motherhood

A God Who Minds the Small Stuff

May 15, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 3 Comments

Recently, Titus received a marble maze toy for his birthday. Yes, he still likes marbles and no, he is not swallowing them anymore. Whew.

All the boys have enjoyed this toy and it has brought them many hours of creative fun. Two days ago, they wanted to bring it to their cousin’s house. I allowed them to on one condition. They had to keep track of all the marbles. I told Edan he was personally responsible for the 20 steel marbles. After all, he was the one who insisted on bringing the toy to his cousin’s and he tends to be very responsible about these things.

Unfortunately, a most untoward incident happened. The bag the marbles were carried in had a hole. Some marbles fell out of it while the kids were on the way to their cousin’s. Edan started to cry. He wailed and wailed.

He is such a tender hearted child and is very particular about fulfilling the tasks he is assigned to. So this was a devastating turn of events for him. I was in the study room of my parent’s house when Edan came up to me to explain what happened.

They didn’t know where the marbles could have fallen out. Maybe in the car, or in grandma and angkong’s house, or on the street while they were walking over. Basically, their chances of finding them were very slim. Two remained missing.

Of course I did not blame them for the accident but since we had an agreement, they could not play with the marble toy until they found the missing marbles.

I encouraged them by saying, “Try your best to look for the marbles and pray that God will allow you to find them.” Edan, was especially intentional about praying because he was the most affected and frustrated by what happened.

I prayed, too! “Lord, can you consider the prayer of my kids? For the sake of their young faith? Can you possibly help them find the marbles?”

The kids did their best but after a while, I told them to go on over to their cousins anyway. Hopefully, the marbles would turn up somewhere. They were not allowed to play with the marble maze, but they had fun with other toys and games.

At 9 PM, when we took the kids home, I asked for an update on the marbles. One of our yayas told me that Titus had found a marble on the couch of their cousin’s house and he another one in a blue bag.

Strange.

I asked Titus if he had kept any of the marbles in his pocket when he walked over to his cousin’s house but he hadn’t. And, the blue bag had been left in their cousin’s house last week. The boys also told me that their cousins did not have that toy so if those marbles looked like the same steel marbles from the marble maze, they were most certainly ours.

But, there was NO WAY they could have ended up where Titus found them because the marbles had been misplaced even before the kids got to their cousin’s house.

I asked for the bag of marbles and counted them. There were 20! I counted them three times. The marbles were all the same steel ones that had come with the set.

The boys started smiling really big and I was in awe.

“It’s a miracle!” Elijah shouted. Edan, who is generally calm and more reserved, kept grinning at me. He had this knowing look on his face.

“What do you think happened, Edan? Remember, you prayed?”

Edan acknowledged that God had answered his prayer. He told me that recently, God had answered another prayer he had, too.

“Lord, you are amazing. I don’t know how those two marbles ended up where they did, but thank you. Thank you so much for paying attention to the prayer of the kids.”

I tried to replay the events over and over again in my mind and it just didn’t make sense that the marbles were recovered. From a human stand point, it really was impossible. So the only logical conclusion was God made a way for the marbles to re-appear!

God has a way of building the faith of my kids. He can use the small stuff to make a big impact. This incident was another reminder that He is a personal God not just to me, but to my kids. He reveals himself to them so they are encouraged to keep seeking him. It’s like he said of himself in Jeremiah, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. “(Jeremiah 29:13 NASB)

Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14 NASB)

For Mommies Who Don’t Like to Be Zombies

May 14, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 8 Comments

Once again, I am offering take it or leave it advice on motherhood. This one is about getting your baby to sleep through the night. A friend recently asked me about sleep training and I gave her tips that worked for my kids. So far, she is enjoying better sleep and her baby is doing just fine.

If you are like me and miss your uninterrupted sleep, and you feel like being a zombie is not your speed, then I hope this will help. However, if you are the type of mom who can’t stand to let your baby cry (even if it is done very purposefully), then you may have vehement objections to this article. In case you are neither of the above and just curious, read on…

I have four kids and I am pregnant with a fifth. Sleep training is a matter of survival. If I don’t sleep train, I won’t be able to fulfill some very important duties…like prioritizing my husband and caring for my other kids. Too many people need me at this point so I can’t kill myself by neglecting a good night’s rest.

When I was a rookie mom, I had no idea about sleep training so I suffered for almost 2 years and aged, oh, a good 10 years! My son, Elijah, woke up to breastfeed every night and I gave in because I thought, well, that’s what good mothers do. Looking back, I was right and wrong.

Good mothers do make sacrifices. But they don’t have to be martyrs. A really good mother loves her children unconditionally and purposefully addresses their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs. Having said that, sleep training is a purposeful way to meet a child’s physical needs. And there is a way to do it without neglecting their emotional needs either.

By the time a breastfed baby is between three and six months old, they have put on a significant amount of weight, their stomachs can take in more milk, they have had many hours and days of bonding with you, and they don’t spend the entire day asleep (unlike newborns). Therefore, it is an opportune time to regulate their sleeping and feeding patterns, especially at night.

During each feeding, they will probably take in 4 to 6 ounces of milk. Depending on their weight, they will be drinking between 24 to 36 ounces per day. They still need to sleep about 15 hours a day.

Here is what worked for a 3-hours-in-between-feeding schedule for my last baby, Tiana:
6 AM – Feed / Play
9 AM – Feed / (2 hour nap)
12 PM – Feed / Play
3 PM – Feed / (2 hour nap)
6 PM – Night time routine / Feed (3 hour sleep)
1O PM – Last Feed / Sleep through the night (8 hours)

Please don’t feel like your baby has to have the same schedule. Every infant is different. Some feed every 1.5 to two hours. Tiana happened to do fine with 3 hours in between feeds. So I worked with this.

I let her take two significant naps during the day and by evening, we had a night time routine. She would be given a nice warm bath, we would read a story, or I would sing her a lullaby. The lights would be turned down low and no one was allowed to make loud noises or barge into the room during this time. After feeding her, I would put her down even before she dosed off and she would put herself to sleep.

She learned to do this because during her day time naps, I would let her soothe herself to sleep as well. So she didn’t have to be pat or held to fall asleep.

To train her to sleep through the night, I let her cry out the 2 or 3 AM feed that she got used to in the first few months. She would cry for about 15 to 20 minutes then fall asleep again. This happened for a couple of nights (not more than a week) until her body regulated itself and she took in more milk during her other feeding times. The same process happened with my boys, too.

Of course it is always unpleasant to hear an infant crying. You feel like you might be damaging or hurting your baby somehow. So here is a good checklist to put your conscience at ease before you try sleep training:

Do I spend a lot of time with my baby during the day?
Is my baby alert, active, and healthy?
Is my baby gaining the appropriate amount of weight and growing just fine?
Am I still feeding her at least 6 to 8 times per day?
Is she wetting her diapers regularly?
Do my husband and I have the same conviction about sleep training?

If you can answer yes to the above questions, then rest assured that a few nights of letting them cry is not going to have long-term, negative impact. You have lots of time during the day to bond with your baby and assure her that you are present, available and that you love her. Remember, you aren’t depriving your baby of breast milk, sleep or attention. Babies will adjust to their feeding and sleeping schedules so they get enough milk and sleep. You are simply helping her develop a rhythm that allows both of you to enjoy each other more.

In the long run, training my babies to soothe themselves to sleep and sleep through the night made it easier to transition them into napping and sleeping on their own as toddlers, too. I didn’t have to stay in the room with them and they didn’t need bottles at night either. When it was time to sleep, I could put them down awake or tell them to go to bed. Then I would leave them alone to fall sleep.

Personally, I feel that sleep training before my babies turn 4 months is the easier route. But remember, every mom is different. All moms have an instinct for what is best for their baby. What is comfortable for me may not be comfortable for you. Or, you may have qualms that have not been addressed here, so do your research on sleep training and decide for yourself. Sleep Training Options

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

May 11, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 5 Comments

As a mother I often feel that I am a composite of the women in my life — the grandmothers, mothers, sisters, friends, and role models who have made an indelible impact in the blueprint of who I am. Some have wounded me, but others have healed me. Some have disappointed me, but others have inspired me. Some have rejected me, but others have loved me.

Whether an inspiring ideal of inward and outward beauty or a glimpse of undesirable selfishness, each woman that I have known has passed on an invaluable life lesson that has shaped my understanding of what it means to mother a child, to raise one and let them go. I am not the sum of them all but they are most certainly a part of who I have become. And I owe a great deal of gratitude to these women who, at different points in my personal journey into motherhood, have been a companion, an example to follow (or sometimes avoid), an encourager, a confidant, a resonant soul.

Yet, of all the women that have intersected the timeline of my life, I am most thankful to the Lord for my mom. She did not meet me at an intersection or crossroad. She was there from the beginning, from inception, when I was fragile and nameless in the womb.

I have always felt her love. She has loved me through every season…loved me to Jesus…loved me for my greater good.

When I was in high school and college, I made some wrong choices. But mom did not go ballistic. She continued to disciple me, helping me think through my decisions and actions in light of my relationship with the Lord. Her manner of mentoring was not judgmental or overbearing. She knew how to address heart issues and pray for me. Always ready to listen, comfort, affirm, and gently correct me, she was my best resource for biblical advice and counsel. Eventually, I recommitted my life to Christ and became serious about following him, and she played a big role in helping me get to that point.

We remain incredibly close. It was easy to cultivate a relationship with mom because she was around and present. We spent a lot of time together…morning walks, cooking and baking in the kitchen, going to the market and grocery, homeschooling, shopping, serving the Lord together…talking about stories, perspectives, insights, and dreams.

Yesterday, I held my daughter, Tiana, in my arms because she was crying. Whispering into her ear, I tenderly said, “Mommy is here.” Tiana calmed down and snuggled up against me. And for a moment, I remembered the way my mom held me, not as a little girl but as a teenager, the night I was raped. (Whoa, for those of you who haven’t been following this blog, this might sound shocking. Read this post if you have no idea what I’m talking about: A Story Worth Sharing.)

I was lying on the bed crying. I really didn’t know how to feel. Mom put her arms around me like she would have a baby. And she stayed beside me quiet and still, also crying. She really didn’t have to say anything. I knew that she wanted me to know she was there for me. Eventually I fell asleep and mom was still there the next morning. I will never forget that.

Up till this day, I can call her or visit her and know with absolute certainty that I am a welcome interruption. I’ve never felt like I was a burden to her. In fact, she often tells me that she enjoys being with me and has so much fun when we are together. I feel the same way.

Beyond her love and presence, I am most grateful for the godly legacy she passed on to me. Both my parents were intentional about parenting my siblings and I. They introduced us to Jesus and taught us what it means to follow him. My dad was the spiritual leader of our home and he had great impact on our understanding of who God is. My mom, on the other hand, provided a daily example of sacrifice, kindness, goodness, joy, peace, and faith. I grew up with her as a reference point for motherhood and I wanted to be like her.

My mom is blonde-haired and blue-eyed. Physically, we do not look alike. We never will. My blonde sisters-in-law look more like her biological daughters than I do. However, people have often said that I talk and act the way she does. And that is a great compliment! If there is any woman in the world whose character I would like to be associated with, it is my mom’s. If there is any woman in the world I admire most, it is my mom.

I admire her for being a spirit-filled, godly woman who loves God with all her heart. I admire her for raising five children and making it look so easy. I admire her for being a homemaker who put the happy in our home. I admire her for being present during every important milestone of my life and my sibling’s. I admire her for not going crazy when she homeschooled all of us. I admire her for being attentive and discerning about our weaknesses and areas of need so she could encourage us toward righteousness and pray for us. And I admire her for loving us inexhaustibly and unconditionally through the years without expecting or demanding compensation for her many acts of selflessness. She is, as Proverbs 31 puts it, a woman who excels them all!

Happy Mother’s Day to you, mom! I praise God for you!

Proverbs 31:28 “Her children rise up and bless her…”

My Out-of-the-Box Child

May 4, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 1 Comment

I’ve said it before that Titus often fascinates me because he is such an out-of-the-box thinker and he has learned many things on his own.

One afternoon he was counting aloud by 10s (something I had not taught him). He counted all the way up to 100. I turned over to him and said, “Where did you learn that? Who taught you that?” His Jedi-like reply was, “I know many things, mom.”

At this statement I started laughing really hard. He meant it with all sincerity. I followed up with, “Yes, but HOW did you learn to count by 10s?” Once again, I found it comedic when he said, “I think, mom! I just think!” It was almost like he was insulted that I questioned his ability to understand concepts on his own.

Recently, when my nieces, nephews and kids were doing a puppet show with my sister-in-law she asked everyone to make their puppets stand on their heads. Titus was the only one that thought of bending his puppet in half so that its feet touched its head…literally, standing on its head!

Because I haven’t spent too much time “teaching” him formally, I will have to give credit to John Holt’s idea that children are learning all the time. When they are not forced to learn too early, but provided with a stimulating, enriching environment in which to explore, create, build, invent, and discover, they educate themselves. Learning happens naturally and very often in the context of play. Titus certainly needs character training like my other children, but he has caught on just fine with the academics even without too much one-on-one instruction from me.

At four years old, he can read, comprehend, he is beginning to write better, he understands fundamental math concepts, and he is developing normally. He may not be as articulate as his older brothers were at his age, but he is a loving, happy, curious, and determined child…with a very positive opinion about himself. When I am teaching him, he will say, “This is sooo easy, mom!” And then he will start working and be like, “How do you do this again?”

I laugh alot with Titus. He has a unique perspective that I treasure as a mom. I appreciate that he doesn’t think linearly and that he pays attention to things that others might take forgranted.

One time he picked up a flattened fruit loop that was left on the floor of our condominium lobby. Everyone else thought it was dirty. But he picked it up and put it in his pocket. I didn’t realize this until we were in the car and he was cradling it in his hand. I told him he should throw it. After all, who knows where that fruit loop came from or who stepped on it? But he begged me to keep it.

Heck. Why not, I thought. If it matters that much to him and it isn’t a life and death issue, why can’t he be himself and keep it? He’s the only one who thought of doing so anyway and it’s important to him. So I told him he could and that made his day. A little fruit loop. I made him promise not to eat it and he didn’t.Whew!

Titus has stretched my parenting muscles a lot. I used to get really frustrated with him because he would take things apart, break his toys, color and draw in his books, tear out pages, peel the labels off things like crayons (he still does), hide objects under his bed like marbles and cereal, get himself into precarious predicaments, and bullheadedly insist on his way.

For example, when he was 8 months old, he weaned himself from breastfeeding. I was so upset and sad about it. None of my other children did this. I really wanted him to breastfeed for longer to keep bonding with him. But he insisted that he was ready to move on to the bottle. My fear was he would be deprived of affection because he was my third child. Without those bonding sessions, I didn’t get to hold him as often.

This was my first experience with Titus’ different way of doing things. Initially, I wanted to control him. I wanted to force him to breastfeed. But he ended up biting me! So that was it, I surrendered that stage over to the Lord. Crying and depressed, I accepted his decision to wean.

Such was the beginning of my parenting adventures with Titus. It took me a while to recognize that God designed Titus with a personality that was hand-picked by Him for a reason and purpose.

Titus turned out to be one my most affectionate children, my big hugger. In fact, he is such a touch person, he will randomly head butt people to get their attention! On certain mornings, he will crawl into bed beside me after he wakes up and let me drape my whole self around him like a pillow. He is the only one who will lie there contentedly and still. He won’t squirm away or complain that I am too heavy. And he will come up to me and randomly hug and kiss me during the day without being asked to. Who would ever have thought my earliest weaned baby would have become like this?

I love all my children equally but God taught me how to love my Titus. Through Titus, God has helped me to grow in character, especially in the area of patience!

His birthday is coming up in two days and I wanted to write this to celebrate the joy and color that he has brought into our lives. I could’ve missed out on appreciating him had I placed him in a mold of my own liking…to make my parenting “convenient.” But God made certain children out-of-the-box — children who make us see the world differently, who challenge the norm (in a good way), who keep us from getting complacent about our parenting, and who make us dependent upon the Lord for the creativity and wisdom we need to instruct them. Titus is special just the way he is and I hope that Edric and I can keep encouraging him to grow in the Lord and become the man that God wants him to be.

Belly Banding It

May 1, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 3 Comments

I got to run today with the help of this belly band that I borrowed from my friend. Without it, I get ligament pain. This is my first time to get ligament pain in pregnancy while exercising and it’s obviously an age issue. Since I usually carry my babies pretty high, I can play sports up until 7 months and then just deal with the back pain after. But with this baby, my belly seems lower so there is more pressure on my ligaments.

The belly band worked wonders. It was like having an extra strip of muscle to hold everything up. I couldn’t run super fast but the pace was enough to work up a sweat. Edric and I did 5k and he was very sweet to slow down for me. In fact, he kept on doing side glances to see if I was okay. Last month, I told him to run ahead of me because the pain was the stabbing, arresting kind that forced me to walk. So being able to finish with him was such a joy. Yeah! I will take this one run at a time.

Of course, by the time I got home, I was twice as hungry so I probably negated the exercise. But I was energized! There is nothing like a jog and morning sun to get the blood circulating, especially to the brain. And I need blood flow in my brain right now.

My brain has been functioning at 50% capacity. It’s called pregnancy brain. I forget my children’s names and interchange them, and I misuse words and terminologies often. Sometimes, I just stare at nothing and it is actually very relaxing.

I just recently wrote about exercise in pregnancy so I won’t go into that. Instead I wanted to make a note about how pregnancy doesn’t have to alter your lifestyle significantly. As much as possible, I try to do the same things I do when I am not pregnant — homeschool, home management, ministry, speaking engagements, dates with my hubby, write, exercise…It certainly makes the pregnancy go by quicker because life goes on as usual. As my due date gets closer, naturally, I will have to cut back on some things. But at least pregnancy doesn’t feel like an interruption.

It’s the post pregnancy phase that makes my life stop for about six months. Caring for a newborn and breastfeeding are the more challenging parts. So I try to maximize the pregnancy phase by keeping up with activities I enjoy and wearing a belly band if I need some extra help to do so.

Making Babies, Simplified

May 1, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 10 Comments

I consider myself a pretty laid back mom. After four kids, you kind of realize what you need and don’t need, what’s essential and what’s unnecessary. So, I thought of writing out some take it or leave it tips for would-be and hope-to-be moms…for moms “in the making.”

These are things that have been helpful for me, but at the end of the day, every mom is different, so read on, but take in to consideration your personal circumstances and what works best for you.

PRE-PREGNANCY:

I am going to be cliche…”Health is wealth.”

Be fit before you get pregnant. Pregnancy really takes a toll on you. It’s going to demand mental, emotional and physical fortitude. So prepare early. Generally speaking, you “reap what you sow,” as the book of Galatians puts it. Control what you can but be open to God’s will for your pregnancy plans.

The women I know who tend to have less complications in pregnancy are women who exercise, mind their diet, and have a healthy lifestyle. They also regain their pre-pregnancy form much quicker and easier than those who have no muscle tone…especially in the abdomen.

You can be stick thin before you are pregnant but if you have neglected your core muscles, it will be a challenge to get a flat tummy after. It’s possible, but you will have to work a whole lot harder. So do those crunches regularly while you aren’t pregnant. Of course, don’t forget to kiegel, kiegel, kiegel! You don’t want your bladder falling out either. Hey, this can happen!

If you are trying to have a baby and having a hard time conceiving, try the following: start getting into shape, sleep earlier, stop drinking and smoking, take vitamins and supplements, reduce stress by going on a vacation, switch to a healthier diet, work on your romance, and have sex often. Forget the fertility calendar and enjoy intimacy with your spouse instead of using sex as a means to get pregnant. If that still doesn’t work, then consider a fertility doctor. But do what you can first, naturally, and see where God leads you from there.

PREGNANCY:

When you are finally pregnant, continue to eat well and stay fit. Too much weight gain or too little can be detrimental for your baby, and you don’t want to get gestational diabetes. Be wise about what you eat. Stay away from foods high in sugar (as much as possible.) Sigh. Pastries, white rice, chocolate. Darn, I just ate two vanilla wafers!

You can treat yourself when you are out for dinner or at a party. But don’t keep tempting treats in your pantry or refrigerator. If you don’t buy it, you won’t think about it. If it’s not in the refrigerator or pantry to call out to you, it will be easier to avoid eating the bad stuff. Stock up on fruit and healthy snacks instead, so when you get a craving, your only option is something good for you.

My sugar cravings kicked in earlier this time around and my mistake was making fudge. Because it was available, I would fantasize about eating it and then give in! After my first trimester, I stopped this bad habit but it is still a temptation…

The other day, I said to the kids, “Hey, let’s make some fudge!” But, Elijah, my 10 year old “conscience” said, “Mom, if you make it, you are going to eat it, even if you say you are just going to eat a little bit!” Then he added, “If you gain too much weight, it’s your fault.” Strict! Okay, okay, I get it. No fudge. I will wait until I am breastfeeding and burning 500 extra calories a day. Woohoo!

A trick I have employed in curbing the craving for sugar is eating small meals throughout the day and drinking a ton of water. The other day, I had a camote for a snack. I did put some butter on it, but it was much healthier than something like a cupcake. Sometimes I will have a banana, prunes, or glass of milk in between meals. Prunes are great because they can help facilitate your digestive processes which tend to get cloggy due to progesterone.

As for fitness, you can stay active during pregnancy especially if you were already exercising before, but be realistic. If you are not such a spring chicken, don’t go running in a marathon. You can get back to a more strenuous work-out program after you give birth. Walking, swimming, yoga are some exercise options that won’t kill your back or put you in danger of falling over. The change of balance due to the weight of your growing belly can make certain exercises dangerous.

Even though pregnancy limits your exercise options, as much as possible, avoid being sedentary. Unfortunately, I had to hit the pause button on exercising while we didn’t have househelp and I felt the difference. More water-retention, digestion issues, and sluggishness. Now that our househelp is back, I can start again. At 25 weeks, I may not be as light on my feet but I can at least get my blood circulating with moderate levels of exercise.

If you want to track your weight gain, you can use this link: weight gain estimator
to see if you are within a healthy range based on your starting point.

YOUR DOCTOR AND CHILDBIRTH:

Choose an Ob-Gynecologist who is pro-natural birth. And if you can tolerate it, give birth without medication. Go Lamaze or Bradley. You will be more engaged, alert and so will your baby. Check out Natural Birth to get inspired to go natural.

I talked to Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan just this afternoon who suggested I consider a water birth. She gave me the contact information of Deborah Gutafson (0906-440-7059 / [email protected]) who has been a midwife for the last 20 years. Maricel did it and said it was wonderful but I don’t know if I am that brave! I will consult my doctor about it first. Since I tend to be the kind of person that likes to know what I am getting into or I won’t do it, I may just stick to the Bradley method again.

Although I am an advocate of natural birth methods, you need to trust your doctor. It’s possible that at the last moment, your doctor may detect that your baby is in distress or that there is a risk to your health and baby. In which case, a C-section may be necessary. So find a doctor whom you are absolutely comfortable with, someone who will consider your preferences for birth but whom you can trust to tell you what is best for you and your baby.

I was blessed to be cared for by a doctor who has delivered all four of my babies without anesthesia. I am calling this out because it’s not easy for a doctor to wait around as you labor. After all, their time is valuable. But she did not make me feel like I was inconveniencing her. Since my births have been so pleasant with her, I also endorse her as an Ob-Gynecologist to friends. (Dr. Regina Capistrano – St. Luke’s Global at 789-7700 loc. 7315, St. Luke’s Q.C. at 723-1082, and Mega Clinic in SM Megamall).

One of the reasons why I prefer natural birth is it is a very uncomplicated way to bring a baby into this world. Sure, it hurts, but God designed a woman’s body to birth babies naturally. There are exceptions but he has equipped us with the unique capacity to work through the pain and triumph over it.

The Bradley method focuses on the contraction as a positive pain, while Lamaze involves choosing a focal point and using breathing techniques to distract you from the pain. I have tried both and even done a combination, with Edric by my side as my coach. And even if I dread the pain, I wouldn’t want to go any other way.

One economic benefit of giving birth naturally is that you don’t have to stay in the hospital too long, assuming there are no complications with your birth and baby. Edric usually checks us out by the third day.

What about maternity insurance? If you are the type that wants to feel secure about your options, I recommend Globalhealth and Bupa. The cost will depend upon your age.

To give you a benchmark, my sister-in-law is in her mid-thirties, so she will spend 110k total for two years. Since she delivers by c-section, it makes sense for her to pay this amount because she still pays more without insurance. With this insurance, her coverage is up to $8,000 for maternity, but her total health coverage is 2 million dollars.

For more information, contact Betty Sy at 9649192 Globe Duo or email her at [email protected] (Betty didn’t ask me to promote her but I know she takes very good care of her clients.) She herself has three daughters. And since she has Antiphospholipid Antibodies Syndrome (APAS), she has very high maternity costs so getting the insurance for herself has been worth it. I didn’t opt for it because we pay less than 80k for giving birth and hospital expenses.

POST-PREGNACY:

Breastfeed! Don’t feel badly if it seems like you don’t have milk at the start. It usually comes in after three or four days. Before then, just keep letting your baby latch on and suck. It will stimulate milk flow and production. And they will get the colostrum in the first few days, which is very important for their immunity. The size of a newborn tummy is like a quail egg. It doesn’t take much to fill it so don’t worry about them starving. Just feed them every 1.5 to 2 hours after you give birth and eventually, your milk will come in.

Read all about the benefits of breastfeeding here: Why breastfeeding is important

If you want to increase your breast milk production take malunggay capsules, drink lots of fluids, eat soupy dishes, feed on demand, and pump regularly. Personally, I don’t like pumping. It makes me feel like an unattractive cow. I don’t want my husband, Edric, to ever see me pumping!

And since I am a stay at home mom, I prefer to breastfeed directly. It’s wonderful bonding for my babies and me. If I go out on a date or need to be out of the house, I will hand pump a bottle or two. But that’s it. I don’t have a freezer full of breast milk. Some of my friends are constantly donating their milk. It’s amazing. The can feed a country. Connect with Medela Moms for everything you need to know about breastfeeding and more.

Breastpumps (the electric or battery operated ones) can be expensive. So if you want to use one, try borrowing from a friend or relative who has one but isn’t breastfeeding at present. If you don’t have anyone who can loan you theirs then check out this list of breastpumps reviews to decide on what to buy.

What about other “gadgets?” Personally, I don’t get a lot of baby gadgets. First of all, they end up being a source of clutter which I don’t like since our apartment is small. And second, the usage is short-lived. In between babies, there is no room to store them. So instead of a stroller, I carry my babies in a sling. I use a roll out mat and put it on the bed to change their diapers versus using a changing table. Since I breastfeed, I don’t need to lug around bottles and milk. I am the bottle. It’s either a crib or bassinet for the baby to sleep in. Not a co-sleeper, rocker, cradle, Moses basket, etc. When they start crawling, I just put out a big comforter on the floor, on top of foam mats, surround it with pillows, throw some baby toys in the middle, and let my babies explore. You get the picture. If I can improvise, I do.

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People used to tell Edric and I that it is expensive to have kids. And yes, it is “costly” to be a parent because it is a long term emotional and spiritual investment. But getting pregnant and having babies can be a lot less complicated and inexpensive that most people think, especially if your lifestyle choices tend to be simple. The great thing is, nearly 4 kids later, with one more on the way, and God has faithfully provided for each pregnancy, birth, and the child-rearing stage. Furthermore, Edric and I continue to discover that the blessings of having children far outweigh the costs, too!

Just Like Hannah (a re-post)

April 21, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 1 Comment

I pray you will be blessed by this testimony by a dear friend who prayed to have a child for many years…by SARANGANI MOMMY (Michelle Lopez Solon)

“I want to have grand kids, so double time!” that was part of the speech of my father-in-law during our wedding 7 years ago. It was everyone’s well wish and expectation for us to conceive and have “mini-me’s” running around. But it was not an easy journey for us.

After a year of marriage and not conceiving, I visited the OB-GYNE to find out what can be done for me to get pregnant. My ultrasound showed I have polycystic ovaries. The doctor said that the cyst was small and it should not bother us. The only solution to this syndrome was to get pregnant. It seemed like an easy solution, but it was far from easy for us.

I remained very hopeful. My husband and I prayed, fasted, believed that we would get pregnant. Different options were given to us, pills, exercise, following a menstrual cycle for days of contact… however the months became years and I began losing faith.

I admit that I was getting disappointed with God. I would cry every time my period would come. It pierced my heart when people would ask why we were not getting pregnant and received their suggestions on what we should do. There was a year when everyone around me was getting pregnant (even my own dog!)… but I remained barren. It came to a point that I needed to blame someone for why I was not conceiving… I started to blame my husband because at that time he was not open to get himself checked. I wondered why God was not granting our request… I was getting bitter towards God so that I’d say “I don’t care if I don’t get pregnant.” Truthfully that was the total opposite. I did care.

God never gave up on me though. God was working on me, stretching my faith muscles. Through His Word he reminded me of Hannah. Years she was barren, mocked for being childless, and she too cried to God. Her account is found in the book of 1 Samuel 1.

v 10 “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.”

But after Hannah cried to the Lord, she left this concern in faith, not in doubt or bitterness. After Eli (the priest) saw her in the temple crying he pronounced a blessing upon her and she left, no longer depressed.

v 18 “Then she went back and began to eat again, and she was no longer sad”

The bible accounts that “the Lord remembered her plea”; v 20 “and in due time she gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, “I asked the Lord for him.”

I had to learn to trust God’s plan and timing for everything and for everyone. I was becoming impatient and seeding doubt. Thank God for friends who never stopped praying for us, and that encouraged me to believe.

In 2010, my twin sister gave birth to her 3rd child, Jonathan David (JD). I was with her at the labor room, and I had the privilege to see her baby right after delivery. I held her little one in my arms, and began feeling hopeful again of God’s promise to me and my husband. The week after, I took a step of faith of seeing a specialist who would assess our situation. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. The week after, I was wheeled in the operating room for a laparoscopic procedure to remove the adhesions and polyps in my uterus and the cysts on my ovaries.

I was a Stage IV Endometriosis patient. In short, infertile. But that did not stop me from believing that God can open my womb. My husband began to follow the footsteps of Isaac who prayed for his wife. Genesis 25:21 “Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The Lord answered Isaac’s prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins.”

Okay, we did not have twins. But, 3 months after the procedure we were pregnant! I cried for joy for the Lord remembered me. However, on our 5th week check up, the doctor could not find the sac. My blood (hcg) test said I was definitely pregnant, the pregnancy test showed 2 lines. But there was no sac.

We started to pray, and I believed God would show us a miracle, that in the next test we would see the baby in the uterus. We flew to Manila to have myself checked there… The findings — possible ectopic pregnancy.

The doctor explained to me that I had to undergo another operation again. She also told me straight that I could lose one of my fallopian tubes if the baby implanted in it. I was crushed, my husband was too. Both of us were crying the night before getting confined in the hospital. I was grieving about losing this child. That night I could not sleep, I kept talking to God. “Lord, please tell my child how much I want to be his/her mom.” I was talking to my baby and telling my baby “I love you, you made me excited to be a mom. I already miss you even if we have never met. You must know I want to have you so much.”

Joy Mendoza, my close friend and discipler called and cried with me… She said, “I am so sorry Mit. How are you feeling?” In my heart, I was not angry at God. I told her, “I know this is God’s will. The mere fact he made me pregnant was already a miracle. I am not disappointed with Him.” I worried about losing my fallopian tube, but the doctor assured me that I could still get pregnant with just one tube.

That day in June 2011, I had another operation to remove the fetus before it ruptured my fallopian tube. After the procedure, when I opened my eyes in the recovery room, my husband told me this “Guess what… the baby was found in the abdomen, it implanted and found blood supply there. But the sac could not sustain so it was ready to be removed. So, they did not cut your fallopian tube. Your reproductive organs are all intact.” When I heard that I had peace. I thanked God for being so gracious, and for giving us a child that was so considerate to give way for another baby in the future by implanting in the abdomen rather than in the tube.

Like Hannah, I cried and grieved before the Lord, but God gave me extra grace and an increased faith. I had more confidence than before that I would conceive in God’s perfect time. Then, I moved on everyday believing that I would receive a child. In fact, there was no pain in my heart about the loss. I felt God’s presence and firm love for me and my future.

And true to God’s promise… I conceived again in April 2012, to our precious baby Joshua. God is indeed faithful, His love never fails. This is why I claim these verses as my life statements: “Everything is possible to him who believes” (Mark 9:23) and “For nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37)

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JOSHUA IS A HEALTHY, HANDSOME BABY BOY! EDRIC AND I WITNESSED HIS DEDICATION TWO MONTHS AGO. IT WAS AN AMAZING TESTAMENT TO HOW GOD’S TIMING IS ALWAYS PERFECT.

Purple Glasses

April 17, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza Leave a Comment

Having a daughter has been such a delight. Binary opposite to her brothers, Tiana, is incredibly feminine and demure. It’s a wonder too since she is growing up surrounded by a lot of testosterone. But lately, I’ve noticed that she is becoming dangerously kikay. She likes clothes and shoes…sometimes a little too much. Where she gets this, I don’t know. When I was a little girl, I ran around in underwear, shirtless. Even to this day, my wardrobe choices are simple. No, I don’t run around in underwear! What I mean is that I’m not a big shopper. I’m a big GROCERY shopper. That’s where most of the money goes. On occasion, I will buy Tiana clothes. I admit that I like seeing her reaction when she gets something new.

“You got this for me, mommy? I really like it! Can I wear it now? Thank you, mommy!” She will say. Of course, I love having another girl in the house who can share this delight.

My boys were NEVER fashion conscious. They could care less about what they wear. Plaids + stripes equals fashion to them. Worn-out cotton shirts and soft shorts are their number one picks for what to wear every day.

With Tiana, it’s so different. She likes to pick out her outfits. She likes to come with me to the store. She calls it “girl’s time.” A few weeks ago, she squealed when I told her we were going shopping and she said, “I’m sooo excited! Can we buy shoes and clothes?” I have to admit that I was suckered by her cuteness. So I said, “Okay!” At the store, she picked out shirts with kittens on them. And she wanted everything in purple or pink. Fortunately, she forgot about the shoes.

For the first time, however, I became concerned when I was shopping for a gift and Tiana was with me. As we walked past a sunglasses boutique, she blurted out, “Mom, I need glasses! I REALLY need purple glasses…for the sun.” She was holding on to my hand in a beggarly sort of way and I looked down at her two-year old self and thought, Whose spawn are you?! When did you receive the materialism bug? You NEED purple sunglasses? You already have purple sunglasses! Did I do this? Oh dear…

In the car, I asked her, “Why do you need purple glasses?”

“Because I need them.”

“What will you do with them?”

“Put them on my eyes.”

“But why do you need them?”

“Because I WANT them…I like them.”

Edric and I laughed as we listened to her. She wasn’t making any sense. Later on during the car ride, she saw a photo of me in Europe wearing a fuzzy sweater and she commented, “I need a sweater like that, mom.”

While all of this is fun for me…a welcome change after having three boys whose emotional meter remains at zero when fashion is a topic of conversation, I’ve got to be careful about encouraging the growing desire she has for clothes and shoes.

Edric had a good point when he said to me one day, “Don’t buy her things unless she really needs them.” Awww…shucks.

Edan, who is very observant, made the remark, “Mom, I think you have to get us more clothes. Tiana has a lot more clothes than we do.” It’s true. Hee hee. My boys are running around in faded raiment while Tiana has a multitude of shiny new garb to choose from in her closet.

So where is the balance? I want to raise a feminine daughter and I think that part of that is teaching her how to put outfits together and dressing up well. But that’s one very small dimension of true femininity. It’s okay to buy clothes and shoes but I shouldn’t over-emphasize her physical appearance. It’s okay to complement the way she looks but I should complement her character more. It’s okay to go shopping for her and with her but I need to refrain from being excessive to protect her from materialism. After all, she is just 2 years old. If she is this interested in buying things at this age, that inclination will be multiplied when she is older.

Did she get new purple glasses? Definitely not. She can still use the pair she already has.
I have to remember that true femininity begins with inner beauty – being gentle and quiet in spirit; cultivating character traits like kindness, thoughtfulness, thankfulness, helpfulness, servant-hood, and the desire to nurture and care for others; developing a love for the Lord and for others…

I’m thankful for a mom who taught me how to walk, stand, sit and dress like a lady but who made character instruction her greater preoccupation. I need to do the same for Tiana and daughter number 2, coming in August!

Your adornment must not be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. (1 Peter 3:3, 4 NASB)

Dealing with the Resistance

April 11, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 4 Comments

Given the “break” we have had from homeschooling because of no househelp, I have been trying to get my kids back into the habit of studying. Since they have gotten used to having the liberty to dictate their personal schedules instead of sitting down in the mornings for their usual studies, I find myself having to deal with complaining and negativity. And these are attitudes that I absolutely do not allow my children to get away with.

Today was one of those days when my second son, Edan, put up a resistance. He slumped over his science notebook and started writing in chicken scratch. This is very uncharacteristic of him. As a very diligent child, he will more often than not assess his goals for the day, tackle them one by one, asking for help when needed but finishing it all by noon. Instead, he was holding the pencil begrudgingly, like he was being tortured, and his demeanor was a picture of negativity.

Recognizing that his heart wasn’t right, I asked him to step out of the room and pray about his attitude. When he was ready, he could come back in and resume his work. I wasn’t about to struggle through the morning with him. When he left, I focused on Elijah, Titus and Tiana, trusting that at some point, he would “crack.”

Well, he took longer than expected. In fact, my eldest son, Elijah, who has gone through the same process of taking time away to think through his attitude, commented, “What’s wrong with him? He is being defiant.” Several times, he checked the door out of concern to see if Edan was coming back. I responded with, “Don’t worry about him. Just focus on what you need to get done. God will speak to him.”

In thirty minutes, Edan snuck back in but not to do work. He sprawled himself out on the sofa like I was not serious about what I had said. “I am sorry but you can only come in here if you are going to do your work. If you are going to lounge around like that, you have to go back into the other room.” He walked out and started to cry – a wailing sort of cry that had anger mixed into it.

I know Edan. He tends to be quiet but he can be just as strong-willed and bullheaded as his other siblings. They all need training and discipline to learn submission to authority, respect, and other important character traits that are necessary for life success so I have to be lovingly tough when necessary to help them grow in these areas.

I knew this was a resistance. He was putting up a “fight.” At any point he could have said sorry and gone right back to what he had to do. But he was trying to escape responsibility.

After a while, he tried to make his constructive exile a little more comfortable, so he picked up a book to read. He also called out, “I am hungry.” My, my.

I went into the room he was in and spoke with him. “I want you to know that you will be in here all day if necessary until you realize that you have to fulfill your responsibilities. That means that you don’t get to eat, read, play, or do anything until you change your attitude.”

He looked at me and started to wail again. Of course he was upset. But it was his choice to draw out his “suffering.” I don’t always have to use spanking as a form of discipline when withdrawal of privileges or natural logical consequences will work just fine. In this case, Edan had to realize that he was free to choose but not free to escape the consequences of his choices. So I let him cry in the room and process his attitude. In the meantime, I went back to teaching my three other kids.

Well, what do you know, in fifteen minutes Edan opened the door and approached me. “I am sorry, ” he said with all sincerity. He gave me a big hug and I embraced him tightly.

“I forgive you. Mommy loves you so much.”

I held him for a while longer and asked if he prayed about his attitude. “I also said sorry to God,” was his reply. He was smiling, happy, and a transformed person. He finished what he had to without a complaining spirit.

Personally, I have experienced how much more effective it is to let my kids acknowledge their wrong and make a personal choice to repent and correct their emotions rather than force them to do their homeschool work when their hearts aren’t ready.

Learning is a privileged experience for those who are eager and willing to be taught. And I want my kids to realize this. My job is not to force them to learn or work hard. I may encourage and motivate them, but my greater job is to cultivate in them a heart that is teachable and responsive to instruction, a heart that desires to please God. And this is a supernatural task. I can’t do it on my own power. By inviting the Holy Spirit to speak to them when they put up a resistance, I am acknowledging my own limitations and dependence on him to work in their hearts. If I were to push them to learn I can imagine that it would only make me angry in a counterproductive way (to say the least).

The more kids I have and the more of them I have to homeschool, the more I realize that only the Lord can convict them of sin and only he can bring about lasting change in them. My part is to remain committed to help them grow spiritually — more in love with God and more like Christ — and to be Christ-like myself (which is often the harder challenge!).

Proverbs 13:1 A wise son accepts his father’s discipline, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.

Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death.

Still Amazed

April 10, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 13 Comments

Prior to the ultra sound for congenital anomaly screening (CAS), which is given between 5 and 6 months for pregnant women, I had a nervous excitement. For the first 22 weeks of my pregnancy I had not looked for baby names, shopped for baby stuff, or imagined what it would be like to have a girl or boy. With previous pregnancies, I could sort of tell what I was having, especially with Tiana. Unlike my boys, I got hot flashes and my hormones seemed a little more wacko than usual. Even Edric got hot flashes and that is just weird but I’d like to think it is love. He shares a whole list of pregnancy symptoms with me each time I am expecting.

With three boys and a daughter, Edric and I both thought that it would be great if we could have one more girl so Tiana could have a sister. Every day since she realized that there was a baby growing in mommy’s tummy, Tiana would pray for a baby girl. “Lord, please help mommy’s baby to be a girl. I pray for my baby girl.” In fact, on one occasion when Titus was assigned to lead prayer time, she got upset when he wasn’t praying for the baby. “Pray for my baby girl! You are not praying for my girl!” she said. She still says “my girl.”

But what did God want? I had to believe that he had it all figured out for all of us. My prayer was, “Lord, you know the desire of my heart. I would really like to have a girl, but give me the grace to accept whatever you decide for our family.”

April 8 was a big day. It was find-out-the-gender-day. Edric and I planned to bring all the kids so it could be a learning session on human anatomy for our homeschooling, and we wanted to find out if it was a boy or girl together.

Unfortunately, when we got to the clinic, the doctor who was supposed to do the ultra sound didn’t come in that day. So, I was disappointed to discover that it wasn’t going to happen. But Edric suggested I ask my OB-Gynecologist for another place to get the ultra sound done and she referred us to In My Womb.

Edric and the kids had a viewing area where they could watch everything from a flat screen. They were practically jumping up and down as they saw the different body parts of the baby. It was especially enlightening for Titus and Tiana who were seeing something like that for the first time. (As a homeschooling family, we like to make the most of every learning opportunity! So Edric and I were teaching the kids while the doctor identified and measured the anatomy and organs of the fetus.)

Edric explained to the kids that God would give us what was best. Whether the baby was a boy or girl, it would be God’s will so he encouraged them to be thankful for His good plan. By the end of our 45-minute session, however, the big news came and it was exactly what we had all hoped for. We celebrated when the doctor announced that she was a girl. 100% sure! Our four children cheered and my first thought was, Lord, you are so good. Who am I that you should consider my desires with such thoughtfulness?

Last night, Edric and I took a walk together. We wanted to spend some time just marveling at how amazing God is. As we prayed and thanked him again for answering our heart’s desire, we thought of how faithful he has been to us, even if we don’t deserve it. He has given each of our children at the right time and met our growing needs without fail. Three babies ago, we wanted to have a girl but God gave us a third son. And he turned out to be exactly what our family needed and wanted after all.

My third son, Titus, who is turning 5 in a few weeks! I praise God for him.

It’s always a win-win with the Lord. If he had chosen to give us a boy again this time around, I would have been disappointed but I know he would have had his reasons. And that’s the great thing about a loving God. You can absolutely trust his reasons even if you don’t always understand them.

Why? Because he is a deeply personal God. He knows our unspoken yearnings and he delights to bless those who follow him.

This is a definite high for our family right now. And I know that life isn’t without its challenges and we can’t expect to be exempt from suffering just because we follow God. I can say this because I went through something horrifying when I was younger even if I was a follower of Jesus. Whether the season be a time of plenty or a time of hardship, I think the one thing we can always believe about God is that he loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives…one that exceeds even our best expectations. Our part is to stay faithful to Him – to follow, love, worship and obey Him with all that we are and with all that we’ve got…through life’s highs and lows.

In my quiet time this morning, I read this passage: “But you shall serve the Lord your God, and He will bless your bread and your water; and I will remove sickness from your midst. There shall be no one miscarrying or barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days…” (Exodus 23:25-26)

When the ultra sound results confirmed a baby girl, I was reminded that God is always amazing! He is a God who blesses.

Phillips, Craig, and Dean have a song that captures what I feel right now. It’s called “Your Grace Still Amazes Me.”

My faithful Father, enduring Friend  
Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end  
It overwhelms me, covers my sin  
Each time I come into Your presence  
I stand in wonder once again

CHORUS:  
Your grace still amazes me  
Your love is still a mystery  
Each day I fall on my knees  
Your grace still amazes me  
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

Oh, patient Saviour
You make me whole  
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul  
What can I give You, Lord, what can I say  
I know there’s no way to repay You  
Only to offer You my praise

It’s deeper, it’s wider  
It’s stronger, it’s higher  
It’s deeper it’s wider  
It’s stronger, it’s higher 
than anything my eyes can see…