Be “Into” Your Husband 

For the longest time I took it for granted that Edric and I had healthy intimacy. I always felt like we were an affectionate, PDA sort of couple that had no issues when it came to sweetness and lovey-dovey-ness. I mean, at times, we were probably annoyingly affectionate with one another, irritating people who saw us out in public. So it never really occurred to me to put in extra effort to cultivate intimacy. The chemistry between us was always so natural. 

However, in recent years, the number of children, fatigue, and busy-ness have taken its toll on me physically, and Edric has, more than once, remarked about my seeming disinterest in being intimate with him. My excuses often revolved around timing. Why did it have to happen at the last hour of the evening when I was dead tired? I am not just talking about sex, but even kissing and hugging, and holding one another before falling asleep. Many times he felt like I was just not that into him.

My dismissiveness would make him feel hurt and rejected. For a while, I thought I was in the right, that he was the selfish and inconsiderate one for pursuing invitations when I was exhausted. Yet God convicted me through this latest trip we took together in Kenya. After observing the tender exchanges between a forty-two year married couple…aka my parents, I realized I have a lot to improve on.

Edric and I had hours of bonding time together with my mom and dad during our vacation league of the trip (the first part was more ministry). During the safari, my parents occupied the row of seats in front of Edric and me, so we both noticed how sweetly they interacted with one another. Dad would frequently smile tenderly at my mom and hold her hand. Mom often said, “I find you so handsome (to my dad), and I really enjoy being with you.”

I know these moments weren’t to put on a show for us. They simply enjoyed being together. After forty years, they are still so into each other.

Although my parents were always loving, it’s been pretty special for me to see them still tender (if not more so) in this season of their lives. Even if they are senior citizens, they act like a young couple in love. They still put effort into cultivating intimacy with one another.

Whether it was appreciating each other verbally, deliberately seeking to meet each other’s emotional needs, sharing jokes, or exhibiting patience and restraint during conflicts, they both showed me how to be a better spouse during this trip. While Edric and I have a great marriage by God’s grace, I know I can still up my effort levels in the areas of tenderness and responsiveness, especially after seeing the dynamic between my parents.

Very often I encourage wives to consider that we are the only, legitimate, godly option for intimacy, for our husbands. Yet if I were to honestly assess myself, my past six months’ performance has been wanting. I haven’t tried my best to meet Edric’s need for intimacy. I would give myself a mediocre score in this area because I haven’t been as into him as I ought to be. My mom and dad were great examples of what it means to delight in each other as husband and wife.

Sometimes I forget to appreciate how special Edric is, and how blessed I am to have a husband who loves God, loves me and our kids, and who wants to be a good husband and father. I need to be more like the woman in Song of Solomon and be a more passionately in love wife! “Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers. Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love.” ‭‭Song of Songs‬ ‭7:11-12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Comments

  1. This has been a great read for me, Ms. Joy. Our situation though is I am the one who has the same experience as your husband. Always felt that he’s not into me more often than when he tells me that he loves me. Anyway, been following your blog.. even saw your vid c/o Cetaphil. it was totally heartfelt.. your reaction (and the other moms there) when you saw the vid of your kids made me tearful.

  2. Ouch! Now I fell bad realizing how often I fall asleep everytime we chat.

  3. Rizza A. Amurao says:

    thank you so much for makhng me realize that I have to be m0re intimate with my husband. S0mething that I neglect bef0re g0ing t0 sleep. Sya lagi ang nagkikiss lang sa akin and hnd ako nagreresp0nd sa s0brang pagod ko. Anyway it must be changed. thank you s0 much, God bless you.

  4. Thank You Joy.a great script to read even as i prepare for marriage at Gods time.Its still vivid how you spoke to us in Kenya at CITAM FAMILY FEST 2017 with your husband Edric on Maximizing our singlehood.God Bless You Guys .

  5. Thank Joy,during CITAM FAMILY FEST 2O17 you really impacted my life more so to love God and forgive always.This made me google about you and wow! got your blog…keep the good work.

  6. Thank you for reminding me to be expressive and be more affectionate to my partner no matter how busy or stressful life is. You’ve always and always inspired me on how to be a good wife and a diligent follower of Christ. God bless you and your beautiful family.♥

  7. Thank you Joy for inspiring me to be a better wife.

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