When Fathers Say Sorry

June 5, 2013 By 2 Comments

This evening we were watching the movie, We Bought A Zoo, when Tiana nearly lunged towards the edge of the bed while jumping on Titus’ back. With almost superhuman reflex, Edric bounced out of his chair to come to her rescue. But he did so with a little too much emotion. Smacking his hand on the bed several times and raising his voice, he said, “I told you not to go near the edge of the bed!”

The three boys had troubled looks on their faces as they tried to take in his response. Tiana had not meant to be so careless. She was playing. But Edric had panicked. And he lost his cool. Afterwards, He ordered all the kids to sit in a row beside me so they wouldn’t be anywhere near the end of the bed. They complied but I could sense that it was out of fear and slight confusion.

I was surprised by the agitation and drama of his posture. He tried to explain to Tiana why he got upset but by then she had already started to cry. As for me, I felt annoyed that he had been so reactive. First of all, it was unnecessary. He could have just whisked her into his arms and spoken calmly to her. Second, I thought it was a bad example to the kids. He did seem angry and he has taught them not to do things like this.

At some point I knew he would recognize this and apologize to everyone but I waited for a bit until he had calmed down himself. About ten minutes later, I nudged his leg, which was resting right beside mine. He looked at me and knew what I was attempting to say.

“Oh you think I should say sorry?” He said this aloud so the kids would hear him. And Edan was quick to use the opening as an opportunity to remark, “I think you got too angry with Tiana.” Edan, of all our kids, is the type of person who expects people to follow rules and principles. It is unsettling for him when people don’t.

Edric was humble enough to acknowledge his perspective. He asked for forgiveness from Tiana first and then from all of us. And that was it. No one held on to their troubling thoughts. Forgiveness was readily given. Tiana started chatting away like nothing happened and the boys continued watching the movie.

Perhaps the night could have continued without addressing Edric’s blow up and we would have all justified it in our minds. Upsetting as it was to see him lose his cool, I know he did so because he was concerned that Tiana could’ve gotten hurt. He imagined the possibility of her bumping her head on the floor (a trauma that he hasn’t forgotten since he left Elijah on the bed as an infant and he fell off, but that’s another story.) Like most parents, Edric meant well. However, his method of conveying protective instincts and care were not appropriate. It was still wrong for him to raise his voice and smack his hand on the bed for emphasis. So the kids needed to hear him say sorry. It mattered.

Everytime a father says sorry it matters. A father’s willingness to admit his wrong and be restored to his children is healing to the heart. It preserves the tenderness of their consciences and keeps them from growing hard.

I was blessed to have a father who knew how to say sorry for his mistakes and it certainly kept me from developing bitterness or anger. It also kept me from rejecting his teaching.

I pray Edric will continue to be sensitive in spirit as he leads our family. Our children, especially our sons, look up to him and deeply respect him. And that is not a unique phenomenon to our family. Children have a special admiration for their fathers. If that can be handled with the utmost care, a father will not only have their admiration, he will have their attention, giving him the blessed opportunity to influence them for good. Humility allows him to strengthen that chord of influence.

We are a bible-believing family. Edric knows he cannot afford to be a hypocrite. He cannot tell our kids to be Christ-like if he doesn’t model it himself. This evening, he knew that the Christ-like thing to do was say sorry. And I praise God that he did.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (Colossians 3:21 NASB)

Are You A “Super” Model?

May 26, 2013 By 18 Comments


A few days ago, I was watching a movie with my four children. My husband, Edric, had a meeting that night, so the kids hung out with me in our bedroom. At one point in the movie, my 7 year old son, Edan, said, “I’m scared.” Without being prodded to, my 2 year old daughter’s response was, “Aw, you are scared? Come here, I will take care of you.” And she motioned for him to sit on her lap so she could cradle him. Of course Edan who was much bigger refused and we all started laughing. Tiana had acted like a mini-version of me. This was not something I had taught her. It was something she picked up from observing me.


Like my children watch me, I watched my parents. The principle of modeling is: values are caught not taught. Our actions speak much louder than what we say. There were two particular areas demonstrated by my parents that made an impact on me — their example of being spirit-filled and their intimacy with the Lord.

My siblings and I were blessed to have parents who modeled love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I can talk about each of these but I want to highlight my more favorite observations about their modeling.

Moodiness was not allowed in our home. In fact, my mom told my sisters and I, “There is no such thing as PMS. Moodiness is selfishness. You can choose to be controlled by the Holy Spirit.” My mom could tell us to do this because she herself was a predictably joyful person. We didn’t have to guess, what mood will mom be in today?

She is in her 60′s now and I am sure at some point she went through menopause. However, I honestly don’t know when it happened because she didn’t burden any of us with her hormones!

Even my children have noticed the positive attitude of my parents. One morning, when we were visiting them, my eldest son Elijah spontaneously told my dad (his grandpa), “Angkong, you are always happy. I’ve never seen you get angry. Grandma, too. You are both so positive.”

Feeling a little bit jealous, I took Elijah aside and asked him jokingly, “What about me?” His politically correct reply was, “I can see that you are trying to change and you have improved a lot!” Nice one, son.

My parents’ attitude and perspective towards business-related stress, ministry stress, and people stress also impacted me. They would respond with peace and rested-ness when they encountered problems. Instead of panicking, they would invite us to pray along side them and commit the issue to the Lord. Because their confidence and security were in God, I learned to trust in God’s sovereignty and rest in him when I went through a personal crisis. I believed that God would cause everything to work together for my good as it says in Romans 8:28. But this was a perspective first passed on to me by my parents.

I also valued my parents’ example of receiving criticism and correction with grace. My parents would invite us to correct them anytime. I remember my dad telling me, “Criticism is a blessing. If it is false then praise God, take it as a warning, something to avoid. If it is true then praise God, learn from it. Either way it is a win-win.”

There was one occasion when I corrected my dad about his management style. I said, “I thought you were a bit harsh and unkind when you said what you did.” Instead of defending himself, he humbly said, “Thank you. That’s why I need you guys to hold me accountable…to tell me these kind of things.”

A question they often asked us was, “How can we improve? Is there anything we need to change?” They allowed us to be God’s instruments to help them grow in character and spiritual maturity.

My husband, Edric, and I have done this with our own children. I have had my kids tell me, “Mom, I think you need to say sorry to daddy for your attitude.” And I have appreciated this because they see my life closely. They know the areas I have to improve in. The blessing is, our kids also ask us, “What about us, how can we improve?”

Another area I appreciated in my parents was they didn’t put a premium on material things. For example, my mom had this “special ability.” She would accidentally bump every new car that my dad bought. She baptized each car with some sort of dent. My dad would tease and describe it as an uncanny ability to hit inanimate objects like the curb, fire hydrants, telephone polls and the like. But he never got angry about these things. His first concern was whether my mom was okay.

Very recently, I was blessed to see my dad respond to my mom’s carelessness with grace. She had destroyed a gadget that was pretty costly. It was a medical instrument that my dad used daily. When my mom chose to break the news to him he was seated on his lazy boy reading a book. I happened to be visiting them that afternoon so I saw the scenario unfold like a scene from a movie. My mom came up to my dad’s side and said, “Hon, I have a question. The chord of this machine isn’t working anymore. I think I must have bent it too far while I was carrying my stuff. Do you think I should have it fixed here by an electrician or send it back to the U.S. to have the chord replaced?”

My dad looked up from the book he was reading. There was not a single strained vein on his temple or neck to indicate stress or irritation. Considering that it was an $800 dollar machine, I thought, this unfortunate incident might have elicited some sort of negative response from his part. But he was quiet and calm. Instead of making a big deal out of it, he patiently discussed the possibilities with her, and it was decided that mom would send it back to the U.S. to have it fixed. I don’t know if my parents even realized that I was paying attention to their dialogue, but I remembered that incident and archived it in my brain for future reference.

Hold the things of this world lightly. That’s what I learned from incidences such as these. Do not make money and possessions more important than pleasing God, than people, than principles that we ought to live by.

One notable principle my parents lived by was integrity. When my parents were undercharged for a bill, they would inconvenience themselves to pay the balance. I know this wasn’t always easy for my dad who is a businessman. Any amount saved was good for business. But, neither he nor my mom compromised when it came to small things like paying a bill accurately. And I remembered this when I got older and found myself in similar predicaments: Do not love money.

Beyond all these examples, the greatest modeling they provided in our home was their intimacy with the Lord. This was the secret to their spirit-filled testimonies. I knew with absolute certainty that my parents loved God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. And that’s why they loved us, too.

They loved us unconditionally. My siblings and I made many mistakes growing up, but my parents always affirmed that we were loved and accepted. We didn’t have to earn their love. They pursued us relationally and often communicated and demonstrated to us that we were their priority, that we were special to them.

Almost every night my dad would ask me, “Who loves you?” just to remind me that he did. And he would follow up with, “Do you know that you are special to me?” (I know he did the same with my siblings.) He was a very intentional father, not sacrificing time with us for business or ministry. So my siblings and I knew that we were loved. We were very secure in the love of my mom and dad.

This morning’s message by Pastor Edmund Chan included a story about a Brazilian girl who left her home for the excitement and worldliness of Rio de Janeiro. Her mother went looking for her and posted photos everywhere. However, it wasn’t until years later that her daughter, bruised and battered by the realities of a painful world, found one of the pictures her mother randomly attached to the mirror of a shady hotel restroom. It was her mother’s photo. The young woman pulled it off the wall and on the back it read, “Whatever you have done, whatever you have become, it doesn’t matter. I love you. Please come home.”

As a child, I too needed and longed for the unconditional love of my parents. And because it was given, I greater understood the grace of God. Since my parents could embrace an imperfect me, it was easy to believe that God could love me, too.

I remember telling my dad one time, “My friends said our family is not normal,” referring to the fact that I had a loving family who seemed to have it all together. And my dad was quick to reply, “Joy, this is normal. Families should be Christ-centered and spirit-filled. That has always been God’s design.” The common hurt and pain we see in families is abnormal, it is not God’s plan.

This statement really struck me. I was beginning to believe this idea that good families were some sort of aberration. However, the reality was and is that parents who make Jesus Christ the center of their home will experience the blessings and joy of God’s design for their family, and their children will want to pass on this legacy.

Because my parents’ testimony at home made Jesus Christ attractive to me, I desired to have the same personal relationship with him. I desired to tell others about Jesus and minister to them like they did.

My parents didn’t model perfection, they modeled authenticity. The grace of God was manifest in their weaknesses, shortcomings and inadequacies. He was the source of their abilities and successes. When I got older, I prayed for a man who embodied the same love for God so we could have a marriage and family that was centered on Christ, too. And God helped me find one. Or should I say, God allowed me to be found by this kind of man. But all glory goes to God and not to my parents or to us. He alone is the reason my siblings and I and our spouses are committed followers of Jesus and teaching our children to do the same! He makes parents the “super” models they need to be!

Can we say to our children, Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ? (1 Corinthians 11:1 NASB)
—-


I shared part of this during the recently concluded Global Discipleship Congress. One of the workshops was given by my dad, entitled “Discipleship Begins at Home.” He invited my siblings and I to share about our family experience. There were five points to his talk. Parents need to be intentional about modeling, building relationships through open communication and time, teaching and training, and imparting a godly vision to their children. I was assigned to share about the importance of modeling.

Strawberry Yoghurt

May 24, 2013 By 3 Comments

While I struggled with my miserable cold two nights ago, trying to rest in the room alone, a commotion in the kitchen woke me up. With a raised and agitated tone, Titus said, “I don’t want that!” This wasn’t the sound of my usually sweet and happy Titus.


I would have preferred to remain in my rested state and ignore the situation. But I could not willfully do so. Titus had lost his temper. There was an issue that needed to be dealt with. Intervention was in order. So I got up and called him out of the kitchen to talk about what happened.

Apparently, he wanted a strawberry yoghurt drink that ended up in the hands of Edan. He was offered an orange flavored one by our househelp, Joan, which upset him. Edan, on the other hand, was apathetically sipping the last few drops of the coveted drink. Titus looked on with quiet anger, convinced that he had been done a great injustice.

Taking Titus aside, I tried to understand where he was coming from. But my attempt to have a dialogue with him as his two older brothers curiously stood on the sidelines and his youngest sister called out, “Titus is going to get a spanking!” was counterproductive. So I brought Titus to my bedroom.

He thought he was going to get a spanking but my intent was to get to the root of the issue. This was not something that could be solved with a spanking. There was a much deeper problem here. Titus’ spirit was not right. There was hardness and frustration.

He stood in front of me while I sat across from him. We engaged in a conversation that involved me explaining to him why his attitude was wrong, why shouting was not okay, and how he needed to learn to share. His part was to acknowledge and respond in repentance. Did it work? Maybe a little. But I could sense that his compliance was external. It was void of real conviction.

So I called him to my side, hugged him really tightly and said, “Titus, I love you no matter what.” I assured him that I was after his greater good. His countenance softened and he started to tear. All my lecturing had not produced this sort of heart-felt response. It was not until I took him in my arms and held him that I could sense a motivation to change his attitude.

With my arms around him, I went on, “Because I love you, I want to teach you to do what pleases God.” Appealing to his own love for Christ, I reminded him that getting angry and being selfish were wrong behaviors because Jesus didn’t want him to do those things. I asked him what he thought would make Jesus happy and he acknowledged that he had to learn “to share, to say sorry, and that he shouldn’t get angry.” When I was convinced that he sincerely meant this, I let him go back to the kitchen to say sorry to those whom he had hurt.

He walked up to Edan and Joan to ask for forgiveness. There was humility in his tone and disposition, and he bounced back to his smiley, cheerful self. I affirmed him for doing what was right and I peacefully went back to my bedroom to go back to sleep. Strawberry yoghurt training case closed.

—-

Training is such a challenge. First, it takes commitment. Second, it must be personalized. Third, it must be purposeful — the pursuit of Christlikeness. Fourth, it must be cradled by love.

Sometimes, I am tempted to short cut the training part and make behavior the priority. But fruitful discipline and training must seek to restore our children’s hearts to us and to the Lord. It must heal what is broken inside them and be redemptive, effecting much more than behavioral change.

If we want real fruit in our children, we must consider these heart questions: Do our children know that we love them? Are they absolutely convinced that we want what is best for them? Do they love Jesus? Do they know that he loves them?

1 Corinthians 13:8 says that love never fails. When I think of that statement, I think of how it can be applied to training our children. Love does not fail to motivate or inspire change. When our children are convinced that they are loved and accepted, flaws and all, they respond to our teaching. More importantly, when they love Jesus with all that they are, they desire to please him and live for him.

It’s like Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.”(John 14:15 NASB)

Titus painted this earlier on in the day for me. I thought it was a great reminder that our children give us their hearts to handle with care. What are their hearts telling us about their spiritual condition? What are we doing about it?

Have You Ever Seen An Evil Person?

May 18, 2013 By 4 Comments

“Mom, have you ever seen an evil person?” This was the thought-provoking question my 7-year old posited to me when he was lying on his bed last night. I was praying with the kids for protection, health, good dreams, their obedience, etc. (Edric usually does this nightly routine but he was doing a show with Suze Orman for On the Money. So I was filling in for him.)

Edric and his co-hosts with Suze Orman

Well, Edan asked about the thieves that broke into our home many years ago when I was a teenager. It was too late to go into a lengthy discussion about that. But, I tried to explain to him that sometimes we think that people who do things like steal are evil. However, we can all be evil. Like, when we don’t obey God…that’s evil.

Many of us have a certain image that we associate with evil. We think of the Cleveland guy, Ariel Castro, who abducted, raped, and held Michelle Knight, Georgina Dejesus, and Amanda Berry captive for 10 years.

It broke my heart to imagine what it was like for the families to grieve over their missing daughters and for the victims to endure such a nightmare. Talk about hell on earth!

The news often highlights many other forms of crazy and it makes me deeply concerned for my children, to say the least. I look at my kids and treasure their innocence. If anyone were to steal or pollute that, I would be devastated.

Yet, the reality is there is no way to shield them completely from the godlessness that is present in this world. Edric and I can prepare them and arm them with the truth, but there is no bubble that they can float around in, completely untouched and unscathed. Why? The scarier reality is all our children have been hard-wired to sin, just like us. Our predisposition is toward selfishness and self-gratifying behavior. In today’s terminology, we might call such a person who acts upon their selfish inclinations, a sociopath. Okay, I’m not saying that all people are sociopaths but look at the description. Doesn’t it sound like many people we know, including our children, and ourselves (maybe not all the time, but at least some of the time?!).

What is a sociopath?[1] Someone who…

  1. Does not learn from experience
  2. Has no sense of responsibility
  3. Is unable to form meaningful relationships
  4. Is unable to control impulses
  5. Lack of moral sense
  6. Has chronically antisocial behavior
  7. Displays no change in behavior after punishment
  8. Lack of emotional maturity
  9. Lack of guilt
  10. Self-centeredness

Supposedly, this Antisocial Personality Disorder is said to begin at adolescence and is chronic. Really?! I’ve seen this sort of behavior exhibited by my children very early on which tells me that it seems to be inherent to the human person. But who will listen to me? I’m not a psychologist or a doctor who does clinical analysis. I’m just a mom who has to deal with addressing this tendency in my kids every day.

I have four wonderful children and I would like to believe that they are good and lovable. I wouldn’t want them lumped together with offenders who murder, commit adultery, steal, cheat, and rape. But they do act in undesirable and hurtful ways, especially when they aren’t trained or taught otherwise.

I’ve had my two year-old Tiana ignore me completely and walk away while I am talking to her. I’ve seen my boys get really angry and emotionally wound one another. At times, they struggle with admitting wrong and asking for forgiveness. One of them used to hit his siblings without conscience.

And what about myself? I’ve had moments when I’ve entertained thoughts of strangling or slapping my children out of frustration. Praise God I have never done so! But, if someone were to peer into my brain and itemize every wrong thought I’ve ever had, I would be ashamed of my crimes!

Personally, I feel that the many explanations given to understand the criminally inclined may help society and governments prioritize medication, the law, greater sanctions and penalties, controlled environments and better parenting to create boundaries that prevent people from hurting others, but they won’t solve the real problem.

The core issue is that evil resides in our hearts. It hatches at childhood and steers us like a compass. Deep inside, my children and I are no better than those who actually abuse others. We are not a higher class of good or righteousness. The only reason why our impulses and carnality are in check is because we have a greater power at work in our lives – the Holy Spirit.

When my children decided to make Jesus the Lord and Savior of their lives, they received the Holy Spirit. I saw the evidence of His fruit in their lives. Titus used to whine, cry, and sulk when he didn’t get his way. It was a struggle to teach him how to obey and listen. But, when he turned three years old, Edric shared the gospel message with him and he made a personal decision to acknowledge his sin and give his life to Jesus. A few weeks later, my mom noticed how different he was. When she told him he couldn’t have something that he wanted, he replied, “Okay, grandma,” without being upset or frustrated. Whoa. This was not Titus. This was the work of the Lord in his heart!

Galatians 5:22-23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”

The Bible tells us that the secret to overcoming the flesh or sin is to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. When it comes to parenting my children, I appeal to the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. During occasions when I sense that their will is pitted against mine or they are not ready to listen, I pray for them and I ask them to check their hearts (especially my older children). I am witness to the unseen war between their flesh and the Spirit. They must learn to surrender to the Lord or the flesh will win.

Galatians 5:16-17 “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please…”

When I observe my children, I look for proof of their relationship with Christ – evidence of the fruit of the Spirit. Until this is apparent, I cannot assume that they have really come into a personal relationship with Jesus.

Romans 8:9-11 tells us, “But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.”

Ariel Castro actually posted on his Facebook page on May 2, “miracles really do happen, God is good.” In the meantime, he was holding three women and a child in captivity, against their will.[2] Did he really know God? From the evidence, I don’t think so. He was living a dichotomy. No one figured him for a criminal until his secret was uncovered. Maybe he didn’t think himself such a bad guy either. I read that his intention is to plead not guilty. Wow.

We may not commit crimes like Castro did but we can be guilty of the same sort of dichotomy in our thinking. When our standard of morality is of our own making, we may be tempted to think, I’m not so awful. I’m not like the psycho in Cleveland. But that is a very relative plumb line. The standard for goodness cannot be people or ourselves because we are fallen to begin with. Just look at any two-year old who hasn’t been disciplined or taught obedience. It’s called terrible twos for a reason!

He displays the same sort of sinfulness that adults struggle with – the flesh that sets itself against God, a heart that is bent on rebellion. The Bible tells us every person “falls short” of the glory of God. This is the bad news. God’s holiness and goodness are the standard and we don’t make the cut. In fact, there is nothing we can do to merge the gap. But the good news, the gospel is that God, in his love, provided a solution through his son Jesus Christ.

John 1:29 The next day he saw Jesus coming to him and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!”

Because we are sinful, we cannot clean ourselves out. This requires supernatural intervention. The cure for sin (also known as evil) is Jesus who makes us right with God, and the ability to resist falling into sin comes from the power of the Holy Spirit. Unless we embrace this truth, atrocities will continue as foretold in God’s word. Unless our children embrace this truth, they will grow up with a predisposition toward evil.

2 Timothy 3:1-7 “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

___

What sobers me as a mom is recognizing that I am responsible to teach my kids about Jesus. Edric and I, as parents, have been commissioned to do so. We cannot close our eyes and hope that our children will grow up with a knowledge of God and a desire to live for him. No way. We have got to pay close attention to what is going on in their hearts and steer them towards God.

When my children start trending towards selfish behavior, I ask them, “Who is in your heart?” They will answer, “Jesus.” “If Jesus is in your heart, will he want you to act the way you are acting? Are you making him happy or sad by what you are doing?” At this question, they will pause, think, and answer honestly.

“What will make Jesus happy?” is usually a good follow up question. And depending on the circumstance, they will tell me “I need to be kind.” Or, “I need to forgive.” Or, “I should share.” Or, “I have to change my attitude.” These heart checks have helped them to discern whether they are controlled by their evil-prone selves or controlled by the Holy Spirit. And because they do belong to the Lord, they have the desire to please him and do what is right in God’s eyes. But the key is to focus on their relationship with Christ. This is the foundation, the starting point. From there Edric and I can teach our children to be spirit-filled vs. self-filled. We can talk about what is moral and right in accordance with God’s standards and commands. Of course, Edric and I have to role-model the same or we become a counterweight and stumbling block to our children’s spiritual growth.

So…to answer the question, “Have you ever seen an evil person?” I sure have. Myself. Apart from God…apart form his grace and love through his son, Jesus Christ…and apart from the enablement of his Holy Spirit to reject evil. I like how 1 John 3:23-24 simplifies it all…“This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us. The one who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him.We know by this that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.”

Do we believe in Jesus? If we do, we will love one another.

Do we keep his commandments? If we do, we remain in Him. There is continual evidence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. 

 

 

 


[1] http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_a_sociopath

[2] http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/12/us/cleveland-abductions-narrative/index.html

A God Who Minds the Small Stuff

May 15, 2013 By 16 Comments

Recently, Titus received a marble maze toy for his birthday. Yes, he still likes marbles and no, he is not swallowing them anymore. Whew.


All the boys have enjoyed this toy and it has brought them many hours of creative fun. Two days ago, they wanted to bring it to their cousin’s house. I allowed them to on one condition. They had to keep track of all the marbles. I told Edan he was personally responsible for the 20 steel marbles. After all, he was the one who insisted on bringing the toy to his cousin’s and he tends to be very responsible about these things.

Unfortunately, a most untoward incident happened. The bag the marbles were carried in had a hole. Some marbles fell out of it while the kids were on the way to their cousin’s. Edan started to cry. He wailed and wailed.

He is such a tender hearted child and is very particular about fulfilling the tasks he is assigned to. So this was a devastating turn of events for him. I was in the study room of my parent’s house when Edan came up to me to explain what happened.

They didn’t know where the marbles could have fallen out. Maybe in the car, or in grandma and angkong’s house, or on the street while they were walking over. Basically, their chances of finding them were very slim. Two remained missing.

Of course I did not blame them for the accident but since we had an agreement, they could not play with the marble toy until they found the missing marbles.

I encouraged them by saying, “Try your best to look for the marbles and pray that God will allow you to find them.” Edan, was especially intentional about praying because he was the most affected and frustrated by what happened.

I prayed, too! “Lord, can you consider the prayer of my kids? For the sake of their young faith? Can you possibly help them find the marbles?”

The kids did their best but after a while, I told them to go on over to their cousins anyway. Hopefully, the marbles would turn up somewhere. They were not allowed to play with the marble maze, but they had fun with other toys and games.

At 9 PM, when we took the kids home, I asked for an update on the marbles. One of our yayas told me that Titus had found a marble on the couch of their cousin’s house and he another one in a blue bag.

Strange.

I asked Titus if he had kept any of the marbles in his pocket when he walked over to his cousin’s house but he hadn’t. And, the blue bag had been left in their cousin’s house last week. The boys also told me that their cousins did not have that toy so if those marbles looked like the same steel marbles from the marble maze, they were most certainly ours.

But, there was NO WAY they could have ended up where Titus found them because the marbles had been misplaced even before the kids got to their cousin’s house.

I asked for the bag of marbles and counted them. There were 20! I counted them three times. The marbles were all the same steel ones that had come with the set.


The boys started smiling really big and I was in awe.

“It’s a miracle!” Elijah shouted. Edan, who is generally calm and more reserved, kept grinning at me. He had this knowing look on his face.

“What do you think happened, Edan? Remember, you prayed?”

Edan acknowledged that God had answered his prayer. He told me that recently, God had answered another prayer he had, too.

“Lord, you are amazing. I don’t know how those two marbles ended up where they did, but thank you. Thank you so much for paying attention to the prayer of the kids.”

I tried to replay the events over and over again in my mind and it just didn’t make sense that the marbles were recovered. From a human stand point, it really was impossible. So the only logical conclusion was God made a way for the marbles to re-appear!

God has a way of building the faith of my kids. He can use the small stuff to make a big impact. This incident was another reminder that He is a personal God not just to me, but to my kids. He reveals himself to them so they are encouraged to keep seeking him. It’s like he said of himself in Jeremiah, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. “(Jeremiah 29:13 NASB)

Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14 NASB)

Multi-level Homeschooling

May 9, 2013 By 23 Comments

Homeschooling 4 kids has often elicited the question, “How do you do it?” And I must admit that at times, I think to myself, I have no idea! But, there is some madness to the “science” of teaching more than one child. I don’t claim to have the best methods but I can share what has worked for our family. Hopefully, you can get some ideas on how to homeschool more than one child without going crazy!

The eldest child sets the example. Elijah, my 10 year old, is a sponge when it comes to learning. He loves to learn, primarily through reading literature, story books, encyclopedias, documents, articles, manuals…basically, anything with text. God has gifted him with a capacity to absorb and process information. And I’m saying this not to put him up on a pedestal or myself (he is waaaay smarter than I am). I’m sharing this because the time you spend with your eldest child, before any of the other munchkins come along, is very special. No other child will have as much attention. So maximize the years you have with him.

I would talk to Elijah all the time. He began conversing very early and was speaking whole sentences as a one year old. Edric and I made him attentive to the environment around him by pointing out shapes, numbers, letters, colors, objects, etc. I read to him every single day, several times a day. And I helped him to discover and pursue his interests – dinosaurs, airplanes, origami, and architecture. He was around adults so often, which greater enhanced his communication skills.

His interest in learning began early. And when you have an eldest child who is an eager learner it makes a big difference! He sets a positive and inspiring example for his younger siblings to follow.

Master the essentials. There are at least 10 different subjects that children have to cover in the Philippines. It’s just ridiculous. But only a few skills, in my opinion, are really important – reading, comprehension, the ability to communicate and express one’s thoughts and ideas clearly (writing and speaking falls under this), arithmetic, problem solving, and critical thinking. So, I spend the early years of my children’s education enhancing and developing these basic skills. These are foundational.

I don’t, for example, make penmanship an on-going source of conflict between my children and I. Three boys. They prefer not to do tons of writing work. Is that a big deal to me? Not really. I’m gentle about the whole penmanship issue. Titus is just learning how to write his letters and numbers and he is 5. He knows how to write his numbers better than his letters but he still struggles with writing. Does he know the sounds of the letters and what numbers represent? Yes. Those things are major to me. But being able to write his letters and numbers perfectly…he’ll get there.

I didn’t force Elijah and Edan to do pages and pages of handwriting practice, but they both wanted to do cursive early. Cursive? Boys? Sounds like an oxymoron. Surprisingly, Elijah wanted to try writing in cursive when he was 8. And Edan started practicing his cursive a few months ago. They developed the inclination to do so on their own.

The point is I don’t get hung up on subjects that are of minor importance. I spend more time mastering essential skills.

Add variety to routine. Some materials you may purchase for your child are workbook based and text-booky. That’s not even a word but you know what I mean. If you don’t, then what I mean is these materials can be BORING. Kids do the same thing everyday. There’s no spice.

When you homeschool, you have the liberty to incorporate more creativity, mix and match, add here, take away there, enrich, skim through…In other words, you don’t have to be bound by the curriculum. See it as a guide for what your child needs to cover but don’t make it your bible.

For example, if the book says, “Color the correct answer,” and I know that it is going to take my son 15 minutes to color one object, I will say, “Circle the correct answer.” Why? Because the objective is to find out if my child knows the right answer. I don’t care about the coloring. We can do coloring for art. If he can tell me the answer right away, then I prefer that.

Here’s another example: If your child has to do 30 math problems that pretty much cover the same concept, do they really have to do all 30 problems? I ask them to do 15 out of the 30. And if they can answer those 15 problems correctly, I don’t require them to do the next 15. But if they have a lot of errors, then I know they need more practice or I need to review the concept with them.

With language arts, I mix it up for the boys. Sometimes, I allow them to dictate the answers to their questions. Other times, I will take turns writing sentences with them. On other occasions, I will allow them to use the computer. Or, I will ask them to complete the writing assignment on their own but motivate them with an incentive for finishing. It really depends on the circumstance.

Encourage independent reading and research. I’ve often told my children that reading unlocks the door of knowledge. Once they learn how to read well (with comprehension), they can answer their what, why, and how questions without being dependent on me. If they know how to read, they can be taught how to research.

When Elijah wants to go in depth about a topic that he is curious about, I let him research on the Internet or we get more books. I don’t spoon-feed him by being the source all the time. And the truth is, sometimes I can’t answer his questions because I don’t know enough about the topic.

The other day, he wanted to learn about venomous snakes in the Philippines. I put the computer in front of him and said, “Here, research about snakes in the Philippines and we will print out your findings.” He showed me his findings after 30 minutes and was very pleased with himself. I was too. All I had to do was press print!

For a while, I required Edan to read a children’s encyclopedia because he needed to improve his vocabulary. I asked him to read a couple of pages everyday as part of his work. Since he was a reader but I didn’t have the time to do intensive vocabulary instruction, I handed him the book and he reinforced his vocabulary on his own.

Keep everyone preoccupied with productive activity when it is work time. I do the academics with my kids in the morning. But since they are all at different levels, I can’t have them all sitting at desks quietly doing work on their own. This would be ideal and magical but it doesn’t always happen that way. So I have to plan the day by having independent writing or reading work for one child, while I dialogue or teach another. And then we do a switcheroo.

I usually lay out Elijah’s work on a table, in a private area where the noise pollution is minimal. He is an auditory learner so sounds are a distraction. When he is finished reading his Bible, he will proceed to work independently because I mark all the pages he has to cover with tabs. If he has questions, I can come over to his side to answer them. But usually, he doesn’t need me too much for this part of his day.

While Elijah is busy, I will spend time with Titus. In a period of about 45 minutes, we cover math, writing, reading, Bible, and a bit of science. In the meantime, Edan will be assigned to teach Tiana in yet another room. Since Tiana, my two year old, wants to be included in our daily homeschooling routine, she always comes up to me and says, “Mom, can I do my work? Where’s my work?” The thing is, I need to prioritize the older kids. So, I ask Edan to help me out.

Edan is my teacher’s assistant, something that he is very good at. He will very patiently teach and explain to her basic concepts. While he does so, I handle my two other boys. And then Titus and Edan switch places. Titus will have break time with Tiana, playing, doing art, or using manipulatives, so I can give attention to Edan and Elijah.

If Elijah finishes quite a bit of work and needs a break, I let him do Kahn Academy online. He likes to do the math and computer programming. It keeps him very engaged. This frees me up to be with Edan. We do his math and language arts together and then I can give him sit down work with his science notebook or character journal. While he is doing sit-down work and doesn’t need me hovering around him, I discuss science and history with Elijah.

It’s a little bit of a juggling act but we finish by noon most of the time. After lunch, the younger kids nap, and I can continue working with Elijah and Edan if necessary. Or, they have quiet reading time in their room. This is when I get my own personal space to write or even take a nap myself!

By mid-afternoon when all major responsibilities are covered, the kids can play or practice their violin.

Make character instruction a priority. The kids cooperate with our routines because they have internalized obedience. It would be difficult to handle four children without going insane if they didn’t obey, listen, and respond to my instruction. I don’t have to force them to work because they are willing to learn. They are teachable. There are days when they don’t have the best attitudes but that is normal. They still need training.

Edric and I spend a lot of their earlier years (between 1 and 3) instilling obedience. And we introduce them to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior early, too. So, by the time they are 4, 5, 6, 7, we can move on to other traits like responsibility, having the right attitude, attentiveness, hard-work, self-control, kindness, etc., because they have a reason to internalize these traits – to please God.

I don’t think it is possible to have peaceful homeschooling if parents neglect character. At the end of the day, this is the key to teaching several children effectively and enjoying them, too!

Proverbs 23:24-26 The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who sires a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and your mother be glad, And let her rejoice who gave birth to you. Give me your heart, my son, And let your eyes delight in my ways.

Catching A Vision Early

May 3, 2013 By 8 Comments

One of the opportunities that the homeschooling lifestyle has opened up for our family is involving our children in ministry with us. Edric and I encourage our children to participate in areas where they can so they develop a heart to be used by God and bless others. We want them to catch a vision for how God can use them early on. So we assimilate them into our ministry. Elijah, our eldest, has already shared with us a few times during speaking engagements.

When Edan, our second son, began to express his interest in doing the same, we decided to include him in the last retreat we spoke at. We were going to talk about marital roles to prepare the singles that had invited us to speak. They wanted us to share about relationships and Edric and I knew that at the end of the day, it boils down to what you need to work on in your self, as a man or woman…being the right person before looking for the right person.

At first Edric and I were like, “Marital roles? How is Edan going to talk about anything related to that as a 7 year old boy?” And God gave us the idea of asking him to share about what it means to be a gentleman, from his perspective. There was a portion in Edric’s talk where he was going to emphasize how a man needs to nurture, care for, and love his wife. And the plan was to say, you are never too young to start cultivating the traits of a gentleman. At this juncture, Edan would give a quick sharing.

Earlier in the day, I asked Edan what he remembered and had applied about being a gentleman. He read it to Edric who said, “Okay, I can insert that into my talk.”

I asked Edan to practice reading his testimony aloud several times and I put spaces in between his points so that he knew when to look up at the audience and when to pause. I also took a home video of him speaking so he could see and hear himself. From there we discussed how he can improve by emphasizing certain words or making his voice louder. Being the very methodical thinker that he is, he internalized all of this. By the time he got up on stage, he felt ready and excited.


Here is what Edan shared…

Hi my name is Edan. I just turned 7.

When I was five years old, my dad taught my brothers and I how to be gentlemen.

My dad taught us several things:

One of them is letting ladies go first.

For example, when you go into a room or inside an elevator, you should let ladies go ahead of you and hold the door open for them.

He also told us that we should help people, like if someone is carrying a lot of things, I can help them carry them.

I must also learn to have good manners and be polite.

For example, if my mommy and daddy are talking with someone or to someone else, I should not go in front of them when I want to ask them something. Instead, I should stand and wait for them to be done talking.

When I am meeting someone new, I should introduce myself. I should look at them in the eye, tell them my age, and shake their hand.

My dad also taught us not to make fun of others when they are doing something but can’t really do it. Or, if they have an accident, like they drop something and slip on the floor, I shouldn’t laugh at them.

We are also not allowed to make obnoxious sounds like yelling when we are in public or being too loud when we are in the car.

When I leave the table because I am done eating, I must ask to be excused and bring my plate to the kitchen.

When I visit people’s houses I should not make a mess. But if I do I should clean it up and take care of other people’s things.

He also taught my brothers and I to take care of my mom and my sister, and to protect them.

So last month when we didn’t have any yayas, I fixed all the beds and I taught my little sister how to take a bath. I also taught her how to do things for herself.

My older brother, Elijah, helped my mom clean the kitchen and the bathrooms so she wouldn’t be so tired.

It’s important to be a gentleman because Jesus is a gentleman.

He was kind to ladies and he helped others.

I want to be a gentleman because I want to make Jesus happy. Please pray that I will become a better gentleman as I grow up.

—-

This was his first time to speak before an audience of about 400 people. I watched him standing behind the little podium they had set up for him as he delivered his short talk. Of course I was praying for him! In fact, I forgot to take a video of him speaking until he had gotten several lines into his testimony. Watch the link here: A Little Gentleman

Because our children spend a lot of time with us and watch our lives closely, they know that we are burdened for ministry. And since they like to do what we do, we take advantage of passing on the same burden to them while their hearts are pliable and tender.

I think of the example of Jesus as a young man, at 12 years old, dialoguing with the teachers in the temple and amazing those who heard him. Sure, he wasn’t just a child, he was God in the flesh. But when our children come into a relationship with Jesus, he gives them the same power through his Spirit to do great things for the glory of his name.

We don’t have to buy into the idea that “they are just children.” Do we let our children play and enjoy their childhood? Of course! But Edric and I also know that everything that our children do now — the appetites, interests, and activities they devote themselves to — will shape their passion and love for God. Our prayer is that they will be wholly devoted to God. Since this is our goal, our present role is to prepare them and help them to love him now, and give them opportunities to put that love into action.

They can start simply. Edan’s testimony was not extraordinary. It was plainly written and the content was child-like. However, the experience allowed him a foretaste of the joys of serving God and others. He got to see what it is like to bless others and do something that pleases God.

Will Edan be a speaker someday? Maybe, maybe not. That’s not the point. The point is wherever God leads him or any of our children, will they desire to please Him? Will that desire be familiar and ingrained into who they are — their default posture before God and others? If that is the point, then what are we doing about it now? Are we just hoping it will happen or are we purposefully preparing them?

For You are my hope; O Lord God, You are my confidence from my youth. By You I have been sustained from my birth; You are He who took me from my mother’s womb; My praise is continually of You. (Psalms 71:5, 6 NASB)

Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, “I have no delight in them…”(Ecclesiastes 12:1 NASB)

Making Babies, Simplified

May 1, 2013 By 27 Comments

I consider myself a pretty laid back mom. After four kids, you kind of realize what you need and don’t need, what’s essential and what’s unnecessary. So, I thought of writing out some take it or leave it tips for would-be and hope-to-be moms…for moms “in the making.”

These are things that have been helpful for me, but at the end of the day, every mom is different, so read on, but take in to consideration your personal circumstances and what works best for you.

PRE-PREGNANCY:

I am going to be cliche…”Health is wealth.”

Be fit before you get pregnant. Pregnancy really takes a toll on you. It’s going to demand mental, emotional and physical fortitude. So prepare early. Generally speaking, you “reap what you sow,” as the book of Galatians puts it. Control what you can but be open to God’s will for your pregnancy plans.

The women I know who tend to have less complications in pregnancy are women who exercise, mind their diet, and have a healthy lifestyle. They also regain their pre-pregnancy form much quicker and easier than those who have no muscle tone…especially in the abdomen.

You can be stick thin before you are pregnant but if you have neglected your core muscles, it will be a challenge to get a flat tummy after. It’s possible, but you will have to work a whole lot harder. So do those crunches regularly while you aren’t pregnant. Of course, don’t forget to kiegel, kiegel, kiegel! You don’t want your bladder falling out either. Hey, this can happen!

If you are trying to have a baby and having a hard time conceiving, try the following: start getting into shape, sleep earlier, stop drinking and smoking, take vitamins and supplements, reduce stress by going on a vacation, switch to a healthier diet, work on your romance, and have sex often. Forget the fertility calendar and enjoy intimacy with your spouse instead of using sex as a means to get pregnant. If that still doesn’t work, then consider a fertility doctor. But do what you can first, naturally, and see where God leads you from there.

PREGNANCY:

When you are finally pregnant, continue to eat well and stay fit. Too much weight gain or too little can be detrimental for your baby, and you don’t want to get gestational diabetes. Be wise about what you eat. Stay away from foods high in sugar (as much as possible.) Sigh. Pastries, white rice, chocolate. Darn, I just ate two vanilla wafers!

You can treat yourself when you are out for dinner or at a party. But don’t keep tempting treats in your pantry or refrigerator. If you don’t buy it, you won’t think about it. If it’s not in the refrigerator or pantry to call out to you, it will be easier to avoid eating the bad stuff. Stock up on fruit and healthy snacks instead, so when you get a craving, your only option is something good for you.

My sugar cravings kicked in earlier this time around and my mistake was making fudge. Because it was available, I would fantasize about eating it and then give in! After my first trimester, I stopped this bad habit but it is still a temptation…

The other day, I said to the kids, “Hey, let’s make some fudge!” But, Elijah, my 10 year old “conscience” said, “Mom, if you make it, you are going to eat it, even if you say you are just going to eat a little bit!” Then he added, “If you gain too much weight, it’s your fault.” Strict! Okay, okay, I get it. No fudge. I will wait until I am breastfeeding and burning 500 extra calories a day. Woohoo!

A trick I have employed in curbing the craving for sugar is eating small meals throughout the day and drinking a ton of water. The other day, I had a camote for a snack. I did put some butter on it, but it was much healthier than something like a cupcake. Sometimes I will have a banana, prunes, or glass of milk in between meals. Prunes are great because they can help facilitate your digestive processes which tend to get cloggy due to progesterone.

As for fitness, you can stay active during pregnancy especially if you were already exercising before, but be realistic. If you are not such a spring chicken, don’t go running in a marathon. You can get back to a more strenuous work-out program after you give birth. Walking, swimming, yoga are some exercise options that won’t kill your back or put you in danger of falling over. The change of balance due to the weight of your growing belly can make certain exercises dangerous.

Even though pregnancy limits your exercise options, as much as possible, avoid being sedentary. Unfortunately, I had to hit the pause button on exercising while we didn’t have househelp and I felt the difference. More water-retention, digestion issues, and sluggishness. Now that our househelp is back, I can start again. At 25 weeks, I may not be as light on my feet but I can at least get my blood circulating with moderate levels of exercise.

If you want to track your weight gain, you can use this link: weight gain estimator
to see if you are within a healthy range based on your starting point.

YOUR DOCTOR AND CHILDBIRTH:

Choose an Ob-Gynecologist who is pro-natural birth. And if you can tolerate it, give birth without medication. Go Lamaze or Bradley. You will be more engaged, alert and so will your baby. Check out Natural Birth to get inspired to go natural.

I talked to Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan just this afternoon who suggested I consider a water birth. She gave me the contact information of Deborah Gutafson (0906-440-7059 / [email protected]) who has been a midwife for the last 20 years. Maricel did it and said it was wonderful but I don’t know if I am that brave! I will consult my doctor about it first. Since I tend to be the kind of person that likes to know what I am getting into or I won’t do it, I may just stick to the Bradley method again.

Although I am an advocate of natural birth methods, you need to trust your doctor. It’s possible that at the last moment, your doctor may detect that your baby is in distress or that there is a risk to your health and baby. In which case, a C-section may be necessary. So find a doctor whom you are absolutely comfortable with, someone who will consider your preferences for birth but whom you can trust to tell you what is best for you and your baby.

I was blessed to be cared for by a doctor who has delivered all four of my babies without anesthesia. I am calling this out because it’s not easy for a doctor to wait around as you labor. After all, their time is valuable. But she did not make me feel like I was inconveniencing her. Since my births have been so pleasant with her, I also endorse her as an Ob-Gynecologist to friends. (Dr. Regina Capistrano – St. Luke’s Global at 789-7700 loc. 7315, St. Luke’s Q.C. at 723-1082, and Mega Clinic in SM Megamall).

One of the reasons why I prefer natural birth is it is a very uncomplicated way to bring a baby into this world. Sure, it hurts, but God designed a woman’s body to birth babies naturally. There are exceptions but he has equipped us with the unique capacity to work through the pain and triumph over it.

The Bradley method focuses on the contraction as a positive pain, while Lamaze involves choosing a focal point and using breathing techniques to distract you from the pain. I have tried both and even done a combination, with Edric by my side as my coach. And even if I dread the pain, I wouldn’t want to go any other way.

One economic benefit of giving birth naturally is that you don’t have to stay in the hospital too long, assuming there are no complications with your birth and baby. Edric usually checks us out by the third day.

What about maternity insurance? If you are the type that wants to feel secure about your options, I recommend Globalhealth and Bupa. The cost will depend upon your age.

To give you a benchmark, my sister-in-law is in her mid-thirties, so she will spend 110k total for two years. Since she delivers by c-section, it makes sense for her to pay this amount because she still pays more without insurance. With this insurance, her coverage is up to $8,000 for maternity, but her total health coverage is 2 million dollars.

For more information, contact Betty Sy at 9649192 Globe Duo or email her at [email protected] (Betty didn’t ask me to promote her but I know she takes very good care of her clients.) She herself has three daughters. And since she has Antiphospholipid Antibodies Syndrome (APAS), she has very high maternity costs so getting the insurance for herself has been worth it. I didn’t opt for it because we pay less than 80k for giving birth and hospital expenses.

POST-PREGNACY:

Breastfeed! Don’t feel badly if it seems like you don’t have milk at the start. It usually comes in after three or four days. Before then, just keep letting your baby latch on and suck. It will stimulate milk flow and production. And they will get the colostrum in the first few days, which is very important for their immunity. The size of a newborn tummy is like a quail egg. It doesn’t take much to fill it so don’t worry about them starving. Just feed them every 1.5 to 2 hours after you give birth and eventually, your milk will come in.

Read all about the benefits of breastfeeding here: Why breastfeeding is important

If you want to increase your breast milk production take malunggay capsules, drink lots of fluids, eat soupy dishes, feed on demand, and pump regularly. Personally, I don’t like pumping. It makes me feel like an unattractive cow. I don’t want my husband, Edric, to ever see me pumping!

And since I am a stay at home mom, I prefer to breastfeed directly. It’s wonderful bonding for my babies and me. If I go out on a date or need to be out of the house, I will hand pump a bottle or two. But that’s it. I don’t have a freezer full of breast milk. Some of my friends are constantly donating their milk. It’s amazing. The can feed a country. Connect with Medela Moms for everything you need to know about breastfeeding and more.

Breastpumps (the electric or battery operated ones) can be expensive. So if you want to use one, try borrowing from a friend or relative who has one but isn’t breastfeeding at present. If you don’t have anyone who can loan you theirs then check out this list of breastpumps reviews to decide on what to buy.

What about other “gadgets?” Personally, I don’t get a lot of baby gadgets. First of all, they end up being a source of clutter which I don’t like since our apartment is small. And second, the usage is short-lived. In between babies, there is no room to store them. So instead of a stroller, I carry my babies in a sling. I use a roll out mat and put it on the bed to change their diapers versus using a changing table. Since I breastfeed, I don’t need to lug around bottles and milk. I am the bottle. It’s either a crib or bassinet for the baby to sleep in. Not a co-sleeper, rocker, cradle, Moses basket, etc. When they start crawling, I just put out a big comforter on the floor, on top of foam mats, surround it with pillows, throw some baby toys in the middle, and let my babies explore. You get the picture. If I can improvise, I do.

—

People used to tell Edric and I that it is expensive to have kids. And yes, it is “costly” to be a parent because it is a long term emotional and spiritual investment. But getting pregnant and having babies can be a lot less complicated and inexpensive that most people think, especially if your lifestyle choices tend to be simple. The great thing is, nearly 4 kids later, with one more on the way, and God has faithfully provided for each pregnancy, birth, and the child-rearing stage. Furthermore, Edric and I continue to discover that the blessings of having children far outweigh the costs, too!

Purple Glasses

April 17, 2013 By 1 Comment

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Having a daughter has been such a delight. Binary opposite to her brothers, Tiana, is incredibly feminine and demure. It’s a wonder too since she is growing up surrounded by a lot of testosterone. But lately, I’ve noticed that she is becoming dangerously kikay. She likes clothes and shoes…sometimes a little too much. Where she gets this, I don’t know. When I was a little girl, I ran around in underwear, shirtless. Even to this day, my wardrobe choices are simple. No, I don’t run around in underwear! What I mean is that I’m not a big shopper. I’m a big GROCERY shopper. That’s where most of the money goes. On occasion, I will buy Tiana clothes. I admit that I like seeing her reaction when she gets something new.

“You got this for me, mommy? I really like it! Can I wear it now? Thank you, mommy!” She will say. Of course, I love having another girl in the house who can share this delight.

My boys were NEVER fashion conscious. They could care less about what they wear. Plaids + stripes equals fashion to them. Worn-out cotton shirts and soft shorts are their number one picks for what to wear every day.

With Tiana, it’s so different. She likes to pick out her outfits. She likes to come with me to the store. She calls it “girl’s time.” A few weeks ago, she squealed when I told her we were going shopping and she said, “I’m sooo excited! Can we buy shoes and clothes?” I have to admit that I was suckered by her cuteness. So I said, “Okay!” At the store, she picked out shirts with kittens on them. And she wanted everything in purple or pink. Fortunately, she forgot about the shoes.

For the first time, however, I became concerned when I was shopping for a gift and Tiana was with me. As we walked past a sunglasses boutique, she blurted out, “Mom, I need glasses! I REALLY need purple glasses…for the sun.” She was holding on to my hand in a beggarly sort of way and I looked down at her two-year old self and thought, Whose spawn are you?! When did you receive the materialism bug? You NEED purple sunglasses? You already have purple sunglasses! Did I do this? Oh dear…

In the car, I asked her, “Why do you need purple glasses?”

“Because I need them.”

“What will you do with them?”

“Put them on my eyes.”

“But why do you need them?”

“Because I WANT them…I like them.”

Edric and I laughed as we listened to her. She wasn’t making any sense. Later on during the car ride, she saw a photo of me in Europe wearing a fuzzy sweater and she commented, “I need a sweater like that, mom.”

While all of this is fun for me…a welcome change after having three boys whose emotional meter remains at zero when fashion is a topic of conversation, I’ve got to be careful about encouraging the growing desire she has for clothes and shoes.

Edric had a good point when he said to me one day, “Don’t buy her things unless she really needs them.” Awww…shucks.

Edan, who is very observant, made the remark, “Mom, I think you have to get us more clothes. Tiana has a lot more clothes than we do.” It’s true. Hee hee. My boys are running around in faded raiment while Tiana has a multitude of shiny new garb to choose from in her closet.

So where is the balance? I want to raise a feminine daughter and I think that part of that is teaching her how to put outfits together and dressing up well. But that’s one very small dimension of true femininity. It’s okay to buy clothes and shoes but I shouldn’t over-emphasize her physical appearance. It’s okay to complement the way she looks but I should complement her character more. It’s okay to go shopping for her and with her but I need to refrain from being excessive to protect her from materialism. After all, she is just 2 years old. If she is this interested in buying things at this age, that inclination will be multiplied when she is older.

Did she get new purple glasses? Definitely not. She can still use the pair she already has.
I have to remember that true femininity begins with inner beauty – being gentle and quiet in spirit; cultivating character traits like kindness, thoughtfulness, thankfulness, helpfulness, servant-hood, and the desire to nurture and care for others; developing a love for the Lord and for others…

I’m thankful for a mom who taught me how to walk, stand, sit and dress like a lady but who made character instruction her greater preoccupation. I need to do the same for Tiana and daughter number 2, coming in August!

Your adornment must not be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. (1 Peter 3:3, 4 NASB)

Paper Dolls

April 15, 2013 By 15 Comments

I remember playing with paper dolls alot when I was a girl. And since I am always on the lookout for activities to keep Tiana preoccupied while her brothers are busy working, these paper doll finds were great! For just p 69.75 Lampara Publishing House has published paper doll books that are reasonable and really good quality. Reminds me of being a little girl again…

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