In the Garbage

June 12, 2013 By 5 Comments


My younger brother, Paul, told a hilarious story about losing his son’s mouth expander and having to hunt through restaurant garbage to find it. I thought the experience had some wonderful spiritual insights to it that I couldn’t resist writing about.

Caleb, my 7 year old nephew, has an expander which his dentist customized for him to give more room for his teeth to come in. For many months, Caleb has been very responsible about his retainer. It has been misplaced but it has never been lost for good, which is quite amazing considering that he has to remove it every time he eats.

During lunch at Brasas in Podium last Sunday, Caleb asked his dad (my brother, Paul) to hold on to his expander while he ate. Paul wrapped it in a tissue and set it aside. It wasn’t until about 4 PM, when my brother’s family was long gone from Podium, that Caleb realized he wasn’t wearing his expander. We had dinner with my parents and Paul requested that the family pray he could find it. The most logical place it would have ended up in was Brasas’ trash. Oh my.

Paul was determined to find it. He knew how important it was to Caleb that he recover the expander, especially since Caleb had entrusted it to him. So off to Podium Paul went that night. Brasas was packed. (It is a great restaurant. We all love it.) Paul asked Brasas’ management if he could go through their trash. I don’t know what they must have been thinking but they agreed, and my brother wouldn’t have taken no for an answer anyway. It would have been very unappetizing to the restaurant guests if he had sorted through the trash there, so he asked Brasas where they usually took their trash. They told him, “Basement 1.”

Dragging three large garbage bags from the restaurant into the service elevator, Paul went to basement 1 to look for the garbage room. The security personnel in the elevator curiously eyed him because it was such a bizarre scene. But my brother was a man on a mission. He really didn’t care what anyone thought.

He found the garbage room, laid out the garbage bags and started sorting through the trash. Logically, he thought of going through the earliest bag that was packed that day since he was one of the first customers. Feeling and squeezing through each discarded tissue he found, he prayed that God would help him.

As he was going through trash bag # 1, he noticed a man come into the garbage room. The man noticed him, too. He kind of looked my brother up and down like, Who are you? What are you doing here? This is weird!

Paul struck up a conversation with him to break the awkward silence. “So what do you do?” he asked casually. The guy said, “I’m the garbage man.” (translated)

“For how long?”

“Just a month because the other guy left.”

Paul was still intensely rummaging through the trash, explaining to the guy that he was looking for his son’s teeth expander. The guy was like, “Is there gold on it?” He was serious! He probably thought Paul was too concerned about his hunt to be searching for anything else! I mean what kind of person spends an evening in the garbage room of a mall unless he is hired to do so?!

The conversation shifted to spiritual matters and Paul talked to the guy about Jesus. He also added, “I believe he (Jesus) will help me find the expander.” And guess what? He did! At the bottom of the first bag, he saw the expander wrapped in the same tissue he had put it in earlier.

I thought it was a crazy story. As we were discussing it today and laughing in between scenes, my dad said it was a great illustration for the biblical stories of “the lost coin and the lost sheep.”

In the Bible, Jesus gave three parables to explain the love of God — the lost sheep, the lost coin and the prodigal son. The first two illustrate the relentless pursuit of something that was lost and the rejoicing that follows when that something is found. What is the worth of a single coin or a sheep among many? Are these things really worth the trouble and sacrifice of the search? As my brother narrated his story, I thought, “Would I have gone through all that to find an expander?!”

Honestly, I would’ve been embarrassed to even ask for the trash bags! And I would not have been able to stomach the ordeal of touching discarded food without gloves on. Paul was persistent in a way that I would not have been. Nothing was going to stop him from accomplishing the goal of finding that expander. His persistence was a great example of how God loves us.

The Bible uses the coin and sheep stories to convey a truth about who God is. Every lost person matters to the Lord. He looks for us. He seeks us out. He is absolutely committed to pursuing us.

Did my brother stick the expander back into his son’s mouth after he took it out of the trash? No way. My sister in law, Jenny, did a major disinfection ceremony to clean it thoroughly. Only then was it ready to be put back inside Caleb’s mouth. Similarly, when God finds us, we must be cleansed by him, purified by his Son, Jesus, to fulfill our original design. We have to leave life in the trash — the trash of sin.

Sometimes we like to stay buried in the “garbage.” Or we don’t even realize what kind of mucky predicament we are in. We are discarded, forgotten, left alone. But God will seek us out to save us and restore us for his greater purpose and plan. He will reach down into the mire to pull us up and out of the lesser life we are so wrapped up in to give us the abundant life he promises.

My brother was ecstatic when he found what he was looking for. It didn’t matter to him that it was among all the spit, saliva, bacteria, left-over and decomposing food. He was thrilled to be reunited with the lost expander.

God is the same way toward us. He is a father whose heart is turned toward us. He is for us. He treasures us. He rejoices over us when we are found!

“When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” (Luke 15:5-7 NASB)

Are we enjoying his presence, celebrating new life or still stuck in the garbage?

The Sacredness of a Promise

June 8, 2013 By 7 Comments

“I believe in the sacredness of a promise, that a man’s word should be as good as his bond, that character—not wealth or power or position—is of supreme worth.” John Rockefeller

My dad has said a number of times, “A man of honor, his word is his oath.” Aside from the fact that it is a matter of integrity — a principle my dad espouses because he wants to please God — this is one of his defining traits as a person. He has often encouraged my siblings and I to be the same way. “If you say you will do something, do it.”

The Bible says, Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one. Matthew 5:37 (NLT)

Yesterday, I was blessed to experience my dad’s dependability again. Earlier in the day, I asked him if I could take a photograph of him with a birthday greeting sign for someone in our church who had requested it. He was busy preparing a message for Sunday Worship, but he said I could. However, he was in casual house clothes and asked if I could wait until he put on a decent shirt. Since I had to accompany my mom to meet with some interior designers, my dad said we could take the photo when we saw each other again in the afternoon. In light of everything he had to do, the photograph really wasn’t major but he knew it was important to me.

I went off to the meeting with my mom. Half way through it, I received a call from my dad. He explained to me that he could still pass by to meet me but he also needed to go to the church office to finalize his Sunday message. Basically, he was giving me the option to decide. If I really wanted him to meet me, he would, just so I could take his photo. I knew it was more of a priority for him to go the church office so I said, “Dad, go on ahead to the office. I will just talk to your assistant to take the photo.” And sure enough, within 2 hours, the photo was emailed to me. I got a text message from my dad, “Sent the picture already.” I texted him back, “You are the best, Dad. You are so reliable and thoughtful. Love you.” My dad inconvenienced himself to keep his word to me.


Whether he makes a big or small commitment, my dad binds himself to it and treats it as sacred. I have always admired him for this, especially since it is very cultural in the Philippines to make statements that people never quite follow through with.

People often say “I will be there” but end up flaking out or canceling at the last minute. Or, “I will deliver by such and such date” but expectations are not managed. Sometimes I can be this way, too! It’s a rare Filipino who can stick to an agreed time or even a time-table.

We can think of it as a cultural phenomenon but let’s call it what it is. A person who does not keep his or her word is a liar. When I tell my kids, I will be home by 3 PM but I am an hour late, I told a lie. When I tell my husband, I will get your request done by today but fail to do so and make excuses when he asks me about it, I am a liar trying to look like a good person.

I want to grow in this area. I want to copy my dad’s example. His dependability has been a blessing and I want my kids to see the same faithfulness in me. But he has also modeled another trait that I have picked up on – be wise about what you commit to.

The Bible says to be very careful when you make a vow. If you are not sure that you can keep a promise or follow through with a statement you have made, then manage expectations sooner than later. Or better yet, just keep quiet.

I remember an incident where my dad asked me to edit a paper for him and I told him I would. After weeks, I had left the paper alone and got busy with other concerns. One day he called me about it thinking that I had already looked through it. I was embarrassed to say that I had not edited it. And he told me, “Next time, if you can’t do it then let me know rather than say you can but won’t get it done.” He wasn’t angry but he was disappointed. For a split second I thought of several excuses to rationalize my failure but instead, I apologized and used that situation as a learning experience. Speak less, do more.

The principle of keeping one’s word makes me think about God as a father. Imagine what it would be like if God did not keep his promises? What if he lured us with all kinds of enticing statements about his goodness and didn’t live up to the impression he painted of himself? What if we staked our lives on false hopes about forgiveness, salvation, or eternity? Where would we anchor our faith if we could not know with certainty that God’s word is true?

Thankfully, the Bible tells us, “Jesus is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8) Sometimes, we aren’t patient enough to wait for the Lord to fulfill his promises. We interpret his ability and commitment to do so by circumstances or by our limited understanding of who he is. Yet, we can be confident that there is no guessing with God. The truth he has presented in his word will never fail. He is the most reliable promise-keeper we will ever know. “Blessed be the Lord, who has given rest to His people Israel, according to all that He promised; not one word has failed of all His good promise, which He promised through Moses His servant.“ (1 Kings 8:56 NASB)

May the Lord make me a Christ-like promise-maker and promise-keeper and not allow me to become a “cultural” promise-maker and promise-keeper!

When Fathers Say Sorry

June 5, 2013 By 2 Comments

This evening we were watching the movie, We Bought A Zoo, when Tiana nearly lunged towards the edge of the bed while jumping on Titus’ back. With almost superhuman reflex, Edric bounced out of his chair to come to her rescue. But he did so with a little too much emotion. Smacking his hand on the bed several times and raising his voice, he said, “I told you not to go near the edge of the bed!”

The three boys had troubled looks on their faces as they tried to take in his response. Tiana had not meant to be so careless. She was playing. But Edric had panicked. And he lost his cool. Afterwards, He ordered all the kids to sit in a row beside me so they wouldn’t be anywhere near the end of the bed. They complied but I could sense that it was out of fear and slight confusion.

I was surprised by the agitation and drama of his posture. He tried to explain to Tiana why he got upset but by then she had already started to cry. As for me, I felt annoyed that he had been so reactive. First of all, it was unnecessary. He could have just whisked her into his arms and spoken calmly to her. Second, I thought it was a bad example to the kids. He did seem angry and he has taught them not to do things like this.

At some point I knew he would recognize this and apologize to everyone but I waited for a bit until he had calmed down himself. About ten minutes later, I nudged his leg, which was resting right beside mine. He looked at me and knew what I was attempting to say.

“Oh you think I should say sorry?” He said this aloud so the kids would hear him. And Edan was quick to use the opening as an opportunity to remark, “I think you got too angry with Tiana.” Edan, of all our kids, is the type of person who expects people to follow rules and principles. It is unsettling for him when people don’t.

Edric was humble enough to acknowledge his perspective. He asked for forgiveness from Tiana first and then from all of us. And that was it. No one held on to their troubling thoughts. Forgiveness was readily given. Tiana started chatting away like nothing happened and the boys continued watching the movie.

Perhaps the night could have continued without addressing Edric’s blow up and we would have all justified it in our minds. Upsetting as it was to see him lose his cool, I know he did so because he was concerned that Tiana could’ve gotten hurt. He imagined the possibility of her bumping her head on the floor (a trauma that he hasn’t forgotten since he left Elijah on the bed as an infant and he fell off, but that’s another story.) Like most parents, Edric meant well. However, his method of conveying protective instincts and care were not appropriate. It was still wrong for him to raise his voice and smack his hand on the bed for emphasis. So the kids needed to hear him say sorry. It mattered.

Everytime a father says sorry it matters. A father’s willingness to admit his wrong and be restored to his children is healing to the heart. It preserves the tenderness of their consciences and keeps them from growing hard.

I was blessed to have a father who knew how to say sorry for his mistakes and it certainly kept me from developing bitterness or anger. It also kept me from rejecting his teaching.

I pray Edric will continue to be sensitive in spirit as he leads our family. Our children, especially our sons, look up to him and deeply respect him. And that is not a unique phenomenon to our family. Children have a special admiration for their fathers. If that can be handled with the utmost care, a father will not only have their admiration, he will have their attention, giving him the blessed opportunity to influence them for good. Humility allows him to strengthen that chord of influence.

We are a bible-believing family. Edric knows he cannot afford to be a hypocrite. He cannot tell our kids to be Christ-like if he doesn’t model it himself. This evening, he knew that the Christ-like thing to do was say sorry. And I praise God that he did.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (Colossians 3:21 NASB)

Childbirth Revisited

June 3, 2013 By 7 Comments

I think all pregnant women should consider attending a birthing class. Edric and I have always attended Chiqui Brosas-Hahn’s classes. She has five kids whom she delivered naturally and she has been a Doula to many others. So she knows what she is talking about. But more than that, I like her easy-going, matter of fact way of explaining everything. She is honest and not squeamish about describing exactly what is going to happen. Whether you give birth naturally or not, these classes are very practical.

As a mom-to-be, you need someone who can clearly explain what you are going to go through. I like that Chiqui combines theory and experiential knowledge when she prepares moms (and dads). It’s great when fathers-to-be recognize how challenging it is to bring a baby into this world, too!

Every time we give birth, Edric and I take a refresher course because most reputable hospitals will require a certificate to let a husband be present during labor and delivery as a coach. So even if this will be our fifth birth, it is important to have that certificate. And, with my horrible memory, it is always good to be reminded of what to expect. Well…I’ll be honest. I like knowing what to expect but at the same time, it terrifies me.

When Edric and I were at the most recent class, I looked around the room at the mostly newbie moms and thought, Oh my dears! This is going to be the hardest physical experience of your lives! Of course, I didn’t say that. I believe that women can do it and God has built us to endure pain like no man can. But, once that pain really starts to escalate, you can second-guess yourself and wonder, Can I really do this?! Listening to Chiqui talk about the whole process again made me think, Why am I doing this?!

I turned over to Edric while we were sitting in the class and told him, “I’m scared, hon. I’m starting to feel that same nervousness that I do at this stage.” Of course, Edric was very reassuring. But it was the quite reassurance of the Lord that really ministered to me. I will be there with you. Trust me. I will help you. We’ve done this together before.

At 30 weeks and into my third trimester, this is the home stretch for me. The anticipation often feels like the longest part of the pregnancy. And I am feeling that same fears that tend to trouble me when the weeks inch closer towards birth. I know the process that birth involves, but every one of my labor experiences has been different from the other.

Being pregnant reminds me that I am not control of anything. There is still a measure of uncertainty. I really don’t know what’s going to happen when the due day comes apart from counting the contractions and taking them on one at a time.

When I was in labor with Titus, my third son, my doctor informed me that he was “side-lying.” If he didn’t descend properly, I would have to opt for a C-section. Edric and I looked at each other and we were concerned. I had always done a combination Lamaze or Bradley for my previous births. C-section wasn’t something I was prepared for. My labor seemed to slow down when I hit 6 or 7 cm because I had only effaced on one side of my cervix.

We prayed hard and Edric called Chiqui who gave me some tips to try in the labor room. I rocked on all fours, swayed back and forth. I might have even hopped around for a bit. And the next time the doctor did an internal exam Titus’ head was down and engaged properly. It was really quite amazing.

However, at one point during my labor, during the transitional phase, I felt like I was going to die from the pain. My body started to tremble and I didn’t know if I could take it anymore. It was then that I really cried out to the Lord (not verbally, but in my heart), and I asked him to sustain me. God heard my prayers and I was able to give birth without anesthesia again.

In Genesis 4:1 it says, Now the man had relations with his wife Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain, and she said, “I have gotten a manchild with the help of the Lord.”

Author, Debbie Morris, in her book, “The Blessed Woman,” gives wonderful insight into this verse. She says that Eve acknowledged that it was through the Lord’s help that she gave birth to Cain, her first child. There was no mother, mother-in-law, sister or girl friend in her life to give her tips on childbirth. No birthing classes. No books to read. Not even Adam had a clue. He isn’t even mentioned as being helpful during her ordeal. This was an experience that she went through alone, with God.

This resonated with me because I have felt this way during every single labor and delivery. Edric is by my side physically and that makes a big difference, but it is an experience that I must endure by myself with only God to rely upon. His empowering presence gives me the peace and the will to finish.

Giving birth is one of the most grueling physical trials I go through. Yet, it is during these moments that I understand more fully how God is my only salvation. At the point where I feel like giving in, I am reassured that he will rescue me. And he does.

God will use experiences in our lives to awaken our spiritual consciousness to the reality of his beautiful presence and our need for it. And greater than the fear of abandonment, loneliness, or trials, will be the fear to move forward in this life without him.

The longer I am married, get to parent my children, and the more people I interact with, learn from, and journey alongside in the faith with, the more I realize that life begins and ends with God. I was made for him. And I believe that he allows us to be in predicaments where he is our only resource and help…where we feel a good kind of desperation. Pregnancy and most especially childbirth, makes me desperately dependent on him.

My encouragement is his promise, “I will never leave your or forsake you.” After four children, I can certainly attest to this. I go into labor and delivery with only one assurance – the Lord will help me – and that is enough security to know that I can do it by his grace and enablement!

Photos taken during childbirth class…
 

More Fun With You

May 30, 2013 By 5 Comments


“I can run by myself, but it is more fun to run with you.” My husband, Edric, said this last week when we went for our morning jog. Previously, he went on two runs alone because I was too tired to go with him.

But I started running with him again. Very slowly! At a certain part I break my run with a walk. Edric will either circle back to be by my side or find a way to meet up with me as we do the last stretch. I appreciate how thoughtful he is about my growing incapacities (fitness-wise) due to pregnancy.

People ask me why I still run at 7 months or how I am able to do it. Well, like I said, my pace is significantly slower so it is not super athlete stuff. The youngest of my kids can outrun me for sure. But I keep at it, for as long as my body can bear the increasing weight, to spend time with Edric.

My secondary reason is I am mentally and physically preparing myself for labor and childbirth. It takes a certain kind of fortitude to do natural birth without anesthesia. And if I don’t keep myself fit, it makes me feel less in control and less able to rise to the challenge of working through labor pain.

I always feel scared when it is the last stage of pregnancy. But I am more afraid of taking anesthesia or getting a C-section! Personally, doing the Bradley method caters to the least of my fears.

Going back to Edric and running…

As I thought about what our runs are like, I realized some important parallels to marriage.

He said, “I can run alone.” Similarly, as a single person, a woman or man needs to be complete in the Lord. A dear single friend of mine once made a remarkable statement. She said she is so contentedly single that if God were to bring a man into her life he would have to be better than everything she has now. She is plenty fine to keep running alone with God until then.

However, if God should allow marriage to a person, and Lord willing, to one who shares the same love for the Lord, values and convictions, then praise God! For Edric and I, we have experienced that it truly is “more fun to run together.”

I can no longer imagine my life without Edric intertwined into every aspect of it. He is my favorite person to be with. I have the most fun with him!

When we got married 12 years ago, we were starry eyed, clueless about the realities of marriage, and it felt like we were riding an emotional roller coaster. Yet, just like running, at a certain point, we found our pace…we learned to adjust and accommodate one another’s personalities and differences with God’s help.

It is incredibly comforting to know that even if I cannot run fast because of pregnancy, Edric will circle back to me. He doesn’t hold it against me that I am going at a turtle’s pace compared to what he can do. And that’s marriage. There are seasons when we have to consider each other’s weaknesses and choose to stick around, for better or worse — to still run together. Edric and I have gone through seasons when we must pray for one another and patiently wait for one another to get out of a spiritual slump. Or, one of us goes through a crisis and the other must learn to be an encourager and motivator.

At present, I am “alone” in the changes that are happening to my body and I must contend with them. This is not a crisis. It’s normal. But this stage can be likened to the personal journey every person must take, married or not. There are some circumstances which will make you feel very alone. But, I have the bonus blessing of having Edric right beside me. And while my ultimate comfort is the Lord’s presence, Edric is certainly a tangible representation of how much God loves me.

It takes selflessness to be a blessing to one another. The reality is, as a couple, we need to keep fixing our eyes on Jesus to run the race that is set before us. Marriage is not a sprint. It has to last waaaay long after the honeymoon. It takes endurance, especially the spiritual kind. And unless we set aside the entanglements that keep us from Christ-centeredness (pride, anger, selfishness, unforgiveness, disobedience before God, and the like), we will not be able to run together, as a team.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1, 2 NASB)

I don’t know what the Lord has in store for us in the future in terms of challenges and trials, but my prayer is that Edric and I will always be “running partners.” I mean this beyond the literal sense. Although our morning jogs have been wonderful, I am talking about the relational aspect of our running partnership. We are two different people with varied needs, capacities, struggles, desires, and dreams. But as long as we are running together in the same direction, towards God’s purpose and plan for us and willing to support one another through life’s seasons, marriage is truly a joy!

During the recently held Global Discipleship Congress, speaker, Ann Chan, quoted Robert Browning. But I would like to paraphrase the “grow old with me” part and say, “Run with me, the best is yet to be…”

Strawberry Yoghurt

May 24, 2013 By 3 Comments

While I struggled with my miserable cold two nights ago, trying to rest in the room alone, a commotion in the kitchen woke me up. With a raised and agitated tone, Titus said, “I don’t want that!” This wasn’t the sound of my usually sweet and happy Titus.


I would have preferred to remain in my rested state and ignore the situation. But I could not willfully do so. Titus had lost his temper. There was an issue that needed to be dealt with. Intervention was in order. So I got up and called him out of the kitchen to talk about what happened.

Apparently, he wanted a strawberry yoghurt drink that ended up in the hands of Edan. He was offered an orange flavored one by our househelp, Joan, which upset him. Edan, on the other hand, was apathetically sipping the last few drops of the coveted drink. Titus looked on with quiet anger, convinced that he had been done a great injustice.

Taking Titus aside, I tried to understand where he was coming from. But my attempt to have a dialogue with him as his two older brothers curiously stood on the sidelines and his youngest sister called out, “Titus is going to get a spanking!” was counterproductive. So I brought Titus to my bedroom.

He thought he was going to get a spanking but my intent was to get to the root of the issue. This was not something that could be solved with a spanking. There was a much deeper problem here. Titus’ spirit was not right. There was hardness and frustration.

He stood in front of me while I sat across from him. We engaged in a conversation that involved me explaining to him why his attitude was wrong, why shouting was not okay, and how he needed to learn to share. His part was to acknowledge and respond in repentance. Did it work? Maybe a little. But I could sense that his compliance was external. It was void of real conviction.

So I called him to my side, hugged him really tightly and said, “Titus, I love you no matter what.” I assured him that I was after his greater good. His countenance softened and he started to tear. All my lecturing had not produced this sort of heart-felt response. It was not until I took him in my arms and held him that I could sense a motivation to change his attitude.

With my arms around him, I went on, “Because I love you, I want to teach you to do what pleases God.” Appealing to his own love for Christ, I reminded him that getting angry and being selfish were wrong behaviors because Jesus didn’t want him to do those things. I asked him what he thought would make Jesus happy and he acknowledged that he had to learn “to share, to say sorry, and that he shouldn’t get angry.” When I was convinced that he sincerely meant this, I let him go back to the kitchen to say sorry to those whom he had hurt.

He walked up to Edan and Joan to ask for forgiveness. There was humility in his tone and disposition, and he bounced back to his smiley, cheerful self. I affirmed him for doing what was right and I peacefully went back to my bedroom to go back to sleep. Strawberry yoghurt training case closed.

—-

Training is such a challenge. First, it takes commitment. Second, it must be personalized. Third, it must be purposeful — the pursuit of Christlikeness. Fourth, it must be cradled by love.

Sometimes, I am tempted to short cut the training part and make behavior the priority. But fruitful discipline and training must seek to restore our children’s hearts to us and to the Lord. It must heal what is broken inside them and be redemptive, effecting much more than behavioral change.

If we want real fruit in our children, we must consider these heart questions: Do our children know that we love them? Are they absolutely convinced that we want what is best for them? Do they love Jesus? Do they know that he loves them?

1 Corinthians 13:8 says that love never fails. When I think of that statement, I think of how it can be applied to training our children. Love does not fail to motivate or inspire change. When our children are convinced that they are loved and accepted, flaws and all, they respond to our teaching. More importantly, when they love Jesus with all that they are, they desire to please him and live for him.

It’s like Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.”(John 14:15 NASB)

Titus painted this earlier on in the day for me. I thought it was a great reminder that our children give us their hearts to handle with care. What are their hearts telling us about their spiritual condition? What are we doing about it?

Have You Ever Seen An Evil Person?

May 18, 2013 By 4 Comments

“Mom, have you ever seen an evil person?” This was the thought-provoking question my 7-year old posited to me when he was lying on his bed last night. I was praying with the kids for protection, health, good dreams, their obedience, etc. (Edric usually does this nightly routine but he was doing a show with Suze Orman for On the Money. So I was filling in for him.)

Edric and his co-hosts with Suze Orman

Well, Edan asked about the thieves that broke into our home many years ago when I was a teenager. It was too late to go into a lengthy discussion about that. But, I tried to explain to him that sometimes we think that people who do things like steal are evil. However, we can all be evil. Like, when we don’t obey God…that’s evil.

Many of us have a certain image that we associate with evil. We think of the Cleveland guy, Ariel Castro, who abducted, raped, and held Michelle Knight, Georgina Dejesus, and Amanda Berry captive for 10 years.

It broke my heart to imagine what it was like for the families to grieve over their missing daughters and for the victims to endure such a nightmare. Talk about hell on earth!

The news often highlights many other forms of crazy and it makes me deeply concerned for my children, to say the least. I look at my kids and treasure their innocence. If anyone were to steal or pollute that, I would be devastated.

Yet, the reality is there is no way to shield them completely from the godlessness that is present in this world. Edric and I can prepare them and arm them with the truth, but there is no bubble that they can float around in, completely untouched and unscathed. Why? The scarier reality is all our children have been hard-wired to sin, just like us. Our predisposition is toward selfishness and self-gratifying behavior. In today’s terminology, we might call such a person who acts upon their selfish inclinations, a sociopath. Okay, I’m not saying that all people are sociopaths but look at the description. Doesn’t it sound like many people we know, including our children, and ourselves (maybe not all the time, but at least some of the time?!).

What is a sociopath?[1] Someone who…

  1. Does not learn from experience
  2. Has no sense of responsibility
  3. Is unable to form meaningful relationships
  4. Is unable to control impulses
  5. Lack of moral sense
  6. Has chronically antisocial behavior
  7. Displays no change in behavior after punishment
  8. Lack of emotional maturity
  9. Lack of guilt
  10. Self-centeredness

Supposedly, this Antisocial Personality Disorder is said to begin at adolescence and is chronic. Really?! I’ve seen this sort of behavior exhibited by my children very early on which tells me that it seems to be inherent to the human person. But who will listen to me? I’m not a psychologist or a doctor who does clinical analysis. I’m just a mom who has to deal with addressing this tendency in my kids every day.

I have four wonderful children and I would like to believe that they are good and lovable. I wouldn’t want them lumped together with offenders who murder, commit adultery, steal, cheat, and rape. But they do act in undesirable and hurtful ways, especially when they aren’t trained or taught otherwise.

I’ve had my two year-old Tiana ignore me completely and walk away while I am talking to her. I’ve seen my boys get really angry and emotionally wound one another. At times, they struggle with admitting wrong and asking for forgiveness. One of them used to hit his siblings without conscience.

And what about myself? I’ve had moments when I’ve entertained thoughts of strangling or slapping my children out of frustration. Praise God I have never done so! But, if someone were to peer into my brain and itemize every wrong thought I’ve ever had, I would be ashamed of my crimes!

Personally, I feel that the many explanations given to understand the criminally inclined may help society and governments prioritize medication, the law, greater sanctions and penalties, controlled environments and better parenting to create boundaries that prevent people from hurting others, but they won’t solve the real problem.

The core issue is that evil resides in our hearts. It hatches at childhood and steers us like a compass. Deep inside, my children and I are no better than those who actually abuse others. We are not a higher class of good or righteousness. The only reason why our impulses and carnality are in check is because we have a greater power at work in our lives – the Holy Spirit.

When my children decided to make Jesus the Lord and Savior of their lives, they received the Holy Spirit. I saw the evidence of His fruit in their lives. Titus used to whine, cry, and sulk when he didn’t get his way. It was a struggle to teach him how to obey and listen. But, when he turned three years old, Edric shared the gospel message with him and he made a personal decision to acknowledge his sin and give his life to Jesus. A few weeks later, my mom noticed how different he was. When she told him he couldn’t have something that he wanted, he replied, “Okay, grandma,” without being upset or frustrated. Whoa. This was not Titus. This was the work of the Lord in his heart!

Galatians 5:22-23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”

The Bible tells us that the secret to overcoming the flesh or sin is to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. When it comes to parenting my children, I appeal to the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. During occasions when I sense that their will is pitted against mine or they are not ready to listen, I pray for them and I ask them to check their hearts (especially my older children). I am witness to the unseen war between their flesh and the Spirit. They must learn to surrender to the Lord or the flesh will win.

Galatians 5:16-17 “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please…”

When I observe my children, I look for proof of their relationship with Christ – evidence of the fruit of the Spirit. Until this is apparent, I cannot assume that they have really come into a personal relationship with Jesus.

Romans 8:9-11 tells us, “But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.”

Ariel Castro actually posted on his Facebook page on May 2, “miracles really do happen, God is good.” In the meantime, he was holding three women and a child in captivity, against their will.[2] Did he really know God? From the evidence, I don’t think so. He was living a dichotomy. No one figured him for a criminal until his secret was uncovered. Maybe he didn’t think himself such a bad guy either. I read that his intention is to plead not guilty. Wow.

We may not commit crimes like Castro did but we can be guilty of the same sort of dichotomy in our thinking. When our standard of morality is of our own making, we may be tempted to think, I’m not so awful. I’m not like the psycho in Cleveland. But that is a very relative plumb line. The standard for goodness cannot be people or ourselves because we are fallen to begin with. Just look at any two-year old who hasn’t been disciplined or taught obedience. It’s called terrible twos for a reason!

He displays the same sort of sinfulness that adults struggle with – the flesh that sets itself against God, a heart that is bent on rebellion. The Bible tells us every person “falls short” of the glory of God. This is the bad news. God’s holiness and goodness are the standard and we don’t make the cut. In fact, there is nothing we can do to merge the gap. But the good news, the gospel is that God, in his love, provided a solution through his son Jesus Christ.

John 1:29 The next day he saw Jesus coming to him and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!”

Because we are sinful, we cannot clean ourselves out. This requires supernatural intervention. The cure for sin (also known as evil) is Jesus who makes us right with God, and the ability to resist falling into sin comes from the power of the Holy Spirit. Unless we embrace this truth, atrocities will continue as foretold in God’s word. Unless our children embrace this truth, they will grow up with a predisposition toward evil.

2 Timothy 3:1-7 “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

___

What sobers me as a mom is recognizing that I am responsible to teach my kids about Jesus. Edric and I, as parents, have been commissioned to do so. We cannot close our eyes and hope that our children will grow up with a knowledge of God and a desire to live for him. No way. We have got to pay close attention to what is going on in their hearts and steer them towards God.

When my children start trending towards selfish behavior, I ask them, “Who is in your heart?” They will answer, “Jesus.” “If Jesus is in your heart, will he want you to act the way you are acting? Are you making him happy or sad by what you are doing?” At this question, they will pause, think, and answer honestly.

“What will make Jesus happy?” is usually a good follow up question. And depending on the circumstance, they will tell me “I need to be kind.” Or, “I need to forgive.” Or, “I should share.” Or, “I have to change my attitude.” These heart checks have helped them to discern whether they are controlled by their evil-prone selves or controlled by the Holy Spirit. And because they do belong to the Lord, they have the desire to please him and do what is right in God’s eyes. But the key is to focus on their relationship with Christ. This is the foundation, the starting point. From there Edric and I can teach our children to be spirit-filled vs. self-filled. We can talk about what is moral and right in accordance with God’s standards and commands. Of course, Edric and I have to role-model the same or we become a counterweight and stumbling block to our children’s spiritual growth.

So…to answer the question, “Have you ever seen an evil person?” I sure have. Myself. Apart from God…apart form his grace and love through his son, Jesus Christ…and apart from the enablement of his Holy Spirit to reject evil. I like how 1 John 3:23-24 simplifies it all…“This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us. The one who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him.We know by this that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.”

Do we believe in Jesus? If we do, we will love one another.

Do we keep his commandments? If we do, we remain in Him. There is continual evidence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. 

 

 

 


[1] http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_a_sociopath

[2] http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/12/us/cleveland-abductions-narrative/index.html

A God Who Minds the Small Stuff

May 15, 2013 By 16 Comments

Recently, Titus received a marble maze toy for his birthday. Yes, he still likes marbles and no, he is not swallowing them anymore. Whew.


All the boys have enjoyed this toy and it has brought them many hours of creative fun. Two days ago, they wanted to bring it to their cousin’s house. I allowed them to on one condition. They had to keep track of all the marbles. I told Edan he was personally responsible for the 20 steel marbles. After all, he was the one who insisted on bringing the toy to his cousin’s and he tends to be very responsible about these things.

Unfortunately, a most untoward incident happened. The bag the marbles were carried in had a hole. Some marbles fell out of it while the kids were on the way to their cousin’s. Edan started to cry. He wailed and wailed.

He is such a tender hearted child and is very particular about fulfilling the tasks he is assigned to. So this was a devastating turn of events for him. I was in the study room of my parent’s house when Edan came up to me to explain what happened.

They didn’t know where the marbles could have fallen out. Maybe in the car, or in grandma and angkong’s house, or on the street while they were walking over. Basically, their chances of finding them were very slim. Two remained missing.

Of course I did not blame them for the accident but since we had an agreement, they could not play with the marble toy until they found the missing marbles.

I encouraged them by saying, “Try your best to look for the marbles and pray that God will allow you to find them.” Edan, was especially intentional about praying because he was the most affected and frustrated by what happened.

I prayed, too! “Lord, can you consider the prayer of my kids? For the sake of their young faith? Can you possibly help them find the marbles?”

The kids did their best but after a while, I told them to go on over to their cousins anyway. Hopefully, the marbles would turn up somewhere. They were not allowed to play with the marble maze, but they had fun with other toys and games.

At 9 PM, when we took the kids home, I asked for an update on the marbles. One of our yayas told me that Titus had found a marble on the couch of their cousin’s house and he another one in a blue bag.

Strange.

I asked Titus if he had kept any of the marbles in his pocket when he walked over to his cousin’s house but he hadn’t. And, the blue bag had been left in their cousin’s house last week. The boys also told me that their cousins did not have that toy so if those marbles looked like the same steel marbles from the marble maze, they were most certainly ours.

But, there was NO WAY they could have ended up where Titus found them because the marbles had been misplaced even before the kids got to their cousin’s house.

I asked for the bag of marbles and counted them. There were 20! I counted them three times. The marbles were all the same steel ones that had come with the set.


The boys started smiling really big and I was in awe.

“It’s a miracle!” Elijah shouted. Edan, who is generally calm and more reserved, kept grinning at me. He had this knowing look on his face.

“What do you think happened, Edan? Remember, you prayed?”

Edan acknowledged that God had answered his prayer. He told me that recently, God had answered another prayer he had, too.

“Lord, you are amazing. I don’t know how those two marbles ended up where they did, but thank you. Thank you so much for paying attention to the prayer of the kids.”

I tried to replay the events over and over again in my mind and it just didn’t make sense that the marbles were recovered. From a human stand point, it really was impossible. So the only logical conclusion was God made a way for the marbles to re-appear!

God has a way of building the faith of my kids. He can use the small stuff to make a big impact. This incident was another reminder that He is a personal God not just to me, but to my kids. He reveals himself to them so they are encouraged to keep seeking him. It’s like he said of himself in Jeremiah, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. “(Jeremiah 29:13 NASB)

Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14 NASB)

DVBS in Greenmeadows

May 14, 2013 By 14 Comments

I should have posted this sooner but in case you are interested in sending your kids to a fun three days of bible stories, music, dancing, games, crafts and fellowship, Greenmeadows subdivision will be hosting a DVBS starting tomorrow. Please check out the flyer. Personally, I prefer to bring my kids to this one because it is just three days and it is a smaller group. Our church just organized one for about 700 kids! This one is a mini-scale version with the same theme.

Beware, Divider on the Prowl!

May 6, 2013 By 23 Comments

Sometimes, when Edric and I are about to minister through speaking, we come under fire. We have these irrational discussions that lead to conflict, causing division between us.

Important question:How can we possibly bless people and honor God when our hearts are not aligned, not one in Christ’s love?

Saturday morning, on our way to speak at a road show for homeschooling in Cavite, I had an issue with Edric. It started off as really petty.

First, I was upset at him for insisting that the name of our daughter-to-be needed to have the letters “E” or “J.” I didn’t need to react. But he and I are very different about this. He thinks that all our kids should have similar starting letters. I am of the mindset that this is a very confining way to select names. What if you find a name that you really like and it doesn’t start with an E, J, or T? What then? Well, we have had this discussion with every baby.

When the name picking debate came up again, I shouldn’t have gotten worked up but I commented, “This is sort of cultish, hon. I don’t see why we have to use E and J? I’m the one carrying the baby here, don’t I have a say on this?” And I walked into our van without waiting for a response. I admit that I was unraveling emotionally over something that really wasn’t that big a deal.

The second thing that happened was in Mc Donald’s. I ordered breakfast for 9 people, including the driver and yayas. Edric and the kids sat around waiting for their breakfast, which was fine because Edric usually delegates these things to me. However, after spending all that time figuring out what to order and bringing the food over to the family (the yayas did help me), I sat down to this… “Is this it? Where’s my jam? Where’s my ketchup? I need water. I need a spoon and fork.” Edric just went on and on about things that he still needed.

I retorted, “Why don’t you help yourself? I just sat down after getting everybody food. Can I rest for a bit?” He didn’t like this of course. My tone was slightly spiteful and he felt like I didn’t want to serve him. Honestly, I didn’t! I felt like he was being insensitive and self-focused (very judgmental of me). It bothered me that he sat there, all king-like, while me, the pregnant one, had to go and do everything.

Wow, I have been on a roll with my bad attitude lately! These girl hormones are powerful! That’s a lame excuse. It’s called being under spiritual attack. This past week we have been speaking almost every other day. I’ve been tired and I have missed out on my regular quiet time with the Lord.

Well, I am sharing this because I think it is very important to recognize whom the real enemy is. I will get to that…

Edric said to me, “You need to check your heart. When you are ready to talk to me, let’s talk.”

I was quiet. I looked out the window of Mc Donald’s at nothing…cars parked in a row, tires, the plates, the sky. I needed a focal point other than Edric’s face because I felt guilty. In the meantime, I drank his hot chocolate. He didn’t seem to want it anyway.

Sitting opposite of me, Edric was quiet, too. At the back of my head I was concerned. I knew that we were about to talk about home schooling to a group of parents. How could we stand in front of them with integrity?

I praise God for my husband who is truly a spiritual leader to me. Edric went to the restroom, came back, and leaned over to me saying something like this, “Hon, I think we need to recognize that we aren’t each other’s enemies right now. You are not my enemy and I am not your enemy. We are about to do ministry. The devil doesn’t want us to be united.”

His manner softened and he looked at me with a disarming smile. He was right. I started to smile, too. I said sorry and asked for his forgiveness. Immediately after, it was like a devilish spell was broken!

Satan is a divider. He is always after marriages and families, seeking to cause dissension, attempting to use whomever he can as the weak link, the entry point. On Saturday morning, that was me! I was the chink in our marital armor. I was allowing the evil one to influence my thoughts and actions.

However, as soon as Edric and I recognized that he was trying to cause division between us, the oppression stopped. We yielded ourselves to the Lord once again.

In the car, with the kids, we prayed for the event we were about to go to. We came into the morning’s activities as a team, ready to serve the Lord and others, and not hiding some deep seated irritation or anger that could block the Holy Spirit’s power in our lives.


And amazingly, in the afternoon, we revisited the baby name issue and Edric’s opinion on “E” and “J” changed! I expressed by disgruntled-ness with a lot more calm and he realized it was stressing me out. So he suggested that I go ahead and pick out names without worrying about first initials and then we would take it from there. Yeah!

—

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (James 4:7, 8 NASB)

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8 NASB)

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