Stop. Look and Listen.


I don’t have enough quiet in my life, enough silence for meditation and drinking deep from the living water that is Christ.  I get so caught up in the busy-ness of being a wife, mother, homeschooler, speaker, writer, daughter, discipler, endorser, etc and etc, so that I lose the desire to pursue intimacy with the Lord. There are seasons when my life feels very public and yet I grow hollow inside because the busyness drains me spiritually. Without intentional moments set aside for reflection, I operate on autopilot, in an almost robotic way. The doings, which are good things, replace the best things, namely the appetite to seek after God.

  This morning, God ordained circumstances so that a meeting I thought I would have did not push through. And since I left the children at home with their “assignments,” I was alone, in Edric’s office when everyone (including Edric) was out. For someone who is used to children of different ages clamoring for her attention or moving about all around me, the stillness was wonderful!

Amidst all the Christmas hullabaloo that makes this favorite season one of the most stressful and crazy, I needed a pause like this one. I picked up Christopher Klicka’s book, “The Heart of Homeschooling,” and read the section his wife, Tracy, wrote on The Homeschooling Mother. She said, “I was and still am quite ordinary. I have no special talents that equip me to be a good mom, much less a supermom. All I have is God. But that is enough.”

All I have is God. All I need is God. This spoke to me loud and clear.

Being a wife and mother can be so complicated sometimes. When the checklist of things to do lengthens, I start peddling through each responsibility on my own power. And then I reach a point when I’m exhausted and physically sick. I need to remember that being a woman isn’t about what I can do and get done. The list of things to do will never end. And I will never reach that point of rested-ness if I keep chasing after that list…

On any given day, here are some of the thoughts assaulting me…

Have I prepared good, healthy meals for my husband and kids today? Did I make sure bills were paid and home repairs were completed? Did I manage the household well and check on their dynamic with one another? Did I get through at least 3 or 4 homeschooling books for each of my children? Did I spend time with my toddler and make sure she got enough attention from me? Did I write that blog entry I have been meaning to? Have I stocked the refrigerator and kitchen pantry? Did I read my Bible? Are my notes and presentation materials prepared for the speaking engagements I have this week? When am I going to Instagram that endorsement I’ve been asked to make? Did I exercise this morning? Do I have outfits for the multiple events I have to attend? When can I clean out my email account or archive photos? Whom do I need to meet with this week to counsel or minister to? Have I had one-on-one talk time with each of my kids? Who among them needs special attention this week? Am I giving Edric enough time? Have I completed the tasks he assigned to me?

These questions are maddening and they flood my head with all kinds of anxious thoughts. Very often, peace evades me until I can check off each of these items. (So this means my peace is very short-lived!) Realistically speaking, there is no REAL rest for a wife or a mom in terms of our duties. There are seasons when our duties pile up really high and other times when they are only inches deep. But they remain nonetheless.

1 Corinthians 7:34 puts it so well when it says, “The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”

So to my single readers…give the best years of your singlehood to the Lord. Marriage becomes a game-changer. The liberties you experience now are something you will never quite have again when you settled down and have kids. I’m not regretting being a married woman and mother, but my ministry has been elected for me – to serve my husband and my kids. There isn’t a day when I can say I resign. My decisions must always be filtered through the priorities of wife and mother.

To my married readers, might I encourage you to stop, look and listen. Set aside that anxiety, turn off the burners, and take a few moments right now to come to the feet of our loving, heavenly Father.

Today, I was reminded once again that there is nothing that should define me more than my relationship with God. He must be the reason I follow the Bible’s principles on marriage and parenting. He must be the reason why I homeschool and keep homeschooling my kids. He must be the reason why I speak, write, and minister to other women. He must be the source, the sustainer, and the end of everything I do.

Sometimes I mistakenly assume that to do more is to be more important, more special, more deserving of praise and attention. But Jesus corrected this perspective (which I am to prone to have as a woman) when He told Martha in Luke 10:41-42, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Mary was seated at the feet of the Lord, the God of this Universe, her Creator, listening intently to Him speak. As I fulfil my responsibilities may I never forget that what I really need is God’s presence and to receive what can never be taken away – the peace, the joy, the grace, and the rest that He gives to all who come to His feet.

When Children Doubt That Jesus is Real

Even if my kids are growing up in a home where they hear about God’s word and Edric and I try our best to role-model what it means to follow God, our children aren’t exempted from the spiritual battle for their hearts and minds.

Some weeks ago I sat down with my second son, Edan, because Elijah, my eldest, said, “Mom, Edan has doubts that Jesus is real.”

 For those who have followed Edan’s history on this blog, you might remember that Edan was about three years old when he favored the word NO and tended to be withdrawn, disinterested, and habitually “un-smiley.” Edric and I decided it was time for him to hear the gospel. When Edric shared God’s story of salvation through Jesus Christ, Edan readily acknowledged that he needed Jesus and earnestly desired to go to heaven someday. Soon after he made this decision, he changed, too.


 From Mr. No he transformed into a sweet, tender-hearted, and kind son who was thoughtful and friendly. This was the Holy Spirit’s work in his life and I marveled at how vastly different he was from his originally negative self.

When I discovered that he struggled with doubts about the personhood of Christ it surprised me but I accepted it as a reasonable response to spiritual matters. Elijah came to that point, too, and over the years I’ve encouraged him to keep digging into Scripture and examining the claims of the Bible. The last thing I want is for my kids to adopt a belief system that they do not understand. I don’t want Christianity to be cultural for them.

Statistics show that in America, most children who grow up in Christian homes (about 89%) abandon their faith by the time they reach college. Shocking, isn’t it? Why do good Christian parents fail to pass on their spiritual heritage?

Given the human-centered philosophies that pervade the present generation, the anti-God influences that saturate the media and the amoral celebrities and popular people whom our children look up to, we have to acknowledge that our kids are growing up in a spiritually-hostile world. Without a solid faith foundation and bible-based convictions, we can’t expect them to navigate through the hostility without becoming causalities.

I sat down with Edan to explain why faith in Jesus is reasonable. It took up a chunk of our homeschool morning, but as we lingered in our discussion as mother and son, I thought to myself, This is why I homeschool my kids…for moments like this one, when I have the privilege of influencing their hearts towards Christ and His plan and purpose for their lives.

Whenever my kids have faith questions, I welcome them. Questions are a good thing! During a recent retreat, a woman who was very skeptical about the Bible, made a joke about herself. She said something like this, “If I were to attend Bible studies, I may get kicked out for asking too many questions.” My response to her was, “It’s okay to have questions. God doesn’t want us to have blind faith in Him. He wants us to seek after Him.”

When I think about my children’s doubts and their desire for evidence as they grow in their understanding of God, who He is, who they are and His plan for their lives, I am glad they are asking their questions now, while they are at home, while Edric and I can lead them to the answers. Furthermore, they challenge us to review the basis of our own belief in Jesus as Lord and Savior of our own lives.

What can we know about Jesus Christ?

Jesus was a real person, a historical figure. There are many secular and non-secular evidences that confirm that Jesus Christ was an actual person. Here are some of the more notable ones:

In his Antiquities, the famous Jewish historian, Flavius Josephus, refers to James as “the brother of Jesus, who was called Christ.”

The Babylonian Talmud (Sanhedrin 43a) confirms Jesus’ crucifixion on the eve of Passover and the accusations against Christ of practicing sorcery and encouraging Jewish apostasy.

The first-century Roman Tacitus, who is considered one of the more accurate historians of the ancient world, mentioned superstitious “Christians” (from Christus, which is Latin for Christ), who suffered under Pontius Pilate during the reign of Tiberius. (Source:

Furthermore, why would Jesus’ supposed disciples die for him if his existence were a lie? Many of these martyrs suffered gruesome deaths!

“There is more evidence that Jesus of Nazareth certainly lived than for most famous figures of the ancient past” Paul L. Maier, The Russell H. Seibert Professor of Ancient History, Western Michigan University

Because Jesus was a real person, we must consider his claims, which were unlike any other made by religious teachers we know of today.

C.S. Lewis wrote, “I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.” (Mere Christianity)

Jesus claimed to be God and He said that He would die for the sins of man and be raised on the third day. It would be very easy to deny his deity if we can prove that He never rose again from the dead. However, no person who has tried to make a case against the resurrection has ever succeeded in doing so. In fact, skeptics who have attempted to disprove the resurrection (brilliant ones like the knighted Sir Lionel Luckhoo and investigative journalist, Lee Strobel) came to the conclusion that evidence supports the resurrection of Jesus Christ. So if Jesus claimed to be God and He rose again from the dead as proof, then His claim to be God was true. He is God.

“The scientific data point powerfully toward the existence of a Creator and that the historical evidence for the resurrection establishes convincingly that Jesus is divine.” Lee Strobel, Finding the Real Jesus: A Guide for Curious Christians and Skeptical Seekers.


Since Jesus is God, we can believe His other claims, such as, “I came that you might have life and might have it more abundantly,” and “I am the Way the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me,” and “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life,” We can stake our lives on His promises. We can live and die for them.

People who come to Jesus experience changed lives. I’m talking about people who are prideful, angry, lost in sin, and enslaved to destructive choices that hurt themselves and those around them. Just the other evening we were having dinner with a couple who nearly gave up on their marriage because the husband had an affair. Their marriage was in shambles but after coming to Jesus and surrendering their lives to Him, they decided to rebuild their marriage. Today they are completely different people from the persons Edric and I first met. There is peace, joy, and the desire to live a holy life. How do these miracles happen? The Bible tells us, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has passed, behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) Their story is similar to countless others who have been set free by the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Furthermore, having witnessed and heard stories about people delivered from demonic oppression in the name of Jesus gives compelling evidence that Jesus is real to the spirit world, too!

When Edan and I ended our conversation, he was in tears and we embraced each other. My children hunger for truth. They need to have an anchor that keeps them grounded when doubts flood their minds. The doubts will come. When they do, will they cling to what they know about God? Will they entertain the lies they are fed by the evil one or will they be able to counter him with truth? As my father used to tell me, “the greatest battlefield is in the mind.” My children are engaged in the same battle. It is my job and Edric’s to prepare and equip them.

 Finally, my prayer is that they will all finish well. I can’t believe for them. They must determine for themselves whether Jesus is real, and whether they can entrust their lives to Him. But it starts with Edric and me establishing our own faith convictions and teaching our children what these are. We can’t assume that they will “get it” by osmosis. There has to be intentional effort on our part to model, encourage, teach, and help them answer their faith questions.

  “A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Ephesians 6:10 – 17


Just Married…Again

In a day and age where people spend a ridiculous amount of money to pay for the wedding “of their dreams,” I’m dedicating this post to all the singles and engaged couples out there who are planning their future weddings. Please, please, please, make your wedding about the marriage you are going to have and not about having a picture-perfect ceremony and reception. You don’t need to spend a lot to make your wedding meaningful and special.

Today many couples borrow money in order to afford a glamorous wedding. How sad it is that weddings have become a business and a production. I’m not trying to make people feel guilty. I have good friends in the wedding industry and I love them dearly. My appeal is to consider the why, the motivation behind the costliness of a wedding. 

Last night I attended a beautiful event, a DIY occasion put together by family and friends for a couple who decided to have a ceremonial wedding on their 15 year anniversary. Although they were married civilly, the husband, Blue, decided it was time to gift his wife, Emily, with a we’re-getting-married-today kind of present on their anniversary. For one month, family and friends conspired and connived to orchestrate and execute the details of this secret wedding. Emily didn’t know anything.

Blue broke the news to her yesterday morning so she had half a day to prepare herself. In the meantime a number of us were at the venue setting up for the beach themed wedding amidst the blustering winds of a super typhoon. I ended up in bare feet on the muddy grass, which brought me back to childhood memories of dirty toenails from outdoor adventures without my shoes on. 



 For a while it was the gusty winds we had to contend with but then the rained poured relentlessly at 3:30 PM, just an hour before Emily was about to arrive! We had to move the ceremony indoors at the last minute. But thanks to my favorite caterer, Passion Cooks, the reception area already looked amazing!

Everyone was in good spirits. There were no cranky or hustling organizers.  People volunteered to lift flower arrangements, backdrops, fabric, lanterns, candle sticks, candle holders, signs, and tables into the reception venue. Instantaneously an aisle appeared lined with 1 Corinthians 13 verses on love, softened with rose petals leading to the beach-themed stage where vows would be spoken. 


 We had some guy friends running about in the rain finding creative ways to hang paper lanterns, too. 



 Most of the guests were bible study friends and old classmates. With just sixty people, the evening affair was personal and intimate. There were only three sets of ninongs and ninangs, not chosen for their wealth or social status but hand-picked because of the spiritual relationship they had with Blue and Emily. Edric and I were one of them (what an honor for us). Blue and Emily’s children served as the rest of the entourage.


 I loved the simplicity of this wedding. How refreshing from the elaborate and huge ones I have attended in recent years.  More importantly, God was glorified as the couple honored their parents and declared their vows to one another. Several friends also shared how they have been blessed by the marriage of Blue and Emily. Blue and Emily came from a very dark place in their relationship when they were a younger couple but they chose to seek after God, who healed what was broken and continues to redeem them for His glorious purposes.
 As I sat at our table listening to several versions of friend’s stories about Blue and Emily, there was no doubting that their marriage is being used mightily today to encourage and strengthen other couples to make God the center of their relationships.

A homemade sign on the backdrop read, “Just married…again.”



(Wood cross by The Carpenter)

 It’s one thing to get married for the first time and another thing to choose to marry the same person all over again. Somehow saying “I do” after you have lived through the difficult realities of marriage is sweeter, more romantic, and a more powerful testament of authentic love.  Love is a choice to say I do everyday and forever no matter what. This occasion celebrated the history of a marriage saved by the grace of God, for the glory of God!  

When a wedding is planned to exalt God as the motivation, God becomes the sovereign organizer and magnanimous provider of an event that is simply divine! This was one of my favorite weddings of all time!

On a thread among friends Emily wrote, “Good morning ladies! My heart is full. Thank you all for helping out during the past weeks to put together our wedding. As Blue shared with me last night what went on behind the scenes, tears started coming. The wedding last night was more than me and Blue. It was also all about you, about us. How you guys really really wanted to make this special, so you just gave and gave. I know you have a separate chatroom (I’m a bit jealous that I am not part of it, he he). You sacrificed your time, efforts, money, peace.. Sanity? Lol! Even taking time away from your family. I know you were happy to do it. My brother in law told Blue later on that he just couldn’t believe his eyes. Even though everyone was dressed and had makeup on, you guys were doing something. Carrying, moving, running, placing. He said “Hanep mga kaibigan nyo Blue. Lahat sila, lahat.” I did not see all this, but God did and I am sure He was smiling. I know that you all care for me. 2Cor 9:8 says “God grants us blessings so we have an abundance for every good deed.” God has blessed you in each unique way and you shared a part of that with us last night. And everyone saw that. People saw something amazing, something wonderful… It all pointed to Jesus. We got a lot of texts… Those who wanted to talk because they had problems, those who said they want to grow and deepen their relationship with Christ, those who saw that in Christ there is a family that transcends this world and comes together when we need each other the most. I want all the details when we meet Thank you to you all. We love you. We love you!”

And that, my friends, is what a REAL wedding should be about…exalting Jesus Christ!

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:22-32‬ ‭

Congratulations Blue and Emily and the team of family and friends who lovingly and sacrificially came together with one heart to make this event a success!  



And thank you to Passion Cooks for your creative styling and delicious food! 

Outdoor area by family and friends…






Indoor reception area by Passion Cooks…    


 Our couple’s bible study group…  

Cake by Andi Benitez…


The “organizers” with Emily…


Dying Young, Living Forever

Edric and I were on the way up to Baguio for the recently held Executive Couple’s retreat when my brother, Paul, phoned us. He called to relay the shocking news about his brother-in-law, Steve’s, untimely and tragic motorcycle accident. Edric choked down the tears and turned over to me in disbelief, trying to take in the reality as he struggled to say, “Steve died.”

“What?” I cried out, stunned as the tears came uncontrollably.

We found out that Steve’s motorcycle swerved off the road, and a head-on collision with a pole killed him instantly. He passed away a day before his 30th birthday.

I am ashamed to say that Edric and I were in the middle of a silly discussion about our communication issues in marriage when we received the call from Paul. The news broke through the trivialness of our argument and crushed us both to the core. How could Steve be gone? How could he have died like this? How could Edric and I have been upset over such small things when my sister-in-law just lost her brother?

We sat in the silence as Steve’s death eclipsed every feeling that seemed so big and important just moments before. Steve would have shared Christmas with my side of the family in the Philippines. Over the years of knowing him and seeing him grow up, he certainly felt like part of the family. His easy-going spirit and passion for God and people were contagious, too. It was impossible to encounter Steve without being impacted by his charisma. Edric and I were always convinced that Steve was a great guy with a great future.

 For the rest of the ride to Baguio, I kept thinking about Steve. Edric and I were scheduled to speak at the retreat but I had little motivation to. The tragedy of his unexpected death hung heavy in the air. My thoughts were restless until I had more information, more details. How was Jenny taking all of this? How was the rest of the Reed family?

Paul and Jenny were back in Manila, trying to schedule a flight to Seattle. Edric offered to adopt their kids for the time being. That was the least we could do. Neither of us got to speak to Paul or Jenny face to face before they left, but we stayed in touch online to keep them updated about their kids. A few days after, Paul also sent us a short video of his parents-in-law, Nelson and Linda, who delivered a beautiful, impromptu reflection during one of their church’s evening services.

Nelson explained that when Steve was born he held him up in his arms and thanked the Lord for the gift that he was. At the same time, he also surrendered him and dedicated him to God. As Steve grew up, Nelson didn’t stop him from being adventurous or doing things like riding a motorcycle. He trusted that his life was in God’s hands. As someone who is a personal friend to the Reed family, I know that the idea of surrendering Steve (and their three older children) wasn’t about neglecting their role to instruct him in the ways of the Lord. Nelson and Linda intentionally discipled all their kids. Nelson’s point was that he didn’t try to control Steve. And since he surrendered and dedicated Steve to the Lord as a baby, he and Linda were able to accept Steve’s passing as God’s will. Nelson professed all of this with peace even as he hurt as a father. Furthermore, he challenged the audience to surrender their spouses, children and even themselves to the Lord. As the Psalms says, “The earth is the Lord and all it contains, the world, and those who dwell in it.” (Psalm 24:1) The act of surrender is acknowledgement that we don’t own our loved ones or even our own lives. Sometimes, God may elect for us to go through tragedy. Will we trust His sovereignty and His love?

  Even if it is difficult to grasp the reality of the grief a parent or sibling is left with after a son or brother is gone, I have been so blessed by the grace and faith-filled responses of Paul and Jenny, Nelson and Linda and the rest of their family. Collectively, they have chosen to process this tragedy with spiritual lenses. Without diminishing the pain that Steve’s absence has marked their hearts with, they cling to the hope that one day, they shall see Steve again. Steve was a man who walked intimately with God and he most certainly is living eternally with God.

Here’s a tribute to his life and death, written by Nelson, which I requested for permission to post here. I believe it will strengthen and encourage all of us to ponder upon the purpose for which we were created and to look forward to eternal life, which God has destined for all those who are His children through Jesus Christ.



Stephen John Reed entered heaven the afternoon of September 16, 2015, a day before his 30th Birthday. Medical examiners said he was probably dead before his body hit the sidewalk.

If what the examiners said is true, Stephen’s Lord and Savior took him in the “twinkling of an eye” to be with Him forevermore!

Anyone who knows Stephen knows that he lived “larger than life.” A few snapshots from Stephen’s abundant life will help explain the phenomena.

Stephen became a Third Culture Kid when born into a missionary family in the Philippines. He grew up forging close relationships with children from the nations. Swapping lunches and clothes with his buddies, he developed a palate for every cuisine and fashion on earth. He lived multicultural abundance!

Turbulent times rocked the Philippines the first decade of Stephen’s life. Yet fear never enslaved him; rather he flourished in love and adventure with his family and friends. Life was to be lived on the streets, not behind walls!

 Speaking of family, God graced Stephen with three older siblings – Jenny (Tanchi), Becky (Mangin) and Ben. All three trusted Jesus Christ as their Savior before they reached the age of six. Influenced by them, he too sought the Lord at a young age, not wanting to be entangled by sin and miss the blessed life the rest of the family enjoyed. Fast forward 25 years, a month before he died a summary of his journal entries reveal, “Live large, God is for me!”

Stephen thrived by surrounding himself with friends; not to get for himself, but to give. For example, his coach would get so upset when he didn’t “close” a breakaway, but would pass the basketball to his teammates so they could score. He was comfortable in his skin, liberated to encourage others in theirs.

During his high school years, Stephen began to blossom into his own person, less the little brother. Mom remembers times Stephen expressed desires to become great. As a young adult, “excellence” became his passion. He explained it like this, “Jesus promised an abundant life. I seek to excel in everything – spiritually, socially, in business, in fun and adventure! I believe this is what Jesus wants!”

Stephen started two businesses and was involved in several other enterprises. One month before he died he wrote of his walk with Jesus in the market place, “What ever I (Jesus) call for, I provide for!”

Motorcycles were another passion. God used a motorcycle crash to usher him home to glory. He was ready for eternity in every way, but we are sure he was surprised when he woke up in heaven.

All through Stephen’s life, his desire was that his friends would come to know the assurance and joy he had in an intimate personal relationship with Jesus. In fact, his confidence in the loving care of his heavenly Father seemed to take fear and anxiousness off the table for him. He wanted others to see that freedom comes from knowing God, not running away from Him. Though Stephen is dead, his voice and life still speak. He is alive forevermore in the presence of His Lord and Savior.

Friend, what about you? We write to you as “Friend” because Stephen would see you as his friend and we want to be like our son!

In your heart, is the Spirit of God calling you into a closer personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Do you have the assurance that Stephen has, that if you were to die today that you would be ushered into the Lord Jesus Christ’s presence?

You can have this assurance by simply confessing your rebellious and sinful heart toward God and by faith believe that because of God’s love for you He gave His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for your sins; and by believing that God the Father raise Jesus up from the dead to be the firstfruit of all those who would be saved unto eternal life.

Stephen prayed this prayer about 25 years ago. Two weeks ago today Stephen began to literally live eternal life . . . Alive, Alive, Alive Forevermore with his heavenly Father.

Christian friend, what is God saying to you? Please open your heart wide to the Spirit of God to fill you with His love and comfort. Cast off every sin and weight that keeps you from going deeper into the joy of God’s presence and living fully to His glory here on earth (Hebrew 12:1-4).

We want to hear from you, especially if you struggle to make sense of Stephen’s tragic accident. We ache in our hearts for the loss of our precious son, but at the same time we are experiencing the comfort and strength from our Heavenly Father. He is enfolding us into His love and goodness. So Dear Friend, do not hesitate to call or email us if you have concerns. We sincerely mean that. May God bless you!


Nelson & Linda Reed

Click to watch Stephen’s Memorial Service; also click to watch “Dream Big – A Video Tribute to Stephen Reed” by Chris Storer

When A Good God Allows Rape

This September, at the Manila International Book Fair in SMX, OMF Literature will be launching my first published book, When A Good God Allows Rape. Yes, the title is kind of a shocker but for those of you who have followed my blog, you already know that this event is something I have spoken openly about. Some parts of the book I have take from a few articles on this site but I am happy to say that it’s the first autobiographical account of the tragedy, the events that followed, and God’s hand in all of it. 

 This is a dream come true for me, a bucket-list-kind-of-accomplishment. When I was younger I hoped that one day I would have the privilege of declaring what God has done in my life through a book. Now that I am just a few weeks from its launch, it feels wonderfully surreal. 

Even if I originally wanted this book to come out ten years earlier, the timing of its launch is as it should be. The landscape of my life’s journey includes a postscript of experiences and memories that overshadow that black spot in the timeline of my life. People will be able to see the thread of God’s goodness. 

Everything was going smoothly between the publisher, editor and me up until two weeks ago, when one of my dear friends in the story requested that her real name not be used. I understood where she was coming from and completely respected her feelings so I honored her request. But having to make alterations at the nth hour wasn’t easy. We remain close and this change will not harm our friendship. She is so dear to me.

Initially, the stress robbed me of sleep. So I did the one thing that I probably shouldn’t have done. I went shopping on Amazon. There’s something ridiculously therapeutic about putting things in my cart and taking them out, then putting them back in and taking them out, and reading reviews. I am not advocating stress-shopping! But it did give me something else to think about besides my book. 

What this unprecedented turn of events taught me was to trust in God’s will. I was also reminded that this book is not mine. I may have written its contents. But God owns this story, and he allowed this last minute revision even after I prayed for my friend’s heart to change on the matter. So this is part of His plan. 

I am excited and nervous at the same time. Excited because this is my first published book ever!!! And nervous because what if it isn’t received well and I have made myself so vulnerable in it?!!! You can tell from my exclamation points that these are emotionally loaded statements. But I have done my part and must rest in the comfort that God will do the rest. 

On a side note, I think it is pretty amazing that my editor was a British woman named Victoria Hope. How cool is it that the person who helped me finalize this book had a name like that? Victoria means victory in Latin. So put the two words together and you get “victorious hope.” This is what my book is about. We can all have a victorious hope in God, who redeems our tragedies. He loves us and uses all things for our good when we choose to follow and trust in Him. 

May God get all the glory for this book! It includes perspectives from Edric and my parents. And it’s a book for anyone dealing with tragedy and loss, no matter what kind. 

Of course I hope you will come to the book signing on September 20 at 4:30 PM at SMX, too! This book will retail for P100.   To read the MIBF preview on the OMF Literature site, click this: when a good God allows rape

Print the image below to get free entrance to the book fair!   

Does Money Make Us Happy?

When I was living at home with my parents, life was comfortable. My parents didn’t spoil my siblings and me, but they provided handsomely for us. It wasn’t until I got married and left home that it dawned upon me…there’s a ceiling to what Edric and I have, financially speaking, and it isn’t very high. 

We started off simply as a young couple and for the first time, I began to compare myself with others. Edric and I couldn’t afford luxuries like travel, buying new cars, eating out, or alot of personal shopping. 

We were both corporate people so the prospect of amassing wealth was a far off dream as we were in the beginning stages of our careers. Even though I appreciated how hard Edric worked, there were occasions when I paid attention to the disparity between what I grew up with and what I now had in marriage. And although I didn’t think I had a heart problem when it came to money, the reality was I believed that having more money would make me (us) happier.  



Thankfully, God used that stage in my life to expose my dependence upon money for security. Those early years of marriage were humbling as I watched my siblings and peers enjoy material things I desired for myself. Yet having less than I hoped to have was spiritually beneficial. 

Edric and I realized that we didn’t need a lot to be happy. In fact, those difficult years turned out to be some of the most romantic memories! The secret to joy was contentment. ‬‬When I stopped comparing my financial status to others and turned my attention to what I had, I saw the goodness of the Lord in my life — my wonderful, hard-working and loving husband, beautiful children, my health, the ability to work, a happy home, harmonious relationships, ministry, and most of all, God Himself. I accepted those years of spiritual pruning as protection against greed and materialism. 

Since God allotted for Edric and me to struggle financially, I believe He purposed it for our character growth. I honestly don’t think we were ready for the stewardship of financial wealth because our perspective on money was immature. We saw money as something to serve our own aims. If we had more we would have spent more on ourselves and attached our sense of self-worth and identity to money. 

Thankfully, God was always faithful. We never went hungry. God also assured me that He would provide for Edric and me. Provision didn’t always mean material wealth but I knew I didn’t have to worry about our future because God was our Father.

Psalm 34:10 tells us, “The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; but they who seek the LORD shall not be in want of any good thing.”‬‬

As God continued to increase our financial capacity, there came a point when we were preparing to build our home. This plan coincided with the efforts of our church to build a new training and worship center. One Sunday service, a guest speaker spoke on giving to God. Stirred by the message, Edric decided to write a check to support the building fund. Because of the amount he chose to give, he tearfully surrendered our dream to build our own home. Yet God assured him, build my house and I will build yours. Sure enough, about two years later, God provided above and beyond what Edric had written on that check and we were able to finish our house! 

Money is so often a test, whether in lack or abundance. And sometimes more so when it is abundant! The Bible tells us, “…Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:15‬ ‭NASB

Although money doesn’t make us more important or more special, it does have that sneaky way of making us feel like this is true. Whether a little or plenty, we all have the tendency to pursue it above our pursuit of God. Perhaps this is why the wise King Solomon wrote, “…Give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is my portion, that I not be full and deny You and say, “Who is the LORD?” Or that I not be in want and steal, and profane the name of my God.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭30:8-9‬ ‭NASB‬‬ 

Since money competes with God’s place in our hearts, the first cure is to fall more in love with God rather than money. Luke 16:13 tells us that we cannot serve both God and money because we will end up loving the one and hating the other. 

The second cure is to give. 2 Corinthians 9:6-8 tells us, “Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.” ‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭9:6-8‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Generosity is a good gauge for our heart’s attitude towards money. Author and speaker, Craig Groeschel, beautifully put it when he said that the pursuit of God over money will make us “strangely content” and “irrationally generous.” 

Randy Alcorn reminds us that “Too often we assume that God has increased our income to increase our standard of living, when his stated purpose is to increase our standard of giving. (Money, Possessions and Eternity

I am continually blessed by a couple I know who sets aside a giving fund from their monthly income. And whenever God prods them to give to a person or an organization, they willingly do so, having allocated the money beforehand for whatever or whomever God should convict them to be generous towards. 

We also need to remember that generosity is a condition of the heart not an ability reserved only for the wealthy. A poor and kind African man once told a missionary, “no one is too poor to give nor too rich to receive.” 

The third cure is remembering that God owns everything and we are His stewards. King David declared, “Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth; Yours is the dominion, O LORD, and You exalt Yourself as head over all. Both riches and honor come from You, and You rule over all, and in Your hand is power and might; and it lies in Your hand to make great and to strengthen everyone. Now therefore, our God, we thank You, and praise Your glorious name…”‭‭1 Chronicles‬ ‭29:11-13 NASB‬‬ 

When Edric didn’t understand stewardship, he went into near bankruptcy.  His mentality used to be, “I earned this. I worked hard for this. I can spend my money on what I want to.” (He has shared this in public.) It wasn’t until a loving friend corrected his mindset that he realized he doesn’t own anything. He is just a steward of the resources God has entrusted him with, namely his time, talents, and treasures. 

The fourth cure is to remain simple. Just because we can pay for an item or a service that is more expensive doesn’t mean we should. When I wrote an article about why I don’t buy designer clothing, bags, or shoes it wasn’t because they have no appeal to me. They are beautiful things indeed! But the price at which they come by is unconscionable when so many people have needs around us. 

Do I go shopping and try my best to look put together? Do I still look for quality goods? Of course! Yet I want to quote another insight from Randy Alcorn: “Abundance isn’t God’s provision for me to live in luxury. It’s his provision for me to help others live. God entrusts me with his money not to build my kingdom on earth, but to build his kingdom in heaven.”  

So does money make us happy? Yes and no. It doesn’t make us happy when we look to it as the source of our happiness. But it can make us happy when:

1. we love God more than money and find contentment in Him.

2. we cheerfully give when God leads us to.

3. we understand that we are merely stewards because God owns everything. 

4. we choose to be simple so we can spend less on ourselves and bless others more.

In short, money “makes us happy” when we don’t use it to serve our own purposes (purposes which will never fully satisfy), but do use it to serve God’s purposes, which will give us infinite joy!  


God Always Provides For Our Homeschooling

Sat Apr 11 2015 02_36_51 GMT+0800-2

It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord continues to prove faithful as we homeschool our children. Homeschooling gets challenging every year in new ways. With a 7th grader and other kids moving up the elementary ladder, my instruction requirements become more and more difficult. In some ways, my kids become more independent when it comes to their subject studies. However, their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs increase. They need more mentoring and discipleship, they also need us to be more involved and attentive to what’s going on in their hearts.

I found this to be true with our son, Elijah, who is becoming his own man as he transitions into his teenage years. A lot of times Edric and I have to help him process what’s going on his head — the fears, the doubts, the worry, or the frustrations. We praise God that he loves the Lord because it makes it easier to reconnect him back to the biblical perspective as he deals with his feelings and his thought life. But I realize, that parenting never quite ends. We get through one stage and one season and feel like we’ve mastered it, only to enter into an entirely unchartered one where we are faced with the thought, We have no idea what we are doing! This is the wonderful adventure of being a mom and a dad. It’s never boring!

As a homeschooling mom, I have to come to terms with my own limitations, even intellectually. Teaching mathematics at the higher levels is not easy. But thanks to programs like Khan Academy, I can augment my lack of expertise. This year, there was a subject area that I finally surrendered to. FILIPINO.

I can teach math because I studied math. I may struggle through it, but if I can do it if I need to. But Filipino was never a subject to me until I got into college in Ateneo. And even then I enrolled in the Filipino for foreigners class where we learned phrases like, “Magandang Umaga and Mabuhay.” (I know. It’s pathetic.) But I thought it was great! Learning how to speak in Filipino more fluently came as I interacted with people in school. However, I never took it as a formal subject.

So to teach it now is like my version of a homeschool mom’s nightmare. I can’t get through a lesson without having to translate everything word-for-word into English in order to teach it to my kids.

As I planned for this homeschool year, I decided that I would focus on my strengths and supplement this area of weakness. Edric was sweet enough to give me the go signal to hire a Filipino tutor. I’ve never had to do this in all of my homeschooling…hire a tutor. But how nice to have it as an option!

I praise God that homeschooling offers me the flexibility to customize my children’s learning experience. I don’t have to be an expert in every subject area. I can outsource where I lack. Yeah!

So I had the plan to hire a Filipino tutor but I didn’t know where to find one. Thanks to Facebook, it took just one post, one cry for help on Facebook. Sympathetic and kind-hearted friends sent me several options.

Last Saturday, Elijah and Edan had their first session with their tutor and they loved it! I was so happy. It’s amazing how quickly the kids pick up content when the teacher knows what they are doing!

As for me, I marveled once again at how good God is. He called Edric and I to homeschool our children. He put the conviction and desire in our hearts to raise them to love Him with all that they are. And when the journey hits an obstacle, God is faithful to provide for our homeschooling needs.

I always tell moms who are having a hard time with homeschooling to remember that God is our partner in all of this. God is our enabler. His grace is sufficient. There is no homeschool problem too big for Him to solve. So be encouraged whenever you come up against a road block because it means that God is going to do something that will make you smile and say “Thank you, Lord! I can keep going!”


For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 100:5 (NASB)

Sat Apr 11 2015 02_34_09 GMT+0800



My Heart Is Turned Towards You 

This morning, amidst the flurry of activity I found myself in while preparing for a homeschool playgroup and all-day meetings, Edric very sweetly told me, “You know my heart is turned towards you.” Suddenly, whatever stress I felt dissipated as he calmly smiled at me while finishing his breakfast. 

He said this because I asked him if we could upgrade the tech situation in our homeschool room. The kids rely on my laptop (the only laptop we have at home) so it’s overloaded with files and programs that Elijah experiments with, and it’s a challenge when we both need to use it. I haven’t minded the sharing too much, but this year, with Elijah in high school for our homeschooling, we need at least one other laptop or a desktop computer for writing assignments and research. Plus, Elijah is learning programming too, so he needs a device to work on. 

I don’t know when Edric will actually buy a computer or laptop for our homeschool room because he has a lot going on at present, but the manner in which he heard my request and responded to it with tenderness meant a lot. I have said this before but I will say it again…women are not as complicated as we seem. 

Author and speaker, Craig Groeschel, said that “women are multipliers.” Be sweet to them and they will magnify sweetness in return. Be mean to them and they will give you hell. He actually used the phrase “give you hell” which was kind of surprising for a pastor but he delivered it with humor, trying to emphasize his point — a woman multiplies what she receives from her husband.

When Edric makes me feel like I am important and prioritized, I am an inspired wife! A little gas in my emotional tank goes a long way! My preference is affirmation. For other wives it may be time, affection, gifts, or service. Whatever it is, I think I speak for all women when I say that we bloom when our husbands “speak” our love language, as Dr. Gary Chapman puts it. 

It doesn’t take as much effort as a man might presume to meet the emotional needs of a woman. In fact the effort index is way higher when a man neglects the emotional needs of his wife. For example, yesterday, Edric ignored me when I asked him if I should bring the stroller for Catalina during our family date night. I must have asked for his opinion three times but he said nothing. We were rushing to get into the car and he may have thought it an unimportant question. Even though I shouldn’t have made a big deal out of it, I did. In my irritation I asked, “Why don’t you answer me?” 

He didn’t appreciate my tone or attitude and corrected me by remarking, “This is not an issue.” 

“Yes it is. I really don’t like it when you ignore me. I have said this before. It’s upsetting.” 

Well, that didn’t help. The first part of our family time was a little cold, at least between Edric and me. It took me a while to simmer down and quell my hurt. I started thinking of several other things that Edric did that day which upset me. Over one unanswered question, my mind resurrected three other reasons to fan my ire. Thankfully we resolved the dispute and apologies were exchanged. The point is, I get complicated when I feel slighted by Edric. Of all the people in my life it is his treatment of me that naturally matters the most. 

I am not saying that my reactive-ness is ever Edric’s fault, especially when I choose to be disrespectful or disobedient to him. My responses are still my responsibility. However, what I am saying is Edric’s gentleness and sweetness have a profound effect on me. That one phrase,”You know my heart is turned towards you,” made me think things like, “Wow, he really loves me! He really wants to take care of me! I am important to him!”   

Okay, I know it all sounds cheesy but that’s how simple a woman can be. We respond to tenderness. In whatever sincere form it comes — a kind word, a compliment, a thoughtful gesture, or an affectionate embrace — these little demonstrations make us feel loved. Multiply these actions over years and years and the result will be a woman who looks upon her husband with desire and admiration! Isn’t that what all husbands hope to receive from their wives? 

You don’t have to print this out and hand it to your husband to convict him to change. What you can do is pray for him if he tends to be insensitive or fails to meet your emotional needs. I keep praying for Edric and by God’s grace, he keeps improving. What you and I can do is appreciate and affirm the instances when our husbands do something, ANYTHING, that makes us feel special.

A few years after getting married, I complained that Edric stopped opening the door for me. One date night I said something like, “Wow. Times have changed. You used to open the door for me but now you don’t.” Did that statement motivate him to open my door? Most certainly not! In fact he got very annoyed with me for criticizing him. So one day I modified my approach. When he randomly opened my door during another occasion, I commented, “I really like it when you open the door for me. It makes me feel special, and it makes you very attractive.” With that statement, his eyes lit up and he programmed himself to open my door consistently from then on. Why? Because I appealed to his own heart-felt need to be appreciated. Edric has made opening my door a habit. What used to require effort from him is now automatic.

Similarly, there are many things we want our husbands to do that we wish wouldn’t feel like such chores to them. But rarely will our nagging, complaining, comparing, and criticizing compel them to transform in the areas we hope they will. Proverbs 21:19 says, “It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman.” A man’s heart turns away from a woman who is argumentative, who provokes with her words and distresses him with her actions. He may look okay on the outside as he gives in to the pestering of his wife but the love he feels erodes over time as it is replaced by resentment for her disrespect. 

So, on the one hand this post is meant to applaud husbands who fulfill the call in Ephesians 5 to nourish and cherish their wives. What a blessing these men are! John Piper wrote, “When a man joyfully bears the primary God-given responsibility for Christlike, servant leadership and provision and protection in the home—for the spiritual well-being of the family, for the discipline and education of the children, for the stewardship of money, for the holding of a steady job, for the healing of discord—I have never met a wife who is sorry she married such a man. Because when God designs a thing (like marriage), he designs it for his glory and our good.” 

On the other hand, this entry is meant to encourage wives to continue hoping in God to work in the hearts of our husbands, praying for them, and appreciating the effort they display. If there is anyone who can reorient the hearts of our husbands, it is the Lord. “May the Lord direct your hearts (our husbands’) into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.” (‭‭2 Thessalonians‬ ‭3:5)‬ ‭

Furthermore, our greater comfort ought to be that God’s heart is turned towards you and me when our hearts are turned to Him!  “Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him, on those who hope for His lovingkindness,” (‭‭Psalms‬ ‭33:18‬)

Fourteen Is Better Than Thirteen

I sat across from Edric at a cafe this morning, studying his face like I hadn’t seen it a million times. Has it really been 14 years since we were standing at the altar, speaking our vows? Are we really parents to five amazing kids?

 Apart from the peppering of his hair and the smile lines at the edges of his eyes, he doesn’t look much older than he did in college. I actually think he is a more handsome version of his younger self. I like the way he is aging. It’s attractive to me.

The cafe was an unplanned departure from our original schedule. He should have been at the office and I should have been with the kids. But our vehicle needed a battery-change, so there we were, making the most of the opportunity to share breakfast and talk.

“Is this what you imagined?,” He asked me. “Is this what you imagined marriage would be like?”

It was an unexpected question but the moment called for it. We were tucked away in the corner of the cafe, and it was the day after our anniversary. Our overnight date at the Marco Polo hotel was coming to a close. So I said, “I didn’t think this far when I was single, but I knew that you were the person I loved and wanted to share my life with.” 

“It’s better than I imagined,” he added, like he meant to answer his own question. “I used to be afraid that our relationship would change as we got older, as we aged, when our bodies were no longer in their prime. How would this affect the way we perceived one another? But then I realized that marriage has stages to it. During the early years, the physical aspect seemed to be a large part of our intimacy. Yet as the years went by, I discovered a depth beyond the physical…like this, right now, being here with you and enjoying it. We are stuck here because of a car battery problem, but it’s totally fine because we are together. There’s no other person I would rather be with, raise children with, and serve the Lord with.”

I smiled as he took my hand, possibly in between chewing my tuna melt sandwich. (I was graceful about it, trying not to ruin the moment.) 

Fourteen years may be few compared to couples who are celebrating their silver anniversaries, but for us it feels like a lot of history. We have weathered many seasons together. It dawned on me, as I was reminiscing and recalling the early years of our marriage, that this history matters. The longer we stay married and honor the commitment we vowed to, the more palpable the oneness feels. 

When the Bible says that two shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24), I started thinking about the word ‘shall.’ While oneness is symbolized by the event of sexual union between a husband and wife, oneness is also a process. Oneness happens over time, memories, pain, and joy. The person I am today feels so intensely entwined into the person Edric is. 

 From two separate threads as single people, we became a tightly wound chord of three – the Lord, Edric and me. I may not have imagined what fourteen years of marriage would be like, but I know for sure that I can’t imagine life without Edric. Not now. Not after fourteen years of oneness. 

How does a relationship become like this? Where two people can be vulnerable and honest and naked and unashamed…and you can say “I love you no matter what, even if I know all your imperfections”…and you laugh at things that no one else finds funny…or signal mysterious codes across a room full of people and get each other’s message because an eyebrow was raised, or a mouth twitched, or a wink was sent your way…and you can lie in the stillness and quiet, closing your eyes to the events of the day, the good and the bad, and feel safe because the arms that are embracing you are familiar, and you fit so comfortably in each other’s spaces…and, yes, you also have three boys and two girls who act and speak like little versions of yourselves, but are way cuter, who need you both as dad and mom and need you to stay together because you are a family…and you navigate through the storms in your relationship and outside of it, hand in hand, looking to Christ to walk you through them, to heal the wounds that hurt like heck but make you stronger…and you may fight and disagree and really NOT like each other sometimes but you know that this is forever and you will commit to work it out because this is the person whom you chose to love and will continue to love in spite of, just because, and most certainly till you are old and wrinkled and maybe even toothless. 

As Edric and I live out the vows we once made to each other, for better or worse, for richer or poorer til death do us part, my desire to be his and his desire to be mine increases all the more. “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” (Song of Solomon 6:3a) 

It’s hard to explain this when so many people quit on their marriages emotionally or legally soon after the difficulties confront them. And I know why they do. There’s always a reason that pushes them to do so. I’ve wrestled with some of these reasons myself. But from this vantage point, and not as one who professes to be an expert at mouthing out advice on relationships, but as one who has chosen to stay married for fourteen years (so far), my observation is this: fourteen years of marriage was way better than the first thirteen, and by God’s grace, I think fifteen will be better than fourteen. And by faith I believe that the best is yet to come, not next year or the next, but decades down the road! 

Why? Because this is the beautiful mystery of oneness – God’s design for a husband and wife – to journey together into the endless, vastless and unfathomable depths of love, His love. After all, it is not our exhaustible human love that binds us to one another. I love Edric because God first loved me. Edric loves me because God first loved him. As 1 John 4:19 put it, “We love because He first loved us.” It is the strand of God’s eternal love in our relationship that keeps us from unraveling, that strengthens our resolve to remain committed to each other through each passing year, that pulls us forward when we struggle to go on. 

As I end this entry, I want to say, stay. Don’t go. Stay through the seasons that are difficult, that feel unending, when human love has lost its feeling, and promises have been broken. Stay and see how God can renew and rebuild what is damaged in us and in our marriages, and meet our unmet longings with His amazing love. God is the author of marriage and His love is its keeper and healer. 

And to my husband, Edric, I thank you for staying with me. I love you more today than ever. Happy Anniversary!
“(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” (1 Corinthians 13:7-8a)


Pursuing Peace at Home

Sometimes managing household help and a driver is stressful for me when their inter-personal relationships get complicated. When unsettled issues linger, their work and the environment of our home is affected. But my greater concern is their spiritual health and what lies behind the conflict.

For several months our household help and driver were embittered with one another. Their dissension began with minor irritations over personality differences. But the hurt escalated until they started name-calling and criticizing. When I asked each one of them what the issue was, the problem between them had become so convoluted, Edric decided to set a meeting to settle their conflict once and for all.

This morning, he mediated a nearly two hour discussion. First we prayed together and then he gave each person the opportunity to share their frustrations. He didn’t let emotions escalate and he prevented the higher-strung individuals from butting in and making snide comments. When everyone had the opportunity to speak up, he helped them identify the main issue.

The main issue was pretty simple — our driver was hurt because one of our household help was moody towards him. So he was demotivated to assist our girls when it came to chores outside the scope of his driving responsibilities. This angered the women who interpreted his attitude as laziness. They began to incite him with comments like, “you just sleep and eat,” which gave him reason to disdain them. Months passed and the angry feelings increased until they became noticeable to Edric, me, and our kids.

Today, Edric ably sorted through the mess with them and encouraged them to pursue peace. The two hour meeting turned out to be a wonderful time of healing for our household help and driver.

Edric asked all of them to say what they appreciated about each other, and what they could improve on. Tears were shed. Humility and forgiveness were present, and reconciliation took place.

At the end, I reminded them that our home represents Christ because we are followers of Jesus and so are they (each one of them has a personal relationship with Him). Therefore I concluded my little part of the speech I was allowed to inject, thanks to Edric, with the reason why we need to be at peace with one another. We want to glorify Christ in our relationships and in our home. They wholeheartedly agreed.

To give them a practical application, Edric went over Ephesians 4:29 which reads, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭NASB‬‬

He made them read this passage and internalize it so they would remember to speak in ways that edify and not wound one other. We also prayed together to conclude our meeting. Afterwards, everyone was smiling and the atmosphere had changed from tense and chilly to warm and sunny!

I decided to write this entry because I was blessed by Edric’s leadership today. He sounded like a frog because he was battling a bad cough and laryngitis but he prioritized this peace-keeping mission to restore the relationships that were broken in our household. He could have left the problem to me to fix, but he knew that I needed his intervention to facilitate the meeting in Filipino and to assert his headship. The women were flaming some some pretty hot emotional fires but because they deeply respect Edric and have a healthy fear of him, they listened to his counsel and guidance. Edric also assured me that he knew the culture and how to steer the course of the discussion so it would remain focused and productive.

Fri Feb 07 2014 16-43-48 GMT+0800

When all was quiet again and we had a moment together, I thanked him profusely for coming to my aid. 1 Timothy 3:2-5 talks about the qualifications for an overseer as one who is “above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?)” ‭‬‬

I know this passage is especially for church leaders, but in the verses which precede it, the encouragement is to aspire for church leadership. This means that every person ought to consider putting on the qualities that describe a leader. And being a good leader includes managing one’s household — ordering it and taking charge of it.

I used to think this was about making sure that our kids are well-behaved and obedient. But it was brought to my attention again today that the responsibility is greater. Edric and I need to disciple our household help and driver. They don’t just work for us to serve our family. We must be committed to their spiritual health, too. God has placed them in our lives so we can bless them and minister to them. Sometimes, this means Edric, as the head of our home, has to steer them towards Christ-likeness like he did today.

I may have been able to set up and oversee the meeting today, but I know it wouldn’t have turned out as well as it did so I praise God for the wisdom and initiative he gave Edric. What an amazing difference it makes when a man embraces his God-given position of authority in the home!

Tue Jul 01 2014 09-12-43 GMT+0800

Family Values

When I married Edric, I had no idea what kind of a father he would be to our future children. I hoped that he would be intentional, committed and present in their lives, but there was no way to be certain until we actually started to have kids.

I still remember the incalculable joy that lit up his face when our first son, Elijah, was born. By God’s grace I gave birth Lamaze, so I was cognizant and alert when Elijah came into this world. From behind the gauze mask, Edric’s eyes started to tear as he stomached the gravity of God’s gift to us. He was now a father.

Edric and I fumbled through our parenting in the early years of being a dad and mom. However, with the help of biblical principles from God’s Word, advice from mentors like our parents and other men and women of God, the accountability of family and friends, and good books, our understanding and application of parenting improved through the years.  (We have to keep improving still!)

I used to pressure Edric to be more involved and to be a spiritual leader to our kids, but all my yakking wasn’t what ordered his priorities. As Edric grew in his love for the Lord, God put it in his heart to ponder upon his place and purpose in our children’s lives. It was prayer and encouragement that made a difference, not nagging. Furthermore, he came across a passage of scripture that really convicted him to embrace fatherhood as a sacred trust. 

“We will not conceal them from their children, but tell to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers that they should teach them to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their children, that they should put their confidence in God and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments, and not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation that did not prepare its heart and whose spirit was not faithful to God.” (‭Psalms‬ ‭78‬:‭4-8 NASB) 

Today, Edric is the one who reminds me to be more intentional! Very recently, he came up with a code of Mendoza Family Values. It begins with this statement: “A Mendoza f.o.l.l.o.w.s. JESUS.”
F – FORGIVE one another

O – OBEY God and authorities 


L – LOVE one another unconditionally and love people to Jesus


L – LEARN God’s Word and His Truths


O – ONE (Live for the Audience of One – God’s glory)


W – WORD (Keep your word)


S – STEWARD (Be a good steward of your talents, abilities, opportunities, time and resources.)


Edric has based our family devotions on these values in the last few months, giving a bible passage that corresponds to each trait for our children to internalize and memorize.

Every family needs to have a sense of identity that is rooted in their belief system. For our family, our identity is rooted in Jesus Christ and we want to follow Him faithfully. But what does this mean, in practical, everyday situations, especially for our kids? 

The list is something our kids can refer to again and again as they make choices. It isn’t an exhaustive list and there are many other character traits and principles our children need to learn, but this list helps to give them an image of a Christ-follower. Of course the bigger challenge is that Edric and I need to role model The Mendoza Family Values ourselves! 

Have you given thought to your family identity? What values will define your family? 

Disciplining Children Revisited

This is a follow-up article to the one I wrote on disciplining my 1-year old daughter, Catalina, which resulted in some eyebrow raising because I talked about spanking. Let it be said that I’m not an advocate of spanking for EVERY wrong behavior that needs correcting. I believe there are different ways to apply healthy correction that produce right thinking and behavior in the hearts and minds of our children. However, I refuse to accept the notion that spanking is the same thing as physical abuse, as some have so quickly labeled it.

First of all, let’s make some clarifications about spanking. Spanking is…

…NOT whacking my child in anger, repeatedly, for every wrong action or behavior.

…NOT a random consequence dependent on how I feel about the situation.

…NOT to be administered before a child understands “NO” or exhibits defiance.

…NOT as effective after the age of 6.

…NOT as effective when a parent uses it as a threat to coerce behavior.

…NOT about using an instrument that will break the skin or bruise it.

…NOT the only way to discipline a child.

…NOT to be used as a method of disciplining if a parent doesn’t have a good, loving relationship with his or her child.

…NOT to be used as a method of disciplining if only one parent applies it and the other doesn’t.

…NOT to be used if the rule that was broken wasn’t clearly explained to the child.


 Research shows that…

  1. The most aggressive children tend to be those who are never spanked.
  2. Of the many parents who spank, a minuscule number actually wind up abusing their children. Sweden outlawed parenting spanking in 1979. A decade later, Bob Larzelere conducted a follow-up study in which he found that child abuse had increased significantly since the ban.
  3. Diana Baumrind (considered the foremost researcher in the area of parenting style outcomes) has found that parents who are philosophically opposed to spanking are more likely to overreact to their children’s misbehaviour than parents who have no such philosophical objection. (For example, some parents resort to yelling at their children in order to control their behavior.)
  4. The more often a child is spanked, the less effective the spanking becomes. (A parent needs to consider their overall approach to discipline.)

The above information is taken from John Rosemond’s book, Parenting by the Book (pg. 216 – 219.)

I’ve said this before but I will say it again for the sake of those who may misunderstand spanking. I can count the number of times I’ve spanked each of my children over the course of their early childhood years. In other words, Edric and I haven’t had to spank our children a lot. If a parent spanks very often they need to revisit their parenting in general. Furthermore, there may be other factors that are undermining their attempts to discipline and disciple their kids such as…

…unresolved conflicts within the marriage

…frequent and hurtful displays of anger in the home

…hypocrisy (telling their children to do one thing but modeling the opposite)

…an insubordinate spirit on display, where a wife doesn’t model submission to the authority of her husband

…different parenting styles and philosophies on raising children between husband and wife

…application of unhealthy parenting styles like child-centrism

…relatives or househelp who contradict parents’ rules

…allowing children to have regular exposure to people or media content that opposes the values and character traits that a parent is trying to instill


Here are some common issues that parents may have to deal with and suggestions on how to discipline for these:

Dealing with eating issues – A parent can remove snacks in between meals, take away child’s plate so they get hungry by the next meal, or disallow a fun activity that should’ve followed after meal. We’ve had to do this with Titus. Of all the kids, he isn’t allowed to eat anything in between meals because he takes a long time to finish his food and he gets distracted while eating.

Tantrums and fussiness – Speak to your child calmly and let them that you will not give in to their behavior until they stop. Example, “Mommy will not carry you until you stop.” Don’t give in or pick them up to encourage their behavior. When they stop crying or stop making a scene then you can take them and say, “Very good, you stopped, now mommy will carry you.”

We encourage our kids by reminding them of our rule, “No being fussy.” Even our little 20 month old daughter knows this rule. Unless she makes her requests with a smile and a “please,” we don’t give in to her fussing or tantrums. She can pout all she wants (which ends up being very short-lived because no one will pay attention to her doing so). Most of the time, she will change her whining to a sweet “please” and a smile. However, if she screams in disrespect and continues to do so even after being told to stop, Edric and I will spank for this.

Impatience – Teach children to wait before you give them an object or an item that they are clamoring for. Until they stop demanding for it, they don’t get it. I’ve also observed that limiting time on gadgets and playing games on the computer or IPad increases my children’s ability to wait. In contrast, the instant gratification they receive from gadgets and playing games conditions them to be impatient so less is better when it comes to gadges like IPads.

Not sharing/selfishness – Confiscate the toy that two or three children are fighting over if asking them to take turns is not working. When my kids are unable to share a toy, I say, “I have to take it away because you guys aren’t sharing. When you are ready to share, I will give it back to you.”

Fighting with siblings – I sit them down together and we review bible verses on loving one another and treating one another with kindness. Then I ask them, “Are you behaving in a way that pleases God?” and let them come to their own conclusions about their attitudes towards one another. I follow up with a question like, “How can you improve or act in a more loving way?”

When it’s a toddler who bullies or hits their older sibling or other children, I take them aside and talk with them, demonstrating what it means to be gentle. However, if the hitting will put another child in danger (like my 8 month old nephew over Christmas), Edric and I will spank if our child disobeys a command like, “Don’t hit your cousin.”

Interestingly, spanking doesn’t cause a child to be confused when they are disciplined properly (not in anger, not using the hand). The focus is on spanking for disobedience of the command. Occasionally, Catalina will whack her siblings when they pull a toy away from her, as an act of self-defense and frustration. These moments are becoming fewer and far between because she can now articulate herself better. At the same time, I let my older children know that grabbing from Catalina causes her to react in anger so they should ask her nicely before they borrow the toy she is playing with.

As for Catalina, I ask, “Do you want people to hit you?” She will actually reply with a “No” and apologize to her siblings. The point is to let her think about what it will be like to be on the receiving end of a slap on the shoulder from her own siblings. Even if she is just a one year old, she understands! I wouldn’t recommend this as a full-proof solution to children who hit others since it’s hard for them to reason this way at such a young age. But I also think even very young children should start learning the golden rule, “Do to others as you would have them do unto you.” (Luke 6:31)

Teaching kids to get along doesn’t happen overnight and it involves giving them the opportunity to acknowledge their wrong and ask for forgiveness from one another when they hurt each other. We tell our kids to hug and express a sincere apology when they have conflicts. There’s something about requiring them to hug that softens their hearts and there’s something about making sure they say, “Will you forgive me?” that expresses the kind of humility that repairs their relationships. Sometimes, my kids are required to hug for at least 10 seconds so their hard faces turn into smiles!

Destroying objects or toys or losing them – When kids destroy their toys, don’t get them new ones to replace them. Let them realize that they need to practice good stewardship. If they were keen on breaking a toy, they can live with it broken or buy themselves a new one.

Children tend to lose objects and toys, too. One of our sons really liked a marble toy that he got for Christmas a few years back. It came with special, metal marbles. But he would misplace the marbles often. As a consequence, he wasn’t allowed to play with the toy until he found the marbles. Did he do his best to find them? Yes.

Messiness – It took a number of years for our kids to internalize the importance of cleaning up after their mess. But Edric and I refused to let them move on to the next toy or another room to mess up until they cleaned up the one they were first playing in. I don’t mind if they make a mess while they play for as long as they pick up afterwards. Afterall, mess is part of the fun (for as long as they aren’t doing something reckless like drawing on the walls or pulling the stuffing out of their pillows).

When they go to other people’s houses, they aren’t allowed to leave it without picking up the toys they played with. Even if we are in a hurry to leave, Edric and I will give them time to fix up. Some years ago, my sister-in-law temporarily banned them from using her kids’ playroom because they made a big mess and ruined some toys. I thought it was a great way to communicate to my kids that they need to be mindful of the way they play and deal with their mess in other people’s houses.

Being loud and obnoxious – If there’s one thing my children sometimes do that can drive me nuts it’s their boisterousness. For some reason, riding together in a vehicle gives them the prime opportunity to talk and laugh loudly. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because they are thoroughly enjoying one another’s company. But tight spaces and public ones aren’t the best places for them to kick up the volume of their voices. It can be rude and assaulting to the senses.

To deal with this, I talk to them with a serious tone and explain why it’s not appropriate. Most of the time, they respond to this positively because they have learned to obey. If they don’t, I apply a consequence like withdrawal of a privilege. For younger kids, this can be tough. Catalina screamed like a banshee in her car seat for a good number of hours when our family drove from San Francisco to Los Angeles. It was completely unpleasant! But, we had to keep her in that seat for safety reasons so we 1. Let her cry until she got tired. 2. Sat her beside an older sibling who could entertain her. 3. Distracted her with toys or the IPad.

Running off in public places – My kids know that they aren’t supposed to run off while we are in public spaces. With all their expendable energy waiting to be released, this can be really difficult for them. They love to run down mall aisles and hide behind clothing racks. So I let them know our rules for going out together (especially since I don’t bring househelp when it’s just the four older kids). Before we leave the vehicle, I will ask them to repeat what our rule for being in public is. “Stay close to mommy.” They know the risks of getting separated or taken by strangers. But I still remind them, “If you don’t stay near me, you won’t get to come with me the next time.” This usually works because they know I have every intention of implementing this consequence if they don’t follow the rule.

Lying – My personal conviction about a child who lies habitually is they may not yet have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. John 8:44 says, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

If a child already has a relationship with Jesus but is still young, they may not fully understand what lying is. So a parent needs to explain what truthfulness is and make their child feel like home is a safe place for honesty and confession.

Some children may lie because they are afraid that they will be scolded, lectured, shamed or punished if they admit to their mistake or fault. If this is the case then a parent needs to consider whether they encourage open communication in their home or make it challenging for their children to speak the truth. Do our children feel the liberty to share what’s really going on in their hearts?

Dr. Harold Sala, author of The Parent Map, outlines 10 guidelines for successful discipline (pg. 151 – 161). I will summarize them here, but if you have the opportunity to, grab a copy of his book at OMF Literature. It’s one of the most complete books I’ve read on parenting.

1. Establish clear limits of behavior. Dr. Haim Ginnot wrote that children “need a definition that tells them clearly what constitutes unacceptable conduct and what substitute will be accepted. The limits must be stated firmly so that it carries only one message, ‘This prohibition is for real. I mean business.'” Dr. Sala encourages us to expect our children to comply immediately. We shouldn’t be counting 1, 2, 3 and so on before they obey.

2. Enforce boundaries with consistent discipline. Spouses need to agree on the same rules and hold their children accountable for them without contradicting one another.

3. Discipline in private. I’ve made the mistake of correcting one of my sons in public one too many times. By public, I mean at the dinner table, in front of his siblings. He does much better when I take him aside and talk to him in private, one-on-one.

4. Establish responsibility for wrongdoing. Asking our children questions like “Why did you do what you did?” or “What did you do?” will allow them to identify their error, versus asking a question like, “Did you__________?” which warrants only a yes or no answer.

5. Show grief over the offense. Whenever our children disobey us, Edric and I express how it hurts us. We don’t go on and on about how sad we are. But we do let our kids know that it grieves us when they make choices that are displeasing to the Lord because that’s the real issue — we want them to make choices that please and honor God.

6. Discipline should be commensurate with the offense. Dr. Sala states that the “measure of discipline should be in relation to the severity of wrongdoing — neither too severe nor too light.” A mom told me that she put hot sauce in her four year old’s mouth for speaking unkindly to the househelp. She cried afterwards because she accidentally poured too much of it into his mouth and he was traumatized afterwards. On the one hand, he got the message loud and clear, but looking back, she realized it was a little severe.

7. Practice common-sense discipline with a purpose. A parent can use restrictions, time outs, writing assignments, and physical discipline. Restrictions would be things like reducing the amount of time on a gadget, or temporary suspension from a favorite activity. When Elijah was using his IPad to do a lot of research about apps, I gave him a time limit. He actually appreciate it because he wanted to know his “boundaries” when it came to IPad use. Time-outs work better for older children. I’ve asked my older sons to spend some time thinking about their wrong attitudes and praying about how they can change and they will come back to me with renewed spirits and an apology. Physical discipline, according to Sala, should be used only when a child is rebellious or defiant.

8. Allow a child to vent his emotions, then talk about what has happened and how to better handle the situation in the future. Edric and I have done this a number of times with our kids. We let them share their feelings or frustrations and then steer them gently in the direction of right thinking and right actions.

9. Once a matter has been dealt with, consider it forgiven. In other words, parents shouldn’t hold on to the offense of their child and use it against them in the future. We need to forgive as God has forgiven us.

10. Balance discipline with personal attention. I really like this point because children who are consistently problematic probably need a lot of attention from their parents. Dr. Sala writes, “Nothing is a greater gift to your child, nor will anything contribute more to his good behavior, than the gift of yourself.”

So, when is it appropriate to use spanking as a form of discipline?

This is where we have to carefully consider the nature of the offense and the context. Sometimes children make mistakes of the mind. They forget about a rule without intending to break it out of defiance. A mistake of the heart, on the other hand, is making a conscious choice to go against the will of a parent.

For example, one day, I called out to Catalina, asking her to come to me, and she purposefully walked away while looking back at me with a face that spelled, “I don’t have to listen to you, I can do what I want to.” I know that’s the look she was giving because I am with her everyday, therefore I am well acquainted with her personality, expressions, and tendencies. This moment was clearly a mistake of the heart and I couldn’t let her get away with disobeying and disrespecting me. It wasn’t about trying to control her for my own purposes. It was about teaching her to obey authority, for her future good.

Imagine what would happen if we were walking on the sidewalk of a street and she refused to stay beside me and hold my hand, choosing instead to run off? And what if a vehicle was headed her way and she didn’t know it, and she attempted to make her way on to the street itself. I would have to call out, “Catalina, wait for mommy!” or, “Catalina, stop!” or “Catalina, come here!” And if she chose to defy me as the vehicle zoomed past, she would most probably die! So, am I willing to inflict a measure of pain in the present to convey the importance of obedience? The answer is yes.

The point of this article is to say that spanking shouldn’t be quickly labeled as an abusive form of discipline, especially when it can save a child from future hurt and pain. Can it be abusive if done inappropriately? Yes (please refer to the clarifications stated at the beginning about what spanking is NOT). However, it can also be one of the best ways to teach life-saving obedience when a child is very young. Nevertheless, spanking isn’t the only form of discipline that a parent can and should implore to deal with the undesirable behaviors their child exhibits. There are a variety of disciplinary actions a parent can apply to train a child. Depending on the circumstance and the issue, a parent must be committed to the aim of discipline, which is to produce the fruit of righteousness in their child. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit ofrighteousness. (Hebrews 12:11) Proper discipline will be about “heart modification” (a term author Tedd Tripp uses), and not just “behavior modification.”

Let me close with a quote from Dr. Harold Sala’s book, “Discipline is an integral part of love…God instructed parents, fathers in particular, to discipline their children in order to save them from heartbreak and anguish.” (The Parent Map, pg.143,145)


So…to spank or not to spank? I’ll leave that up to you to pray about and decide. May the Lord give us the wisdom and the resolve to never give up and never surrender to the challenge of training our children! “Discipline your son, for there is hope, do not set your heart on putting him to death.” (Proverbs 19:18)