I Trust You

Since my two older sons don’t need me to micromanage them, I have shifted my parenting style to give them room to exercise personal discretion. Instead of dictating their schedules or giving them a suggestion when they ask me, “What should I do?” or, “Can I do..”, I now say, “You decide. I trust you.” 

Those three words, “I trust you,” communicate my confidence in their capacity to make good choices. Having spent so many years teaching them the difference between right and wrong, it’s time they take ownership of their choices and assume responsibility for the consequences of their decisions. 

Interestingly, this “I trust you” statement actually makes them more conscientious about choosing wisely. 

Edan came up to me the other day and shared, “Mom, you know, when you say you trust me it actually makes me want to be very careful because I don’t want to break your trust.” 

I told him, “That’s a good thing.”

After all, he is old enough to know what is beneficial and what is harmful to him. For instance, recently he asked me if all the kids (himself included) could use the gadgets while Edric and I were out of the house. Our children know our rules and standards for gadget-use but we don’t hover over them every time they are on one to make sure they are following these. 

Edric and I have had many talks with our children about the dangers of media and guarding their eyes from pornography. We have talked to them about sex in the context of marriage and why it’s a beautiful thing. So they know what to avoid and run away from. 

Even though I want to amp up the controls to ensure that my kids never look upon any worthless thing online, it’s not possible to regulate everything my older sons do. Edric perspective on the matter is a better one. He asserts, “We cannot fully protect our children from pornography but we can prepare them.”

Between the two of us, I probably err on legalism more than he does, so this is a great reminder for me. I don’t want our kids to feel like following God is about external behavior. What matters is their hearts, realizing that God’s design and His will for them leads to fullness of life, and that they are accountable to Him for their actions. Daddy and mommy won’t always be watching. 

Our role as parents is to “train up our children in the way they should go” as Proverbs 22:6 commands so that “when they are older, they will not depart from it.” Personally, I believe that the ages of 1 to 12 require intensive teaching and training. These years are the conviction-building stage– when our children need us to pour into their hearts the word of God, to emphasize the truths that ought to direct their thinking and decision-making. It’s also in this stage when we need to warn them about the pitfalls of life– conflicting world views, sexual immorality, addictions, materialism — and how to choose the right friends and a future life partner. During this season it’s important for us to look for evidence that they love God and understand what it means to have a personal relationship with Him. 

If we have been intentional in their younger years, then we can relax in the area of micromanaging their decisions. In fact, we should avoid doing this. (The discipleship and availability, however, don’t have to end.)

My parents were very relaxed. Neither of them waited for my siblings and I to come home at night when we asked to go out with friends. They slept peacefully, trusting that we recognized we were accountable to God. They also rested in the Lord, knowing that our lives were in His hands. This doesn’t mean they were careless and uninvolved. In fact, they spent so much time being intentional about training and teaching us to make wise decisions that when we were “teenagers,” they let us know that we had their trust. 

In the meantime, they encouraged open communication, prayed for us consistently, and continued to disciple us and affirm God’s truth in our lives. Their style simply changed with consideration for our capacity to make our own choices. They respected us in this sense, and my siblings and I desired to please them and obey them. 

I have shared that of all my siblings, I learned about wrong choices the hard way. However, I came back to the principles that my parents taught me as a child. These truths hooked me back to the path I needed to be on and perpetually gnawed at my conscience when I ignored them. And like Edan told me recently, I wanted to preserve my parent’s trust in me, just as he wants to preserve my trust in him. 

“Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching; indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck. My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent.” Proverbs‬ ‭1:8-10‬ ‭

This past year, I struggled with understanding my changing role in the lives of my older sons. I recall my father-in-law taking me aside to tell me very kindly that I had to avoid babying them, that it wouldn’t be healthy for their manhood. He sought to prepare my heart for the necessary shift in my role as mother to sons who were growing past the childhood stage. He emphasized that Edric should be taking over as far as mentoring them on how to think, act like, and be men. It’s a blessing that Edric has gladly and wholeheartedly been present to do this. 

As for me, I am taking the “I trust you” approach which seems to be working so far, and only because our older sons value my (our) trust and know that obedience brings blessing. I trust them because they have a relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit will convict them when they go astray. My confidence is in the work of Christ in their lives…

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭

84 thoughts on “I Trust You

  1. Wow how i wish my parents do this “i trust you” thing. My parents married early because my mom got pregnant at the age of 18. 27 years later, they haven’t fully moved on i believe. They were always suspecting everytime i went home late. One time i overheard them talking, my mom said that she was so afraid that i got pregnant because for sure everyone at work would talk about me and its one mistake that ill never be able to correct. I was so frustrated since then because they were passing their insecurity to me! I understand that they just love me and trying to protect me. But Joy im adult now i want to try a lot of things like travelling but they wont let me. They fear that i might practice premarital sex too and get pregnant out of wedlock. Its absurd! I tried reasong with my parents but they won’t listen. I just hope that they would be more open minded and accepting to the fact that im no longer a little girl. Isnt it that parents want the best for their child? Why dont they let me enjoy the things they’ve missed.. I feel they are so selfish. I started to hate them honestly. I tried to fight it but the anger, frustration is building inside me.. The only way i could think of to escape this is to work abroad. But i dont want to leave knowing this issue isn’t resolved. I know wherever i am, i will always carry this pain in my heart..

  2. So meaning to say you will “trust” Elijah when he gets a girlfriend? He deserves to have a girlfriend!

    1. Mind your own business! If you want to have a gf go ahead and f her. You’re not the one who will have a problem of elijah gets her gf pregnant. That would be a big shame to their family since they are devout Christian.

  3. I haνe read several excellent stuff here. Certɑinly value bookmarking for
    revisiting. I surprise how mᥙch effort you set to create tһe sort of
    wonderful informative web ѕite.

  4. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any
    widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
    I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have
    some experience with something like this. Please let me
    know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look
    forward to your new updates.

  5. Simply desire to say your article is as amazing. The clarity on your post is just nice and
    that i can assume you’re a professional in this subject. Well with
    your permission allow me to snatch your feed to keep
    updated with coming near near post. Thanks one million and please carry on the
    gratifying work.

  6. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets
    I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
    I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some
    time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this.
    Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I
    look forward to your new updates.

  7. Hmm it looks like your site ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll
    just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying
    your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog writer
    but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any points for rookie blog writers?
    I’d really appreciate it.

  8. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles
    as long as I provide credit and sources back to
    your site? My blog site is in the very same area of interest as yours and my users would
    certainly benefit from some of the information you present here.
    Please let me know if this ok with you. Appreciate it!

  9. Hi! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site
    mobile friendly? My website looks weird when browsing from my iphone4.
    I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able
    to fix this problem. If you have any suggestions, please share.
    Many thanks!

  10. Good post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon everyday.
    It’s always exciting to read articles from other writers and practice something from other websites.

  11. Magnificent beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend
    your site, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a
    acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear idea

  12. Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the web the
    simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while
    people think about worries that they plainly
    don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and
    also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects
    , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more.
    Thanks

  13. An outstanding share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a colleague who was conducting a little research on this.
    And he actually bought me breakfast due to the fact that I discovered
    it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!!
    But yeah, thanks for spending some time to talk about this subject here on your website.

  14. This is the right site for anybody who would like to understand this topic.
    You realize a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I really
    will need to…HaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic that’s been written about for many years.
    Excellent stuff, just excellent!

  15. This is very interesting, You’re a very skilled
    blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post.

    Also, I’ve shared your site in my social networks!

  16. May I simply say what a comfort to uncover someone that actually knows
    what they’re discussing on the internet. You definitely realize how to bring
    an issue to light and make it important. More and more people have to look at this and understand this side of the story.
    I can’t believe you are not more popular given that you most certainly have the gift.

  17. Hi there! This is my first visit to your blog!
    We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a
    community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial
    information to work on. You have done a marvellous job!

  18. That is a really good tip especially to those new to the blogosphere.
    Simple but very precise information… Thank
    you for sharing this one. A must read article!

  19. Hello! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came
    to take a look. I’m definitely enjoying the information.
    I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Exceptional blog and excellent design and style.

  20. I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your sites
    really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to
    come back later on. Cheers

  21. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was curious
    what all is required to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost
    a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% certain. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Appreciate it

  22. Hello there, You have done an excellent job.
    I will certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends.
    I’m sure they will be benefited from this site.

  23. Spot on with this write-up, I seriously believe that this site needs a lot more attention. I’ll probably be returning
    to see more, thanks for the information!

  24. I used to be recommended this web site by way of my cousin. I am no longer sure whether or not this
    put up is written by him as nobody else realize such unique
    approximately my difficulty. You are incredible!
    Thanks!

  25. What i do not understood is if truth be told how you’re not really much more
    smartly-favored than you may be right now. You’re so intelligent.
    You already know therefore significantly relating
    to this matter, made me personally consider it from a lot of various angles.
    Its like men and women don’t seem to be interested until it’s one thing to do with Lady gaga!
    Your personal stuffs excellent. Always deal with it
    up!

  26. Hey I am so thrilled I found your weblog, I really
    found you by error, while I was researching on Digg for something else, Anyhow I
    am here now and would just like to say cheers for a marvelous post and a all round entertaining blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to read it all at the moment but I have saved it and also added your RSS
    feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read much more, Please do keep up the fantastic b.

  27. Does your site have a contact page? I’m having a
    tough time locating it but, I’d like to send you an e-mail.

    I’ve got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing.
    Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it expand
    over time.

  28. I think that what you wrote made a great deal of sense.
    However, consider this, suppose you were to write a killer
    headline? I mean, I don’t want to tell you how to run your
    website, however suppose you added something to maybe grab a person’s attention? I mean I Trust You |
    Teach With Joy is kinda boring. You ought to look at Yahoo’s home page and
    watch how they create news titles to get people to click.

    You might try adding a video or a related pic or two to
    grab readers interested about everything’ve got to say.
    In my opinion, it might make your website
    a little bit more interesting.

  29. Hey there this is kinda of off topic but I was
    wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually
    code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but
    have no coding expertise so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience.

    Any help would be enormously appreciated!

  30. I’ve been exploring for a little for any high-quality articles or blog posts in this kind
    of space . Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this site.
    Reading this information So i’m satisfied to convey that I have an incredibly good uncanny feeling I found out
    just what I needed. I such a lot definitely will make certain to do
    not omit this site and provides it a look on a constant
    basis.

  31. I am not sure where you are getting your information, but
    good topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.
    Thanks for magnificent info I was looking for this info for my
    mission.

  32. It is in reality a great and useful piece of info.
    I’m happy that you shared this useful info with us.
    Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

  33. Having read this I thought it was very informative.
    I appreciate you spending some time and effort to put this content together.
    I once again find myself spending a lot of time both reading and commenting.
    But so what, it was still worth it!

  34. Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids.

    I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old
    daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed
    the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
    She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is
    totally off topic but I had to tell someone!

  35. Terrific article! That is the kind of information that are supposed to be shared across
    the web. Shame on the search engines for not positioning this submit
    upper! Come on over and seek advice from my web site . Thanks
    =)

  36. I think that everything said was actually very reasonable.
    However, what about this? suppose you were to create a awesome
    post title? I mean, I don’t wish to tell you how to run your blog, however what if you
    added something that makes people want more? I mean I Trust You | Teach With Joy
    is a little plain. You should glance at Yahoo’s front page and
    watch how they write post headlines to grab people to click.
    You might add a related video or a pic or two to grab readers interested about what you’ve got to say.
    In my opinion, it might bring your posts a little bit more interesting.

  37. Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all folks you actually realize
    what you’re talking about! Bookmarked. Kindly also consult with my site =).

    We will have a hyperlink trade agreement between us

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *