family

A God Who Minds the Small Stuff

May 15, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 3 Comments

Recently, Titus received a marble maze toy for his birthday. Yes, he still likes marbles and no, he is not swallowing them anymore. Whew.

All the boys have enjoyed this toy and it has brought them many hours of creative fun. Two days ago, they wanted to bring it to their cousin’s house. I allowed them to on one condition. They had to keep track of all the marbles. I told Edan he was personally responsible for the 20 steel marbles. After all, he was the one who insisted on bringing the toy to his cousin’s and he tends to be very responsible about these things.

Unfortunately, a most untoward incident happened. The bag the marbles were carried in had a hole. Some marbles fell out of it while the kids were on the way to their cousin’s. Edan started to cry. He wailed and wailed.

He is such a tender hearted child and is very particular about fulfilling the tasks he is assigned to. So this was a devastating turn of events for him. I was in the study room of my parent’s house when Edan came up to me to explain what happened.

They didn’t know where the marbles could have fallen out. Maybe in the car, or in grandma and angkong’s house, or on the street while they were walking over. Basically, their chances of finding them were very slim. Two remained missing.

Of course I did not blame them for the accident but since we had an agreement, they could not play with the marble toy until they found the missing marbles.

I encouraged them by saying, “Try your best to look for the marbles and pray that God will allow you to find them.” Edan, was especially intentional about praying because he was the most affected and frustrated by what happened.

I prayed, too! “Lord, can you consider the prayer of my kids? For the sake of their young faith? Can you possibly help them find the marbles?”

The kids did their best but after a while, I told them to go on over to their cousins anyway. Hopefully, the marbles would turn up somewhere. They were not allowed to play with the marble maze, but they had fun with other toys and games.

At 9 PM, when we took the kids home, I asked for an update on the marbles. One of our yayas told me that Titus had found a marble on the couch of their cousin’s house and he another one in a blue bag.

Strange.

I asked Titus if he had kept any of the marbles in his pocket when he walked over to his cousin’s house but he hadn’t. And, the blue bag had been left in their cousin’s house last week. The boys also told me that their cousins did not have that toy so if those marbles looked like the same steel marbles from the marble maze, they were most certainly ours.

But, there was NO WAY they could have ended up where Titus found them because the marbles had been misplaced even before the kids got to their cousin’s house.

I asked for the bag of marbles and counted them. There were 20! I counted them three times. The marbles were all the same steel ones that had come with the set.

The boys started smiling really big and I was in awe.

“It’s a miracle!” Elijah shouted. Edan, who is generally calm and more reserved, kept grinning at me. He had this knowing look on his face.

“What do you think happened, Edan? Remember, you prayed?”

Edan acknowledged that God had answered his prayer. He told me that recently, God had answered another prayer he had, too.

“Lord, you are amazing. I don’t know how those two marbles ended up where they did, but thank you. Thank you so much for paying attention to the prayer of the kids.”

I tried to replay the events over and over again in my mind and it just didn’t make sense that the marbles were recovered. From a human stand point, it really was impossible. So the only logical conclusion was God made a way for the marbles to re-appear!

God has a way of building the faith of my kids. He can use the small stuff to make a big impact. This incident was another reminder that He is a personal God not just to me, but to my kids. He reveals himself to them so they are encouraged to keep seeking him. It’s like he said of himself in Jeremiah, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. “(Jeremiah 29:13 NASB)

Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14 NASB)

A Romantic Proposition

May 13, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 2 Comments

Edric has always been such a romantic. He doesn’t forget an occasion, be it our anniversary, valentines, Mother’s Day, my birthday, etc. Despite his busy schedule, he will find time to surprise me. It’s not always a costly gift, monetarily speaking, but it is something thoughtful and personal. He knows I don’t like generic gestures like flowers and chocolates, so he makes the effort to be creative.

Last year, he collected encouraging letters from friends and family for my birthday. On one occasion, he and the boys did a music video. Another time he got a bunch of artists together to do a portrait of me. Some years ago he cooked me a full course meal and even bought a chef’s hat to wear (he does not cook at all!). After I gave birth to Tiana, he booked a room for us at Shang-rila and we went to the spa at the hotel so I could relax. He thought I needed a break.

I also remember an instance when he and Elijah tried to make a New York cheesecake for me. He and the kids went to the grocery to pick out ingredients and he had no idea what to look for. In fact, he had to keep asking me questions like,”Where would I find something like cream cheese?” When he and the kids got home I caught them crushing graham crackers all over the dining table. The crumbs were flying everywhere but I thought it was the sweetest mess I had ever seen.

One of my more favorite presents was a laminated card that he made which he said entitled me to 10 special privileges. Any time I pulled out that card, I could claim a privilege. Things like…him paying for my credit card bill without being irritated even if I overspent. (I didn’t abuse this one.)

Yesterday, for Mother’s Day, he had the kids write me letters. The theme was, “How do I love thee, let me count the ways…” The older boys wrote out words using the alphabet as an acrostic. When I woke up they all climbed into our bed to greet me and they handed me their letters. What a treat! The most priceless gifts that I have received from Edric and the kids have been these sort of thoughtful gifts.

He told me that since he didn’t have work on Monday, he would do something special for me because we celebrated Mother’s Day with his family and mine on Sunday. Well, this morning when I woke up, I was surprised to find Edric playing on a PS3 console he borrowed from my brother. I felt badly because he was completely engrossed and preoccupied with the game when he had originally said to me, “Today will be your day because I am free.”

Instead, he was caught up in his own world and oblivious to everyone around him. He did not even wait for me to have breakfast with him which he usually insists on.

Well, I did not make a big deal out of it. I ate breakfast, read my Bible then took a nap because I didn’t sleep too well last night. Instead of nagging Edric, I just prayed that God would convict him.

After my nap, which really did not count because I had two boys playing on their violins in the same room and two other kids asking me questions like I was not asleep, I went to the refrigerator to snack on 5 prunes. Edric was still on the couch. He saw me go to the kitchen.

I did not want to be a pestering wife, so I just went back to the bedroom. Edric followed soon after and asked me what I wanted to do today. “Oh, I thought you had something planned…” He wondered if i was mad at him and I replied, “No, I am not mad. I am just surprised that you started the day off by playing on the PS3 when you said that you had something planned for today. But you can do whatever you want to do. It’s your choice.” I didn’t say it like I was angry but I didn’t say it with a big grin either!

A while later, he asked if he could talk to me. Hmm…I knew this was going to be a profound conversation because he wanted me to drop everything else. I lay down on the bed beside him and he held my face as he said, “I was convicted to return the console. It’s not good for me. I have addictive tendencies. And I just want you to know that I love you. That will be my Mother’s Day gift to you.” I started to tear a little because of pregnancy hormones again, but this is the real reason why…

Edric immensely enjoys playing NBA 2K13 on the PS3. It’s the only game he likes to play and he wanted to practice for a tournament he is having with some guys friends. But he got rid of his own PS3 a long time ago so getting to borrow my brother’s was exciting for him. Instead of going over to someone else’s house to practice, it was now accessible to him. He planned to return it after May 17, when their tournament was over. I had my own thoughts about this but I didn’t want to burst his bubble.

This morning, when he told me that he was giving back the console, I knew that it was hard for him to make that decision. It wasn’t a life and death matter but it was an activity that brought him delight and joy, and yet, he felt like it wasn’t profitable for his soul or our family to have it around the house. Our kids don’t play on consoles so it is not a family value or culture that we have encouraged either.

Personally, I feel there is nothing more romantic than Edric having his priorities in order — his own spiritual health, the kids and I. That’s what matters to me. When he has the right priorities, he is sweet, tender, and thoughtful. He puts the concerns of others above his own. So I thought that giving up the PS3 today as a Mother’s Day gift was a very romantic proposition!

If you are reading this because your wife handed this article to you (sorry about that, some readers confess to me that they do this sort of thing), well just hear me out for a bit. In marriage, it is easy to get complacent about the romance. But the reality is a wife’s needs pretty much stay the same. We all have a basic and predictable need. We like to feel special, cherished and appreciated by our husbands. It’s the way we are wired. Much of our security is tied up to the way our husbands treat us. Of course, ultimately the Lord should be our sense of security, but God also commanded husbands to love their wives for a reason. It’s important!

Just because a man has put a ring on a woman’s finger does not mean his “job” is over. This is when the real work of nurturing a wife actually begins.

The Bible says, so husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, (Ephesians 5:28, 29 NASB)

If you feel like your husband isn’t very nourishing or cherishing, don’t loose heart and please don’t nag him about it. This is a conviction that God has to put in his heart. Don’t contrive to do so yourself or it will backfire. Trust me, I have tried that approach and it doesn’t work. But prayer and waiting on the Lord does! (And doing your part to fulfill your own role.)

My Out-of-the-Box Child

May 4, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 1 Comment

I’ve said it before that Titus often fascinates me because he is such an out-of-the-box thinker and he has learned many things on his own.

One afternoon he was counting aloud by 10s (something I had not taught him). He counted all the way up to 100. I turned over to him and said, “Where did you learn that? Who taught you that?” His Jedi-like reply was, “I know many things, mom.”

At this statement I started laughing really hard. He meant it with all sincerity. I followed up with, “Yes, but HOW did you learn to count by 10s?” Once again, I found it comedic when he said, “I think, mom! I just think!” It was almost like he was insulted that I questioned his ability to understand concepts on his own.

Recently, when my nieces, nephews and kids were doing a puppet show with my sister-in-law she asked everyone to make their puppets stand on their heads. Titus was the only one that thought of bending his puppet in half so that its feet touched its head…literally, standing on its head!

Because I haven’t spent too much time “teaching” him formally, I will have to give credit to John Holt’s idea that children are learning all the time. When they are not forced to learn too early, but provided with a stimulating, enriching environment in which to explore, create, build, invent, and discover, they educate themselves. Learning happens naturally and very often in the context of play. Titus certainly needs character training like my other children, but he has caught on just fine with the academics even without too much one-on-one instruction from me.

At four years old, he can read, comprehend, he is beginning to write better, he understands fundamental math concepts, and he is developing normally. He may not be as articulate as his older brothers were at his age, but he is a loving, happy, curious, and determined child…with a very positive opinion about himself. When I am teaching him, he will say, “This is sooo easy, mom!” And then he will start working and be like, “How do you do this again?”

I laugh alot with Titus. He has a unique perspective that I treasure as a mom. I appreciate that he doesn’t think linearly and that he pays attention to things that others might take forgranted.

One time he picked up a flattened fruit loop that was left on the floor of our condominium lobby. Everyone else thought it was dirty. But he picked it up and put it in his pocket. I didn’t realize this until we were in the car and he was cradling it in his hand. I told him he should throw it. After all, who knows where that fruit loop came from or who stepped on it? But he begged me to keep it.

Heck. Why not, I thought. If it matters that much to him and it isn’t a life and death issue, why can’t he be himself and keep it? He’s the only one who thought of doing so anyway and it’s important to him. So I told him he could and that made his day. A little fruit loop. I made him promise not to eat it and he didn’t.Whew!

Titus has stretched my parenting muscles a lot. I used to get really frustrated with him because he would take things apart, break his toys, color and draw in his books, tear out pages, peel the labels off things like crayons (he still does), hide objects under his bed like marbles and cereal, get himself into precarious predicaments, and bullheadedly insist on his way.

For example, when he was 8 months old, he weaned himself from breastfeeding. I was so upset and sad about it. None of my other children did this. I really wanted him to breastfeed for longer to keep bonding with him. But he insisted that he was ready to move on to the bottle. My fear was he would be deprived of affection because he was my third child. Without those bonding sessions, I didn’t get to hold him as often.

This was my first experience with Titus’ different way of doing things. Initially, I wanted to control him. I wanted to force him to breastfeed. But he ended up biting me! So that was it, I surrendered that stage over to the Lord. Crying and depressed, I accepted his decision to wean.

Such was the beginning of my parenting adventures with Titus. It took me a while to recognize that God designed Titus with a personality that was hand-picked by Him for a reason and purpose.

Titus turned out to be one my most affectionate children, my big hugger. In fact, he is such a touch person, he will randomly head butt people to get their attention! On certain mornings, he will crawl into bed beside me after he wakes up and let me drape my whole self around him like a pillow. He is the only one who will lie there contentedly and still. He won’t squirm away or complain that I am too heavy. And he will come up to me and randomly hug and kiss me during the day without being asked to. Who would ever have thought my earliest weaned baby would have become like this?

I love all my children equally but God taught me how to love my Titus. Through Titus, God has helped me to grow in character, especially in the area of patience!

His birthday is coming up in two days and I wanted to write this to celebrate the joy and color that he has brought into our lives. I could’ve missed out on appreciating him had I placed him in a mold of my own liking…to make my parenting “convenient.” But God made certain children out-of-the-box — children who make us see the world differently, who challenge the norm (in a good way), who keep us from getting complacent about our parenting, and who make us dependent upon the Lord for the creativity and wisdom we need to instruct them. Titus is special just the way he is and I hope that Edric and I can keep encouraging him to grow in the Lord and become the man that God wants him to be.

Just Like Hannah (a re-post)

April 21, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 1 Comment

I pray you will be blessed by this testimony by a dear friend who prayed to have a child for many years…by SARANGANI MOMMY (Michelle Lopez Solon)

“I want to have grand kids, so double time!” that was part of the speech of my father-in-law during our wedding 7 years ago. It was everyone’s well wish and expectation for us to conceive and have “mini-me’s” running around. But it was not an easy journey for us.

After a year of marriage and not conceiving, I visited the OB-GYNE to find out what can be done for me to get pregnant. My ultrasound showed I have polycystic ovaries. The doctor said that the cyst was small and it should not bother us. The only solution to this syndrome was to get pregnant. It seemed like an easy solution, but it was far from easy for us.

I remained very hopeful. My husband and I prayed, fasted, believed that we would get pregnant. Different options were given to us, pills, exercise, following a menstrual cycle for days of contact… however the months became years and I began losing faith.

I admit that I was getting disappointed with God. I would cry every time my period would come. It pierced my heart when people would ask why we were not getting pregnant and received their suggestions on what we should do. There was a year when everyone around me was getting pregnant (even my own dog!)… but I remained barren. It came to a point that I needed to blame someone for why I was not conceiving… I started to blame my husband because at that time he was not open to get himself checked. I wondered why God was not granting our request… I was getting bitter towards God so that I’d say “I don’t care if I don’t get pregnant.” Truthfully that was the total opposite. I did care.

God never gave up on me though. God was working on me, stretching my faith muscles. Through His Word he reminded me of Hannah. Years she was barren, mocked for being childless, and she too cried to God. Her account is found in the book of 1 Samuel 1.

v 10 “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.”

But after Hannah cried to the Lord, she left this concern in faith, not in doubt or bitterness. After Eli (the priest) saw her in the temple crying he pronounced a blessing upon her and she left, no longer depressed.

v 18 “Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad”

The bible accounts that “the Lord remembered her plea”; v 20 “and in due time she gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, “I asked the Lord for him.”

I had to learn to trust God’s plan and timing for everything and for everyone. I was becoming impatient and seeding doubt. Thank God for friends who never stopped praying for us, and that encouraged me to believe.

In 2010, my twin sister gave birth to her 3rd child, Jonathan David (JD). I was with her at the labor room, and I had the privilege to see her baby right after delivery. I held her little one in my arms, and began feeling hopeful again of God’s promise to me and my husband. The week after, I took a step of faith of seeing a specialist who would assess our situation. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. The week after, I was wheeled in the operating room for a laparoscopic procedure to remove the adhesions and polyps in my uterus and the cysts on my ovaries.

I was a Stage IV Endometriosis patient. In short, infertile. But that did not stop me from believing that God can open my womb. My husband began to follow the footsteps of Isaac who prayed for his wife. Genesis 25:21 “Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac’s prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins.”

Okay, we did not have twins. But, 3 months after the procedure we were pregnant! I cried for joy for the Lord remembered me. However, on our 5th week check up, the doctor could not find the sac. My blood (hcg) test said I was definitely pregnant, the pregnancy test showed 2 lines. But there was no sac.

We started to pray, and I believed God would show us a miracle, that in the next test we would see the baby in the uterus. We flew to Manila to have myself checked there… The findings — possible ectopic pregnancy.

The doctor explained to me that I had to undergo another operation again. She also told me straight that I could lose one of my fallopian tubes if the baby implanted in it. I was crushed, my husband was too. Both of us were crying the night before getting confined in the hospital. I was grieving about losing this child. That night I could not sleep, I kept talking to God. “Lord, please tell my child how much I want to be his/her mom.” I was talking to my baby and telling my baby “I love you, you made me excited to be a mom. I already miss you even if we have never met. You must know I want to have you so much.”

Joy Mendoza, my close friend and discipler called and cried with me… She said, “I am so sorry Mit. How are you feeling?” In my heart, I was not angry at God. I told her, “I know this is God’s will. The mere fact he made me pregnant was already a miracle. I am not disappointed with Him.” I worried about losing my fallopian tube, but the doctor assured me that I could still get pregnant with just one tube.

That day in June 2011, I had another operation to remove the fetus before it ruptured my fallopian tube. After the procedure, when I opened my eyes in the recovery room, my husband told me this “Guess what… the baby was found in the abdomen, it implanted and found blood supply there. But the sac could not sustain so it was ready to be removed. So, they did not cut your fallopian tube. Your reproductive organs are all intact.” When I heard that I had peace. I thanked God for being so gracious, and for giving us a child that was so considerate to give way for another baby in the future by implanting in the abdomen rather than in the tube.

Like Hannah, I cried and grieved before the Lord, but God gave me extra grace and an increased faith. I had more confidence than before that I would conceive in God’s perfect time. Then, I moved on everyday believing that I would receive a child. In fact, there was no pain in my heart about the loss. I felt God’s presence and firm love for me and my future.

And true to God’s promise… I conceived again in April 2012, to our precious baby Joshua. God is indeed faithful, His love never fails. This is why I claim these verses as my life statements: “Everything is possible to him who believes” (Mark 9:23) and “For nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37)

_____

JOSHUA IS A HEALTHY, HANDSOME BABY BOY! EDRIC AND I WITNESSED HIS DEDICATION TWO MONTHS AGO. IT WAS AN AMAZING TESTAMENT TO HOW GOD’S TIMING IS ALWAYS PERFECT.

Still Amazed

April 10, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 13 Comments

Prior to the ultra sound for congenital anomaly screening (CAS), which is given between 5 and 6 months for pregnant women, I had a nervous excitement. For the first 22 weeks of my pregnancy I had not looked for baby names, shopped for baby stuff, or imagined what it would be like to have a girl or boy. With previous pregnancies, I could sort of tell what I was having, especially with Tiana. Unlike my boys, I got hot flashes and my hormones seemed a little more wacko than usual. Even Edric got hot flashes and that is just weird but I’d like to think it is love. He shares a whole list of pregnancy symptoms with me each time I am expecting.

With three boys and a daughter, Edric and I both thought that it would be great if we could have one more girl so Tiana could have a sister. Every day since she realized that there was a baby growing in mommy’s tummy, Tiana would pray for a baby girl. “Lord, please help mommy’s baby to be a girl. I pray for my baby girl.” In fact, on one occasion when Titus was assigned to lead prayer time, she got upset when he wasn’t praying for the baby. “Pray for my baby girl! You are not praying for my girl!” she said. She still says “my girl.”

But what did God want? I had to believe that he had it all figured out for all of us. My prayer was, “Lord, you know the desire of my heart. I would really like to have a girl, but give me the grace to accept whatever you decide for our family.”

April 8 was a big day. It was find-out-the-gender-day. Edric and I planned to bring all the kids so it could be a learning session on human anatomy for our homeschooling, and we wanted to find out if it was a boy or girl together.

Unfortunately, when we got to the clinic, the doctor who was supposed to do the ultra sound didn’t come in that day. So, I was disappointed to discover that it wasn’t going to happen. But Edric suggested I ask my OB-Gynecologist for another place to get the ultra sound done and she referred us to In My Womb.

Edric and the kids had a viewing area where they could watch everything from a flat screen. They were practically jumping up and down as they saw the different body parts of the baby. It was especially enlightening for Titus and Tiana who were seeing something like that for the first time. (As a homeschooling family, we like to make the most of every learning opportunity! So Edric and I were teaching the kids while the doctor identified and measured the anatomy and organs of the fetus.)

Edric explained to the kids that God would give us what was best. Whether the baby was a boy or girl, it would be God’s will so he encouraged them to be thankful for His good plan. By the end of our 45-minute session, however, the big news came and it was exactly what we had all hoped for. We celebrated when the doctor announced that she was a girl. 100% sure! Our four children cheered and my first thought was, Lord, you are so good. Who am I that you should consider my desires with such thoughtfulness?

Last night, Edric and I took a walk together. We wanted to spend some time just marveling at how amazing God is. As we prayed and thanked him again for answering our heart’s desire, we thought of how faithful he has been to us, even if we don’t deserve it. He has given each of our children at the right time and met our growing needs without fail. Three babies ago, we wanted to have a girl but God gave us a third son. And he turned out to be exactly what our family needed and wanted after all.

My third son, Titus, who is turning 5 in a few weeks! I praise God for him.

It’s always a win-win with the Lord. If he had chosen to give us a boy again this time around, I would have been disappointed but I know he would have had his reasons. And that’s the great thing about a loving God. You can absolutely trust his reasons even if you don’t always understand them.

Why? Because he is a deeply personal God. He knows our unspoken yearnings and he delights to bless those who follow him.

This is a definite high for our family right now. And I know that life isn’t without its challenges and we can’t expect to be exempt from suffering just because we follow God. I can say this because I went through something horrifying when I was younger even if I was a follower of Jesus. Whether the season be a time of plenty or a time of hardship, I think the one thing we can always believe about God is that he loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives…one that exceeds even our best expectations. Our part is to stay faithful to Him – to follow, love, worship and obey Him with all that we are and with all that we’ve got…through life’s highs and lows.

In my quiet time this morning, I read this passage: “But you shall serve the Lord your God, and He will bless your bread and your water; and I will remove sickness from your midst. There shall be no one miscarrying or barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days…” (Exodus 23:25-26)

When the ultra sound results confirmed a baby girl, I was reminded that God is always amazing! He is a God who blesses.

Phillips, Craig, and Dean have a song that captures what I feel right now. It’s called “Your Grace Still Amazes Me.”

My faithful Father, enduring Friend  
Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end  
It overwhelms me, covers my sin  
Each time I come into Your presence  
I stand in wonder once again

CHORUS:  
Your grace still amazes me  
Your love is still a mystery  
Each day I fall on my knees  
Your grace still amazes me  
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

Oh, patient Saviour
You make me whole  
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul  
What can I give You, Lord, what can I say  
I know there’s no way to repay You  
Only to offer You my praise

It’s deeper, it’s wider  
It’s stronger, it’s higher  
It’s deeper it’s wider  
It’s stronger, it’s higher 
than anything my eyes can see…

I Have Missed This

April 6, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza Leave a Comment

I have missed teaching the kids since we lost our househelp. So I have been trying to get back into the routine of our daily homeschooling schedule. The kids were “rusty” when I asked them to do their work a few days ago. They responded a little reluctantly, but we managed to kick things off once again. I am nearly a month behind where I should be with them. But I am not going to panic. Okay, just a little. By God’s grace, we will finish it all soon!

Oh and someone asked me recently if my kids get a summer break. We don’t take an extended break away from learning because learning is a natural part of our daily life. We may take a two week break so I can regroup for the next school year. Otherwise, the homeschooling goes on. And if there are interruptions during the year due to trips, family vacations, or untoward incidences, we can take a few days off from studying and make it up as the year goes by. In other words, we are pretty flexible when necessary but we don’t need to stop homeschooling for two months straight just because its summer. And we still get to enjoy summer.

What Are You Waiting For?

April 6, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 7 Comments

Waiting is seldom pleasant. In a world where many services are instant, waiting can be quite annoying — a symptom of inefficiency, a system error, or even problematic management.

Whenever the Internet connection slows down in our house, Edric and I feel irritated. We talk about switching providers and complain about how awful our current one is. When a Mc Donald’s drive through experience takes longer than 5 minutes, we think about it as a big inconvenience.

Why? Well, unfortunately, we are being conditioned to expect expediency because of the nature of the times we live in…almost like it’s a human right we are entitled to.

I say this is unfortunate because the reality is, not everything can be rushed or quickened to our convenience. In fact, some of the best things require a period of waiting…a beach sunset on a clear day, homemade chocolate chip cookies baking in an oven (yum, I will make some later), a promotion that you’ve worked hard for, a husband who will love you faithfully for the rest of your life, your child’s first steps and first words, building your dream home…

We can’t always live in fast-forward. Imagine what it would be like if we could press a remote control button and skip through all the parts we didn’t like?

“Hon, I’m tired of the baby stage. It’s getting really annoying. Let’s go to scene selection and fast forward all the kids to 12 years old.”

That would be freaky! We wouldn’t even recognize them. And worst of all, they would be 12 year olds acting like babies. I wouldn’t want to clean the poopy diaper of a 12 year old! That would be a nightmarish mess of a bomb to contend with.

It sounds crazy. But the reality is, sometimes I am guilty of wanting to get out of and get past the difficult stages and phases that marriage or parenting go through, or even the days, weeks, months or years required for a dream to come to fruition. I want the greener pasture NOW without having to wait.

When I was newly married, Edric and I sold our second car to save on expenses and we shared one car between us. We rode with one another to work and back. It was an adjustment for both of us. As singles, we had our own cars. A part of me was like, why do we have to downscale our lifestyle and inconvenience ourselves? I wonder how long we will have to struggle financially? When is it going to get better?

I didn’t like having to wait to be picked up when Edric was driving or to wait for Edric to come out of his office when I was driving. On certain days, I would have to circle around and around Ayala Tower 1, or park and visit Starbucks by myself until he came down from his Ayala Land office. It was spoiled of me to act this way and feel sorry for myself. God was working on my character, teaching me to count my blessings and be thankful that we even had a car! We managed to survive with one car for several years.

When we finally got another car, it was exciting. The liberty. The flexibility. And the irony is I began to feel sad when I realized we didn’t have to ride together anymore. The “forced bonding” we had when sharing one car allowed us to have many wonderful conversations while enduring the traffic between Pasig and Makati. Our one car predicament had been good for our marriage. We grew closer as a couple. It improved our communication and deepened our friendship. With two cars, it wasn’t the same. So whenever I could, I would find a way to ride with Edric and leave the other car at home just so I could be with him. (I still do that whenever we can even it means having to adjust my schedule to his.)

It’s interesting that life experiences can be like that. We are so eager to get away from hardship. But when circumstances do change, we discover, in hindsight, the gifts that were hidden, the blessings that WAITING ripened and cultivated for our greater good – a beautiful truth about God, ourselves, others, or the human experience; a deeper connectedness and appreciation for those we love; or the satisfying answer to the question of purpose and reason.

Well, I shouldn’t presume to speak for everyone so I will speak for myself. Waiting is so much a part of my marriage and parenting experience. But the key is to contentedly accept God’s plan for me right here, right now, and cooperate with him because the waiting is intentional on his part, to produce Christ-like character in me.

For since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for him! (Isaiah 64:4 NLT)

Right now, I am waiting for the next 18 weeks to pass until my due date. If I could have it my way, I would want to speed it up a little and by-pass the discomfort and awkward body stage. I’m beginning to look more and more like an egg. But what I really feel badly about is not being able to run anymore. The round ligament pain around the lower part of my abdomen has really inhibited me. I’ve tried to “push it” but it’s an arresting kind of pain. So I have to slow down and watch Edric run off into the distance. Bye-bye. The best I can do as an egg is fast-paced walking to catch up with him at home.

Some women can still run at this stage. They can run all the way until their 8th or 9th month! And it’s humbling to come to terms with my physical limitations because I enjoy being active and fit. During my previous pregnancies, I was playing badminton until 7 months. It’s probably the age that has made the biggest difference between then and now.

But like I said, waiting is an inescapable part of life, especially as a wife and mother. Therefore, I must embrace the realities of my 5th pregnancy and not compare myself with my former self or others.

There will always be areas outside of my control that must be accepted with gratitude and cheerfulness. Sometimes, it is about waiting for God to work in Edric’s heart; or it is waiting for my children to respond to my daily training; to grasp what I am teaching them; their personalities to emerge and their character to grow; or the addition of a new baby to our expanding brood; and other times it is about waiting for God’s provision, a prayer request to be answered, or his will in an area of my life. Yet, personally, I believe that waiting is most profitable as a preparation for the eternal experience of heaven.

Waiting conditions the heart to long for what the world, people and dreams cannot fully satisfy — the end of all sorrows and the beginning of unending joy in the presence of God.

For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. For we live by believing and not by seeing. (2 Corinthians 5:1-7 NLT)

Goodbye, Apron!

April 3, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 8 Comments

We have been rescued! My parents offered for us to stay with them until our replacement househelp arrives. Yippee! I was glad for the period of trying to do everything on our own. It was character building for me and the Lord was certainly gracious. But honestly, while ironing Edric’s shirts last night, I was like, “I think I’ve had it. I’m officially tired.” It was fun being the woman version of Handy Mandy at home, but I’ve got to get back to my 5%. Household chores can be outsourced…especially things like ironing. Being available to my husband and kids has been my neglected 5%.

If Edric hadn’t agreed to staying at my parents, we would have kept on with our yaya-less lifestyle until mid-April when we are expecting at least one, and then another one beginning of May. But, whew. This attempt at the American lifestyle sans all the efficiencies of American living was a fun challenge while it lasted yet impossibly sustainable. If I had one kid and I wasn’t pregnant, I could do this for the long haul. Four kids and pregnant with a husband who needs crisp collared shirts ironed for a TV show on a regular basis? I was delusional to think that it could be a permanent option just because I was sick and tired of househelp politics and issues. I need yayas. I admit it. I don’t need their drama and the stress that comes with managing them. However, I’m willing to change my attitude and perspective so that I can go back to dating my husband, teaching my children, doing ministry and writing.

My hats off to all the women out there who do everything and manage to make it look so easy. You are superwomen. I am not. I am pregnant woman.

As pregnant woman, I found myself becoming a nag about cleaning this and cleaning that, picking this up and picking that up. And everytime my kids would say, “Mom, can you read us a story?” Or, “Mom, can we do our work?” I would reply with, “Sorry, I have to finish washing the dishes,” Or, “Sorry, mommy has to clean the bathrooms.” It broke my heart to have to send the kids away and tell the to go find something else to do because I wasn’t available. That’s when it dawned on me. This isn’t sustainable. The kids need me for more important things beyond scrubbed floors, cooked meals, and sparkly toilets. All of these chores are cannibalizing my time, my day, my week!

What a blessing it is to be able to exhale from all of that as I sit here, leaning comfortably on four pillows knowing that I don’t have to hold a mop or wash dishes for the next 14 days (unless I miss it and feel the urge to). When my parents invited and Edric was okay with it, I packed half a van full of clothes, food, homeschool books, and the other half with my children, and said, “Kids, we are going to grandma’s.” Of course, they were thrilled. Staying at my parents means being four houses away from their cousins.

As for me, it means a sweet vacation from the do-it-all-yourself-everyday-lifestyle. Lord willing, by the end of the month, we will have our own househelp again. In the meantime, it sure is nice to walk into a kitchen and have your own mom say, “I had lunch prepared for you.” I really enjoy being a mom but it is awesome to STILL have a mom, too!

Goodbye, apron… see you in 14 days…

Tiana wore one, too!

The almost desperate housewife, but not quite…

pregnant mom

Love at the Grocery

March 30, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 14 Comments

If there is one place in the world Edric doesn’t like to go to it would probably be the grocery. But I gave him puppy-dog eyes when I was about to leave the house with four children in tow, and he compassionately said, “Would it make it easier if I was with you?” I immediately said, “Yes!”

I know he was sacrificing 2 hours of peace and quiet that he could’ve had all to himself. In fact, he was looking forward to getting some computer work done. But his gallantry couldn’t help it. He is a rescuer by heart, especially towards me.

When we got to S and R, Edric dropped us off and parked. And then he came in to push the cart while I went up and down the aisles like it was some romantic date (with the kids). We haven’t had a date night in a while because of the no-househelp situation.

He remarked, “You’re loving this, aren’t you?!” My happiness was obvious.

Because I know he hates the grocery so much, it meant that much more that he came with me to watch the kids. The last time I was at the grocery with the kids, Tiana fell asleep in the cart and the boys got restless.

When you don’t have help, you find ways to survive. The kids and I managed to finish grocery shopping but it was a little bit stressful!

I had to grab something to rest her head on. Poor thing!

This time around, with their dad in full control, everyone was behaved and cooperative. He entertained them and kept them preoccupied.

Is it possible to fall in love with your husband while he is pushing a grocery cart? Well, I did! I kept looking back to check him out.

When people make excuses in their marriage and say things like, “I can’t do that for (him or her), it’s not my personality,” I don’t think we realize how much it means to our spouse to sacrifice personal comfort, make personality-changes, or serve one another when it’s inconvenient. Sometimes, it’s the small gestures that are the most impressive.

In the car, I asked Edric, “Why did you decide to come with me?”

“Because I want to take care of you. I love you.” I guess I knew that already but I liked hearing it again. And being the hormonal person that I have been due to pregnancy, I got all teary-eyed.

Approachable

March 27, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 2 Comments

Edric and I have an open communication policy with our kids. This means they can correct us and call out areas that we need to improve on. Of course, they are encouraged to do it in a polite way. It certainly keeps us on our “character toes.”

This morning, in the car, the boys were like a bunch of hyenas. They were cackling, singing loudly and Edric hit his toleration threshold. He was in the middle of composing a text message so he said, “Quiet boys, quiet!” His tone was agitated. The boys simmered down. But it was an awkward kind of silence.

Meanwhile, Edric asked me for the address of a wake we were going to attend and I offered to forward to him the text message so it would be easier for him to pass it on to friends who were going to attend the same wake. However, he thought it was simpler just to hand my phone over so he could copy it down onto a message he was already writing. I retorted with sarcasm under my breath, “It’s not simpler.” The kids looked over at me and Edric was like, “Excuse me? Did you just say something under your breath?”

Edan inched over to my side (we were all in the back and Edric was in front, in the passenger seat). Whispering into my ear, he asked, “Was dad practicing meekness?” Our bible study as a family the previous week was about being meek. And one of the examples Edric gave was responding with meekness toward family members. I suggested to Edan,“Why don’t you ask daddy?”

A few minutes later he did. “Daddy, were you being meek?” Edan stuck his head in between the two front seats to question Edric. When Edric realized he hadn’t been a good example, he asked for forgiveness from the kids and from me. But he also added, “Your mommy also needs to learn to submit and respect daddy.” I quickly apologized too and asked for forgiveness from Edric and the kids. Elijah turned towards me and gave me an approving look. He may be just 10 years old but he really internalizes these moments and watches us ever so closely. (Actually, all of them do.)

The rest of the car ride was fine. The tense atmosphere was dispelled and we went back to chatting with one another.

Whew! It’s really quite impossible to be perfect in front of our kids. But that’s not the goal. The goal is to keep moving towards Christ-likeness. Family is the best context to do this when each person is motivated by love and committed to helping one another grow in character. I really think that children are a blessing in this sense. Seeing our “issues” through their eyes makes Edric and I desire to be more careful, conscious and consistent about being Christ-like. If they can’t find Christ in our home, in our personal lives, then we can’t expect them to want Christ either. I praise God that their hearts are still tender and forgiving, and they know we are on this journey of faith together, as a team.

but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love. (Ephesians 4:15, 16 NASB)