Christianity

Have You Ever Seen An Evil Person?

May 18, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 2 Comments

“Mom, have you ever seen an evil person?” This was the thought-provoking question my 7-year old posited to me when he was lying on his bed last night. I was praying with the kids for protection, health, good dreams, their obedience, etc. (Edric usually does this nightly routine but he was doing a show with Suze Orman for On the Money. So I was filling in for him.)

Edric and his co-hosts with Suze Orman

Well, Edan asked about the thieves that broke into our home many years ago when I was a teenager. It was too late to go into a lengthy discussion about that. But, I tried to explain to him that sometimes we think that people who do things like steal are evil. However, we can all be evil. Like, when we don’t obey God…that’s evil.

Many of us have a certain image that we associate with evil. We think of the Cleveland guy, Ariel Castro, who abducted, raped, and held Michelle Knight, Georgina Dejesus, and Amanda Berry captive for 10 years.

It broke my heart to imagine what it was like for the families to grieve over their missing daughters and for the victims to endure such a nightmare. Talk about hell on earth!

The news often highlights many other forms of crazy and it makes me deeply concerned for my children, to say the least. I look at my kids and treasure their innocence. If anyone were to steal or pollute that, I would be devastated.

Yet, the reality is there is no way to shield them completely from the godlessness that is present in this world. Edric and I can prepare them and arm them with the truth, but there is no bubble that they can float around in, completely untouched and unscathed. Why? The scarier reality is all our children have been hard-wired to sin, just like us. Our predisposition is toward selfishness and self-gratifying behavior. In today’s terminology, we might call such a person who acts upon their selfish inclinations, a sociopath. Okay, I’m not saying that all people are sociopaths but look at the description. Doesn’t it sound like many people we know, including our children, and ourselves (maybe not all the time, but at least some of the time?!).

What is a sociopath?[1] Someone who…

Does not learn from experience
Has no sense of responsibility
Is unable to form meaningful relationships
Is unable to control impulses
Lack of moral sense
Has chronically antisocial behavior
Displays no change in behavior after punishment
Lack of emotional maturity
Lack of guilt
Self-centeredness

Supposedly, this Antisocial Personality Disorder is said to begin at adolescence and is chronic. Really?! I’ve seen this sort of behavior exhibited by my children very early on which tells me that it seems to be inherent to the human person. But who will listen to me? I’m not a psychologist or a doctor who does clinical analysis. I’m just a mom who has to deal with addressing this tendency in my kids every day.

I have four wonderful children and I would like to believe that they are good and lovable. I wouldn’t want them lumped together with offenders who murder, commit adultery, steal, cheat, and rape. But they do act in undesirable and hurtful ways, especially when they aren’t trained or taught otherwise.

I’ve had my two year-old Tiana ignore me completely and walk away while I am talking to her. I’ve seen my boys get really angry and emotionally wound one another. At times, they struggle with admitting wrong and asking for forgiveness. One of them used to hit his siblings without conscience.

And what about myself? I’ve had moments when I’ve entertained thoughts of strangling or slapping my children out of frustration. Praise God I have never done so! But, if someone were to peer into my brain and itemize every wrong thought I’ve ever had, I would be ashamed of my crimes!

Personally, I feel that the many explanations given to understand the criminally inclined may help society and governments prioritize medication, the law, greater sanctions and penalties, controlled environments and better parenting to create boundaries that prevent people from hurting others, but they won’t solve the real problem.

The core issue is that evil resides in our hearts. It hatches at childhood and steers us like a compass. Deep inside, my children and I are no better than those who actually abuse others. We are not a higher class of good or righteousness. The only reason why our impulses and carnality are in check is because we have a greater power at work in our lives – the Holy Spirit.

When my children decided to make Jesus the Lord and Savior of their lives, they received the Holy Spirit. I saw the evidence of His fruit in their lives. Titus used to whine, cry, and sulk when he didn’t get his way. It was a struggle to teach him how to obey and listen. But, when he turned three years old, Edric shared the gospel message with him and he made a personal decision to acknowledge his sin and give his life to Jesus. A few weeks later, my mom noticed how different he was. When she told him he couldn’t have something that he wanted, he replied, “Okay, grandma,” without being upset or frustrated. Whoa. This was not Titus. This was the work of the Lord in his heart!

Galatians 5:22-23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”

The Bible tells us that the secret to overcoming the flesh or sin is to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. When it comes to parenting my children, I appeal to the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. During occasions when I sense that their will is pitted against mine or they are not ready to listen, I pray for them and I ask them to check their hearts (especially my older children). I am witness to the unseen war between their flesh and the Spirit. They must learn to surrender to the Lord or the flesh will win.

Galatians 5:16-17 “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please…”

When I observe my children, I look for proof of their relationship with Christ – evidence of the fruit of the Spirit. Until this is apparent, I cannot assume that they have really come into a personal relationship with Jesus.

Romans 8:9-11 tells us, “But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.”

Ariel Castro actually posted on his Facebook page on May 2, “miracles really do happen, God is good.” In the meantime, he was holding three women and a child in captivity, against their will.[2] Did he really know God? From the evidence, I don’t think so. He was living a dichotomy. No one figured him for a criminal until his secret was uncovered. Maybe he didn’t think himself such a bad guy either. I read that his intention is to plead not guilty. Wow.

We may not commit crimes like Castro did but we can be guilty of the same sort of dichotomy in our thinking. When our standard of morality is of our own making, we may be tempted to think, I’m not so awful. I’m not like the psycho in Cleveland. But that is a very relative plumb line. The standard for goodness cannot be people or ourselves because we are fallen to begin with. Just look at any two-year old who hasn’t been disciplined or taught obedience. It’s called terrible twos for a reason!

He displays the same sort of sinfulness that adults struggle with – the flesh that sets itself against God, a heart that is bent on rebellion. The Bible tells us every person “falls short” of the glory of God. This is the bad news. God’s holiness and goodness are the standard and we don’t make the cut. In fact, there is nothing we can do to merge the gap. But the good news, the gospel is that God, in his love, provided a solution through his son Jesus Christ.

John 1:29 The next day he saw Jesus coming to him and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!”

Because we are sinful, we cannot clean ourselves out. This requires supernatural intervention. The cure for sin (also known as evil) is Jesus who makes us right with God, and the ability to resist falling into sin comes from the power of the Holy Spirit. Unless we embrace this truth, atrocities will continue as foretold in God’s word. Unless our children embrace this truth, they will grow up with a predisposition toward evil.

2 Timothy 3:1-7 “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

___

What sobers me as a mom is recognizing that I am responsible to teach my kids about Jesus. Edric and I, as parents, have been commissioned to do so. We cannot close our eyes and hope that our children will grow up with a knowledge of God and a desire to live for him. No way. We have got to pay close attention to what is going on in their hearts and steer them towards God.

When my children start trending towards selfish behavior, I ask them, “Who is in your heart?” They will answer, “Jesus.” “If Jesus is in your heart, will he want you to act the way you are acting? Are you making him happy or sad by what you are doing?” At this question, they will pause, think, and answer honestly.

“What will make Jesus happy?” is usually a good follow up question. And depending on the circumstance, they will tell me “I need to be kind.” Or, “I need to forgive.” Or, “I should share.” Or, “I have to change my attitude.” These heart checks have helped them to discern whether they are controlled by their evil-prone selves or controlled by the Holy Spirit. And because they do belong to the Lord, they have the desire to please him and do what is right in God’s eyes. But the key is to focus on their relationship with Christ. This is the foundation, the starting point. From there Edric and I can teach our children to be spirit-filled vs. self-filled. We can talk about what is moral and right in accordance with God’s standards and commands. Of course, Edric and I have to role-model the same or we become a counterweight and stumbling block to our children’s spiritual growth.

So…to answer the question, “Have you ever seen an evil person?” I sure have. Myself. Apart from God…apart form his grace and love through his son, Jesus Christ…and apart from the enablement of his Holy Spirit to reject evil. I like how 1 John 3:23-24 simplifies it all…“This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us. The one who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him.We know by this that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.”

Do we believe in Jesus? If we do, we will love one another.

Do we keep his commandments? If we do, we remain in Him. There is continual evidence of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

[1] http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_a_sociopath

[2] http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/12/us/cleveland-abductions-narrative/index.html

A God Who Minds the Small Stuff

May 15, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 3 Comments

Recently, Titus received a marble maze toy for his birthday. Yes, he still likes marbles and no, he is not swallowing them anymore. Whew.

All the boys have enjoyed this toy and it has brought them many hours of creative fun. Two days ago, they wanted to bring it to their cousin’s house. I allowed them to on one condition. They had to keep track of all the marbles. I told Edan he was personally responsible for the 20 steel marbles. After all, he was the one who insisted on bringing the toy to his cousin’s and he tends to be very responsible about these things.

Unfortunately, a most untoward incident happened. The bag the marbles were carried in had a hole. Some marbles fell out of it while the kids were on the way to their cousin’s. Edan started to cry. He wailed and wailed.

He is such a tender hearted child and is very particular about fulfilling the tasks he is assigned to. So this was a devastating turn of events for him. I was in the study room of my parent’s house when Edan came up to me to explain what happened.

They didn’t know where the marbles could have fallen out. Maybe in the car, or in grandma and angkong’s house, or on the street while they were walking over. Basically, their chances of finding them were very slim. Two remained missing.

Of course I did not blame them for the accident but since we had an agreement, they could not play with the marble toy until they found the missing marbles.

I encouraged them by saying, “Try your best to look for the marbles and pray that God will allow you to find them.” Edan, was especially intentional about praying because he was the most affected and frustrated by what happened.

I prayed, too! “Lord, can you consider the prayer of my kids? For the sake of their young faith? Can you possibly help them find the marbles?”

The kids did their best but after a while, I told them to go on over to their cousins anyway. Hopefully, the marbles would turn up somewhere. They were not allowed to play with the marble maze, but they had fun with other toys and games.

At 9 PM, when we took the kids home, I asked for an update on the marbles. One of our yayas told me that Titus had found a marble on the couch of their cousin’s house and he another one in a blue bag.

Strange.

I asked Titus if he had kept any of the marbles in his pocket when he walked over to his cousin’s house but he hadn’t. And, the blue bag had been left in their cousin’s house last week. The boys also told me that their cousins did not have that toy so if those marbles looked like the same steel marbles from the marble maze, they were most certainly ours.

But, there was NO WAY they could have ended up where Titus found them because the marbles had been misplaced even before the kids got to their cousin’s house.

I asked for the bag of marbles and counted them. There were 20! I counted them three times. The marbles were all the same steel ones that had come with the set.

The boys started smiling really big and I was in awe.

“It’s a miracle!” Elijah shouted. Edan, who is generally calm and more reserved, kept grinning at me. He had this knowing look on his face.

“What do you think happened, Edan? Remember, you prayed?”

Edan acknowledged that God had answered his prayer. He told me that recently, God had answered another prayer he had, too.

“Lord, you are amazing. I don’t know how those two marbles ended up where they did, but thank you. Thank you so much for paying attention to the prayer of the kids.”

I tried to replay the events over and over again in my mind and it just didn’t make sense that the marbles were recovered. From a human stand point, it really was impossible. So the only logical conclusion was God made a way for the marbles to re-appear!

God has a way of building the faith of my kids. He can use the small stuff to make a big impact. This incident was another reminder that He is a personal God not just to me, but to my kids. He reveals himself to them so they are encouraged to keep seeking him. It’s like he said of himself in Jeremiah, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. “(Jeremiah 29:13 NASB)

Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14 NASB)

Beware, Divider on the Prowl!

May 6, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 8 Comments

Sometimes, when Edric and I are about to minister through speaking, we come under fire. We have these irrational discussions that lead to conflict, causing division between us.

Important question:How can we possibly bless people and honor God when our hearts are not aligned, not one in Christ’s love?

Saturday morning, on our way to speak at a road show for homeschooling in Cavite, I had an issue with Edric. It started off as really petty.

First, I was upset at him for insisting that the name of our daughter-to-be needed to have the letters “E” or “J.” I didn’t need to react. But he and I are very different about this. He thinks that all our kids should have similar starting letters. I am of the mindset that this is a very confining way to select names. What if you find a name that you really like and it doesn’t start with an E, J, or T? What then? Well, we have had this discussion with every baby.

When the name picking debate came up again, I shouldn’t have gotten worked up but I commented, “This is sort of cultish, hon. I don’t see why we have to use E and J? I’m the one carrying the baby here, don’t I have a say on this?” And I walked into our van without waiting for a response. I admit that I was unraveling emotionally over something that really wasn’t that big a deal.

The second thing that happened was in Mc Donald’s. I ordered breakfast for 9 people, including the driver and yayas. Edric and the kids sat around waiting for their breakfast, which was fine because Edric usually delegates these things to me. However, after spending all that time figuring out what to order and bringing the food over to the family (the yayas did help me), I sat down to this… “Is this it? Where’s my jam? Where’s my ketchup? I need water. I need a spoon and fork.” Edric just went on and on about things that he still needed.

I retorted, “Why don’t you help yourself? I just sat down after getting everybody food. Can I rest for a bit?” He didn’t like this of course. My tone was slightly spiteful and he felt like I didn’t want to serve him. Honestly, I didn’t! I felt like he was being insensitive and self-focused (very judgmental of me). It bothered me that he sat there, all king-like, while me, the pregnant one, had to go and do everything.

Wow, I have been on a roll with my bad attitude lately! These girl hormones are powerful! That’s a lame excuse. It’s called being under spiritual attack. This past week we have been speaking almost every other day. I’ve been tired and I have missed out on my regular quiet time with the Lord.

Well, I am sharing this because I think it is very important to recognize whom the real enemy is. I will get to that…

Edric said to me, “You need to check your heart. When you are ready to talk to me, let’s talk.”

I was quiet. I looked out the window of Mc Donald’s at nothing…cars parked in a row, tires, the plates, the sky. I needed a focal point other than Edric’s face because I felt guilty. In the meantime, I drank his hot chocolate. He didn’t seem to want it anyway.

Sitting opposite of me, Edric was quiet, too. At the back of my head I was concerned. I knew that we were about to talk about home schooling to a group of parents. How could we stand in front of them with integrity?

I praise God for my husband who is truly a spiritual leader to me. Edric went to the restroom, came back, and leaned over to me saying something like this, “Hon, I think we need to recognize that we aren’t each other’s enemies right now. You are not my enemy and I am not your enemy. We are about to do ministry. The devil doesn’t want us to be united.”

His manner softened and he looked at me with a disarming smile. He was right. I started to smile, too. I said sorry and asked for his forgiveness. Immediately after, it was like a devilish spell was broken!

Satan is a divider. He is always after marriages and families, seeking to cause dissension, attempting to use whomever he can as the weak link, the entry point. On Saturday morning, that was me! I was the chink in our marital armor. I was allowing the evil one to influence my thoughts and actions.

However, as soon as Edric and I recognized that he was trying to cause division between us, the oppression stopped. We yielded ourselves to the Lord once again.

In the car, with the kids, we prayed for the event we were about to go to. We came into the morning’s activities as a team, ready to serve the Lord and others, and not hiding some deep seated irritation or anger that could block the Holy Spirit’s power in our lives.

And amazingly, in the afternoon, we revisited the baby name issue and Edric’s opinion on “E” and “J” changed! I expressed by disgruntled-ness with a lot more calm and he realized it was stressing me out. So he suggested that I go ahead and pick out names without worrying about first initials and then we would take it from there. Yeah!

—

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (James 4:7, 8 NASB)

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8 NASB)

Catching A Vision Early

May 3, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 7 Comments

One of the opportunities that the homeschooling lifestyle has opened up for our family is involving our children in ministry with us. Edric and I encourage our children to participate in areas where they can so they develop a heart to be used by God and bless others. We want them to catch a vision for how God can use them early on. So we assimilate them into our ministry. Elijah, our eldest, has already shared with us a few times during speaking engagements.

When Edan, our second son, began to express his interest in doing the same, we decided to include him in the last retreat we spoke at. We were going to talk about marital roles to prepare the singles that had invited us to speak. They wanted us to share about relationships and Edric and I knew that at the end of the day, it boils down to what you need to work on in your self, as a man or woman…being the right person before looking for the right person.

At first Edric and I were like, “Marital roles? How is Edan going to talk about anything related to that as a 7 year old boy?” And God gave us the idea of asking him to share about what it means to be a gentleman, from his perspective. There was a portion in Edric’s talk where he was going to emphasize how a man needs to nurture, care for, and love his wife. And the plan was to say, you are never too young to start cultivating the traits of a gentleman. At this juncture, Edan would give a quick sharing.

Earlier in the day, I asked Edan what he remembered and had applied about being a gentleman. He read it to Edric who said, “Okay, I can insert that into my talk.”

I asked Edan to practice reading his testimony aloud several times and I put spaces in between his points so that he knew when to look up at the audience and when to pause. I also took a home video of him speaking so he could see and hear himself. From there we discussed how he can improve by emphasizing certain words or making his voice louder. Being the very methodical thinker that he is, he internalized all of this. By the time he got up on stage, he felt ready and excited.

Here is what Edan shared…

Hi my name is Edan. I just turned 7.

When I was five years old, my dad taught my brothers and I how to be gentlemen.

My dad taught us several things:

One of them is letting ladies go first.

For example, when you go into a room or inside an elevator, you should let ladies go ahead of you and hold the door open for them.

He also told us that we should help people, like if someone is carrying a lot of things, I can help them carry them.

I must also learn to have good manners and be polite.

For example, if my mommy and daddy are talking with someone or to someone else, I should not go in front of them when I want to ask them something. Instead, I should stand and wait for them to be done talking.

When I am meeting someone new, I should introduce myself. I should look at them in the eye, tell them my age, and shake their hand.

My dad also taught us not to make fun of others when they are doing something but can’t really do it. Or, if they have an accident, like they drop something and slip on the floor, I shouldn’t laugh at them.

We are also not allowed to make obnoxious sounds like yelling when we are in public or being too loud when we are in the car.

When I leave the table because I am done eating, I must ask to be excused and bring my plate to the kitchen.

When I visit people’s houses I should not make a mess. But if I do I should clean it up and take care of other people’s things.

He also taught my brothers and I to take care of my mom and my sister, and to protect them.

So last month when we didn’t have any yayas, I fixed all the beds and I taught my little sister how to take a bath. I also taught her how to do things for herself.

My older brother, Elijah, helped my mom clean the kitchen and the bathrooms so she wouldn’t be so tired.

It’s important to be a gentleman because Jesus is a gentleman.

He was kind to ladies and he helped others.

I want to be a gentleman because I want to make Jesus happy. Please pray that I will become a better gentleman as I grow up.

—-

This was his first time to speak before an audience of about 400 people. I watched him standing behind the little podium they had set up for him as he delivered his short talk. Of course I was praying for him! In fact, I forgot to take a video of him speaking until he had gotten several lines into his testimony. Watch the link here: A Little Gentleman

Because our children spend a lot of time with us and watch our lives closely, they know that we are burdened for ministry. And since they like to do what we do, we take advantage of passing on the same burden to them while their hearts are pliable and tender.

I think of the example of Jesus as a young man, at 12 years old, dialoguing with the teachers in the temple and amazing those who heard him. Sure, he wasn’t just a child, he was God in the flesh. But when our children come into a relationship with Jesus, he gives them the same power through his Spirit to do great things for the glory of his name.

We don’t have to buy into the idea that “they are just children.” Do we let our children play and enjoy their childhood? Of course! But Edric and I also know that everything that our children do now — the appetites, interests, and activities they devote themselves to — will shape their passion and love for God. Our prayer is that they will be wholly devoted to God. Since this is our goal, our present role is to prepare them and help them to love him now, and give them opportunities to put that love into action.

They can start simply. Edan’s testimony was not extraordinary. It was plainly written and the content was child-like. However, the experience allowed him a foretaste of the joys of serving God and others. He got to see what it is like to bless others and do something that pleases God.

Will Edan be a speaker someday? Maybe, maybe not. That’s not the point. The point is wherever God leads him or any of our children, will they desire to please Him? Will that desire be familiar and ingrained into who they are — their default posture before God and others? If that is the point, then what are we doing about it now? Are we just hoping it will happen or are we purposefully preparing them?

For You are my hope; O Lord God, You are my confidence from my youth. By You I have been sustained from my birth; You are He who took me from my mother’s womb; My praise is continually of You. (Psalms 71:5, 6 NASB)

Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, “I have no delight in them…”(Ecclesiastes 12:1 NASB)

Helpmate Under Testing

May 2, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 1 Comment

Edric and I have been speaking at events a lot this past week. By the end of this week, we will have spoken at five. That’s a lot for me, especially since I prefer to be behind the scenes and not on stage. But when Edric asks me to tag-team with him, I do so because it is a privilege to minister for the Lord and second, Edric is my “boss” so I follow his leading on these things.

Our simple agreement is that he will inform me ahead of time so I can shuffle around my own commitments and prepare. I am not as comfortable about public speaking as Edric is. This is his area of gifting. Although Edric does due diligence in his preparation, I feel like I have to go the extra mile to prepare myself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am desperately dependent on the Lord to empower me.

Well, this past week, Edric sprung unexpected speaking engagements on me and I found myself annoyed. Instead of just three speaking engagements, he included me in two others. I wasn’t happy about it. I found myself grumbling inside, not thrilled to be doing ministry, and aggravated that I had to be flexible with MY schedule. But, the Lord reminded me that I am Edric’s helpmate so I ought to see it as a privilege to minister along side him, especially when he specifically requests me to. So, I moved some appointments around to accommodate his needs and that made him very pleased.

I passed that test, then came the next one…

Tuesday afternoon, he asked me to be ready by 12:30 pm so we could make it to a seminar he was going to give (which he invited me to share my testimony in, too). I was meeting with good friends over brunch so I lingered for a while longer with them. After all, my makeup was done and I just had to throw on my outfit, put on heels and I was good to go.

When Edric got home, he saw me chatting with my friends at the table and he walked off to the bedroom with hardly a greeting. I excused myself from the table, told my friends I had to get ready but they did not have to rush off, and I followed him. He asked where his lunch was, why it was not on the table, and why I had not yet ended my meeting. His tone was agitated.

I did not understand why he was being so reactive. Lunch was ready for him in the kitchen, my friends were about to go, and I could be out the door in 5 minutes. He felt disrespected that I had not followed exactly what he wanted. The issue didn’t have to do so much with my friends being around as it had to do with me not managing his expectations and prioritizing his needs.

My temptation was to get angry. I was bothered by his attitude because, in the first place, he had asked me to speak with him at the last minute. And I had other commitments that day. One of the commitments I had moved to prioritize him. I even cooked lunch for him earlier in the morning and laid it all out on a plate but he didn’t seem to appreciate that.

While I processed my thoughts quietly, I felt hurt. I felt hurt that he was so abrasive about something that didn’t even seem like a big deal. In fact, I thought he was being petty, picky, and slightly ridiculous. At this point, there was no time to go into a discussion because we had to get out of the house to make it to Rockwell.

Instead of getting all fired up, I prayed in the car but I did not talk much. He could sense that I was not okay. In fact, he actually apologized right before he was about to give his seminar. Edric said something like, “We have to be a team as we go up there or God cannot use us. Will you forgive me for my attitude?” Of course I forgave him and I thought that was the end of it.

But that evening, Edric felt like we had to resolve what happened so he insisted that we talk about the incident again. Actually, he was waiting for me to apologize. My thinking was, what am I going to apologize for? I didn’t do anything wrong.

I explained to him that I thought he had been overreactive. He admitted that he had not been spirit-filled. But, in the attempt to make me understand where he was coming from, he used my dad as an example. I couldn’t believe it! Early on in our marriage, he and I had agreed not to use each other’s parents as a point of comparison. Sure, he was using my dad and not his, but still.

Second, the truth is my dad is very even keeled and he doesn’t sweat the small stuff. So he wouldn’t have reacted the same way that Edric did. When Edric trailed on, “Imagine if dad came home and he wanted to talk to mom and she was busy entertaining guests and didn’t seem ready to take care of him…”

As he continued, my irritation grew and I replied, “You know what, I wouldn’t use dad as an example because he doesn’t react to those things. You are going to loose this argument. And I thought we agreed we wouldn’t use comparisons like this when there is an issue between us.” I felt like he was excusing his behavior and trying to make me agree with him by putting my dad in the same scenario.

After I spit that out, I regretted it. Edric was the one who felt hurt, he cut off our discussion and said, “Fine, I was wrong and I have the problem. Goodnight.”

I tried to finish our conversation properly but he just wanted to go to bed and end it. So fine. That was it for the evening. I watched a very cheesy Disney movie called Prom all by myself. I felt like a loser. And I prayed again, this time expressing my exasperation to the Lord.

The next morning, Edric and I woke up to run. I spent most of the time praying while I ran beside him which is what I usually do when we run. As I went through the list of things to pray for — family, ministry, business, MARRIAGE — the conviction to apologize became very strong. As I prayed, I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened the day before.

Edric’s point was that I had not respected him. And it really didn’t matter if I had not intended to. The point is, he felt disrespected because I did not prioritize his needs at 12:30 pm, when he came home, like he had asked me to and expected me to. But…What about Edric’s attitude? What about how hurt I felt?

The Lord comforted me. Forget about trying to make this a fairness thing. You do these things to please me, don’t make your obedience dependent on Edric again.

Okay, okay. You are right, Lord. I need to humble myself and say sorry because that is what you want me to do.

At the end of our run, as we were cooling down, I turned to Edric and said, “Will you forgive me for yesterday? I was wrong. I should’ve prioritized you and been more respectful. I am sorry.”

Edric smiled and readily forgave me. All was well again…We walked back to our home with our intimacy and communication restored.

As a helpmate, helper, life-giver, supporter, companion to Edric, my role is constantly under testing. But I am thankful that my strong supporter is the Lord, who peels away the layers of wrong in my life to reveal to me the kind of woman he wants me to be — the kind that delights him, and in the process, delights my husband. But I can never be this kind of woman apart from his enabling. And the reality is he uses Edric to refine my character. God does not want me to get complacent or content with my standard of what is acceptable in a wife. Instead he wants me to keep pursuing his standard, which is always higher and better than my own, for the greater good of my person, my marriage and for the sake of his glory.

“Let Your hand be ready to help me, For I have chosen Your precepts.” (Psalms 119:173 NASB)

“…Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (1 Peter 5:5 NASB)

Another Dimension to Love

April 20, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 1 Comment

One of the things that has allowed Edric and I to grow closer to one another is serving the Lord. We are both burdened to minister to young couples and young families. Although we don’t say yes to every speaking engagement we are invited to, we have had many opportunities to team-teach. He usually does most of the teaching and I come in to share real-life examples from our marriage and parenting.

Just this past weekend, we spoke once again at the Before I Do Seminar organized by Imagine Nation Photography. This is a something we do at least twice a year. And every time, it is a joy to share marriage principles that have helped us stay together. These are bible-based principles on God’s Design for Marriage, Marital Roles, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Finances and Sex in Marriage. We don’t do all the speaking but Edric usually handles the first part of the day.

Whenever we finish the seminar, Edric will often say, “I really enjoy serving the Lord with you.” And I feel the same way.

The spiritual dimension of a marriage is key. It’s easy to become so self-focused and relationship-centric when you are a wife or husband. The tendency is to manage your own concerns, issues, and fulfill your own needs and wants. But then what? What’s next? This can get boring after a while or even, implosive.

I believe that one of the reasons why God brings two people together in marriage is to assemble a “dream team” that can better serve him and others. It always amazes me how a husband and wife can complement and support each other’s strengths and weaknesses. In so many of the effectively ministering couples at our church, they share this dynamic. If a husband is not organized, the wife tends to be. If a wife is more introverted, the husband tends to be more outgoing and personable.

When Edric and I got married, he was the more extroverted one. It wasn’t like I didn’t enjoy people. I just preferred my personal space and quiet. But I married a man who is charismatic, energetic, and a very good public speaker. He knows how to connect with all kinds of people. So this had a positive effect on the more reserved me. His example encouraged me to reach out to others and go outside of my comfort zone.

As for his public speaking, being on stage came naturally, but he had to learn how to really meditate on God’s word and dig deep for insights. This is where I came in as his helpmate. Because I am more of the reflective thinker, he would practice his messages on me and I would comment and help him to refine his content. In turn, he would help me work on my presentation skills and teach me how to develop better rapport with an audience.

The greater gift of being in ministry together is the accountability. Edric and I have to be careful about consistency. If we are going to talk about biblical principles on marriage or parenting, we need to be living these out ourselves. It certainly makes us consider the areas where we might be in danger of hypocrisy or the ways we need to improve. Otherwise, we know that it’s all cheap talk and meaningless to transform lives. How can God possibly use us if we aren’t applying his truth ourselves?

Just the week before we spoke at the Before I Do Seminar, we had some friction. Almost immediately, I recognized it as a spiritual attack and Edric did, too. But, we were busy and preoccupied with personal matters, so we let the issues linger longer than they should have. Anyway, it got to a point where we weren’t really communicating. We were intentionally dismissing one another because we were both irritated. But how could we remain this way? In just a few days we were going to be in front of a group of 80 people to tell them how amazing it is when you have God at the center of your marriage! So we both came together to identify the root issue – neither of us was spirit-filled. We were reacting to circumstances and to one another selfishly and with pride. After reconciling, we went out on a wonderful date the night before our talk and intimacy was restored. The next day, we stood up before an audience without pretense, not putting on a façade of “we have it all together”, but acknowledging that it is truly the Lord who has made the difference in our relationship.

Unfortunately, I don’t think many marriages are around long enough these days to look back in hindsight at the journey God meant for them to take as a team. They often miss out on the adventure even before it starts. I really felt like the best part of my marriage to Edric began a couple of years after we really figured out what God wanted us to do for him. Before then, it was too much about what I wanted and what Edric wanted, and blah, blah, blah. It wasn’t until we recognized that God ordained our partnership for a greater reason beyond the island that is our marriage that there began to be real depth to our relationship — that we didn’t just exist for ourselves and our own dreams.

Couples really ought to discover what their shared burdens are. Or better yet, singles should marry someone who has the same convictions and passion for ministry. There are so many needs out there — orphans, widows, the poor, marriage and family counseling, access to better education, housing, and opportunities for the underprivileged, etc. How can we use our talents and resources to be a blessing, to serve others? To glorify God?

I really believe the greatest intimacy any couple can share goes beyond the mental, physical and emotional aspect of their relationship. Personally speaking, the spiritual alignment of Edric’s heart with mine and with the Lord’s has been the most definitive aspect of who we are as husband and wife, and I would even say…the most beautiful.

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45 NASB)

Purple Glasses

April 17, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza Leave a Comment

Having a daughter has been such a delight. Binary opposite to her brothers, Tiana, is incredibly feminine and demure. It’s a wonder too since she is growing up surrounded by a lot of testosterone. But lately, I’ve noticed that she is becoming dangerously kikay. She likes clothes and shoes…sometimes a little too much. Where she gets this, I don’t know. When I was a little girl, I ran around in underwear, shirtless. Even to this day, my wardrobe choices are simple. No, I don’t run around in underwear! What I mean is that I’m not a big shopper. I’m a big GROCERY shopper. That’s where most of the money goes. On occasion, I will buy Tiana clothes. I admit that I like seeing her reaction when she gets something new.

“You got this for me, mommy? I really like it! Can I wear it now? Thank you, mommy!” She will say. Of course, I love having another girl in the house who can share this delight.

My boys were NEVER fashion conscious. They could care less about what they wear. Plaids + stripes equals fashion to them. Worn-out cotton shirts and soft shorts are their number one picks for what to wear every day.

With Tiana, it’s so different. She likes to pick out her outfits. She likes to come with me to the store. She calls it “girl’s time.” A few weeks ago, she squealed when I told her we were going shopping and she said, “I’m sooo excited! Can we buy shoes and clothes?” I have to admit that I was suckered by her cuteness. So I said, “Okay!” At the store, she picked out shirts with kittens on them. And she wanted everything in purple or pink. Fortunately, she forgot about the shoes.

For the first time, however, I became concerned when I was shopping for a gift and Tiana was with me. As we walked past a sunglasses boutique, she blurted out, “Mom, I need glasses! I REALLY need purple glasses…for the sun.” She was holding on to my hand in a beggarly sort of way and I looked down at her two-year old self and thought, Whose spawn are you?! When did you receive the materialism bug? You NEED purple sunglasses? You already have purple sunglasses! Did I do this? Oh dear…

In the car, I asked her, “Why do you need purple glasses?”

“Because I need them.”

“What will you do with them?”

“Put them on my eyes.”

“But why do you need them?”

“Because I WANT them…I like them.”

Edric and I laughed as we listened to her. She wasn’t making any sense. Later on during the car ride, she saw a photo of me in Europe wearing a fuzzy sweater and she commented, “I need a sweater like that, mom.”

While all of this is fun for me…a welcome change after having three boys whose emotional meter remains at zero when fashion is a topic of conversation, I’ve got to be careful about encouraging the growing desire she has for clothes and shoes.

Edric had a good point when he said to me one day, “Don’t buy her things unless she really needs them.” Awww…shucks.

Edan, who is very observant, made the remark, “Mom, I think you have to get us more clothes. Tiana has a lot more clothes than we do.” It’s true. Hee hee. My boys are running around in faded raiment while Tiana has a multitude of shiny new garb to choose from in her closet.

So where is the balance? I want to raise a feminine daughter and I think that part of that is teaching her how to put outfits together and dressing up well. But that’s one very small dimension of true femininity. It’s okay to buy clothes and shoes but I shouldn’t over-emphasize her physical appearance. It’s okay to complement the way she looks but I should complement her character more. It’s okay to go shopping for her and with her but I need to refrain from being excessive to protect her from materialism. After all, she is just 2 years old. If she is this interested in buying things at this age, that inclination will be multiplied when she is older.

Did she get new purple glasses? Definitely not. She can still use the pair she already has.
I have to remember that true femininity begins with inner beauty – being gentle and quiet in spirit; cultivating character traits like kindness, thoughtfulness, thankfulness, helpfulness, servant-hood, and the desire to nurture and care for others; developing a love for the Lord and for others…

I’m thankful for a mom who taught me how to walk, stand, sit and dress like a lady but who made character instruction her greater preoccupation. I need to do the same for Tiana and daughter number 2, coming in August!

Your adornment must not be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. (1 Peter 3:3, 4 NASB)

Still Amazed

April 10, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 13 Comments

Prior to the ultra sound for congenital anomaly screening (CAS), which is given between 5 and 6 months for pregnant women, I had a nervous excitement. For the first 22 weeks of my pregnancy I had not looked for baby names, shopped for baby stuff, or imagined what it would be like to have a girl or boy. With previous pregnancies, I could sort of tell what I was having, especially with Tiana. Unlike my boys, I got hot flashes and my hormones seemed a little more wacko than usual. Even Edric got hot flashes and that is just weird but I’d like to think it is love. He shares a whole list of pregnancy symptoms with me each time I am expecting.

With three boys and a daughter, Edric and I both thought that it would be great if we could have one more girl so Tiana could have a sister. Every day since she realized that there was a baby growing in mommy’s tummy, Tiana would pray for a baby girl. “Lord, please help mommy’s baby to be a girl. I pray for my baby girl.” In fact, on one occasion when Titus was assigned to lead prayer time, she got upset when he wasn’t praying for the baby. “Pray for my baby girl! You are not praying for my girl!” she said. She still says “my girl.”

But what did God want? I had to believe that he had it all figured out for all of us. My prayer was, “Lord, you know the desire of my heart. I would really like to have a girl, but give me the grace to accept whatever you decide for our family.”

April 8 was a big day. It was find-out-the-gender-day. Edric and I planned to bring all the kids so it could be a learning session on human anatomy for our homeschooling, and we wanted to find out if it was a boy or girl together.

Unfortunately, when we got to the clinic, the doctor who was supposed to do the ultra sound didn’t come in that day. So, I was disappointed to discover that it wasn’t going to happen. But Edric suggested I ask my OB-Gynecologist for another place to get the ultra sound done and she referred us to In My Womb.

Edric and the kids had a viewing area where they could watch everything from a flat screen. They were practically jumping up and down as they saw the different body parts of the baby. It was especially enlightening for Titus and Tiana who were seeing something like that for the first time. (As a homeschooling family, we like to make the most of every learning opportunity! So Edric and I were teaching the kids while the doctor identified and measured the anatomy and organs of the fetus.)

Edric explained to the kids that God would give us what was best. Whether the baby was a boy or girl, it would be God’s will so he encouraged them to be thankful for His good plan. By the end of our 45-minute session, however, the big news came and it was exactly what we had all hoped for. We celebrated when the doctor announced that she was a girl. 100% sure! Our four children cheered and my first thought was, Lord, you are so good. Who am I that you should consider my desires with such thoughtfulness?

Last night, Edric and I took a walk together. We wanted to spend some time just marveling at how amazing God is. As we prayed and thanked him again for answering our heart’s desire, we thought of how faithful he has been to us, even if we don’t deserve it. He has given each of our children at the right time and met our growing needs without fail. Three babies ago, we wanted to have a girl but God gave us a third son. And he turned out to be exactly what our family needed and wanted after all.

My third son, Titus, who is turning 5 in a few weeks! I praise God for him.

It’s always a win-win with the Lord. If he had chosen to give us a boy again this time around, I would have been disappointed but I know he would have had his reasons. And that’s the great thing about a loving God. You can absolutely trust his reasons even if you don’t always understand them.

Why? Because he is a deeply personal God. He knows our unspoken yearnings and he delights to bless those who follow him.

This is a definite high for our family right now. And I know that life isn’t without its challenges and we can’t expect to be exempt from suffering just because we follow God. I can say this because I went through something horrifying when I was younger even if I was a follower of Jesus. Whether the season be a time of plenty or a time of hardship, I think the one thing we can always believe about God is that he loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives…one that exceeds even our best expectations. Our part is to stay faithful to Him – to follow, love, worship and obey Him with all that we are and with all that we’ve got…through life’s highs and lows.

In my quiet time this morning, I read this passage: “But you shall serve the Lord your God, and He will bless your bread and your water; and I will remove sickness from your midst. There shall be no one miscarrying or barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days…” (Exodus 23:25-26)

When the ultra sound results confirmed a baby girl, I was reminded that God is always amazing! He is a God who blesses.

Phillips, Craig, and Dean have a song that captures what I feel right now. It’s called “Your Grace Still Amazes Me.”

My faithful Father, enduring Friend  
Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end  
It overwhelms me, covers my sin  
Each time I come into Your presence  
I stand in wonder once again

CHORUS:  
Your grace still amazes me  
Your love is still a mystery  
Each day I fall on my knees  
Your grace still amazes me  
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

Oh, patient Saviour
You make me whole  
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul  
What can I give You, Lord, what can I say  
I know there’s no way to repay You  
Only to offer You my praise

It’s deeper, it’s wider  
It’s stronger, it’s higher  
It’s deeper it’s wider  
It’s stronger, it’s higher 
than anything my eyes can see…

What Are You Waiting For?

April 6, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 7 Comments

Waiting is seldom pleasant. In a world where many services are instant, waiting can be quite annoying — a symptom of inefficiency, a system error, or even problematic management.

Whenever the Internet connection slows down in our house, Edric and I feel irritated. We talk about switching providers and complain about how awful our current one is. When a Mc Donald’s drive through experience takes longer than 5 minutes, we think about it as a big inconvenience.

Why? Well, unfortunately, we are being conditioned to expect expediency because of the nature of the times we live in…almost like it’s a human right we are entitled to.

I say this is unfortunate because the reality is, not everything can be rushed or quickened to our convenience. In fact, some of the best things require a period of waiting…a beach sunset on a clear day, homemade chocolate chip cookies baking in an oven (yum, I will make some later), a promotion that you’ve worked hard for, a husband who will love you faithfully for the rest of your life, your child’s first steps and first words, building your dream home…

We can’t always live in fast-forward. Imagine what it would be like if we could press a remote control button and skip through all the parts we didn’t like?

“Hon, I’m tired of the baby stage. It’s getting really annoying. Let’s go to scene selection and fast forward all the kids to 12 years old.”

That would be freaky! We wouldn’t even recognize them. And worst of all, they would be 12 year olds acting like babies. I wouldn’t want to clean the poopy diaper of a 12 year old! That would be a nightmarish mess of a bomb to contend with.

It sounds crazy. But the reality is, sometimes I am guilty of wanting to get out of and get past the difficult stages and phases that marriage or parenting go through, or even the days, weeks, months or years required for a dream to come to fruition. I want the greener pasture NOW without having to wait.

When I was newly married, Edric and I sold our second car to save on expenses and we shared one car between us. We rode with one another to work and back. It was an adjustment for both of us. As singles, we had our own cars. A part of me was like, why do we have to downscale our lifestyle and inconvenience ourselves? I wonder how long we will have to struggle financially? When is it going to get better?

I didn’t like having to wait to be picked up when Edric was driving or to wait for Edric to come out of his office when I was driving. On certain days, I would have to circle around and around Ayala Tower 1, or park and visit Starbucks by myself until he came down from his Ayala Land office. It was spoiled of me to act this way and feel sorry for myself. God was working on my character, teaching me to count my blessings and be thankful that we even had a car! We managed to survive with one car for several years.

When we finally got another car, it was exciting. The liberty. The flexibility. And the irony is I began to feel sad when I realized we didn’t have to ride together anymore. The “forced bonding” we had when sharing one car allowed us to have many wonderful conversations while enduring the traffic between Pasig and Makati. Our one car predicament had been good for our marriage. We grew closer as a couple. It improved our communication and deepened our friendship. With two cars, it wasn’t the same. So whenever I could, I would find a way to ride with Edric and leave the other car at home just so I could be with him. (I still do that whenever we can even it means having to adjust my schedule to his.)

It’s interesting that life experiences can be like that. We are so eager to get away from hardship. But when circumstances do change, we discover, in hindsight, the gifts that were hidden, the blessings that WAITING ripened and cultivated for our greater good – a beautiful truth about God, ourselves, others, or the human experience; a deeper connectedness and appreciation for those we love; or the satisfying answer to the question of purpose and reason.

Well, I shouldn’t presume to speak for everyone so I will speak for myself. Waiting is so much a part of my marriage and parenting experience. But the key is to contentedly accept God’s plan for me right here, right now, and cooperate with him because the waiting is intentional on his part, to produce Christ-like character in me.

For since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for him! (Isaiah 64:4 NLT)

Right now, I am waiting for the next 18 weeks to pass until my due date. If I could have it my way, I would want to speed it up a little and by-pass the discomfort and awkward body stage. I’m beginning to look more and more like an egg. But what I really feel badly about is not being able to run anymore. The round ligament pain around the lower part of my abdomen has really inhibited me. I’ve tried to “push it” but it’s an arresting kind of pain. So I have to slow down and watch Edric run off into the distance. Bye-bye. The best I can do as an egg is fast-paced walking to catch up with him at home.

Some women can still run at this stage. They can run all the way until their 8th or 9th month! And it’s humbling to come to terms with my physical limitations because I enjoy being active and fit. During my previous pregnancies, I was playing badminton until 7 months. It’s probably the age that has made the biggest difference between then and now.

But like I said, waiting is an inescapable part of life, especially as a wife and mother. Therefore, I must embrace the realities of my 5th pregnancy and not compare myself with my former self or others.

There will always be areas outside of my control that must be accepted with gratitude and cheerfulness. Sometimes, it is about waiting for God to work in Edric’s heart; or it is waiting for my children to respond to my daily training; to grasp what I am teaching them; their personalities to emerge and their character to grow; or the addition of a new baby to our expanding brood; and other times it is about waiting for God’s provision, a prayer request to be answered, or his will in an area of my life. Yet, personally, I believe that waiting is most profitable as a preparation for the eternal experience of heaven.

Waiting conditions the heart to long for what the world, people and dreams cannot fully satisfy — the end of all sorrows and the beginning of unending joy in the presence of God.

For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. For we live by believing and not by seeing. (2 Corinthians 5:1-7 NLT)

Balloons and Marriage

March 30, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 17 Comments

Balloons were 50 pesos each

Just when I think I have gotten submission to Edric, I end up making some sort of silly compromise in this area that gets me into trouble!

Yesterday, my brother, Peter, and I went hunting for restaurants that were open. Given that it was Holy Week, we had several fails. But we were on a mission to find anything, something to feed the 20 people that were hanging out in his house — nieces, nephews, and adults. We were happy to discover that KFC was open. And in the parking lot, there was a man selling character balloons. Yippee! Peter and I both thought the younger children would like them. I bought a dolphin and Minnie Mouse for Titus and Tiana. And he got Dora, Strawberry Shortcake and Lighting McQueen.

We got back to his place with KFC and the balloons. As expected, the kids screamed with delight. For about fifteen minutes they were running around with their balloons, and afterwards, they kept them tied to their fingers or hands.

Naturally, when it was time to go home, the kids wanted to bring their balloons with them.

Addressing the kids, Edric said, “No. Leave them here. You can play with them when you come back.”

From across the room, I thought, Come back? These are balloons. They won’t keep their helium for much longer than a few days. Why does he have to make such an inane suggestion? What a party pooper! Why am I thinking about my wonderful husband with such criticism?!

Well, I offered my opinion on the matter. “I think they should just bring the balloons, hon.”

We didn’t have the chance to debate about the pros and cons of keeping the balloons because we were rushing to get home, so Edric didn’t insist on leaving the balloons. Yeah! That’s not really being insubordinate, right? I simply expressed my conviction in a sweet manner. He didn’t really say no afterwards.

On the way to the car, he asked me why I bought the balloons in the first place. He thought it was a waste of money and he couldn’t believe I got suckered into buying them. Okay, I was kind of suckered. They weren’t too cheap. But it was worth the smiles I saw on the kids’ faces. (To a husband who hosts a money show this was not a compelling reason. He certainly loves our children but balloons would not be his way of showing it.)

We managed to get home without the balloons blocking his rear view mirror and all was quiet until…

In the evening, our nieces and nephews came over for dinner. They brought their balloons over, too! What fun! It was going really well until Titus dragged all the balloons and they snagged on a huge, glass vase that I had on display in the living room. Without thinking, he yanked and yanked at the strings and CRASH! The vase fell and shattered. It was quite an expensive one, too.

The vase was a gift during our wedding. Sigh.

Since I was in the bedroom, I came out to inspect what happened. I saw Titus on the verge of tears, the vase destroyed, and little kids trying to run away from the glass shards that had scattered everywhere. Thankfully, no one was injured.

After reassuring Titus that it wasn’t his fault, that it was an accident, and getting the kids out of harms way so the mess could be cleaned up, I walked the hallway back to the bedroom where I knew my judgment awaited. Oh dear. I couldn’t help but think how in trouble I would be when Edric found out what caused all the chaos. And sure enough, I received exactly what I deserved. “Hon, this wouldn’t have happened if you had obeyed me,” Edric said.

Lord, do my mistakes have to be so dramatically magnified?! Is submission this serious a command? Over balloons! Why are you so strict with me?! Waahhh.

I’ve written stories about the blessings of submission and the pitfalls of not obeying my husband, and still, here I am, a work in progress. I am reminded that God does not only transforms a person’s mindset, desires, purpose, and destiny – he is a refiner. This means he is committed to refining my character daily, in big and small ways.

After all, the standard for character is himself, not my spouse, or friends, or Hollywood (oh my), or cultural norms, or trends… He loves me too much to allow me to remain myself, to plateau, to just cruise along, to stagnate, or even digress. Nothing slips his notice and watchful gaze. So if it means using balloons and marriage as an object lesson to teach me greater obedience, well, that’s what he will do!

Psalm 66:8-10 Bless our God, O peoples, and sound His praise abroad, who keeps us in life and does not allow our feet to slip. For You have tried us, O God; You have refined us as silver is refined.