Breaking Down the Proverbs 31 Woman 

Anyone who has read about the Proverbs 31 woman, knows that, Biblically speaking, women can by all means work and earn money. In fact, they can be successful businesswomen and very enterprising. However, the text sets the bar even higher for all of us as women. It doesn’t merely focus on how to be financially successful, it highlights excellence in every area of a woman’s life. Therefore, we would do well to emulate the traits of this extraordinary Proverbs 31 woman. 

I really like the NLT version of this passage because it’s easier to understand. It begins with, “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” 

First off, she is virtuous and reputable. Her godly character defines her, followed by her competence and accomplishments, chief of which is that her husband has absolute confidence and trust in her. 

All of us have specific responsibilities and expectations that our husbands hold us to. The question is, do they feel like we prioritize what they want us to focus on and get done? We may evaluate ourselves as “good wives,” but it’s our husbands who can say whether this is true or not.

Edric and I had a date last night and when I asked him how I can improve as a wife, he replied that he appreciated my attempts to plan each day’s menu and manage the home, but I can still do better. Whew. I am glad I got a passing mark this time but the fact remains that there is room for further improvement. Since delicious food and an efficiently-running home matter to Edric, then these ought to matter to me, too. 

I have listed the rest of the Proverbs 31 woman’s traits here for us to study together:

1. Proactive and hardworking. “She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.” 

I don’t know how long it takes to spin something wearable, but this woman obviously learned a valuable skill. Wool clothing for colder days and flax as raw material to make linen for hotter weather. Whuuut?! Amazing! 

Perhaps today’s equivalent would be developing a talent and hobby that benefits the family. Sewing? Cooking? Baking? Woodworking? Interior Design? Whatever it is, we see a woman who stretches her capacities and doesn’t burden her husband with problems and needs that she can solve. 

She’s like, We don’t have clothes? I will go out and shear a sheep, and harvest some of the flax growing in my backyard and make some clothing! I am not going to be a complainer. I am going to be a doer! 

2. Tasteful and cultured. “She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar.” 

Merchant ships conjure images of the finest produce and exquisite things. This woman’s intention in sourcing the extraordinary to feed her family speaks of her desire to offer them the best.

I am reminded of my mother-in-law, Daisy, who decorates her table every time she entertains guests. She delights in hosting dinners and gatherings and her food is superb. It’s no wonder Edric likes his meals to be prepared and presented with thoughtfulness. My mom-in-law set the standard high, in a good way. 

3. Organized and on top of things. “She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.” 

This sounds like one disciplined lady. She’s establishes healthy routines for herself and family. Even though she oversees servant girls, she is personally involved in the management of her home. And she is a woman after my own heart — she knows the importance of breakfast! 

4. Business and investment sense. “She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard…She makes sure her dealings are profitable.” 

Instead of spending on frivolous, material goods for herself, she is future-wise and puts money into real estate and a profitable business. 

Very often, my temptation is to spend when I have money. Since my income is a bonus on top of what Edric makes, I think, yey, I have money, I can get something for the kids, buy more groceries, or treat myself. So this is a great reminder to build wealth and steward it faithfully. 

Edric, who has done over a thousand interviews about personal finance for the show, On the Money, often tells the kids and me that leaving money in a savings account is poor investing. Instead, look for opportunities to generate income. Since this isn’t really my area of expertise, I let Edric decide on these things. We pool our earnings into a shared account to use for business purposes. 

5. Physically fit and able-bodied. “She is energetic and strong, a hard worker…” 

There’s no excuse for us, ladies! If we want to have the energy to serve our families, then we can’t compromise on our health and wellness. 

This woman obviously didn’t go to the gym, but she built up her strength naturally, perhaps by doing chores, working with her hands, exercising through gardening, walking, or tending to her field or animals. She didn’t laze about and eat potato chips. 

6. Excellent worth ethic. “…her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.” 

At the end of the day, with her extra time, she goes back to spinning. It reads like spinning was a hobby of hers. The point is, she found a craft and preoccupation that she enjoyed that was useful. Similarly, do we make time for healthy hobbies and activities? (Being on social media late at night when everyone is asleep doesn’t count.) 

7. Involved in community outreach and ministry to the poor. “She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.” 

Big-hearted and kind, this woman isn’t too busy or wrapped up in being a superwife and mom to see the greater needs around her. 

One of the women I admire most is my mom. Giving defines her. She set up a good works foundation, which is the physical aspect of meeting needs, but her more urgent mission is to address people’s spiritual needs. During one instance when a thief snatched her bag at a mall,  my mom ran after the lady. When the snatcher was apprehended by a guard and my mom was asked if she wanted to file a report, my mom’s unexpected response was, “I just want to talk to the lady.” 

She took the thief aside and shared the gospel message to her! Retrieving her bag was important but my mom’s greater priority was to talk about God’s love to someone who was spiritually lost. 

Throughout her life as a follower of Christ, my mom has had a contagious zeal for the gospel. Even if she is busier than most women I know, she understands that people are precious to God. I hope to imitate her example in this regard but I have a long way to go. 

8. Preparedness and planning. “She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes.” 

All that spinning of wool pays off! Having anticipated a future-need and planned accordingly, this woman is not stressed out or caught off-guard by changing circumstances. She has readied herself and everyone in her home for life’s difficult seasons. 

9. Multi-talented. “She makes her own bedspreads.” 

Okay, whew, I can actually do this. This makes me feel a little better…Anything where you sew straight lines, I can do. Just don’t include zippers. 

10. Dresses well and takes care of herself. “She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.” 

As women, we ought to put effort into looking our best. After having kids the tendency is to focus on child-rearing and forget that our husband’s are hoping we will still glam ourselves up for them once in a while. We may also want to avoid wearing ill-fitting house clothes that basically say to him, “I stopped being a sexual being for you.”

Edric has called me out on this on several occasions about the comfortable baggy t-shirts and shorts I wear at home. “Hon, that outfit is like totally unattractive.” 

We already know this Proverbs 31 woman is wise about spending money so I don’t think she is extravagant about shopping for herself, but she has an eye for elegance and knows how to put herself together. 

Beyond dressing up for our husbands, we also represent our Creator, God. Do we give Him glory and celebrate how fearfully and wonderfully we are made by dressing well? I don’t mean showing off our bodies or buying expensive clothes that draw attention to ourselves. I mean, do we try to look our best at whatever season or age we are in? 
11. Empowers her husband to lead. “Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders.” 

Interestingly, the passage inserts this bit about the husband and his standing in society to inform us that the Proverbs 31 woman inspires leadership in him. Rulers gave counsel and made decisions at the city gates so we know that her husband is someone important and respected. A positive reputation and a high office attest to the Proverbs 31 woman’s ability to manage affairs, liberating him to focus on his responsibilities and fulfill them with excellence. 

12. Enterprising. “She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.” 
Since she is skilled at spinning flax to make linen, she monetizes her hobby. I have many women friends who have turned their passions into profitable businesses. There are many ways to start enterprises from the home, instead of working in corporations that take us away from our children. This is one creative way to help out with the family’s needs without sacrificing being available to them. 

For example, I use social media to earn income. This was never my intention when I started writing and posting, but when people approached me with endorsement proposals that were aligned with my values and didn’t take me away from my priorities, then I gladly accepted them. Edric appreciated this, too. Although he didn’t expect me to earn money or contribute monetarily, since he chose to make this his burden so I could home educate our kids, he liked the bonus of extra money which increased our capacity to give and invest.  

13. Positive outlook and inner strength. “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”

This Proverbs 31 lady is undoubtedly a woman of substance. Behind her successes lies her character. While she fears not the uncertainties of what lies ahead, we will see later on in the passage that she fears the Lord. This is the secret to her strength, wisdom, and positive outlook. I would love to have this woman as a friend! 

14. Full of wisdom, and one who teaches with wisdom. “When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. 

Have you ever spent time with women who walk with God and asked for their advice on an issue or problem? If you have you will understand what I mean when I say that they will most probably give you an answer that you don’t want to hear but need to. 

My mom is a wise woman. I have opened up to her on many occasions and each time she has filled my heart with truths I need to hear. She is never the type of person to side with me just because I am her daughter. Instead she points me in the direction that she knows God intends for me to go. She does this so effectively because she has an intimate relationship with God and spends time reading and meditating on His Word. Plus, she knows how to speak the truth in love, with kindness. 


We can all be women who are full of wisdom. What a blessing we will be to the people in our lives! But we have to do our part to saturate our minds with truth. On a practical level this may mean avoiding literature, sites, shows or music that conform our thinking to worldly values. 

15. A good home manager. “She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.”

This is convicting me to stop putting off changing the broken light bulbs in several rooms of the house! 

16. Highly spoken of by her children and husband. “Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: ‘There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!'”

If there is any group of persons whose applause I want to hear (apart from my Heavenly Father’s), it would be that of Edric and my children. They see my life up close and know all my flaws and shortcomings. I pray that at the end of my time on earth, I would, by God’s grace, hear them say that I was the best wife and mother to them. 

17. Fears the Lord. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised.”

Since I am an older woman now, having turned 40 at the end of 2016, I feel, for the first time in my life the fear of aging. Edric has reminded me not to make health and wellness an idol. I want to do my part to be healthy, but I also know that my physical self isn’t what it used to be. There are moments when I struggle with envy and jealousy, comparing myself to worldly standards of beauty. Yet as a follower of Jesus, I know that the pursuit of eternal youth isn’t God’s plan for my life. It is to know, love, obey, serve, and worship Him…to live for His glory. 

Someday, I will leave this form behind. Therefore my focus ought to be living with eternity in mind. Are my life choices, the thoughts I entertain, and the words I speak beautiful in God’s eyes? 

18. Well known by her deeds. “Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.”

A woman who has pursued what is most important in this life will be recognized for it, not because she has praised herself and presented her doings to receive affirmation and attention from others, but because she has left a lasting legacy behind.  

Proverbs‬ ‭31:10-31‬ ‭portrays a standard of excellence. It’s not the 10 commandments. But it certainly gives us insight into the capabilities and possibilities that we have available to us as women. God has given each one of us unique gifts and circumstances. We need not compare ourselves to one another or perform to earn His love and the approval of others. What counts is that we are faithful with the time, treasures, and talents He has entrusted to us. 

Comments

  1. momofthree says:

    Best and most helpful article I have ever read. Thank you. ❤

  2. Hi, Joy!

    Thank you for sharing this post! ☺️ One of my favorites, sir far.
    In this season of singleness, God is really calling me to prepare to become a Proverbs 31 woman for my future husband as well.

    God bless you and your family!

    ❤️,

    Vida

  3. Thank you so much for this uplifting post. Even though it has been quite a few years since I became a Christian, I have realized recently that I am still so immature in my faith and deeds. I have still a long way to go before I will become this Proverbs 31 woman but I’m thankful for women like you who shares that it can be done, albeit it will take diligence and discipline. Again, thank you and may you continue inspire others. God bless you and your family.

  4. Working wife says:

    Thanks for sharing, Joy! I do have a question on one line where you talked about corporate jobs “taking us away from family”… As you know, not all couples can afford to have a single income setup and it’s not always easy to start/sustain a profitable business. What would you suggest for husbands and wives who both need to keep their office jobs?

    • Joy T Mendoza says:

      I had a corporate job for a while because that was my only option. I stuck to it for as long as I needed to. But I think the key was that Edric came up with financial goals that we could work towards and one of those included how to increase his income so I could slowly ease out of my corporate work. Hope that helps 🙂 Sometimes a woman has to work and that’s the reality. Like single moms, for example. So it’s about being aware of our priorities at that season, thinking through how to honor those priorities by making plans, and then surrendering those plans to the Lord in prayer.

      • Hi Ms. Joy,

        Good day. Thank you so much for sharing this article. I truly appreciate your gifts in writing, and I admired how you explained simply but thoroughly each topic. What I realized through your writing is the importance of Godly wisdom in a woman life. This season of my life, I don’t have wisdom full women that I can constantly fellowship with and talk with face to face but I am grateful to God for His words that I can easily access and confide with anytime. Your article in your blog, speaks well to my heart. Thank you.

    • I’ve been through the same predicament a few years back and I think what really helped were: 1) honest prayer, 2) reading the Scripture regularly, and 3) “touch base” conversations with my husband. I wanted to spend more time with my daughters, but also needed to earn to meet our needs. My husband and I discussed how we can make it possible for me to stop working but in the end, we brought our concerns to the Lord, especially our worries about provision. I stopped working twice and each time I felt that maybe I needed to start working again, God provided a job that was better than the previous one I had. We had to tighten our belts a little, but God is truly faithful. He sustained us through those seasons and even gave me a work-from-home corporate job (it’s such a God thing, I honestly have never heard of this job that I have now) when my daughters became more independent and I had a little more time to start working again. Bottomline is, I think as long as we are sure that we are following His will for us, God will take care of the rest. And there’s no better way to do that than to spend time in honest conversation with Him and hearing what He has to say through his Word. 🙂

  5. Preachy, outdated and sexist. Reinforces the patriarchal views of this society. I came from a forum discussing your blog and how anti-feminist it is. I thought I would disagree and prove them wrong but I couldnt stop cringing at every part of this entry. Then I saw your other entries and it just made sense – you are the version of Stepford Wife, only in the Christian sense. I certainly wouldnt want my daughters, nieces and granddaughters to be the kind of woman this article pushes FOR A MAN. Thank God my husband, dad and other men in my life are void of these sexist principles. You should not PREACH this shit. It really is offensive, if women just opened their eyes and minds instead of blindly taking in your bullshit.

    • Working wife says:

      Lore, do you really need to engage Joy this way? There’s a healthy and proper way to debate. Unless your motive isn’t to debate but, rather, put someone else down because they don’t share the same mindset as you. Why can’t we politely agree to disagree? Joy isn’t pushing anyone to accept her thoughts, so I don’t see why you need to express your dissent in such a rude manner.

    • To Lore:

      Don’t judge and push your belief to others. This is her blog, it is her right to write what she stands up for. She is not pushing these views to you. You don’t have to make offensive statements. You can simply just state you disagree and why do you disagree in a kind and respectful manner.

    • StephMcom says:

      Lore, simply respect the differences in beliefs. We are not expecting people to agree with Joy all the time but she deserves some RESPECT. To be quite honest we are comfortable not adopting to the settled reality of this world. Hence, please be okay with that too.
      Joy,thank you for your steadfastness in saying the whole truth. God will bless you when you stand on His Word, stepping on others toes or not, if not here but the hereafter. Praise God for you!

    • If you dont like her blog and disagree with her beliefs, we visit it?? Take your negativity elsewhere!

    • a stepford wife in a christian sense–what a novel thing to say! I’ve never heard anything more unenlightened than this. i didn’t see that coming in all honesty! it’s almost…funny. and the exceptional use of foul language in this context. my, my. and taking offense altogether?! proverbs 31 women-in-the-making, strengthen your resolve!

  6. Reminds me of Jhn Maxwell’s Proverbs 31 woman. 🙂

  7. Chie Castillo says:

    Hi Joy!
    I praise the Lord Jesus for giving you the gift of sharing His word well! May our good Lord continuously use you for His glory and I pray for His abundant blessings to you and your family as you are a blessing to many, especially to women, mommies,wives like me.:-)

  8. Czybben says:

    This is very encouraging! I just got married early this year. I really need this. I need to be a Proverbs 31 woman, not just for my husband but for myself either. Thank you and God bless!

  9. Marie D. Tolentino says:

    Hi Joy, thank You soooo much, for sharing and for the learnings….I always look forward to your articles….God Bless You!

  10. Thank you so much for this Joy. A good checklist for me. A heart check as well. ❤

  11. Shamir Jadol says:

    Thank you for this. I humbly brag to my husband sometimes that I am a Proverbs 31 woman. But after reading this, I just said to myself, “OH NO! THERE’S PLENTY OF ROOM THAT NEEDS IMPROVEMENT.”

  12. Hello ms Joy! Thank you for your article again. I don’t usually reply back because I am not good in using the language but I could understand. Sometimes i translate your article as my personal devotion because I believe when God’s word is used , we can always meditate on it. In this article, I had this understanding that empowers His children, both men and women. In this chapter, He gave a special description on how women can be virtous. Sometimes, the world has a totally different idea of what should be the “best” man or woman as compared to the principles of the bible, but when God gives us the spiritual eyes, we are able to understand.

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Breaking Down the Proverbs 31 Woman