Don’t Settle Now Because It Will Matter Someday

After declaring to a group of friends that I hardly get sick, I was hit with a strange virus that left me physically weak and mentally impaired. It was two days of fever where my body crashed and I had no will to rise from my bed except to relieve myself in the bathroom. It was followed by a stomach bug that gave me abdominal pain and diarrhea. And then my entire body was peppered by a rash that turned itchy on the 6th day. The itching kept me up for two nights.

So for 7 days I found myself perpetually exhausted, sneaking in naps throughout the day to regain my strength. I still do not know what I got which was passed on to two of my kids and one of our household helps. But it was a week of forced stillness for me.

When you can’t do much but lie in bed it certainly makes you think about your life. Because I had to slow down and literally do nothing, it nearly drove me crazy with boredom. I couldn’t even think straight. It hurt my eyes and my head to do brain work. So there I was, bed-ridden like I haven’t been in years.

The good news in all of this was how Edric came to my rescue. He came home early from work during my sickness to be by my side. He had food brought to the room to encourage me to eat. And then he relieved me of certain responsibilities to alleviate my stress. Although he had many commitments this past week, he never complained or made me feel like an inconvenience for being sick.

As much as I hated being helpless and dependent while I recovered from my viral attack, I enjoyed his affections. In an age when the independent and self-reliant woman is celebrated, I am not going to pretend that I don’t like being rescued by my man. I love it!!! In fact it matters to me more today than it did in our dating stage. 

It matters more now because Edric has had years of repeated exposure to all my flaws and imperfections. Sometimes you wonder if this sort of reality will have a radioactive effect on your relationship. You wonder if your husband is going to grow tired of you or if his affections will dissipate because he’s seen all the ugliness. 

And yet, Edric remains committed to my well-being. Last night, he even facilitated a discussion with our household help on my behalf. (This isn’t something that normally falls under the list of things he likes to do.)

One of our helps is leaving us to go back home to her province so he assembled all of them for closure. Everyone got to air their concerns and voice out their problems with one another. In the meantime, I was upstairs resting, unaware that this meeting was transpiring.

As he replayed the conversation with our household help to me, he emphasized, “I told the girls to ‘take care of you because I love you very very much.'” He even had tears in his eyes as he said this. He’s a masculine guy but when it comes to declarations of love, he can actually get sappy. 

I am not awesome or interesting enough to captivate Edric’s affections forever. However, he remains committed to me just like he promised on our wedding day. Have there been occasions when he hasn’t felt loving feelings towards me? Yes, of course. Yet somehow this commitment to love me has been like a gravitational force that keeps him from falling out of orbit. At the core of this love is no doubt his love for the Lord. Like I said, it’s not me that keeps his love.

The longer I am married and the more couples Edric and I encounter through counseling and our social circles, the more I appreciate the gift of having a husband who has kept his promise to me, to the Lord. For richer, for poorer, in sickness, in health, till death do us part… 

I knew Edric was a wonderful man when I married him. But he’s version 15.0 now, fifteen years later, and still upgrading every year. 

Young ladies ask me about their relationships with guys via Facebook or through email, and I tell them, “Don’t settle.” Don’t settle for a guy who doesn’t love the Lord with all his heart. From this side of the fence, that’s what counts. 

This sincere love for God has got to be hard wired into a man’s person for him to be a good husband. It’s the one aspect of his person that will determine his motivation to improve and change for the better, and to keep his promise to you. I wish all women would get this and realize how significant a truth it is. 

Furthermore, you will know if a guy really loves God by the way he thinks and acts, by his habits and the people he surrounds himself with, the way he uses his time, treasure, and talents, his dreams and ambitions, and by the fruit of his life. There are many “posers” out there who can put on a show of godliness just to win the heart of a woman so be discerning, ladies. A man who loves God is worth saving your heart for! In the meantime, be the kind of woman a godly man will look for…

To all of us… “May the Lord direct your (our) hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.” 2 Thessalonians‬ ‭3:5‬ ‭

9 thoughts on “Don’t Settle Now Because It Will Matter Someday

  1. A man who loves God is worth saving your heart for! In the meantime, be the kind of woman a godly man will look for…
    amen! love the article..

  2. Ms Joy, your post is very encouraging.. But i have a question po. What about those like me who ‘settled’? I married someone who has a different outlook at faith. He goes to church with me but he often tells me that the sermons/message part of the service makes him fall asleep. He is having a hard time receiving spritual-wise. I do pray for him everyday and even fast about him. But sometimes I am losing hope.

    1. Hi Marie! I am not Ms. Joy but I feel the leading to share you this message because I struggled too with convincing my family members to go to church and develop a deeper relationship with the Lord. I tried so hard and got frustrated because time and again, I am reminded that it was not my work to change a person’s heart, it is the Lord’s. We’re just called to plant seeds of faith and allow God to nourish what we’ve planted.

      I do believe in fasting and praying for other people because it has done miracles for me, seeing the hands of God at work and making things happen. But maybe for now, instead of stressing, allow God to nurture you and deepen your faith. The fact that your husband agrees to go to church with you means he is also trying. So relax, it’s okay. Aside for praying for other people, pray also for God to use you to be a Jesus to your loved ones. Do deeds of kindness, go the extra mile, surprise them with little things and be an example of joy and optimism which can get them into thinking where you get that love that you share. Now it will be easier to point them to Jesus because they see that He is alive in you.

      In one of my devotionals this week, I read this:
      God sees the big picture. Consider this possibility: you may be ready for what God has for you, but somebody else who is going to be involved is not ready yet. God has to do a work in another person or another situation before your prayer can be answered according to God’s will for your life. All the pieces have to come together for it to be God’s perfect time.

      To live your best life now, you must learn to trust God’s timing. Let God do it His way. The answer will come, and it will be on the right time.

      God bless you and your marriage. ????????


  3. Loved this, as I am in a phase of discerning God’s plan for my life partner and marriage. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  4. Thanks for this, Joy! What an inspiring article! I am soon-to-be married to a wonderful guy and I pray that in 15 years, I’ll also be able to say that our marriage is stronger and more beautiful because of God. Praying for more blessings for you & Edric. and oh, I hope you’re feeling better!

  5. While reading this article, it came to mind those years when my mother was in and out of the hospital. She was a renal patient. I was already an adult. Either me or my papa (or both of us) accompanies her for check ups or confinements, and her dialysis sessions. NO complaints from my father. 2 days before she passed in 2000, while in her bed at home, my papa stayed with her, holding her hand for the whole day. It was the only time she experienced edema, it was evident in her hands. I knew there was something wrong and something bad. My heart was filled with much joy, and it bled as well, as I watched them together. My father, despite each health journey, was ALWAYS beside my mother. Til the end, it was the 2 of them. For 44 years.

    They did not speak much of God, but brought us to church weekly, and participated in church activities. I believe, aside from belief in God, a husband must reflect that belief in actions towards his wife and family.

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