A Simple Family Habit That Can Make a Big Difference

March 25, 2017 By 12 Comments

Growing up, it was part of my family’s culture to ask, “How can I improve?” to one another. My parents encouraged open communication and honesty. To this day, family get-togethers include a time of accountability and sharing, where we can talk about our marriages, our parenting, our struggles and triumphs. As a result, my parents, my siblings and I, as well as our spouses and kids remain close to one another. We are each other’s confidants and friends. It may not always be easy to swallow each other’s correction and suggestions on how to improve, but we know that words are exchanged and offered in love and with the best intentions. 

I am so glad that Edric has embraced this same culture in our home. In fact, he is a good example to me of humility (something I continually need to improve on). When he messes up and makes mistakes as a husband or father, he will ask for forgiveness and repair whatever relational damage was inflicted by his wrongs. 

Lately, his schedule has been packed with meetings and activities. The busy-ness and stress have made him more susceptible to impatience. He has changed so much in this area that these moments of losing his cool have become infrequent. However, a few days ago, during a conversation with Elijah, our oldest son, Edric cut him off and didn’t let him explain himself. They were having a discussion over semantics. Elijah tried to make his point and give his rebuttal, but Edric told him to stop talking. This silenced Elijah who quietly conceded to Edric’s point in the discussion. 

Some days after I invited Elijah to an afternoon run. As we jogged over and around the hilly roads of our community, I thought to ask him, “How can I improve?” 

Elijah welcomes these invitations to speak about what’s on his heart. Since he is fourteen, he’s also very vocal. He told me I needed to be more consistent about schedules. True, true, true. Our recent travels threw off our routines which Elijah didn’t appreciate. (He likes predictability.)
After apologizing to Elijah, he opened up to me about how he felt his dad (Edric) could improve. I hadn’t asked him this, but he volunteered this information anyway. 

“Dad needs to listen to me more. I feel like I can’t always express myself, like he cuts me off.” 

I knew this statement was in reference to their recent conversation which left Elijah feeling hurt and impotent. As I quietly listened, I also thought through how I would bring up this issue to Edric later. 

When an opportunity presented itself (meaning Edric was in a relaxed mood and not stressed out about work), I pulled him aside and mentioned what Elijah expressed to me about him.

Edric immediately internalized what I shared. He wasn’t defensive. “Okay, I will talk to him.” 

As predicted, Edric found a moment during one breakfast to ask for Elijah’s forgiveness in front of our other kids. 

He looked Elijah in the eye, saying something like this, “Mom told me that you felt hurt. She said you feel like I cut you off, like the other day.” 

Elijah nodded and Edric followed up with, “Will you forgive me?” 

Elijah replied, “Of course, dad.” 

Breakfast continued pleasantly for everyone as the dialogue shifted to other matters. But I know that Edric’s willingness to change and improve impacted the heart of Elijah and our other kids in a very positive way. They have witnessed this sort of exchange before and it matters to them that the “loop is closed” on an issue affecting one or more of us. 

Furthermore, of all the people in our home, it is Edric’s example that imprints upon our kids what values are important to our family, what principles they too will live by. I am not discrediting my own participation in the formation of my kids’ sense of right and wrong. I too have a responsibility to model and teach my kids Christ-likeness. However, I do believe that the humility of a father is like a special key that unlocks the hearts of children. There’s something about a father, the head, the leader, the respected one, stepping down from his honored position to admit fault and weakness that thaws and softens a child’s cold and hardened heart. 

Of course, this doesn’t excuse us, as moms, from having to do the same thing!

Like any habit, it takes a while to get used to asking one another how we can improve. It may feel awkward at first. I remember one of the first times Edric and I asked each other how we can improve during a date night and the romantic event turned sour by the end. Defensively, I countered Edric’s statements about how I needed to change with excuses instead of just saying, “I am so sorry. Will you forgive me?”

So the question, “how can I improve?” ought to be followed by a sincere apology when it is answered. Otherwise, it won’t work. The moment will turn into a massive fail. 

Let me conclude by giving some reasons why we should ask the question, how can I improve?:

1. If our relationship with our family members is already in the danger zone, then this could be an opportunity to rescue it. Because a move like this would appear so unprecedented and unexpected, it could be the sort of jolt that awakens hope. 

2. If we are convinced that we have nothing to improve on, then we hazard nothing by daring to ask the question, right? 

3. But, hey, the chance are, our kids are well-aware of our flaws. We can’t fool them! They will definitely have something to say about how we can improve that will be honest and beneficial to our character growth. 

4. Our children long to feel treasured by us and anything that we do to threaten this need wounds them deeply. One of the best ways to communicate that we care about this need is to ask how we can be better parents, how we can act and speak in ways that tell them they are special to us. When our kids recognize that we are intentional about pursuing a loving and close relationship with them, they will be inspired to reciprocate. 

5. Transparency and openness in the home has to begin with us, as parents. We can’t expect our children to embrace open communication if they don’t see the sincerity in us first. We can’t expect them to humble themselves if we don’t do so.

“But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant.” Luke‬ ‭22:26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

All of us have made mistakes as parents, but the good news is, it’s never too late to initiate a culture that ushers in healthy communication, healing, and restoration. Our children want to forgive us, they want to have better relationships us, but many times we don’t give them the opportunity to do these things. Maybe it’s because we are prideful, oblivious, or busy. Perhaps we are wounded oersons ourselves and haven’t experienced God’s grace to forgive our own parents or other family members who have injured us emotionally. Therefore, we don’t know how to ask the question or how to say sorry. 

Here’s a word of encouragement: “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

It is also time to break the cycle. We cannot alter events of the past but we can be catalysts for positive change in our own families, something that is within our control. And this can begin with a very simple habit, that of asking, “How can I improve?” 

Let’s try doing this once a week, working on the areas of change that are pointed out to us, and then let’s see how profoundly it affects the relationships and climates of our families. 

Here Comes the Knight 

December 18, 2016 By Leave a Comment

After a hectic and action-packed two months, I crashed, emotionally and spiritually. All the speaking engagements, events, projects, ministry activities, and social gatherings ate into my homeschooling hours with the kids. As a result, the quality of our homeschool mornings was compromised. 

My relationship with Edric also suffered. Although we spent a lot of time together, our interactions weren’t tender or meaningful. Both of us had to focus on the tasks we were committed to. Like soldiers, we dutifully worked along side each other and accomplished our projects. However, we missed eight consecutive date nights which was a big deal for us! These had to be set aside to accommodate our busy-ness. 

I praise God for Edric’s intuitiveness when it comes to my personality. Since I am a closet introvert, no one really knows the internal struggle I deal with when I don’t have breaks in between activities. However, Edric can often tell when I am not exactly my self. He is sensitive to the slightest changes in my disposition. 

One afternoon when I was lying on our bed, listlessly fixated on the nondescript white paint of our bedroom ceiling, Edric opportunely sat down beside me. He turned my face to his and invited me into a conversation, attempting to gauge how I was doing emotionally and spiritually. After I articulated that I wouldn’t be able to survive another quarter like the one we were in, he reassuringly uttered the words, “Don’t worry, honey, I will take care of you.” 

With his full attention on me, coupled with his sincere attempt to offer comfort, I caved in to the strength he offered and let myself be weak in his arms. It felt like a safe place to display vulnerability, so I let the pressure spill out of me and the tears came freely. For the first time in weeks I enjoyed relief, as I remembered that God placed Edric in my life to watch over me. Afterwards, Edric stayed by my side until he was certain that I understood how committed he was to my well-being. 

His conclusion: I will protect your schedule. He agreed that the last two months were impossible to sustain in 2017 — the multiple conferences, out of town and out of country trips almost every week to speak and serve others, plus counseling, ministry, homeschooling, and parenting in between were too many good things crammed into an unrealistic time frame. When preoccupations shift the scale in the opposite direction of family, Edric is the first to recognize that something has to change. 

I am so thankful to the Lord that he gave me a husband who has risen up to the role of protector. Even though I didn’t think I needed him to be this for me when I got married, I have appreciated the way he has looked out for me (and our kids). It’s an undeserved blessing from the Lord. Plus, I have to admit that there’s a romantic bone in me that is attracted to Edric’s chivalry. 


Protectiveness comes in many forms. Here are some of the ways that Edric has protected me (and the kids.):

He exerts strength to shield the kids and me from physical harm. Sometimes this is as simple as putting us on the safe side of the pedestrian lane when we are on it. Or, it’s bringing a night stick when we go walking so he can use it to ward off aggressive dogs or intimidate rude bystanders. He is perpetually on the look out for us when we are in public places, mindful of where we are so he doesn’t lose any of us. If we were in an actual battle, I don’t doubt that he would sacrifice himself on the front lines to fight for us, too.

Meeting my need for emotional security is also an act of protection. This alleviates any fears I may have about losing his love or his attraction to me. It liberates me to give herself freely to him, especially in the area of intimacy. 

Edric also takes charge of our finances so that I don’t have to worry about playing the role of provider. When I do earn money, it becomes a bonus. Another wise thing he did was to invest in insurance options that would meet our monetary needs should something untoward happen to him. 

There’s protection in the form of spiritual leadership as well. This is what I value most. When Edric is gatekeeper of the home and stands as its guardian, he keeps out demonic and negative influences that can seduce the hearts and minds of our family. He does this by establishing guidelines about what we watch, see, and listen to. 

Sometimes Edric also needs to filter through the activities that I participate in to help me discern whether these are aligned with God’s purpose and will for my life. (He does this with our kids, too.)

Since Edric intentionally disciples the kids and me, this preserves our unity in the faith and places us in a position to receive the blessing of the Lord. His prayers to the Lord on our behalf are a means to spiritually cover against harm. Furthermore, his example of godliness and love for the Lord establishes the credibility of his authority, and inspires us to deny sin and follow God’s will. When we make wrong choices, Edric helps us to review what we could have done better to safeguard us from the pain of future mistakes. 
There’s a special blessing upon the family of a man who honors God. Psalms 128:1-4 declares, “How blessed is everyone who fears the LORD, who walks in His ways. When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, you will be happy and it will be well with you. your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive plants around your table. Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD.” 

While no husband is perfect, and this includes Edric, there is a wonderful atmosphere of calm and peace in our home because we know that there’s a godly and trustworthy man in charge of our welfare. (Ephesians 5:23)

If you are married and want a great article on the protective role of husbands, here’s one written from a man’s perspective, by Tim Challies: http://www.challies.com/christian-living/leadership-in-the-home-a-godly-man-protects

The Real Father of Father’s Day

June 20, 2016 By 4 Comments

The only thing Edric wanted for Father’s Day was to have our family values printed and mounted on our walls. This should have happened two years ago, but I procrastinated getting it done for various unacceptable reasons. 

A few weeks ago, he reminded me again, half jokingly, half hoping that I would actually finish this home project for him. 
However, we got busy with meetings and ministry activities, so Father’s Day slipped from my consciousness. It wasn’t until this week that the reality of my deadline confronted me. 

I panicked and contacted a friend who prints canvasses, asking how much she would charge and how long it would take. To my surprise, she told me her company could get it done in one to two days and she wouldn’t even charge me for the frames! I couldn’t believe it! 

It was Thursday when I spoke with my friend, Mags, and she efficiently delivered seven 20×20 inch frames to my house with a Happy Father’s Day cake and a balloon arrangement. In short, she got everything I needed to make Father’s Day special for Edric. What an unexpected blessing from the Lord!

Edric came down to the kitchen with the kids, and he was thrilled to see the frames lined up on display for him. They were arranged in the order of the word F.O.L.L.O.W.S. Our family come from the acronym, The Mendoza Family FOLLOWS Jesus. 


He told me, “I really feel special today.” 

I want to be able to take credit for conceiving this plan to surprise Edric like this on Father’s Day. But this day displayed how marvelous God is. It really had nothing to do with me. 

God knew how important those framed family values print outs were to Edric, who had made comments year-round about how he wished to see them hanging on the wall above our stairway. And I should have prioritized his request but I kept postponing it. Still, God graciously and mercifully made a way for me to get them done.

Making Father’s Day special for Edric would have flopped if the Lord didn’t come to my rescue by using my friend, Mags, who generously and graciously went out of her way to help me. God made a statement about Himself by this kind favor: His goodness toward His children is based upon His character and not because we are deserving. 

I know some pretty amazing dads and I also know some very disappointing ones. But God used the little miracle he performed to remind me that the focus of Father’s Day ought to be on him. He is the best father of all. He is the father that warrants all the praise. 

As a father, God’s love cannot be manipulated, purchased, or corrupted by circumstances or people. He is not earthly as we are. He is holy and pure. So when He calls Himself Father to us, we can be sure that He is infinitely better than the greatest father we can ever imagine and He will never think or act like any of the imperfect fathers we may know. 

None of us are entitled to have a perfect father like God is, but He invites us to be His children because He loves us. Let’s not allow our encounters with disappointing or absent fathers lead us to false conclusions about who God is. God is a good father. Period. That will never change. 

“Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.”‭‭ James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NLT

Beyond thinking about what to do for and give to the fathers we know, we should be thinking about what to do for and give to God, the Father. What would make Him happy? What would delight Him? Our hearts, our obedience, our devotion. He wants to call us all His children, the question is, do we REALLY want to call Him our Father? 

“But for us, there is one God, the Father, by whom all things were created, and for whom we live. And there is one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things were created, and through whom we live.” 1 Corinthians‬ ‭8:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Lessons From Climbing the Tallest Mountain in the Philippines

March 3, 2016 By 8 Comments

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Entry by my son, Elijah Mendoza.

My dad had been planning a rite of passage for me for a long time. He said we would have it when I turned 13, and through that I would transition from a boy into a young man. Since it meant becoming a young man, this experience had to capture the manly traits my Dad wanted me to embrace. So, he decided we would climb a mountain. But, not just any mountain, the tallest mountain in the Philippines, Mt. Apo!

I was so excited, because I wanted to bond with my Dad, be able to experience camping for the first time, and be able to say, “I climbed the tallest mountain in the Philippines!”

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Guess what? I can now say it! I climbed the tallest mountain in the Philippines. Praise God! But more importantly, I am now a young man. According to my Dad (and Mom), part of completing this right of passage was to journal my learnings from the experience.

I’d like to share with you two of the most important things I learned from climbing Mt. Apo. The first is the value of perseverance to achieve a goal. Mt. Apo is around 3000 meters high. It took us 4 days to climb the mountain, 2 up, and 2 down. And though we had a porter to carry some shared equipment for our group of 5, I had to carry my own pack with most of my stuff. I had to carry this as we went through farms, forests, marshes, flatlands, brush lands, and even boulders. I carried it through scorching heat and thick rain, while balancing on tree trunks, and even up an 87 degree cliff. In fact, there were moments where I would trip and fall, and I would get so annoyed with this load, and the added pain it was causing on my shoulders. But Dad would encourage me to push myself. And by God’s grace, I never thought of quitting. I kept pushing myself to endure all this because I was focused on the goal of finishing the climb, and remained excited about reaching the peak, then eventually going home.

Thanks, Conquer gear!

Thanks, Conquer gear!

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When we finally made it to the top, it was spectacular! We got to experience the sunrise above the clouds, and we worshipped God together. All the effort it took to achieve our goal taught me how gratifying it is to work hard versus taking it easy or giving up. I love how the Bible teaches us to persevere in Philippians 3:14 “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

DSC03475The second thing I learned was to be thankful. Life on the mountain was rough and hard. Even food and leftovers I would normally stay away from at home I would swallow down quickly, because I was so hungry. I even had to help kill a chicken just so we could have a meal! This chicken was gummy and hard to chew because it was a native chicken, but I ate everything! I also had to learn to take a poop in the wild, even without toilet paper. I was so desperate, I had to use leaves!

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Furthermore, since I was used to sleeping in a small tent on a hard floor, it was a treat when we got down from the mountain and a villager welcomed us into their house. Their life there was very simple, but compared to sleeping in tents in freezing cold, we got to stay in a clean house with a roof! Anything with a roof felt like a five-star hotel.

I learned that you don’t need a lot to survive and everything we have is a bonus and blessing from the Lord. A warm meal is a blessing. Having a bed to lay on and a roof over our heads is a blessing. Even having toilet paper is a blessing! So when the Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:8 “in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”, I learned to literally thank God for everything.

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Climbing Mt. Apo was a life-changing experience for me. God used my Dad’s intentional training to help me better understand what it means to be a man. There were many things I learned from this experience, but these two are, for me, the highlights. Being a man is about being perseverant to accomplish the tasks God asks us to do. It also means taking responsibility for what has been entrusted to me and being thankful and grateful for it. Please pray for me in this new phase in my life. Please pray I apply these learnings, and more importantly, as I continue to grow through the years, I will become more and more like Jesus, the ultimate manly role model. God bless you!

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A Father’s Letter to His 13 Year Old Son

February 26, 2016 By 9 Comments

Since Elijah officially turned 13 today, Edric gave me permission to share this with you all…a letter which he wrote to him to read at the top of Mt. Apo.

My Dearest Elijah,

Today is a very special day as we formalize your passage into a young man. You are no longer a boy in my eyes, in the eyes of the men who matter in our lives, and in the eyes of your Mom.

In this new stage, my prayers for you are the following:

1. Be a young man of purpose. Grow and develop like Jesus did: wisdom, stature, favor w God and men (Lk 2:52). Don’t waste time doing things that don’t fall under any of these growth areas. As you do, have BIG dreams for God’s glory. Don’t fall into the culture of mediocrity. Instead, try to envision the greatest thing God can do through you with all that He has blessed you with. Do all you do for His glory, my son. (Dt 6:5-7)

2. Be a young man of purity. This stage will usher in all sorts of curiosity especially towards your body, a woman’s body, and the natural sexual interaction God has designed between the two, but in the context of marriage. As I’ve told you before, I cannot protect you (not completely anyway) from the devil’s temptations in this area –pornography, immoral relationships, and things of that nature. But I can prepare you. This is my way of doing so. Letting you know that it is a beautiful thing in the right context, in marriage. “How can a young man stay pure?”, the Bible says, “by studying God’s Word”.(Psalm 119:9)

Remember this is the only sin in the Bible that says “flee”. (1 Corinthians 6:18) So many times this is what you might have to literally do when friends (maybe even relatives) expose you to the same.

3. Be a young man of strength and courage. As Joshua was charged by God to take on leadership from Moses to finish the job of bringing His people to the Promised Land, God exhorted him to be strong and courageous, several times. He needed this pep talk to accomplish the great task God laid before him.

My son, the same is true for you. God has a great task before you, I don’t know exactly what it is, but I know you will need strength and courage. And that’s what I loved about our Apo climb. It pushed you to apply strength and courage as we scaled the boulders, pushed through the thickets, traveled the narrow paths, braved the frigid cold, endured the scorching heat, and braced ourselves from the wild cats! Life will hurl many of these roadblocks that will need you to be strong and courageous, pursuing the purpose and purity I encouraged you with earlier.

4. Be a young man of love. Jesus modeled this best. Fix your eyes on Him, my son. Not daddy. I will do my best to model Christ-likeness. Copy that. Where I fail, pls forgive me and do NOT do the same. Love like Jesus did. Have compassion towards others. Be motivated ultimately by this. Help the poor, orphans, and widows.

I love you with all my heart, my young man. I am very proud of the young man you are becoming. I am here for you every step of the way, as long as God allows, and solely by His grace.

Love,
Dad

  

Peanuts and an Apology

December 12, 2015 By 8 Comments

  
My husband, Edric, and I invite our children to correct us and tell us how to improve. We don’t always recognize character areas where we are weak so it helps to have our children identify these areas. They watch our examples closely and they have tender consciences, too. So we benefit from their input. It isn’t always easy to receive their correction but when we do they appreciate our humility, and it teaches them to do the same. 
  
Two days ago, Edric and I hosted a yayas and drivers party in our home. We were running late for it because we came from another engagement. Strangely, when we entered our village, the guard stopped us. He didn’t let us through because he failed to see our sticker. Edric rolled down his window, annoyed, and said, “We have a sticker!” (Translated from Tagalog.) 

His tone conveyed irritation and he pointed his finger at the sticker like, yo dude, do you know who I am?! Of course he didn’t say that, but the kids latched on to his tone. The guard embarrassingly lifted the barricade.

The car atmosphere turned quiet for a bit and then our two oldest sons, Elijah blurted out, “Dad, you sounded entitled when you said that,” followed by Edan, “Yah, it wasn’t very nice.”

I could see the tension in Edric’s face. On the one hand, he wanted to acknowledge what the kids were saying but on the other hand, he didn’t appreciate the inconvenience the guard caused him when he was rushing to our place. But I praise God that he let the Holy Spirit convict his heart and he replied, “Oh really? It really sounded like that? I am sorry, kids.” The kids forgave him and we proceeded home.

Unbeknownst to them, Edric returned to the guard later on and apologized to him. He also brought him peanuts to make up for his haughtiness. I didn’t find out till the evening when he told me, while the kids found out the next day.

He explained how he drove to the guard house to ask for forgiveness and how the guard politely accepted his apology and gladly took the peanuts! The kids’ eyes lit up with relief. It mattered to them that he humbled himself. In Elijah’s words, “I knew dad was wrong so when I found out he said sorry to the guard I felt better. It was the right thing to do.”

Edric and I have our failings and our kids are well aware of our imperfections. But I praise God for softening Edric’s heart so he could show the kids and me an example of love and humility.

Our children hunger to see an authentic faith. They are allergic to hypocrisy. Although they don’t expect us to be without fault, they do hope that what we do is consistent with the things we teach them. So if Edric and I talk about loving God, we need to demonstrate this with our actions. If we fail to, we need to right our wrongs as best as we can so we don’t harden our children’s hearts towards following Christ.

A lot of times it is the manner in which we treat people who serve us, such as waiters, salespersons, janitors, guards, drivers, yayas and the like that tell our children what being a follower of Jesus is all about. Do we respect them? Do we regard them with dignity? Do we show them love? Or, do we act entitled, demanding, unappreciative, and basically like the world revolves around us?

Let’s model to our children what it means to love people the way God does. There are no degrees of importance to him when it comes to people. The same should be true for us so it can be true for our children.

“For though the LORD is exalted, Yet He regards the lowly, But the haughty He knows from afar.” Psalms‬ ‭138:6‬ ‭

We Need You, Hon

November 18, 2015 By 10 Comments

 With a new morning show on television (Mornings at ANC), Edric’s schedule has been more hectic than usual. He’s been very good about managing his time in the evenings and our entire household’s schedule is now revolving around his. Sometimes he’s in bed by 8:30 PM on Tuesday and Wednesday nights so he can wake up by 3:30 AM. Yep, 3:30 AM.

Originally, ABS-CBN asked him to do the show Monday to Friday morning but he requested to limit his exposure to just two days. Being on TV is not his full-time preoccupation and it would cannibalize his other commitments and kill him physically if he had to be there every morning at 4:30 AM, on top of taping for On the Money. The network graciously understood and acceded to his petition. In this regard, working for their news channel, ANC, has been a blessing. Thus far, they have respected his convictions and been considerate of his parameters.

Nevertheless, having to adjust to his two-day a week early mornings has taken a bit of a toll on his body. It has also unsettled his schedule. Unfortunately, the kids have noticed that he has been less engaged. I mentioned this to him as well. At first, he acted defensive and told me I was being reactive. But after praying for him, the very next day, he told me that he spent some meaningful time with the Lord and came to the conclusion that he must not forget his first love – JESUS. No matter what is going on in his life, he’s got to keep his sights on the bigger picture, pursuing God’s will and purposes.

So he came home yesterday afternoon with a renewed sensitivity and humility towards my suggestions and the kids’, especially after Elijah said, “Dad you’ve been busy. I feel like we don’t get as much time with you anymore. There are more important things than being on TV and stuff…” (Elijah nearly teared as he shared this. He’s our time guy so physical presence matters a lot. And he needs quantity and quality time.)

Edric felt a deep conviction to remedy this problem. Because Edric’s heart belongs to the Lord, it is turned towards the kids and me. There may be moments when he isn’t in the mood to listen to correction or happy to receive our input, especially at the end of a day packed full of activity. But the Lord faithfully ministers to Edric and eventually, he commits to improve and change. 

Last night, he took us all out for an early evening walk so he could give us his undivided attention. The kids thoroughly enjoyed it as we looked for fireflies. It must be mating season because they flocked around some of the trees in our subdivision and displayed themselves like twinkling little stars. We gazed at them for a while, appreciating their delicate beauty.

I took Edric’s hand. “I really like this…being together as a family.”

“I’m back,” he replied. Whenever he says this it means that he has gotten his spiritual compass on point.

Even though Edric is on television, interviewing financial gurus, covering light news and outfitted to look so polished and professional, I am glad that he is still, at the end of the day, the simple-hearted, Christ-following, family-loving man I married. People have asked me if I watch his show(s) but we don’t get ANC on our TV because Sky Cable refuses to hook it up to our house. According to them we are situated too far away from their “box.” I’m not sure what this means but the point is that the kids and I ONLY get the live version of Edric – in person — as a husband and father. And that’s the version we would rather have anyway. 

  He’s working hard to provide for us, which I greatly appreciate. But what blesses me more is his commitment to the right priorities. I pray he will remain this way. After all, only the Lord can make him into the man he must be. And God knows what our family needs most — not someone who pursues wealth and fame. What we need is a husband and a father who is present, engaged, and leading us towards deeper faith and intimacy in Christ.

Furthermore, the blessings of abundance and influence are from God’s hand. And a husband and father who seeks God first and aligns his pursuits behind this priority will not want for either…for himself or his family. While his earthly treasures and popularity may be different than the world’s definition of prosperity, his home will abound with the eternal, unsurpassable riches of faith. I pray Edric (and every husband and father out there) will recognize that this is what matters more. 
 
  “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:25-26, 32-33‬ ‭NASB‬‬
 

A Father’s Example of Humility

October 29, 2015 By 7 Comments

My sister, Candy, struck up a conversation with me about how our parents are crazy busy. She explained that in Sacramento, when mom and dad would visit her, they were hands on with her kids and 100% attentive to her. Naturally, since their visits to California were for the purpose of spending time with Candy and her family, they could do this.

Surprise! Just a few months into her stay in the Philippines, she discovered that mom and dad travel quite a bit and they have all kinds of conferences, ministry events, speaking engagements, and social activities that fill up their calendars. When Candy revealed that she was disappointed to discover that mom and dad didn’t have as much time to give her as she expected, I encouraged her to tell them her feelings. 

Sunday night provided the best opportunity to do so. Evenings on this day are reserved for accountability with mom and dad, family prayer time, and catching up with one another. Usually, everyone is pretty chill and relaxed on Sunday night. As we finished dinner, I told my parents that Candy had something to share with them. 

She was caught a little bit off guard, but since we are generally open with one another in our family, she proceeded to express to my parents that she missed spending time with them and that she wished they were more available. 

Edric injected his own perspective, sharing that sometimes he feels hesitant to connect with dad or seek advice from him because dad travels a lot and has multiple engagements during a week. Since Edric knows dad has a lot going on, he doesn’t want to trouble him with his concerns. Afterwards I also commented that we still look to mom and dad to mentor us. 

My parents received our comments and corrections with grace and humility, especially my dad. Dad didn’t say anything to defend himself. He just listened quietly, smiling. I am sure a part of him liked being needed by his adult kids. 

All of my siblings and I, as well as our spouses are confident in dad and mom’s love for us. We don’t have an issue with this. When we communicate that we need them, they prioritize us. But we do echo the general sentiment about their busyness. Our once a week dinners with them are supposed to be safeguarded but they aren’t always in Manila. As empty-nesters who are highly involved in ministry work and who enjoy traveling, they jet-set everywhere. They are in their sixties but they seem to have boundless energy to give to serving the Lord and others. But the fact remains that as grown up children, we still look for their wisdom and discipleship. 

 (My dad and me, eons ago)

 

(High school)

The great thing about my parents, especially my dad, is he is an instant action kind of guy. He reminded Edric that he is just a call or text away. And since Edric and I had to exit the family dinner early, he and my mom stepped away from the dinner table even if my siblings were still eating to walk us to our van. He did this to show that he wanted to be with us and squeeze in a few more minutes of talk-time. The next day, I found out that my dad and mom also made time for Candy, her husband, Jeff, and their kids, too.   

 I have probably said it before but I will say it again that I continue to value my parents’ desire to improve and change when they are requested to by us. It especially means a lot that my father is this way. He welcomes our correction and likes us to give him feedback about his messages, about the way he relates to others, his character, or his decisions. In short, he is a humble guy. (My mom is too but this seems to be a little more congruent with a mother’s personality than with a father’s.)

  My dad’s humility is one of the reasons why I know he is an authentic follower of Jesus. Dealing positively with rebuke is one thing. But as one who is in a position of influence, he has also had various insults and accusations hurled his way (untruthful and hurtful). Comments that would have sent me into an emotional tailspin hardly increased my dad’s blood pressure. He remained calm and still does when people attack his person. 

Furthermore, he tries his best to reach out to people who malign him or misinterpret him. Sometimes they respond positively, other times they remain hard-hearted and refuse to reconcile. Whenever unity seems unattainable, my dad keeps the door open just in case an opportunity to mend the relationship presents itself. Amazingly, some people who disliked him before are now his friends again! That is the grace of God! 

I don’t want to make boasts about my father but his example has shown me that a person who genuinely loves God will live differently, especially in the area of receiving rebuke, correction or dealing with criticism. And it’s not to my dad’s credit but to the Lord’s work in him. He isn’t perfect and he has his weaknesses, but I praise God for his heart to change and be a better man. I know that his motivations are ultimately to please God. And this is why he doesn’t need to defend himself or fight to prove he is right. He knows that it is honoring the Lord’s name with his humble responses that matters more. 

I pray to be the same way when Edric or my kids point out areas that I should change in me. I tend to react to Edric (not the kids) because I focus on his style of correcting me, namely his tone and timing of delivery. However, a grace-filled and Christ-centered person (which I ought to aspire to be) will not make a big deal out of style and use it as a smokescreen to escape saying things like, “Okay, I will change,” or “Thank you for that reminder, I should work on that,” or “Will you forgive me?” 

As I end this post, here’s an excerpt from a site that imparts a good lesson on humility:

“A former missionary told the story of two rugged mountain goats who met on a narrow mountainside pathway. On one side was a chasm 1,000 feet deep; on the other, a steep cliff rising straight up. There was no room to turn around, and the goats could not back up without falling. What would they do? Rather than fight for the right to pass, one of the goats knelt down and became as flat as possible. The other goat then walked over him, and they both proceeded safely…When Jesus left His heavenly home, He humbled Himself and paid the penalty for your sins and mine. He saw us literally trapped between our sin and God’s righteousness with no way to help ourselves — no way of escape. He came in humility and took the form of a servant (Philippians 2:5-8). Then, by dying for sinful mankind, He let us “walk over Him” so that we could experience forgiveness and receive eternal life.

Validating Your Husband’s Leadership

October 25, 2015 By 21 Comments

I have been too exhausted in the past two weeks to write anything substantial. First came the Philippine Homeschool Conference and then Counterflow 2015 which were book ends to a number of social events and other commitments that kept me away from my kids and disrupted my day job — homeschooling. 

 Ready for the World – Philippine Homeschool Conference 

Counterflow 2015 

However, I am happy to announce that this week, I can return to a semblance of normal. Things should taper off even more by mid-November. I can’t wait…the perfect way to end the year…slowing down.

During the Counterflow parenting event yesterday, I was most inspired by plenary speaker, Cassie Carsten. He spoke with conviction, passion, insight, a large amount of humor. Although he directed his talk to the fathers in the audience, there were principles for everyone to extract.

Personally, I was convicted by the concept of the first follower. In a marriage, a husband is called to lead, to initiate. But his leadership must be validated by his first follower, also known as his wife. Children pay close attention to the dynamic between dad and mom. They watch, Cassie pointed out, the EYES of mom. Do her eyes acknowledge and affirm what dad is saying? Or does she roll her eyes in irritation or glare in defiance when he speaks?

I latched on to this insight when Cassie went on to say that followers watch the response of the first follower more than the initiator. In other words, wives can undermine the leadership of a husband when they communicate to their children, even in the most subtle of gestures, that they don’t think he can lead. Furthermore, the second follower (oldest child) is supremely important to setting the pace for the subsequent followers (succeeding siblings).

 Come to think of it, I have noticed this phenomenon with my own children. If I wholeheartedly agree with Edric’s plans or opinions on a matter, my kids tend to do the same. If I question him, even with a look that says, “Seriously? That’s your idea?”, then my children get infected by my coup-like spirit.

It is my wholehearted support of Edric’s leadership that matters most among all the followers in our home. Just a few days ago, Edric talked to me about this. He asked, “Why have you been so contradictory lately?” 

My version of this was different. Perhaps I had been more “opinionated” but not necessarily contradictory. However, he named several occasions when I flat out disagreed with his ideas with a tone that was condescending. And it bothered him even more when I challenged him by commenting, “So do you want a wife that is a yes-woman? Someone who always agrees with everything you say and do? I am not that kind of woman.” 

Truthfully, this statement came out of a heart that was boiling with pride, because the correction about being contradictory wasn’t about me not being able to present my perspective or opinions. But this was the angle I pursued to win this verbal jousting so that I wouldn’t be cornered about the real issue — disrespect. Annoyed, Edric claimed that I was missing the point and going all lawyer on him, which is his way of saying I was about to dissect his every word and look for holes in his hypothesis. 

I may not have intended to be contradictory but I had been on edge, emotionally, for the past two weeks. Multiple speaking engagements triggered my nervous system and I found it difficult to relax. So I mouthed out all kinds of things without filtering them as carefully as I should have. At the end of the day, however, it was simply a matter of disrespect for Edric. He didn’t appreciate my tone of voice or reflex responses that seemed critical towards him. 

Thankfully, we settled this conflict with sincere apologies, but God had a more personal message for me. 
It came delivered by Cassie Carstens, when he highlighted how important the eyes of a wife are — the way she looks upon her husband and acknowledges him. 

As I sat in the audience yesterday, listening to him speak, the rebuke that convicted me was this: Joy, you need to improve in the area of respecting Edric. You may think you are submissive, good, and respectful as a wife but deep inside you have not fully embraced your role to validate Edric’s leadership. You still like to prove that you are right, wiser and better which stems from conceit, insecurity and self-centeredness.

 Aaaaaahhhh. It’s true! It’s true! As God’s Word declares, “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.” Mark‬ ‭7:21-23‬ ‭
I also spoke at Counterflow yesterday on motherhood. Furthermore the entire event was for parents. But God intended for me to reflect on my marriage. Edric and I, by His grace alone, have a wonderful relationship. However there are hidden crevices in my heart where character flaws reside and these emerge when Edric and I have conflicts. Sometimes these flaws actually start the conflicts. So I was grateful for yesterday, to uncover the parts in me that God must still redeem. 
There is always room to grow and improve as an individual. Sometimes it takes a guest speaker from South Africa to be God’s messenger of truth to reveal these areas of improvement. But the point is to keep seeking and learning about what it means to be a better spouse or a better parent. 

For those who missed Cassie’s talks at Counterflow yesterday, he will have a series of events Tuesday to Thursday. He is one of the best speakers I have ever listened to and I don’t want to miss this opportunity to invite anyone (especially dads) who can carve out time to hear him speak. You will be changed…for the better! 



 
Good news! CCF will be offering the workshops at a hugely discounted price of just P50!!! (For three days!)

The Guardians

October 9, 2015 By 7 Comments

  I was late to pick up Tiana from her ballet class but Elijah, my eldest, came to her rescue. We intersected paths as I walked towards the elevators of our church building from the cafe, where I was hanging out with my sister-in-law. Elijah informed me that he waited for Tiana to end her class then brought her up to the floor where he and my other boys had their violin lessons.

   
He didn’t have to do this. I usually stay and attend to her. But today, I decided she needed to mature in the area of independence, so I found a comfortable spot in the building to pass the hour and a half while she danced with her cousin and friends.

Elijah’s thoughtfulness and protectiveness was a pleasant surprise. On his own initiative, he trekked down to the floor where the dance studio was at, peeked through the glass window on its door to see if Tiana was alright, and collected her afterwards.

I told him I was so proud of him and he replied, “I am her guardian, mom. I am supposed to look out for her. She’s my sister. Dad told me to.”

   
He really is a wonderful older brother to all my kids. But this gesture, in particular, blessed me. We need more gentlemen in this world, and I am not saying that my son or sons exemplify noble character like this all the time. However, I truly appreciate that my husband, Edric, has purposefully taught our boys to mind their manners, consider the needs of others before their own, and protect their sisters (and me).
 For example, there have been many occasions when my sons will volunteer to come with me to the grocery, not because they like going, but because they refuse to let me go alone. They often insist on protecting me, declaring, “I will guard you, mom.”

Picture these young boys thinking their presence will thwart a thief or malicious person if they are by my side. Obviously I would have more success fighting for myself than they would for me, but it’s the heroism behind their offer to come along that I find so admirable.

How can Edric and I keep encouraging our sons to be honorable? Sometimes I wonder if they will stay noble in heart, innocent and tender hearted, valiant and courageous to stand for what is right and pleasing to God. I have fears as a mom…thoughts like, what if they change because they are influenced by peers, media, and the lies the evil one puts into their heads? What if life’s disappointments chisel away at their zeal for holiness and righteousness?

It’s humbling and frightening to know that Edric and I aren’t enough to safeguard our sons from the environment of a fallen world. No matter how hard we try and how intentional we strive to be, they aren’t immune to corruption. God has to be the one to hold them in His hands and preserve their virtuousness. He has to be the one to grow the seeds of character Edric and I have planted in their hearts. Praise be to God for His faithfulness. As Psalms 103:17-18 reads, “But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep His covenant and remember His precepts to do them.” 

In the meantime, I am cherishing who my children are now, especially their love for God, for us, and for one another. These are a mother’s greatest joys. I am also thankful for the privilege of raising boys who strive to be “guardians” for their younger sisters and me. This is a bonus. 

I pray they remain this way and excel all the more as God continues to prepare them to become the men He wants them to be. In the end, may they grow up to be more and more like Christ and manifest the goodness that comes from Him.

Allow me to quote what Edan, my second son, has shared in front of audiences in the past: “I want to be a gentleman because Jesus was a gentleman. He was kind to ladies and looked out for the needs of others.” Yes, indeed, my son!

 

Pursuing Peace at Home

July 18, 2015 By 14 Comments

Sometimes managing household help and a driver is stressful for me when their inter-personal relationships get complicated. When unsettled issues linger, their work and the environment of our home is affected. But my greater concern is their spiritual health and what lies behind the conflict.

For several months our household help and driver were embittered with one another. Their dissension began with minor irritations over personality differences. But the hurt escalated until they started name-calling and criticizing. When I asked each one of them what the issue was, the problem between them had become so convoluted, Edric decided to set a meeting to settle their conflict once and for all.

This morning, he mediated a nearly two hour discussion. First we prayed together and then he gave each person the opportunity to share their frustrations. He didn’t let emotions escalate and he prevented the higher-strung individuals from butting in and making snide comments. When everyone had the opportunity to speak up, he helped them identify the main issue.

The main issue was pretty simple — our driver was hurt because one of our household help was moody towards him. So he was demotivated to assist our girls when it came to chores outside the scope of his driving responsibilities. This angered the women who interpreted his attitude as laziness. They began to incite him with comments like, “you just sleep and eat,” which gave him reason to disdain them. Months passed and the angry feelings increased until they became noticeable to Edric, me, and our kids.

Today, Edric ably sorted through the mess with them and encouraged them to pursue peace. The two hour meeting turned out to be a wonderful time of healing for our household help and driver.

Edric asked all of them to say what they appreciated about each other, and what they could improve on. Tears were shed. Humility and forgiveness were present, and reconciliation took place.

At the end, I reminded them that our home represents Christ because we are followers of Jesus and so are they (each one of them has a personal relationship with Him). Therefore I concluded my little part of the speech I was allowed to inject, thanks to Edric, with the reason why we need to be at peace with one another. We want to glorify Christ in our relationships and in our home. They wholeheartedly agreed.

To give them a practical application, Edric went over Ephesians 4:29 which reads, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭NASB‬‬

He made them read this passage and internalize it so they would remember to speak in ways that edify and not wound one other. We also prayed together to conclude our meeting. Afterwards, everyone was smiling and the atmosphere had changed from tense and chilly to warm and sunny!

I decided to write this entry because I was blessed by Edric’s leadership today. He sounded like a frog because he was battling a bad cough and laryngitis but he prioritized this peace-keeping mission to restore the relationships that were broken in our household. He could have left the problem to me to fix, but he knew that I needed his intervention to facilitate the meeting in Filipino and to assert his headship. The women were flaming some some pretty hot emotional fires but because they deeply respect Edric and have a healthy fear of him, they listened to his counsel and guidance. Edric also assured me that he knew the culture and how to steer the course of the discussion so it would remain focused and productive.

Fri Feb 07 2014 16-43-48 GMT+0800

When all was quiet again and we had a moment together, I thanked him profusely for coming to my aid. 1 Timothy 3:2-5 talks about the qualifications for an overseer as one who is “above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?)” ‭‬‬

I know this passage is especially for church leaders, but in the verses which precede it, the encouragement is to aspire for church leadership. This means that every person ought to consider putting on the qualities that describe a leader. And being a good leader includes managing one’s household — ordering it and taking charge of it.

I used to think this was about making sure that our kids are well-behaved and obedient. But it was brought to my attention again today that the responsibility is greater. Edric and I need to disciple our household help and driver. They don’t just work for us to serve our family. We must be committed to their spiritual health, too. God has placed them in our lives so we can bless them and minister to them. Sometimes, this means Edric, as the head of our home, has to steer them towards Christ-likeness like he did today.

I may have been able to set up and oversee the meeting today, but I know it wouldn’t have turned out as well as it did so I praise God for the wisdom and initiative he gave Edric. What an amazing difference it makes when a man embraces his God-given position of authority in the home!

Tue Jul 01 2014 09-12-43 GMT+0800

Be An Honorable Parent

June 28, 2015 By 27 Comments

As a mom, one of the principles of parenting that has stood out to me the most is modeling – how my children copy my example whether I want them to or not.

I’m not proud to say this, but a few years ago, I made the mistake of losing my temper in a very bad way in front of four of my five kids. They lost pieces to an educational material that I needed to teach them mathematics. In my frustration, I dramatically threw the box on to the floor, letting all the parts fall out with a loud crash, and I raised my voice, scolding my kids about how they needed to be better stewards and more responsible.

After the drama, I looked at my children and they were all tearing…from the oldest to the youngest. This was the first time they had seen me get angry in this way and it scared them. It scared me too when I realized how easily I can snap and wound the hearts of my kids.

I asked for their forgiveness and had to talk with each one of them because they were deeply affected. It was a very humbling moment. I couldn’t take back what I had done so I just hoped they wouldn’t remember it as time passed.


Recently, as I was encouraging my kids to be kind to one another and speak respectfully to each other, I asked one of my sons this question, “Do you see mom getting angry or shouting at you guys?” I hoped he would say, “No, you don’t mom, we should be like you.” Instead, his very honest answer was, “No, you don’t lose your temper but,” he continued with emphasis, “there was THAT ONE TIME…” (referring to when I threw the box on the floor!)

Even just one ugly display of anger leaves an imprint on my children. My children can very easily become casualties of my bad example if I make losing my temper a habit.

IMG_9230While my dad was preparing for his Sunday message, he went over his points with me and emphasized the need for parents to be honorable. We commonly understand honor as something children are commanded to do for their parents, and he has preached on this topic many times. But during our conversation he added, “Parents shouldn’t make it difficult for their children to honor them. In fact, they should make it easy.” 

As I gave this perspective more thought, I recalled my own experience as a child. Even if my parents weren’t perfect, I wanted to obey them and honor them. I didn’t struggle with feelings of bitterness or resentment towards their authority. Were their times when I didn’t always agree? Certainly. But at the end of the day, I wanted to obey them. It wasn’t because my parents epitomized perfection, but they modeled consistency in one area that I want to highlight.

I saw the fruit of the Spirit in their lives – the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Even if their ministry was very public, they were the same Spirit-filled people outside of the home as they were in private, with my siblings and me. They weren’t hypocritical, instructing people to do one thing and then giving themselves license to be selfish, temperamental, moody, or demanding at home. In fact, of all people in their lives, they were most gracious and considerate towards us, their children.
Up till this day, I am very grateful that my parents modeled being Spirit-filled to me, and they continue to do so. I would like to share with you two recent experiences with my parents where they encouraged me once again with their examples. 

 I will start with my mom. Some months ago, my mom and I tried to get into the CCF building using the same entrance we always do. We were headed up to the 8th floor for a leader’s meeting, when a very strict guard who was on duty that day stopped us. Apparently, there was a new policy about using IDs and this guard was a new employee who was very eager to enforce the rules. My mom didn’t know about the change in protocols. She always went up and down using the same entrance because it’s the easiest way to get to my dad’s office or to the floors where she has meetings with the other pastor’s wives.

With an interrogative tone, he questioned where she was going. My mom tried to explain that we had an elder’s wives’ meeting. When he wasn’t convinced, she politely tried to say that she was Pastor Peter’s wife. Still skeptical, he asked, “Can I see your ID?” She pulled out her wallet, looked for her driver’s license and showed it to him. I don’t know if he was looking for proof of marriage but his skeptical expression seemed to imply this. He looked over her license and back at her, and pulled out a radio. “Nandito ang asawa ni Pastor Peter?” It was phrased in a question form, so neither my mom nor I were too sure what he was trying to confirm.

In the meantime, I looked over at my mom who was a picture of calm and cooperation. Since the guard seemed to be well meaning even if he was a little bit clueless, my mom didn’t insist on using that more convenient entrance. She and I walked to the opposite end of the building so we could comply with the new security measure of wearing IDs before accessing the office floors during weekdays.

She didn’t get upset about being inconvenienced or make any remarks about the guard’s not too courteous behavior. Furthermore, she didn’t act like she was “above the policy” as the wife of CCF’s senior pastor. My mom’s example reminded me that we are all servants. Leaders should never have a sense of entitlement or expectation that they deserve special treatment. She modeled for me how leaders should be humble and willing to submit to authority, following rules with a positive attitude.

By God’s grace, I am also blessed to have a dad who is a good role model of being spirit-filled. Earlier this week, I asked him if he could visit the sick father of a close friend of our family’s. In fact, I really begged him to because this man’s lung cancer had spread and multiplied, and his body was becoming unresponsive to treatment. His lung doctor gave him a very negative prognosis. So I requested that my dad go to see him in the hospital so he could share the gospel and pray with him.

My dad’s free day was Tuesday evening. But Tuesday is normally his most hectic day, since he has back-to-back meetings with church leaders. However, he told me he would make himself available at 6 PM so I confirmed this schedule with him and my friend. For some reason, I thought the hospital we had to drive to was in St. Lukes, Quezon City, so we headed in that direction. Edric and I were with him in his van, instructing the driver where to turn using the Wayz app so we could avoid the evening traffic. When we were a minute away from the hospital, I called my friend to let her know, and she said, “Okay, so you are near Global (referring to St. Lukes, Global City)? I will come down to see you in the lobby.”

“Global?!” I panicked. “I thought you said St. Luke’s Q.C. Oh no, wait a minute, I will call you back!” I had to excuse myself from the conversation and put the phone down to check my text messages. Sure enough, my friend had specified St. Luke’s Global. I don’t know how I missed this! I called her back to apologize and explain that I made a mistake.

My dad heard the entire conversation, but he very calmly said, “It’s okay. We can go tomorrow night.” I couldn’t believe it! There was NO trace of annoyance in his voice or in his body language. He even added cheerfully, “This is great, I can be home earlier and have dinner with your mom.” Not only did he refrain from embarrassing me or making me feel stupid, he saw the unfortunate mistake from a positive perspective!

After my dad dropped Edric and me off so we could ride in our own vehicle, I started to cry. This was partly because I was frustrated at myself for inconveniencing my dad and my friend with an idiotic mistake. But even more stirring to me was my dad’s graciousness. (The next evening he made time again to go with me all the way to the right hospital…St. Luke’s Global City.) 

 The point I wanted to make about parents being honorable is this: Honorable parents honor God in their responses. They represent Christ to their children in such a way that their children want to have a relationship with Him, too. To the best of my recollection my parents were like this but if there were occasions when they weren’t, they asked for our forgiveness and how they could improve.

As parents we need reflect on some hard questions. Do our children see evidence of the Holy Spirit in us when we encounter stress, trials, unpleasant circumstances or relationship issues? Do they see convincing proof that we are followers of Jesus Christ in the way we handle our time, money, or choose our habits, attitudes and values? If not, what can we change? If yes, then praise God!

I pray that all of us will seek to honor God in our lives so we can lead our children to do the same. God has given us the unique privilege and responsibility of primary influence so let us be honorable parents in the way that the apostle Paul said to his spiritual children, “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)

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