(Written with permission from Edric and recently edited to remove the cynical parts that I felt were unnecessary and detracted from the main point. Ahhh, the blessings of blogging!)
Some weeks ago, I wrote an article about husbands and their cave man time. I understand that Edric needs occasions during the week to unwind and do something that refuels his “tank.” Recently, hanging out with his cousin playing NBA on a PS3 has been it. He will get together with him once a week or once every two weeks and they will go for hours and hours challenging each other. Meanwhile, I stay at home with the kids and chill with them. After they go to bed, I have my own version of cave man time — meditative silence. No one needs me, no one is clamouring for my attention. Being alone like this gives me opportunity to write, research, and read. Heaven.
As much as I have wanted to give Edric his man-space, when I found out that he and his cousin had organised a PS3, NBA tournament with a bunch of other guys, I wasn’t thrilled. I was worried that it would become something more frequent.
The thing is, about five or so years ago, Edric had an issue with computer gaming. He had a nightly habit of using the PS3 he had to play NBA. I was worried about the example he was giving to the children and his own spiritual health. It seemed to make him edgier and more abrasive as a person, probably because he was pumped up with adrenalin and testosterone. So I actually prayed really hard that the machine would break.
A few weeks later, the PS3 had a supernatural encounter with ants. They infested the console and destroyed it. Edric tried to get it fixed two or three times by a questionable and strange genius who worked in Shoppesville, Greenhills. The guy named “Val” happened to have long nails on one hand or finger (one of those) which he probably used to unscrew bolts on all sorts of gadgets. Yet, for all his celebrated ability, the best he could do was get the console to work for 5 minutes. The fan would overheat and shut down after 5 minutes and Edric would have to re-start it. Of course, this was ridiculous…so ridiculous, Edric decided to sell it. Yeah! He knew I had prayed about his gaming and we laughed about the entire incident because it turned into a comedy. The great news was, he didn’t replace it and for years and years and computer gaming was not in his radar.
When he started playing again, not as a daily habit or in the addictive sense, but as an occasional fun activity that he can enjoy with friends, I made it into an issue. He said, “Remember you wrote about cave man time? Your reaction to playing computer games seems like a contradiction to what you said in that article.” At that moment, I wanted to delete my cave man article, and all articles he could possibly cite! He was using it against me, but I knew that he was right, too. Guys really do need their creative outlets and it’s a blessing that Edric’s happens to be something “safe.” What is playing a sports game once a week (and outside of the house) for a couple of hours if it will de-stress and energize my husband? I was being a bit irrational…maybe even hormonal.
On the day of the “big” tournament, I watched Edric as he ate his breakfast that morning, as he chatted with his friends over the phone while discussing last minute details for the tournament venue. His countenance was marked by an obvious delight and excitement. My heart started to soften.
Look at his smile, I thought. This really fills him. It’s clean fun. He’s not the kind of guy that has a vice that you need to worry about. Be happy for him. You spend time on facebook and amazon from time to time. That’s pretty useless. Okay, okay…whew, let me process this.
I decided to do the one thing that always works to calm my spirit. I prayed! “Lord, if my heart is wrong, please change it. If Edric is wrong then please convict him. I don’t want this to be a continuing source of tension between us.”
My attitude did change! It was strange. Edric said he would be done before midnight and I wished him a great time. “Bring home the trophy, babe!” I called out and meant it!
That night I enjoyed being with the kids. They all bunked in our bedroom. I actually fell asleep before some of them did…like 9:30pm. But at 2:30 am, I woke up and realized that Edric wasn’t home yet. Since I expected him to be back before midnight, I tried to call him just to check and see if he was alright. He did not answer so I figured he was still preoccupied with a game. It’s amazing that I didn’t feel like panicking. I just texted him. “Are you safe? Are you okay?” He replied, “Sorry I missed your call. Yes, don’t worry. On my last game.”
I found out that he got home at 3:45 am. And miracle of miracles, I didn’t feel like rubbing it in. He had a class to attend at 8:30 am and it was a wonder that he was able to make it. Anticipating that his fatigue would surely kick in by noon, I prepared him lunch to eat in the bedroom; turned on the AC so it would be comfortable when he arrived; and when he got home, I asked if he was alright, if there was anything I could do for him, and informed him that the room was prepared so he could rest. He looked at me like he had just had an alien encounter. “Who are you?” he asked jokingly. “Are you my wife? What did you do to her?” He couldn’t believe I was so supportive and understanding. He went on to say, “Why are you doing all this? You are treating me like a king. I like it!”
I really couldn’t understand it either. I was cheerful, sing-songy, asking him about how the tournament went like I was really interested…Why was I so supportive and understanding? It was flabbergasting. Of course, the answer was it simply wasn’t me. It was the Holy Spirit giving me a desire to take care of him and serve him. For those of you who have followed this blog, you know that service is my least favorite language of love, but it is the one thing that my husband appreciates most from me. So this was definitely not me, it was God’s grace!
I WANTED him to feel like a king. And you know what? He was the one who said, “I played too long last night. This is not sustainable. I can’t do that again. We really have to impose a time limit with the guys.” That was from the Lord, too! There must really be something to this gentle and quiet spirit that the Lord asks wives to put on! 😉
A woman in our church shared about “killing your husband with kindness.” She was married to an infidel and adulterer, but instead of harboring bitterness and anger towards him, she was an outstanding example of what it means to be a Christ-follower. As a result, her husband repented, turned his life over to the Lord, and became a pastor with a ministry that is incredibly effective.
In reference to this, Edric used the same line with me as he was sitting on the bed, drinking his warm soup. “You killed me with kindness, hon.” And we both laughed. (He really isn’t a bad husband at all so the statement didn’t exactly apply, but I knew what he meant.)
For the rest of the day, I made sure the kids didn’t disturb Edric because he needed to catch up on sleep. After he woke up, he was beaming. He couldn’t wait to spend time with me and he kept talking about how blessed he was that I took care of him.
Do I like computer games now? Nope. But I know my husband and I trust that he has his priorities in order. More importantly, I know that God holds him accountable. It is in the Lord’s department to bring about conviction.
I love the Lord and I love Edric. I want to support and respect Edric because God asks that of me, even when I don’t always like his choices. I’ve tried the vindictive route too many times, where I use angry silence, nag about what is right, withhold intimacy, or speak and act in disrespectful ways to communicate my disappointment. (Women have many weapons of mass destruction but they tend to backfire.) Truthfully, I am blessed with a wonderful, godly husband. But when I see areas that concern me, I’m learning over and over again that prayer is the best way to minister to him. Prayer is power not only to change the heart of the one I am interceding for, but the power to change me, too!
God knows I need to improve on being a gentle and quiet spirit. It’s a moment by moment challenge. One day I can write an article like this and seem like such an angel and the next day, I am the complete opposite! But such is the Christian life. I can do nothing apart from the Holy Spirit’s enabling. Prayer keeps me connected to him.
Prayer helps me to treat Edric like a king — honored and held in high regard as he should be. And let me just add that when my husband feels like a king, I get treated like a queen. It is certainly a nice bonus!
11 thoughts on “When He Feels Like A King”
Great article! I can certainly relate with your husband about this entire computer gaming thing, despite the fact that I’m from “Venus” 🙂
Prayer really helps change a person’s heart and perspective about things. God bless you! 🙂
So convicted Joy. Ugh. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I will aspire to appy to my own life. xxoo
You know what my Lola said the same thing – kill my husband with kindness. It’s so hard to do though!
I know the testimony where you quoted “I killed him with kindness”. That was my favorite line, too. I was lucky enough to be assigned as tech backstage in CCF Main that day. I remembered being overwhelmed with thought that there’s still hope with my father. The testimony was a clear demonstration of the power of prayer. Nothing is impossible with God. Reading this post reminded of that moment. This is so timing because I am having spiritual battle and I feel like losing hope.
But again, I was enlightened today. I thank God for giving me a moment to browse your blog.
Thanks to you too and God bless.
Good one Joy! Being married to a musician, I feel you on waiting for my man to come home at odd hours (and not necessarily understanding why they have to stay out to “practice” all the time). But whatever it is that attracts them to the things that they love, is part of what attracts us to them. I love that he has something in his life that is not attached to me… just like I want him to support me for the things I have that aren’t attached to him – yoga, dancing, making videos and films. What fulfills us separately gives so much more texture to the lives we live together.
At this very hour 5:31 am I haven’t slept yet, i had already shutdown my computer but to no reason at all i opened it and logged in to my facebook. Luckily you’re my friend and browsed this article of yours. You know i just temporarily separated from my husband who had cheated me for almost 5 years now I can’t take it anymore, have done everything and treated him more than a king as you have mentioned, but to no success. During this time in our relationship my relationship with Jesus got bitter because I thought with my full attention to him his love for me will reignite and it was a failure. As days passed my sentiments and anger gets deeper,Surely God lead me to read your article and you just inspired me when you mentioned that Prayer is power not only to change the heart of the one I am interceding for, but the power to change me, too! Change me to get over my anger and power to let go of what intervenes with my love for Jesus. AND it’s’ really true that God and the holy spirit will take things over as you pray for it because as i have reignited my love for Jesus little by little i can get over with my anger and sentiments. Thanks for your article. There’s really nothing impossible with God! God bless you more and edric 🙂 by the way both of you plays badminton with some of my family and close relatives 🙂
God knows I need to improve on being a gentle and quiet spirit. It’s a moment by moment challenge.
My husband loves to play NBA live, too! 🙂 Just last night, he watched the NBA all stars game. And while I was about to get upset again and almost gave him the silent treatment for watching instead of sending quality time with me and the baby, he asked me if I was mad at him for watching. For some reason, I smiled and said no. The Holy Spirit really does wonders and makes us do things that we cannot do on our own 🙂 Thanks for this timely article and for reminding me that we need to be supportive of our husbands. 🙂
You do look like a queen. 🙂
Awww. Thanks!!! 🙂
Nice and insightful article.. I have one question though, as someone from Mars, what happened to the buyer of the defective PS3? 🙂
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