My Heart Is Turned Towards You 

This morning, amidst the flurry of activity I found myself in while preparing for a homeschool playgroup and all-day meetings, Edric very sweetly told me, “You know my heart is turned towards you.” Suddenly, whatever stress I felt dissipated as he calmly smiled at me while finishing his breakfast. 

He said this because I asked him if we could upgrade the tech situation in our homeschool room. The kids rely on my laptop (the only laptop we have at home) so it’s overloaded with files and programs that Elijah experiments with, and it’s a challenge when we both need to use it. I haven’t minded the sharing too much, but this year, with Elijah in high school for our homeschooling, we need at least one other laptop or a desktop computer for writing assignments and research. Plus, Elijah is learning programming too, so he needs a device to work on. 

I don’t know when Edric will actually buy a computer or laptop for our homeschool room because he has a lot going on at present, but the manner in which he heard my request and responded to it with tenderness meant a lot. I have said this before but I will say it again…women are not as complicated as we seem. 

Author and speaker, Craig Groeschel, said that “women are multipliers.” Be sweet to them and they will magnify sweetness in return. Be mean to them and they will give you hell. He actually used the phrase “give you hell” which was kind of surprising for a pastor but he delivered it with humor, trying to emphasize his point — a woman multiplies what she receives from her husband.

When Edric makes me feel like I am important and prioritized, I am an inspired wife! A little gas in my emotional tank goes a long way! My preference is affirmation. For other wives it may be time, affection, gifts, or service. Whatever it is, I think I speak for all women when I say that we bloom when our husbands “speak” our love language, as Dr. Gary Chapman puts it. 

It doesn’t take as much effort as a man might presume to meet the emotional needs of a woman. In fact the effort index is way higher when a man neglects the emotional needs of his wife. For example, yesterday, Edric ignored me when I asked him if I should bring the stroller for Catalina during our family date night. I must have asked for his opinion three times but he said nothing. We were rushing to get into the car and he may have thought it an unimportant question. Even though I shouldn’t have made a big deal out of it, I did. In my irritation I asked, “Why don’t you answer me?” 

He didn’t appreciate my tone or attitude and corrected me by remarking, “This is not an issue.” 

“Yes it is. I really don’t like it when you ignore me. I have said this before. It’s upsetting.” 

Well, that didn’t help. The first part of our family time was a little cold, at least between Edric and me. It took me a while to simmer down and quell my hurt. I started thinking of several other things that Edric did that day which upset me. Over one unanswered question, my mind resurrected three other reasons to fan my ire. Thankfully we resolved the dispute and apologies were exchanged. The point is, I get complicated when I feel slighted by Edric. Of all the people in my life it is his treatment of me that naturally matters the most. 

I am not saying that my reactive-ness is ever Edric’s fault, especially when I choose to be disrespectful or disobedient to him. My responses are still my responsibility. However, what I am saying is Edric’s gentleness and sweetness have a profound effect on me. That one phrase,”You know my heart is turned towards you,” made me think things like, “Wow, he really loves me! He really wants to take care of me! I am important to him!”   

Okay, I know it all sounds cheesy but that’s how simple a woman can be. We respond to tenderness. In whatever sincere form it comes — a kind word, a compliment, a thoughtful gesture, or an affectionate embrace — these little demonstrations make us feel loved. Multiply these actions over years and years and the result will be a woman who looks upon her husband with desire and admiration! Isn’t that what all husbands hope to receive from their wives? 

You don’t have to print this out and hand it to your husband to convict him to change. What you can do is pray for him if he tends to be insensitive or fails to meet your emotional needs. I keep praying for Edric and by God’s grace, he keeps improving. What you and I can do is appreciate and affirm the instances when our husbands do something, ANYTHING, that makes us feel special.

A few years after getting married, I complained that Edric stopped opening the door for me. One date night I said something like, “Wow. Times have changed. You used to open the door for me but now you don’t.” Did that statement motivate him to open my door? Most certainly not! In fact he got very annoyed with me for criticizing him. So one day I modified my approach. When he randomly opened my door during another occasion, I commented, “I really like it when you open the door for me. It makes me feel special, and it makes you very attractive.” With that statement, his eyes lit up and he programmed himself to open my door consistently from then on. Why? Because I appealed to his own heart-felt need to be appreciated. Edric has made opening my door a habit. What used to require effort from him is now automatic.

Similarly, there are many things we want our husbands to do that we wish wouldn’t feel like such chores to them. But rarely will our nagging, complaining, comparing, and criticizing compel them to transform in the areas we hope they will. Proverbs 21:19 says, “It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman.” A man’s heart turns away from a woman who is argumentative, who provokes with her words and distresses him with her actions. He may look okay on the outside as he gives in to the pestering of his wife but the love he feels erodes over time as it is replaced by resentment for her disrespect. 

So, on the one hand this post is meant to applaud husbands who fulfill the call in Ephesians 5 to nourish and cherish their wives. What a blessing these men are! John Piper wrote, “When a man joyfully bears the primary God-given responsibility for Christlike, servant leadership and provision and protection in the home—for the spiritual well-being of the family, for the discipline and education of the children, for the stewardship of money, for the holding of a steady job, for the healing of discord—I have never met a wife who is sorry she married such a man. Because when God designs a thing (like marriage), he designs it for his glory and our good.” 

On the other hand, this entry is meant to encourage wives to continue hoping in God to work in the hearts of our husbands, praying for them, and appreciating the effort they display. If there is anyone who can reorient the hearts of our husbands, it is the Lord. “May the Lord direct your hearts (our husbands’) into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.” (‭‭2 Thessalonians‬ ‭3:5)‬ ‭

Furthermore, our greater comfort ought to be that God’s heart is turned towards you and me when our hearts are turned to Him!  “Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him, on those who hope for His lovingkindness,” (‭‭Psalms‬ ‭33:18‬)

17 thoughts on “My Heart Is Turned Towards You 

  1. Hello Joy! After 16 years of struggling in misery, hungry of attention and the kind of devotion i expect from my husband, i finally found my needs met and nurtured –and that was turning my heart back to my God and Loving Father. I grew up with a father who is out for work abroad because he has to sustain the needs of the family; despite all his loving sacrifices and devoted labors, the selfless provider and father he has become all those years, i was still left with a void in my heart, a vacuum i thought marriage could replace. And yes for many years my husband persevered and endured the kind of wife i was! But praise God who alone can change hearts and mend brokenness, i am now a truly happy wife and making amends to those years when my husband and my kids has to come home to a grumpy and ungrateful woman of the house. And because of the miracle of my Soul-surgery, i have found many admiring and honorable qualities of my husband and sees them as a sweet and faithful expressions of love from my Father in heaven. Last night, overwhelmed by the wonder of being married to a great man, i thank my ABBA and said ” you thought fondly of me when you made Lanlan, thank you for thinking of me in such wonderful way…” It is true that as we turn our eyes back to our Maker and Father, he turns the eyes of our husbands to see the beauty and wonder of our womanhood…how we are so blessed in ways beyond counting! Thank you for sharing your journey.

  2. Hi Ms. Joy! I really enjoy reading your blog! This entry is really what i needed today. My husband and I are not in good terms and pretty much because of the examples you cited. Us, wives, always seek for their attention, love and care but sometimes we do feel neglected and in return we become bitter and sometimes show acts of disrespectfulness against them. Thank you for sharing the verses. It really hit me straight to the heart, realizing my mishaps and all. It made me realize that we should respect our husbands all the time even if they hurt us at times, mostly unintentional. Looking forward to read more and learn more from your beautiful family. God bless you more!

  3. Very good read! This is true. A husband’s affirmation and words of encouragement inspires us to be better persons. We continue to pray for our husbands and our marriage.

  4. Hi Ms. Joy! I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now. I reckon there aren’t a lot of male readers here, but I think guys should read these stuff too. I wish I could find men who write with such rawness and humility too so that young guys like me can learn from them too. God bless you and your marriage and your family! I am truly inspired by your family’s example.

    1. That’s great to hear Mikeel. Maybe once in a while I will be able to convince my husband to write an article for the men like you out there! 🙂

  5. Dear Ms Joy, my heart is heavy right now because my husband has changed so much. I don’t feel as loved and as important as as before. He doesn’t hold me and look at me as before. We don’t communicate as much also. It really hurts me so much. I still continue to serve and love the family and him despite feeling so empty inside. I always pray to God and give him all my burdens but I feel that my love for my husband is diminishing as he treats me this way. I feel like we are strangers already. I have expressed this problem with him already but he is still the same. I feel that we have fallen out of love already but just staying together for convenience for the kids’ sake. Please advice. Thanks!

    1. Please consider attending a retreat on marriage. This greatly helped my husband and me. Sometimes the problem is we don’t understand what God’s design for marriage is all about and so it helps to start there. You can also email me so we can chat more about this in private.

  6. Hi Joy! I always enjoy reading your blogs. I am learning a lot and i praise God for your life and your family’s. He has been using you to bring Him glory through inspiring your readers, like me. God bless u more!

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