After the kids have their basketball trainings, they are wiped out and mad hungry. It’s been a little more expensive to feed our sons these past few weeks while their appetites have been amped up to a much higher degree than usual. The good thing is, I want them to eat a lot. All our kids have spider-like bodies because they are on the thinner side.
This afternoon, the kids wanted ice cream after their practice. I dropped by the grocery to do some shopping and my third son, Titus, expressed that he preferred to buy a yoghurt bar on our way home. In fact, he really wanted a yoghurt bar. However, it was simpler to get everyone ice cream at the supermarket, so he ended up with an ice cream cone from the grocery freezer instead.
I had forgotten about how much he desired a yoghurt bar. But on the way home, he stuck his head in between the van seats and whispered to me, “Mom, it’s okay that I didn’t get a yoghurt bar.”
Oh right. I hadn’t really given it much thought that settling for an ice cream cone fell short of his expectations. But he made sure to announce that he was fine, just in case I was wondering if he was.
I kissed Titus and told him, “I’m sooo proud of you for being flexible.”
“What does flexible mean?” He didn’t quite understand as he asked this.
“Being flexible means being able to adjust when you don’t get what you want.” After I explained this, a smile broke out on his face.
When I was little my dad repeatedly told my siblings and me, “Learn to be flexible.” I’ve never forgotten this phrase. Every time circumstances didn’t turn out as planned or expectations were unmet, disappointment was natural. However, my dad reminded us, “be flexible.”
The character trait of flexibility was rooted in something much more significant than the ability to adjust to the situation. My dad taught us to trust in God and be at peace when we didn’t get our way. This approach to fighting entitlement worked for us. We learned that we could be happy and thankful even if we didn’t receive that toy we hoped for, or the ice cream, horseback ride, movie night, beach trip, etc.
When we fail to teach our children to be flexible, their tendency is to wallow in negativity when there is a perceived roadblock to their happiness.
Some years ago, Edric’s Uncle who lives in the U.S. visited Manila with a suitcase full of gifts for our kids. He requested that I email him a few weeks prior with links to the items he could purchase for our children on Amazon. Of course he assumed that these items were our children’s preferences and he was looking forward to surprising them.
A few weeks later, he arrived and gathered the children around him. Each time he pulled out a present from his luggage, the kids would hold their breath in excitement. Elijah and Edan were thrilled with their gifts, exclaiming, “This is my favorite!” They marveled over the fact that their Great Uncle was so intuitive!
Titus’ turn came along and his Great Uncle handed him an anthology of Dr. Seuss Stories. I must admit that this was one of those Amazon items that I wanted for him more than he probably wanted for himself. Titus accepted the heavy book, looked it over, and politely expressed his gratitude. However, as he walked back to the couch where he had been sitting, he very honestly mouthed out, “This is NOT my favorite.” I didn’t know whether to laugh at his candidness or cry in embarrassment!
Of all our kids, Titus ranks high on persistence. He will find/invent a way to reach his objectives. Therefore to hear him say, “It’s okay that I didn’t get a yoghurt bar” with all sincerity was actually a big deal. He has changed a lot! I praise God that he is maturing in the area of dealing with disappointment.
Every person needs to learn flexibility. Life is hardly predictable. As much as we would like to, there’s no way to ABSOLUTELY control people around us or the circumstances we face. And it’s easy to be pouty, moody, ungrateful, and upset when our demands and expectations aren’t met.
The definitions of flexibility according to the Free Online Dictionary are the following:
- Capable of being bent or flexed; pliable
- Readily bending or twisting the body without injury.
- Able to change to cope with variable circumstances.
- Capable of being change or adjusted to meet particular or varied needs.
On the one hand the word flexible refers to the ability of the body to bend and flex. But on an emotional level, it is the capacity to accommodate change and adjust one’s attitude and responses positively. On a spiritual plane, I believe this ability begins with an awareness that God remains in control. When things go out of control it is declaring, I will do my part to focus on what I can control – my attitude and behavior, and leave the outcome to the Lord, willingly bending in the direction he elects for me to go.
How do we know that we are becoming more flexible? We can check the aftereffects. A flexible person is a rested, grateful person who finds enjoyment in the present circumstances and makes the most out of the situation, trusting that God is at work and sovereign.
Let me close with this passage… “Cease striving and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10
At the end of the day, our responses to situations are indicative of our theology. Do we really know who God is? How powerful? How awesome? How loving, good, and holy? Our knowledge of God will dictate the turmoil or the peace that follows. Here’s a statement to reflect on which my mom passed on to me, “KNOW GOD, KNOW PEACE. NO GOD, NO PEACE.”