one a β€œback door” entrance.. ” nicely-worded! my brother often reminds me that it is when we think we are strong that we could actually be vulnerable… because we think we are OK and are relying on our own strength…

    • Joy T Mendoza says:

      That’s so true, Anne! I listened to a talk by Francis Kong one time and he cautioned that it is when we least expect vulnerability that we actually are.

  4. What you said about being careless in our emotions rings truth. I am also guilty of looking at the Facebook profiles of people who I “envy” and whom I find interesting. And unconsciously, I tend to compare my life with theirs and get frustrated. And I ask God why I am frustrated. So, this article is a reminder that we have to work with the Lord as He works in our lives to make it the life that He wants us to have πŸ™‚

  5. The way you handled this situation has set my standards higher for my next relationship πŸ™‚ That is exactly how I and my future gf should handle things.

  6. Joy,
    My hope and prayer is that you will continue to be led by the Holy Spirit as I believe you are with your articles. I truly commend your boldness in posting such insights as these which enables your readers to relate and be blessed as you carefully advise in perspective with the scriptures. I truly appreciate how you are willing to take the risk on writing on topics that could be unpopular or may even cause indignancy to some. Thank you once again for being a blessing (more than you’ll ever know) and also for being my remote accountability partner (sort of) in a way πŸ™‚

    • Joy T Mendoza says:

      Thanks πŸ™‚ sometimes I get scared to write about certain topics and articles but I think of how God can possibly use it to touch someone’s life. Not everyone agrees with what I write and that’s fine.
      But if I can at least some seed that makes a person consider who God is and what he is like, then it is worth it:)

  7. Hi Ms joy!
    This is my first to speak my mind. haha! And I’ve been reading your entries and it was all awesome and its all because of our AWESOME GOD! You’re a blessing Ms Joy πŸ™‚
    I got to discover your blogspot through h3sean.com (and I discovered h3sean.com through actlikeaman.org)and yes, I’m reading a blogspot for men. hehe

    Upon reading this entry, I was led to this verse:
    “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 10:12
    Wow. This topic can also minister to a single woman (like me:)) who patiently and faithfully wait to her future husband! Imagine, the season of singleness is an opportunity to start loving your future husband. As a single person, I can be attracted to anybody else.And let us say, I am attracted to someone, how will I deal with that attraction/to him?Will I browse his facebook account?hehe. What will my future husband might feel or how will he react on my means/ways in dealing w/ such attraction? How will you gurad your heart?
    Maraming Salamat Miss Joy for this real life “tagos sa pusong” encouraging post. It ministers to me, as in! πŸ™‚

  8. This is really nice! Thanks for sharing! God bless your marriage!

  9. thank you for your blog. this comes as a blessing. have lots of stuff on my mind lately and was thinking of settling my thoughts. started reading Wisdom for the way before starting my work. Not sure how i ended reading your blog. But your writing sure enlightens me and a big blessing. hope you keep writing and wont get tired of it because you really does help a lot of people. πŸ™‚

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