In classrooms full of different types of learners it is a rare teacher who can cater to the needs of each child. But at home, with one on one instruction, it is much easier for a parent to adjust to the learning needs of her child. When instruction and learning are customized, then a child’s capacity is given the opportunity to shine.

For example, I have taught three boys to read. My eldest son is a nine year old who is a very advanced reader. My second son, a six year old, is becoming highly proficient at reading. And my third son started reading three letter word books before he turned four. (This was unexpected!)

I am sharing these things not to turn a spotlight onto our family and say, “hey, look at what we can do!” Please forgive me if it sounds like I am “tooting my own horn.” Reading, after all, just opens the doorway to learning. This is just the beginning of an exciting journey my children will be taking as they increase in knowledge, understanding, and wisdom. However, I do want to use their examples as proof that homeschooling works. It works because a customized education is what children really need.

If someone had asked me a while back if my third son, Titus, would have started getting the reading code by three years old, I would have said, “I don’t think so.” Honestly, I was skeptical only because he is a more physical child that needs to be engaged in different ways from his older brothers. I thought he would eventually read because I believed that he had the capacity to, but my plan was to take it slow with him and let him develop readiness in the area of reading. His brothers read before four, but my prediction for him was age five. Yet, he pleasantly surprised me one morning when he read a Hooked on Phonics book cover to cover and went on to read two more in the same week. It was then that I realized he was actually ready and able to commit to more formal instruction.

At first, I was using Sing, Spell, Read, and Write for all of them. But, after Titus learned most of the songs but still did not seem to get the blends, I knew that I had to change my approach with him. In my heart, I still believed that he was just as capable as his brothers but that his time table was just unique. And this was okay with me because I did not want to pressure him to be anything other than what God designed him to be.

So I created a system for him that involved five to seven minutes of phonics several times a week (not even everyday). And after a few months of doing this, it just clicked. I can’t even begin to express how delightful it was to see his confidence soar as he read through his first book. He was beaming. He was thrilled. I was cheering like a madwoman.

“God, you astound me!” This was the thought that came to me over and over again. “Once again you have shown me that homeschooling is really a testament to the ‘in spite of’.” I am not a professional teacher. I am not even a reading specialist. But God has consistently demonstrated that he is the one who enables me to teach my kids.

We have a long way to go. From this vantage point, the end of our homeschooling days is far off…not even visible on the horizon. But one thing I have learned about teaching my own children is that parents can be the exact teacher their child needs to bring out that God-given capacity in them to learn.

My simple philosophy for teaching my kids is this: All children are equipped to learn and they can develop a genuine love for learning, but a teacher must be willing to discover and investigate how a child learns best, welcome the adjustment it requires on her part, and look to the Lord for the supernatural creativity, insight, wisdom, and ability that this kind of inspired teaching requires. But children are also born with fallen natures, and a teacher must not lose sight of the goal of her instruction when she makes adjustments in her teaching. To adjust is not to let go of the training aspect. And the training aspect deals with the heart — that a child’s heart be conformed to Christ-likeness.

Maybe you will like this way of putting it…We can’t use cookie cutters on all children because they aren’t all made of the same dough. So don’t use a cookie-cutter approach to teaching them either. But you have to know what kind of cookies you are making. Cookies don’t bake themselves. Yet in the masterful hands of a baker who follows the right recipe, they have the potential to turn out wonderful! (I would say that’s as far as the analogy goes because we don’t eat our kids like we do cookies!)

My two older sons sat through Sunday service to watch and hear their dad preach. At one part during the message, Edric admitted to the audience that, “I still struggle with irritability towards my wife and kids from time to time but by God’s grace, I am improving.” The theme of his talk was “Pursuing Intimacy with God through A Heart Makeover.” He was nearing the end of the morning’s sermon when he revealed that bit about his heart.

Elijah, my eldest son, was seated beside me and he whispered to me, “Dad is so honest! He does get irritated sometimes but he says sorry right away and we forgive him.”

He said this so candidly and without any hint of hurt or bitterness. Edric does lose his cool once in a while. But, he has changed so much over the years. This is really the Lord’s doing (I used to get so reactive when he would snap at the kids, but “correcting” him would backfire, so I chose the better alternative — praying to God while acting respectfully towards Edric. That worked!)

Hearing Elijah’s comment taught me a valuable relationship principle. A home must abound with humility and forgiveness. My dad used to say, “keep short accounts.” Don’t let anger or hurt linger, especially among family members. Growing up, I remember that our family was quick to say sorry and willing to forgive immediately. We saw our parents model this. When they would make a mistake, they would sit us down and talk with us. They would humbly admit that they were wrong and ask for our forgiveness. If they had disputes with each other and their “discussions” became public, they would apologize for the way they spoke to one another in front of us. This meant a lot to us kids. We saw how conflict was resolved and relationships restored easily when people practiced humility, forgiveness and grace.

Edric and I are trying to cultivate this same kind of relational atmosphere in our home. Our children know that we are imperfect people. But they also know that we are committed to becoming better and our standard is to keep maturing into Christ-likeness.

Periodically, we will also ask our kids, “How can we improve?” And they will give their suggestions. This keeps us from repeating actions that damage our kids emotionally. It also keeps our communication channels open.

Recently, I was counseling a friend whose parents were verbally and physically abusive (more verbal than physical.) After their outbursts of anger, they would act like nothing really happened and expect their children to “move on.” But their actions had compounded negative interest in the heart of my friend. She lived with a lot of resentment and pain.

As God continues to work in her life, she is slowly breaking free from the emotional bondages that have prevented her from loving others without fear. But their is still residual junk from the unhealthy way her parents dealt with their parenting and relational mistakes. I believe in God’s time, she will experience complete breakthrough because she has surrendered her life to the Lord completely.

We really need to think through the repercussions of how conflict and offenses are dealt with at home. The way we apologize, forgive and extend grace to family members will carry over into our children’s future families.

When I don’t feel like forgiving others, I remember that God has forgiven me a debt I cannot pay. He has shown me undeserved compassion and loved me enough to die for me. Therefore, who am I not to forgive?

You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:36, 37 NLT)

“…I am slow to anger
and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness. I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations.
I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.
But I do not excuse the guilty.
I lay the sins of the parents upon their children and grandchildren;
the entire family is affected—
even children in the third and fourth generations.” (Exodus 34:6, 7 NLT)

Titus’ birthday balloons became an instant color lesson for my little girl. I let her play with colors and I helped her identify them. She’s still a long way from getting it, but these balloons provided a great hands-on color lesson. Homeschooling toddlers is so much fun!

What is more blessed than to be called beloved by the purest, most beautiful, perfect, all-powerful Creator? But to my shame, I must admit that there are mornings when I awake to worry, fear, doubt, discontent, and unfruitfulness. How can this be? But such is the nature of my fallen self. There are days when I initiate conflict with my husband, feel stressed by my kids, or find myself easily reacting to unfavorable circumstances and blocked goals. In short, there are days when I get all kinds of ugly in my innermost being and I need to come before God and repent.

And God, in his unmatchable patience and tenderness of love, beckons me to the sweetness of his grace. And no matter how undeserving I am of any measure of his attention, he takes hold of me, stink and all, and tells me that I am his child — a child he died for, a child he redeemed, a child he will always love. Then all becomes well with my soul.

How wonderful it is to be loved like this! A compelling love, a transforming love, a love that is not selfish, conditional or prideful, a love that inspires, motivates and builds up…

I want to thank my mom for being a physical and tangible example of this kind of love. She has loved me out of the sweetness of God’s love in her life. And she will always be the mom I want to be.

We love each other because he loved us first. (1 John 4:19 NLT)

When I heard this from a lady who had been a missionary in Mindoro I thought to myself, Wow! Those Mangyans put us ‘modern’ women (moms) to shame! And hello! Where were their husbands?! But more than that, I thought, how can I be so carnal so often and not live in a perpetual state of gratitude?

Spending time with a dear friend who lost her husband very recently has also made me count my blessings. Yesterday, I attended the birthday party of her kids. I was sitting beside her as she looked out to the pool watching her children. And it pained me deeply to see her struggle to keep from crying. I dared to ask her if she was okay, which was probably a silly question because I kind of knew what she was going to say. It was hard for her to know that this was the first birthday party she and her kids were celebrating without her husband, without their father. What could I possibly say to comfort her? Nothing really. I just hugged her.

In her loneliness, she continues to parent her children and it makes me feel guiltily blessed to have Edric. Motherhood is not so difficult with him around. We are like a tag-team. Knowing that we are in this together makes such a big difference. And when I need a break, Edric is a source of refuge and relief. He is the company I want to end the day with. He is like a best friend that I never get tired of hanging out with.

In contrast, my friend feels the weight and burden of playing the roles of leader, provider, and nurturer to her children. As she struggles to understand the greater reason behind her loss, she must continue to be there for her kids and be strong for them. I know she is totally exhausted but cannot wear her pain so obviously. I know she is perpetually sad but distracts herself so she can temporarily forget. I know that she must not only process her own loss but the loss her children feel. I know she wants to believe that God has a plan for all of this, but it is invisible to her.

I often feel helpless when I think of how to encourage her. My prayer is that one day, God will heal her heart and make it whole again.

Till then, what she is going through reminds me to be ever so thankful that motherhood is not a parenting journey I am taking alone. Edric wrote me a beautiful letter today. I saw it on his desk. He wrote it in secret even if he had to preach four times today. I won’t share the details of what he wrote, but at the end, he said, “I love you sweetheart with all my heart. Happy Mother’s Day.” It probably sounds cheesy. But sometimes I need cheesy. I need romantic cheesy!

I used to think of Mother’s Day with a sense of entitlement. Yeah! It’s my day to feel special and appreciated…What can you do for me, hubby and kids, because I have done so much for you?

But I have had it all wrong. Being married to a man who loves God with all his heart, and loves me and the kids so unconditionally puts the “HAPPY” in Mother’s Day for me!

When Edric and I began homeschooling our children, we became ever more conscious of the worldview we would pass on to them. I remember an instance when our eldest son, Elijah, being the verbal child that he was, asked me at 3 years old, “What if there is no God…What will happen?” It was a valid question. It was a thought-provoking question. It was not an easily dismissible question. Truly it is as Solomon said in Ecclesiastes that God has put eternity in the hearts of men (this includes our children).

If we do not pause to answer what we believe to be true about God and the universe, how will we ever communicate with clarity to our children what they must believe?

I am going through a book called, What Your Child Needs to Know When by Robin Sampson, and was particularly interested in the part where he shared the difference between a secular worldview and a biblical worldview.

The secular worldview (taught in schools):

1. Who am I? I am a human being, an accident. My species evolved from a monkey.

2. Where am I? I am on Earth, a planet that just happened by accident. The accident is called the “Big Bang.”

3. What is wrong? There is a lack of education and a lack of money; therefore, people are frustrated, disappointed, and defeated.

4. How can it be fixed? By providing money and education. The more money and education one has, the happier and more fulfilling his life will be.

The Biblical worldview:

1. Who am I? I am a human being created by an awesome, wonderful, loving God. He especially put me here for a specific reason.

2. Where am I? I am on the earth created by God. This earth is so marvelously created that if it were hung differently in the universe, one degree more or less, it would not be in existence.

3. What is wrong? Sin. Our disobedience to God. When sin entered the world it severed our relationship with god, our Creator. We need our relationship with God restored.

4. How can it be fixed? Jesus Christ, God’s only begotten Son, came into the world in human form and gave his life as a sacrifice for our sins. Accepting his sacrifice and making him Lord of our lives is our only hope. (Robin Sampson, What Your Child Needs to Know When)

Author James Sire proposes that there are 7 fundamental questions that everyone must answer.

1. What is prime reality – the really real?
2. What is the nature of external reality, that is, the world around us?
3. What is a human being?
4. What happens to a person at death?
5. Why is it possible to know anything at all?
6. How do we know what is right and wrong?
7. What is the meaning of human history? (James Sire, The Universe Next Door)

If we do not actively participate in the formation of our children’s worldview, we risk too much. No child is neutral. No person is neutral. This is not one of those things that we can leave to chance. We either lead our children to a correct understanding of God or we risk failure of eternal proportions.

This is why I am not willing to take a gamble with the education of my children. Homeschooling gives me the most optimum conditions to guide the hearts of my children. Edric and I do not want them to be bombarded with secular messages or worldviews that will turn them away from a God-ward orientation. So we do what we can to filter through the content of what they learn.

Together we discuss the purposes of God for humanity and the world he created. We find meaning in the development of skills like reading, writing, communication, and arithmetic because these help us to better understand the nature and character of God and enable us to effectively tell others about him.

A friend asked me the other day if I think that there are moms who are “born to homeschool.” I thought it was an interesting question. She was very sincere because she is contemplating homeschooling and fears that her personality will be an obstacle to doing so. I explained to her that Edric and I decided to homeschool because we believe that God commanded us to teach our children to love, know, serve, worship and obey Him. Once we recognized that we were given a sacred trust and we responded in obedience to teach our children, the question of whether to homeschool was easily answered. We homeschool because it provides us with the greatest opportunity to influence, direct, teach, train, and disciple our children. And in his faithfulness, God has provided and equipped us to do the task he has called us to. So in this sense, if any mom should respond to the call of God to teach her children, God will surely be her enablement.

It’s not then so much a question of whether a mom can homeschool but the why and what. Why will you homeschool? What will you teach?

Homeschooling cannot merely be regarded as a trend, a cool concept (even though Alvin Toeffler has said that “homeschooling is for futurists.”), a past ideal, or about a superior academic education. Personally, I believe that it is these things but so much more, too.

One of the blessings of homeschooling that I value is the protection our children receive from wrong kinds of indoctrination…indoctrination by peers, teachers, school curriculums and systems that promote humanism vs. theism.

“All education is indoctrination into a religious worldview. Whether it be the true religion of Christianity, or any of the myriad false religions invented by men. All education is undergirded by presuppositions about the origin of the universe, the origin of man, the purpose of man, ethics governing relationships between men, and the continuing existence of the universe in an orderly and predictable manner. It is an inescapable fact that all of these basic assumptions are fundamentally religious. Therefore we must view the schoolroom as the place where children are indoctrinated into the religion of their society. The school is, in effect, a temple.” (David Sant, The Religious Nature of Education, Patriarch Magazine)

Have we really stopped to ask ourselves, as homeschooling or non-homeschooling parents, What doctrines are my children learning that are becoming the basis of their worldview? What will become the bedrock of their belief system, the determinant of their choices and actions?

In a climate of postmodern thinking which has removed God from the picture and promoted the ideas of moral subjectivity, pluralism and relativism, there is a need more than ever before to teach our children the truths that God has given us in His Word.

No human wisdom or understanding or plan
can stand against the LORD. (Proverbs 21:30 NLT)

He said,
“Praise the name of God forever and ever,
for he has all wisdom and power. He controls the course of world events;
he removes kings and sets up other kings.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the scholars. He reveals deep and mysterious things
and knows what lies hidden in darkness,
though he is surrounded by light. (Daniel 2:20-22 NLT)

Since we don’t get to do too much geography for homeschooling. Well, it worked wonders. This morning I heard my four year old, Titus, say, “That’s Chile!,” while pointing to Chile on a globe. He and his brothers were gathered around a globe identifying countries. Some of them I didn’t even know! Apparently my second son, Edan, has also memorized most of the flags of the different countries, too. (iTunes also has a Stack the States game which I need to upgrade to full version.)

Really, these kids are smarter than I am. Like I often say, homeschooling’s biggest challenge is not the academics. My kids are learning all kinds of things, even without me. My challenge is to keep focusing on the God-ward orientation of their hearts.

And thanks to Apple’s educational apps (more of which I am looking forward to discovering), I can focus on the heart stuff and get help on the academics part.

Read a review on the Stack the Countries App here: Common Sense Media

1. It builds my kids’ confidence when they are entrusted with the task of teaching their siblings. They appreciate the responsibility and derive a sense of satisfaction when they help others.
2. My kids re-learn content and have to use their knowledge in new and practical ways. They have to explain ideas or how to do a task in a way that their younger sibling must be able to grasp.
3. Coming to the aide of a sibling strengthens their relational bond because they look out for each other’s needs and seek to meet them. Valuable character traits like patience, perseverance, deference, and understanding are practiced and applied.
4. Learning also becomes a shared experience, which keeps younger siblings from feeling left-out when I am doing one-on-one teaching. Everyone can stay preoccupied with purposeful activities.
5. My younger kids, who look up to their older brothers, are motivated to achieve the same level of skill or knowledge that their older siblings have and they develop an interest in being homeschooled, too!

So, when people ask me, “Is it hard to homeschool several kids?”, the answer is yes and no. It is challenging to manage time between all of them but cooperative learning makes it easier and fun. This is helpful strategy parents can use when homeschooling more than one child.

Elijah had been praying for a sister. He was sure that God was going to give us a girl. He loved having a younger brother but he was ready for a sister.

Despite his best effort to remain unaffected, the tears came. And he blurted out, “How come God did not answer my prayer?” He turned to look up at Edric for an answer.

Edric fought to keep his composure because he too was disappointed. He was really praying for a girl. We all were. But his more immediate concern was helping Elijah to process the news correctly. He hugged Elijah tightly and said to him, “God does not always answer our prayers that way we want him to, but he always answers our prayers. He always gives us what is best and he has a reason for everything…”

Did my 5 year old son understand this? He really tried. But it was not easy. It was a faith building moment for him.

I was still lying on the bed finishing up my ultra sound so Edric took him out of the room so he could talk with him some more. I started to tear as I thought of Elijah’s tender faith and his attempt to reconcile what he knew about God to be true and present circumstance.

This was the first time Elijah was ever disappointed with God. And it hurt me to see him like this. But Edric and I could not believe for him. We could only reinforce and reassure him that God has a plan for all things — good and bad.

Present day. May 6, 2012. I watched Titus, my third son, blow out his four birthday candles. As we celebrated the day together with family and friends, I decided to write about Titus as my offering of praise to God.

I praise God for his knowingness, for always giving what is better than our best hopes and expectations. I wanted a baby girl four years ago. But God hand-picked Titus for me to love and formed him in my inward parts. He knit him in my womb. He is fearfully and wonderfully made.

Some months ago, I had a conversation with Elijah about Titus. And I reminisced with him, going back to the moment when we were in the ultrasound room. What he may not have grasped then is clear to him now. He would not trade Titus for anything. All three of my boys are each other’s best friend of choice.

Titus added just the right mix of spunk, intensity, comedy, and curiosity to the personality of my other two sons. I can’t imagine our family without him. God threw some spice in there when he gave us Titus. He colored our world.

There were many highlights this past year in young Titus’ life. But one of my favorite ones was when he ran up to me with a drawing he made and said, “Mom, look at this maze I drew! See? There are monsters here (pointing to a section of his paper) but you don’t have to be scared because Jesus is in your heart, right? There are only monsters in hell, not in heaven, right?! And if you have Jesus in your heart you go to heaven!” I could hardly contain my laughter.

Like my other kids, I believe that Titus is a child of purpose. God has a special plan for him and his personality, quirkiness, strengths and weaknesses. On his fourth birthday I want to remember that and thank God for the gift he is to us. Happy Birthday, Titus! I love you!