Getting There

It’s been an uphill battle for me with my weight due to hormonal changes after surgery. From 118 pounds, after giving birth, I jumped up to 129.

I was so discouraged about it for a very long time. But I chose to embrace my life stage and season, as well as do my part to:

  1. exercise (5x a week)
  2. eat well (most of the time!)
  3. get good rest (sleep by 9:30 on most days)
  4. take hormone therapy (started last month)
  5. replace one meal (usually dinner) with liquids like veggie shakes or smoothies
  6. take lemon and ginger in warm water morning and night
  7. have home treatments done by @livingwaterph for RF and deep skin, as well as IV for collagen, and vitamins.
  8. Surrender what’s beyond my control to the Lord.

After 4 months of quarantine my tummy has gotten flatter. I feel like I am finally moving in the direction of my health goals, too. Previously I had a bigger pouch hanging over my scar. I still have to lose six pounds, and achieve greater toning on my arms.

The kids were squishing the back of my arms, and they described them as flabby. (I love the honesty of my children) And that’s fine. I accept that, and I will keep doing what I can.

Four of my six kids have like 5% body fat and abs, so they have a very high standard! They are fitness machines thanks to all the exercising Edric encouraged them to do in the last four months.

Thankfully, Edric doesn’t pressure me to look perfect. He knows the realities of all the changes I have gone through, and he loves me unconditionally. In the car, I asked him something like, “Do you miss my old body?”

His response, “Whatever body you have at present is the body that I like.”

Maybe he was being overly affirming to make my day. Just the same, I want to stay attractive for him, take care of my health, and avoid excuses like, “I am tired, I am too busy to try, and what’s the point?”

Honestly, there are moments when I compare myself to others and the envy creeps in. I wish I had not experienced extensive surgery. The effort index for me today is so much greater than my pre-surgery self. Before I gave birth to Caylee losing weight was easy. After surgical menopause it was like, where did all the blubber come from?! How did I get so efficient at accumulating fat cells on my body?!

Anyway, moving on…

There’s a greater lesson here than sharing about my physical challenges and progress. We all experience loss, some are certainly much more major than an operation. Many people are losing the ones they love to Covid19 and other sicknesses. While we can’t go back to the way things used to be, the loss doesn’t have to define our future.

One of the breakthroughs I experienced during the quarantine was to believe that God is restoring my health, giving me greater and greater physical strength, as well as healing me emotionally and spiritually. Furthermore, when I am tempted to fixate on negativity, the Lord convicts me to be grateful and thankful, and he leads me back to these truths:

God is all I need. “Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalms‬ ‭73:25-26‬)‬‬

God has the best plans for me. He will use everything I have been through for my good and the good of others, for his glory! “God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

God is my healer and restorer.“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalms‬ ‭147:3‬)‬‬

Someday, I will understand the fullness of this in eternity.

In the meantime, I am still getting there, and it’s enough to know that God can be trusted because of his character, because of who he is. Circumstances, as well as loss, will never change this. I don’t have to see everything clearly now, but I have to believe.

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