Live with Anticipation

Yesterday was my first attempt at homeschooling four kids since I gave birth to Catalina. She wailed several times during the morning so I had to teach while breastfeeding. Had my four older kids been more cooperative, this wouldn’t have been such a bad set-up. But, they got used to the liberties they had while I was busy with Catalina this past month. It was hard for them to settle into study-mode.

Edan seemed so disinterested, Elijah was distracted, Titus kept gravitating towards the IPad, and Tiana didn’t want to do her Sing, Spell, Read, and Write material. I sat there, on the bed, with my disheveled hair, nursing bib, Catalina in one arm, and the tears started to fall. This wasn’t going well.

“Why is your face red, mommy?” Titus asked in his curious way. Elijah said sorry because he knew why I was upset. Edan looked over, quiet and concerned. Tiana was clueless.

I didn’t want them to worry about me. So after admitting that I was having a hard time, I shifted emotional gears, sucked it in, and continued.

I proceeded to teach Tiana her numbers. She kept getting confused with numbers 1 to 10. So we tackled just 2 numbers — number 1 and number 2 but even that was hard for her to grasp.

My impatience started to kick in. What?! She doesn’t know her numbers?!

Tiana’s face began to show signs of distress. “Mommy, don’t be mad.” She could tell I was agitated so I had to apologize and watch my tone.

Edan actually said it was his fault for not teaching her so well this past year. He was supposed to be my teacher’s assistant. Of course I didn’t blame him. He is 7 years old! I’m supposed to be on top of these things. I really didn’t do much with Tiana this past school year in terms of academics. Therefore, she is at ground zero.

For the remainder of the morning, I homeschooled while sitting on a bed and surprise, surprise…My kids actually got through science, world history, local civics, and some Filipino (for the older boys). Edan squeezed in a little bit of math. Titus and Tiana did their phonics and math. It was a bumpy morning but we survived.

This is going to be a fun year. I’m trying to be very positive because I know it’s going to be incredibly challenging.

I like what my mom says. “Live with anticipation.” She is a model of what it means to smile at the future and anticipate what God is going to do — how he will solve and fix a problem or issue.

Years ago, she had symptoms indicative of multiple sclerosis. The doctor told her she most likely had MS. She left the hospital imagining that she could end up in a wheel chair in the near future but when she got into her car, she said, “Thank you Lord (in advance) for what you are going to do. I know you are going to take care of me.” Her nervousness was replaced with faith and calm as she applied the verse,
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6, 7 NASB)

When we found out what she was up against we were all concerned, especially my dad. But we all prayed and committed her health to the Lord. She also did a lot of research on how to combat her nerve degeneration with natural remedies. After a few months her symptoms did not progress and she got well! We all believe that God cured her, but my mom said the key was applying the “thanksgiving” part of Philippians 4:6-7. She lived with anticipation that God was going to do something miraculous and he did!

I may not be battling a sickness or disease, but I find myself at a point in my own life where I must live with anticipation, trusting that God will give me favor as I homeschool. Yesterday was a foretaste of my new normal. It’s not going to be easy to give each of my kids the attention they need, but I am excited. I’m looking forward to how the kids and I will grow and mature this year. God has something special in store for us.

This passage ministered to me…
Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. For yet in a very little while, He who is coming will come, and will not delay. But My righteous one shall live by faith; And if he shrinks back, My soul has no pleasure in him. But we are not of those who shrink back to destruction, but of those who have faith to the preserving of the soul. (Hebrews 10:35-39 NASB)

Snapshots of the kids at work…