I have often heard other moms talk about how difficult it is to get their sons interested in writing. Well, now I am one of them. My 9 year old, Elijah, is an incredibly intelligent boy but writing is his least favorite activity.
Last Friday was one of those days when he resisted an assignment I gave him. He was asked to write a short story using the vocabulary words he learned and he was visibly upset about it. Sigh. In my heart, I was wrestling with my own rising irritation. I watched him bury his face in his hands, yank at his nose a zillion times, and then stare at nothing. We sat like this for about twenty minutes and he wrote zero sentences.
One of the amazing things about homeschooling, however, is that it is a character education for me, too. So I prayed and committed not to lose my temper. And I didn’t, but he heard me say that I was frustrated. (Oops)
He started tearing and said, “I feel bad because you are mad at me.”
I replied, “I am not angry or mad.”
“But you said you were frustrated.”
“I did say that and I am sorry. I was frustrated, but our relationship is more important to me than your writing assignment.”
To reassure him, I gave him a big hug and held him for a while. Yet, the teacher mom in me knew that Elijah had to learn to write. I couldn’t let him remain negative towards this skill. It was an important ability that he needed to develop. And while I believe in allowing children to learn at their own pace, I also believe that they can be lovingly encouraged and challenged to do hard things.
It wasn’t just about doing a writing activity, it was about overcoming self-doubt and self-imposed limitations and negativity. I knew that Elijah could write and that I wasn’t asking him to do something beyond his capacity. But I was asking him to do something that wasn’t comfortable or easy for him. The question was, what strategy would work to motivate him?
God gave me an idea…
I continued our dialogue, “I need to ask you something. Do you think there is anything you can improve on? Do you think your heart is right?”
He shook his head to mean, “No.”
“What do you think is wrong?” He admitted that he didn’t like writing and didn’t want to do it.
“Do you think it’s okay that you have this attitude toward writing?”
He shook his head again. Another, “No.”
At this point in our conversation, I knew that he recognized his aversion to writing. He knew it was not good or right.
When I saw him soften up a little, I said, “Okay, I want you to repeat after me…”
I don’t like writing but I will try my best for Jesus. I asked me to say this several times until it became somewhat comical and he started to smile. There is my Elijah! I thought to myself. Breakthrough.
It was my opportunity to try again.
“How about we do this. Choose 10 of the vocabulary words to use in a story and you can write about a topic that you like. You can also use my computer to do it.”
“Can I choose my own font?” He asked.
Prior to this, his assignment was to write a story using about 20 words and he had to use them in the order they were dictated. This was stressful for him. But when I changed the mechanics of the assignment and gave him enough space to be creative, he was excited. I also said, “Afterwards, you can play the educational game about countries on my IPad.”
“Thank you, mom! This is more motivating.”
I left him to work on the computer and when I came back, he composed a wonderful piece. Mission accomplished!
Here is a copy of what he wrote: (Re-printed with permission from Elijah)
One day there was a commotion outside the house. There was a booth that allowed you to get free plane tickets that let you go on an expedition anywhere in the world! There was a long line when I looked out the window. There were about 150 people waiting to get tickets! A few days later we got tickets and we chose this place called Adventure Islands.
Once we got there, we first went into the subterranean cave. The next day we reached one of the precipices. We climbed up to the top, and I saw an eyrie below us and an ingenious invention flying above us. We also went to one of the mystery places. I was flummoxed by how the place looked. Soon we saw some menacing, dark rain clouds overhead. We settled in an uncanny place and it was a bit eerie for a while, but soon we fell asleep.
The next day it was time to go home. Three days later we got home. I looked out of the window and saw that the booth was gone. But soon we might go on another adventure…..
After I read what Elijah wrote, I immediately said, “This is fantastic, son. You are such a good writer!” He was quite happy with this encouragement. And I meant it. He was able to use difficult vocabulary in the right context. For a 9 year old who seemed mentally constipated an hour earlier, I was very pleased with his output.
This experience was a confirmation that academic goals are achievable even if I don’t follow the cookie-cutter approach to teaching. I customized my son’s learning experience. And customization is a key benefit of homeschooling.
The reality is that a teacher educating thirty kids will not be able to customize assignments for each of the children she teaches. Yet many times customization is exactly what a child needs to be engaged and motivated to learn. When children are engaged and motivated they do not need to be coerced or pleaded with to learn or try their best. In contrast, when they are uninspired, getting them to do their work feels like pulling teeth…teeth that won’t come out!
Therefore, my challenge as a homeschool mom is not getting my children to do their work but inspiring them to do their best and to love learning. It requires me to adjust (which is not always easy or comfortable or me) and it requires a whole lot of prayer for grace, wisdom, and patience, but the results are worth it!
We’ve got more writing assignments to deal with this coming week, but I am looking forward to how God will move in the heart of my son and help us get through these challenges. 🙂
12 thoughts on “Writing with Tears”
Thank you, Melanie! 🙂
I applaud your God given gift of encouraging your child. I love his masterpiece. I am deeply encouraged as well to consider home schooling (if I got married and had my own kids). God bless your ministry 🙂
Thank you, Vina! Kids are really creative if they are encouraged and given the right opportunity and space to be so. 🙂
By the way, Joy, may I ask some notes from you?
What curriculums are you using for all or each of your children?
My son is incoming prep, and it’s our second year in TMA.
Hi June! I will prob write a more detailed entry to answer your question. But for prep, I use sing, spell, read and write — Off we go and raceway. I used count and grow (it is cheaper than imported curriculums) for math. However, I recommend that parents introduce concepts concretely first rather than letting their child answer the workbook alone. A better curriculum is Singapore Math. For Science, I prefer apologia’s exploring creation with astronomy or a book called The World God Made by Liberty Press for students that have very long attention spans. The local option is Explore and Grow, but it is not colorful and it is like a conventional school workbook. For bible, my kids read their Bibles and we discuss the content. But I have to make my own quizzes. For character we use Power for True Success and discuss a character trait each week and memorize a verse. Filipino is already required so you will also need a Filipino book. If, however, you can afford it, I would get Rosetta Stone’s Filipino language course. Hope this helps.
How inspiring. I just got my application form for TMA over the weekend and I’m looking at it with both dread and excitement.
The other side of this story is something I feel I’m going to need to work on when I start homeschooling. I already told my husband to make sure I don’t “over adjust” to my daughter’s wants or wishes for the wrong reasons. I feel like I might make such allowances or adjustments because I am starting to feel annoyed or I just want the lessons to be over so I can get on with the rest of my chores. I know this is going to be my personal challenge and I really pray to God that I can overcome it.
Go Liv! God will supply the grace:) let me know if there is anything I can do to support and encourage you 🙂
u’re such a great mom… hope i also be…
Joy,motivating Faith is my greatest struggle in homeschooling. This story you shared is such a classic scenario for Math. And just the daily whiny comments gets me down…she’s a really good student and is doing well but its just her attitude when she doesnt want to homeschool gets me down. And when I would make my voice stern and not even angry, she’ll say” see,you’re getting angry..” and Im like “im not,im just firm” . I want to learn how to motivate her ..thanks for sharing this! So real and I did learn from you today! Im going to pray and ask the Lord to help me. Let me know if you have any more ideas from the Lord you can share 🙂
Just pray for her constantly. That has helped me. Some days they really aren’t motivated but because Edric does character instruction with the kids this helps a lot, too. I remind them during the week when they start acting up. “Remember what we learned? Are we applying it?” 🙂