Have You Ever Seen An Evil Person?

May 18, 2013 By 4 Comments

“Mom, have you ever seen an evil person?” This was the thought-provoking question my 7-year old posited to me when he was lying on his bed last night. I was praying with the kids for protection, health, good dreams, their obedience, etc. (Edric usually does this nightly routine but he was doing a show with Suze Orman for On the Money. So I was filling in for him.)

Edric and his co-hosts with Suze Orman

Well, Edan asked about the thieves that broke into our home many years ago when I was a teenager. It was too late to go into a lengthy discussion about that. But, I tried to explain to him that sometimes we think that people who do things like steal are evil. However, we can all be evil. Like, when we don’t obey God…that’s evil.

Many of us have a certain image that we associate with evil. We think of the Cleveland guy, Ariel Castro, who abducted, raped, and held Michelle Knight, Georgina Dejesus, and Amanda Berry captive for 10 years.

It broke my heart to imagine what it was like for the families to grieve over their missing daughters and for the victims to endure such a nightmare. Talk about hell on earth!

The news often highlights many other forms of crazy and it makes me deeply concerned for my children, to say the least. I look at my kids and treasure their innocence. If anyone were to steal or pollute that, I would be devastated.

Yet, the reality is there is no way to shield them completely from the godlessness that is present in this world. Edric and I can prepare them and arm them with the truth, but there is no bubble that they can float around in, completely untouched and unscathed. Why? The scarier reality is all our children have been hard-wired to sin, just like us. Our predisposition is toward selfishness and self-gratifying behavior. In today’s terminology, we might call such a person who acts upon their selfish inclinations, a sociopath. Okay, I’m not saying that all people are sociopaths but look at the description. Doesn’t it sound like many people we know, including our children, and ourselves (maybe not all the time, but at least some of the time?!).

What is a sociopath?[1] Someone who…

  1. Does not learn from experience
  2. Has no sense of responsibility
  3. Is unable to form meaningful relationships
  4. Is unable to control impulses
  5. Lack of moral sense
  6. Has chronically antisocial behavior
  7. Displays no change in behavior after punishment
  8. Lack of emotional maturity
  9. Lack of guilt
  10. Self-centeredness

Supposedly, this Antisocial Personality Disorder is said to begin at adolescence and is chronic. Really?! I’ve seen this sort of behavior exhibited by my children very early on which tells me that it seems to be inherent to the human person. But who will listen to me? I’m not a psychologist or a doctor who does clinical analysis. I’m just a mom who has to deal with addressing this tendency in my kids every day.

I have four wonderful children and I would like to believe that they are good and lovable. I wouldn’t want them lumped together with offenders who murder, commit adultery, steal, cheat, and rape. But they do act in undesirable and hurtful ways, especially when they aren’t trained or taught otherwise.

I’ve had my two year-old Tiana ignore me completely and walk away while I am talking to her. I’ve seen my boys get really angry and emotionally wound one another. At times, they struggle with admitting wrong and asking for forgiveness. One of them used to hit his siblings without conscience.

And what about myself? I’ve had moments when I’ve entertained thoughts of strangling or slapping my children out of frustration. Praise God I have never done so! But, if someone were to peer into my brain and itemize every wrong thought I’ve ever had, I would be ashamed of my crimes!

Personally, I feel that the many explanations given to understand the criminally inclined may help society and governments prioritize medication, the law, greater sanctions and penalties, controlled environments and better parenting to create boundaries that prevent people from hurting others, but they won’t solve the real problem.

The core issue is that evil resides in our hearts. It hatches at childhood and steers us like a compass. Deep inside, my children and I are no better than those who actually abuse others. We are not a higher class of good or righteousness. The only reason why our impulses and carnality are in check is because we have a greater power at work in our lives – the Holy Spirit.

When my children decided to make Jesus the Lord and Savior of their lives, they received the Holy Spirit. I saw the evidence of His fruit in their lives. Titus used to whine, cry, and sulk when he didn’t get his way. It was a struggle to teach him how to obey and listen. But, when he turned three years old, Edric shared the gospel message with him and he made a personal decision to acknowledge his sin and give his life to Jesus. A few weeks later, my mom noticed how different he was. When she told him he couldn’t have something that he wanted, he replied, “Okay, grandma,” without being upset or frustrated. Whoa. This was not Titus. This was the work of the Lord in his heart!

Galatians 5:22-23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”

The Bible tells us that the secret to overcoming the flesh or sin is to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. When it comes to parenting my children, I appeal to the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. During occasions when I sense that their will is pitted against mine or they are not ready to listen, I pray for them and I ask them to check their hearts (especially my older children). I am witness to the unseen war between their flesh and the Spirit. They must learn to surrender to the Lord or the flesh will win.

Galatians 5:16-17 “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please…”

When I observe my children, I look for proof of their relationship with Christ – evidence of the fruit of the Spirit. Until this is apparent, I cannot assume that they have really come into a personal relationship with Jesus.

Romans 8:9-11 tells us, “But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.”

Ariel Castro actually posted on his Facebook page on May 2, “miracles really do happen, God is good.” In the meantime, he was holding three women and a child in captivity, against their will.[2] Did he really know God? From the evidence, I don’t think so. He was living a dichotomy. No one figured him for a criminal until his secret was uncovered. Maybe he didn’t think himself such a bad guy either. I read that his intention is to plead not guilty. Wow.

We may not commit crimes like Castro did but we can be guilty of the same sort of dichotomy in our thinking. When our standard of morality is of our own making, we may be tempted to think, I’m not so awful. I’m not like the psycho in Cleveland. But that is a very relative plumb line. The standard for goodness cannot be people or ourselves because we are fallen to begin with. Just look at any two-year old who hasn’t been disciplined or taught obedience. It’s called terrible twos for a reason!

He displays the same sort of sinfulness that adults struggle with – the flesh that sets itself against God, a heart that is bent on rebellion. The Bible tells us every person “falls short” of the glory of God. This is the bad news. God’s holiness and goodness are the standard and we don’t make the cut. In fact, there is nothing we can do to merge the gap. But the good news, the gospel is that God, in his love, provided a solution through his son Jesus Christ.

John 1:29 The next day he saw Jesus coming to him and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!”

Because we are sinful, we cannot clean ourselves out. This requires supernatural intervention. The cure for sin (also known as evil) is Jesus who makes us right with God, and the ability to resist falling into sin comes from the power of the Holy Spirit. Unless we embrace this truth, atrocities will continue as foretold in God’s word. Unless our children embrace this truth, they will grow up with a predisposition toward evil.

2 Timothy 3:1-7 “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

___

What sobers me as a mom is recognizing that I am responsible to teach my kids about Jesus. Edric and I, as parents, have been commissioned to do so. We cannot close our eyes and hope that our children will grow up with a knowledge of God and a desire to live for him. No way. We have got to pay close attention to what is going on in their hearts and steer them towards God.

When my children start trending towards selfish behavior, I ask them, “Who is in your heart?” They will answer, “Jesus.” “If Jesus is in your heart, will he want you to act the way you are acting? Are you making him happy or sad by what you are doing?” At this question, they will pause, think, and answer honestly.

“What will make Jesus happy?” is usually a good follow up question. And depending on the circumstance, they will tell me “I need to be kind.” Or, “I need to forgive.” Or, “I should share.” Or, “I have to change my attitude.” These heart checks have helped them to discern whether they are controlled by their evil-prone selves or controlled by the Holy Spirit. And because they do belong to the Lord, they have the desire to please him and do what is right in God’s eyes. But the key is to focus on their relationship with Christ. This is the foundation, the starting point. From there Edric and I can teach our children to be spirit-filled vs. self-filled. We can talk about what is moral and right in accordance with God’s standards and commands. Of course, Edric and I have to role-model the same or we become a counterweight and stumbling block to our children’s spiritual growth.

So…to answer the question, “Have you ever seen an evil person?” I sure have. Myself. Apart from God…apart form his grace and love through his son, Jesus Christ…and apart from the enablement of his Holy Spirit to reject evil. I like how 1 John 3:23-24 simplifies it all…“This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us. The one who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him.We know by this that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.”

Do we believe in Jesus? If we do, we will love one another.

Do we keep his commandments? If we do, we remain in Him. There is continual evidence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. 

 

 

 


[1] http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_a_sociopath

[2] http://edition.cnn.com/2013/05/12/us/cleveland-abductions-narrative/index.html

Wanted: Father.

February 7, 2013 By 36 Comments

When Edric and I first became parents, we were wet behind the ears. Most of what we knew about raising our kids was theoretical or passed on from our own experiences as children. Eventually, we learned about biblical parenting principles and we applied them. We are still learning…

When we had Elijah, we were thrilled to be parents. But we didn’t quite get what it meant to be intentional and purposeful in raising our son. Edric was often preoccupied with doing his own thing when he got home from work — like turning on the TV or playing computer games, going out in the evenings for basketball with friends. Edric didn’t ignore Elijah, but their interactions with one another were minimal. The baby stage was foreign territory to him and I didn’t blame him for feeling like he couldn’t relate to a bouncing boy who pooped and peed on himself and wanted to be with mommy to breast feed. He would play with Elijah once in a while but father and son bonding occasions were not in his radar.

As Elijah got older and we had more kids, Edric began to change as a father. I remember an evening when we were sitting around the table for dinner and Edric asked Elijah how he could improve as a dad. Elijah must have been about five years old when he made the statement, “You can spend more time with me.” He used his hands to show that he had this imaginary meter for spending time with dad, and he explained that Edric was at the bottom of the meter. We all started laughing out loud because it was very candid and unscripted. He said it just like it was. “Dad your level is at 0.”

Of course, Edric wanted to improve! And I prayed for him, too. One of the things that really changed in his parenting style was the desire to be present and purposefully available to our kids, especially our sons. At a certain point, he recognized that God gave us three sons for a reason and he had to prayerfully consider what kind of father he needed to be. The boys were not going to grow up to be godly men by accident or osmosis. They needed guidance. They needed their dad.

So every year, he would sit down with me and talk about our goals for the kids. He would share about the areas he felt they needed to work on and how he intended to play a big part in mentoring and teaching them. I always appreciated this because it made me feel very secure and confident as a wife that my husband was in charge, that he actually had a plan and direction for the family. (In fact, I often tell him that this is one of his more attractive traits.)

During the second week of January, we had a meeting to talk about goals for the kids. He asked me to prepare my homeschool goals and we aligned on what I would work on and what he had itemized as a priority list for each of our kids. Some of the list covered spiritual and emotional aspects and others were practical skills.

One of the practical skills Edric outlined for our six year old, Edan, was to acquire the ability to swim and bike. Living in the city has put constraints on the amount of time we spend outside and this means we don’t have as many opportunities to expose our children to biking, swimming, climbing trees, playing in parks, etc. Sadly, our kids would be well-content to stay indoors and let their muscles atrophy too if Edric and I did not do anything about it. But since we grew up being outside for most of our childhood, we want our kids to experience the same joys and adventures we had. Plus, they need Vitamin D!

So…swimming and biking it is for now. Edric started Edan’s training program two weekends ago and I must say, it is impressive to watch him “coach” Edan. I am not talking about doggie-paddling stuff. Edric used to be a swimmer so he knows all the drills. His first hurdle was getting Edan to overcome his fear of the water and then putting his head under water and blowing bubbles. Well, I was amazed last Sunday when I saw Edan swimming in the big pool! He touched the bottom of the pool with his hands and he swam a significant distance all by himself. After just two sessions with his dad, Edan was laughing and thrilled that he accomplished so much. I was clapping my hands and cheering everytime time he would pop his head out of the water for recognition. (That’s my role in this swimming and biking training…the over-affirming cheerleader.)

Edric is able to do, in a fraction of the time, what would take me days and days to achieve with the boys. With him, they learn quicker. They develop confidence and masculine traits. They overcome their insecurities. I actually enjoy being on the sidelines spying on them. For one thing, it is fun to check out my husband. (Did I already say I find him so attractive earlier?) My second delight is seeing the expressions on my sons’ faces when they have Edric’s full and undivided attention. I see the way they look at Edric. Admiration, respect, desire to please, assurance, favor, love…it’s all mixed in there.

I get puppy eyes for sympathy when they need a hug or when they want me to say yes to a request. Okay, on occasion, I get sparkly eyes when they are excited about learning. Of course, I get the love look. The point is, I am not perceived as the hero. That sort of adulation is reserved for Edric. And it doesn’t make me envious. I want the boys to gravitate towards him. After all, I have my own little acolyte and her name is Tiana.

When Edric and I got home from “swimming lessons,” we talked about Edan’s progress. I also thanked him for following through with his commitment to teach Edan. He went on to say that Edan didn’t want to get out of the water because he was having so much fun, and then Edric started to get teary-eyed which caught me off-guard. “Are you okay?”, I asked him. Spontaneous tears seemed like a hormonal thing that would have been much more characteristic of me than him.

He answered, “I don’t know. I guess it is because I live for these moments, seeing our kids bloom and mature and being able to be a part of that. I enjoy ministry and I know that it is important, but you guys are my first ministry…you and the kids.”

Who had the love look now?! Me, of course! I fall in love with my husband all over again when he says things like this. I have always appreciated Edric as a husband, but in recent years, I have been so grateful to the Lord that he has embraced being a father. His commitment to family is a blessing that I attribute to the Lord’s work in his life. Many years ago, I really prayed that he would recognize how irreplaceable he is in the lives of our children…that they need him now, not just later, not from a distance, but up close. When Edric developed a burden to disciple, teach and train our kids, I knew that it was God who put that desire in him and continues to do so.

The reality is Edric is still very busy and he is not able to be with the kids 24/7 but he came up with a game-plan for our kids about 4 years ago. He told me we were going to use Luke 2:52 as a reference for how our children should mature. It reads, “And Jesus grew in wisdom, stature, favor with God and men.”

WISDOM: Are they able to discern right from wrong and make wise choices?
STATURE: Are they developing their physical abilities and talents?
FAVOR WITH GOD: Do they have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and do they have the heart to know, love, obey, worship, and serve him?
FAVOR WITH MAN: Are they learning biblical character traits and applying them with family members and others?

These four areas have simplified our parenting to the essentials. It has helped me to think through the goals I set for our homeschooling and Edric can major on the major to maximize his time with the kids. Just the other night, he reminded me again that it boils down to, “passing on a godly legacy.”

Being an intentional father doesn’t mean a dad has to quit his job and spend 14 hours with his child everyday. It’s about setting aside purposeful moments that are devoted to discipleship with resulting big impact.


The statistics on fatherless homes are so compelling, I thought I would include some highlights here to encourage all of us to pray for our husbands. We need them to lead spiritually and by godly example, and we need their effective discipleship in the home.

From http://fatherhood.gov/library/dad-stats:

Children with actively involved fathers display less behavior problems in school.
Amato, P.R., and Rivera, F., 1999, “Paternal Involvement and Children’s Behavior Problems,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, 61, 375–384.

Girls with strong relationships with their fathers do better in mathematics.
Radin, N., and Russell, G., 1983, “Increased Father Participation and Child Development Outcomes,” in Fatherhood and Family Policy, edited by M.E. Lamb and A. Sagi, Hillside, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum, pp. 191–218.

Boys with actively involved fathers tend to get better grades and perform better on achievement tests.
Biller, H.B. 1993, Fathers and Families: Paternal Factors in Child Development, Westport, CT: Auburn House.

Research shows that even very young children who have experienced high father involvement show an increase in curiosity and in problem solving capacity. Fathers’ involvement seems to encourage children’s exploration of the world around them and confidence in their ability to solve problems.
Pruett, Kyle D. 2000. Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child. New York: Free Press.

From First Things First

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 18 million U.S. children now live in single-parent homes. Only 3.5 percent of these children live with their fathers.

“….the absence of the father from the home affects significantly the behavior of adolescents and results in greater use of alcohol and marijuana.” Source: Beman, Deane Scott. “Risk Factors Leading to Adolescent Substance Abuse.”

A 15-year-old girl who has lived with her mother only is three times as likely to lose her virginity before her sixteenth birthday than one who has lived in a home with both parents. Lee Smith, “The New Wave of Illegitimacy,” Fortune 18 (April 1994) 81-94.

85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control) Fallen Fathers, 2008.

80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26

85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction- Fallen Fathers

From The Fatherless Generation

Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.

Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.

Studies on parent-child relationships and child wellbeing show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.

——

Fatherlessness is being passed on from one generation to another like a cancer that is killing the families of today and tomorrow. Sadly, the cure is not found within ourselves. We cannot cure this ill without being healed by Jesus Christ first. Why? We have been separated from our own father — God the Father — by sin. But Jesus says, “I am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

I think of Edric and my own dad as great fathers but God is still the best father of all. He loves each one of us perfectly and unconditionally, and he desires to have a relationship with us for eternity. If you came from a fatherless home or live in one, you don’t have be a victim of this trend. Come to the Father of All and experience his love through Jesus Christ. He will be father to you. He will love you as you long to be loved.

The Rise of the Unloved Woman

December 9, 2012 By 37 Comments

WARNING…if you are NOT complete in the Lord before you come into marriage you will be like an insatiable, carnivorous beast for love in marriage. Seriously. It sounds hideous but that is exactly what we become when we expect our spouse to fulfill all our longings and desires. This was one of the more significant realizations I had during a recent couples retreat I attended.

During the retreat I watched Andy Stanley’s video, I-Marriage, and he talked about how desires turn into expectations in marriage. And that drives away love quicker than we can ever imagine. Romance flies right out the front door, and we find ourselves unhappy, unfulfilled, and disillusioned by the one relationship we thought would surely make us happy.

I have yet to see a sad bride standing at the altar as she makes her vows. I have seen many brides cry out of joy. But a depressed bride on the day of her wedding? Have you ever seen one? (Okay, some women have arranged marriages but that is a different story. I am referring to weddings where the woman chooses to marry the “man of her dreams.”)

If marriage begins with so much happiness then why are there so many unhappy wives?

Here is the truth — there is no person in the world who can perfectly fulfill all your desires. No one. That’s all fantasy.

I too had this googly- eyed idea of love when I got married. And soon after, my eyes went from starry-eyed to blood shot fiery red. (Okay that sounds downright beastly.) I am exaggerating. I was not perpetually angry with Edric but sometimes he would do things that hurt me and I would do things that hurt him. Why? No matter how much we profess to love each other marriage exposes our flaws and tendency toward selfishness.

I know countless others who have experienced this, too. I married an amazing guy. I am married to an amazing guy. And I would, in an instant, say yes to marry him again. But both of us know from the word of God, from experience, from the many others whom we have encountered along the way, that ultimately, completeness and happiness are not found in persons, possessions, or accomplishments, but in Jesus Christ alone.

It’s interesting that the Bible says, “Under three things the earth quakes, and under four, it cannot bear up: under a slave when he becomes king, and a fool when he is satisfied with food, UNDER AN UNLOVED WOMAN WHEN SHE GETS A HUSBAND…” (Proverbs 30:21-23 NASB)

An unloved woman.

To desire love is natural. That’s no epiphany. We were built for love. But the kind of love we are looking for is the inexhaustible, absolutely secure, dependable, earth-shaking kind. And only Jesus can give it. Jesus wants to give it.

When Jesus came to the Samaritan woman at the well, a woman who had gone through one relationship to another, he said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” (John 4:13, 14 NASB)

Jesus knew that the Samaritan woman was an unloved woman. She had tried to find the answer in relationships, relationships that failed her. What she was really looking for was Jesus.

Jesus. The inexhaustible source. The living water we crave and need. Jesus found the unloved Samaritan woman. He sought her out. The conversation between them is the longest recorded conversation between Jesus and any person. Imagine that! Women are special to Jesus!

Afterwards, she was exuberant with joy and told everyone she knew, “I have found the Messiah!” Instead of looking to fill her own need for love, she began telling others about the best lover of all.

Marriage is so much more about giving versus taking. And unless we are overflowing with the love of Christ, the giving becomes exhausting. Emotional resources get depleted. My encouragement to women is to find wholeness in the Lord. Seek his love and be filled with it. He loves us perfectly. His love transforms us into better wives and mothers.

Yesterday, during the women’s conference led by Ann Chan, I was reminded that women tend to cling to past hurt and it turns into a reservoir of pain or bitterness. We can get so preoccupied with nursing our wounds, withholding forgiveness, or plotting vengeance, we can’t possibly be a blessing. When we do this, we are easily angered, easily offended, negative, and demanding. This translates to totally unpleasant. When we are bitter, we become bitter to the taste of those around us, too! We develop toxic personalities. Is it a wonder then that husbands or children want to avoid or replace the women in their lives who become like this?

I disciple a group of wonderful women. Sadly, more than 50% of them have, what I like to call, CRAZY moms or mothers-in-law. These moms are angry, shouting, controlling, or depressive kinds of moms. It seems to be a growing epidemic. I hear the sad stories of daughters who have endured physical, verbal abuse, or neglect. And it is very hard for them to heal from the experiences of their childhood. They continue to be affected by the on-going stress of interacting with their crazy moms.

I don’t believe moms become this way over night. Based on stories shared by women I know, their moms were damaged by their own relationships — husband, parents, friends — or circumstances…and instead of becoming better, they became bitter.

How do we protect ourselves from becoming “toxified” by relationships and circumstances? Just like the Samaritan woman, we need to realize that relationships, accomplishments, and material things are an INCOMPLETE answer to our deepest longings and desires. We were made for living water. We settle and strive for what makes us thirst again and again. In the pursuit of our idea of satisfaction, we end up disappointed, wounded, or deeply pained.

Whenever I fail to realize that Jesus is everything I long for — my inexhaustible joy, an ever-present companion, the promise of salvation, my daily delight, comforter in my sorrows, the source of peace when my spirit is troubled, forgiver of my iniquities, grace to live another day, and lover of my soul — I look to Edric to be these things. But it is not a fair expectation. It is wrong. Edric can fill a number of those longings but to make the mistake of thinking that he can do this for me every single moment, every single day, is an impossible standard.

Here is the good news, God wants us to hold him to this standard because he can fulfill it. He fulfilled it at the cross. The song, Jesus Son of God, by Cris Tomlin is all about how much God loves us.

“You came down from heaven’s throne,
this earth you formed was not your home,
a love like this the world had never known.

A crown of thorns to mock your name,
forgiveness fell upon your face,
a love like this the world has never known.

You bore our sin,
you took our shame,
you rose to life,
you defeated the grave,
and a love like this the world has never known.

On the altar of our praise,
let there be no higher praise,
Jesus son of God…
be lifter higher than all..
the cross was enough.”

Two people who have experienced God’s love, coming together in marriage can give of that love to one another. Marriage becomes a relationship to enjoy, not because we need our spouse to be happy, but because we are happy in the Lord, we are fully satisfied in his love. We become conduits of blessing instead of vacuums that take-take-take to fill up a void inside. The Bible tells us to abide in God’s love.

“Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love…These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.” (John 15:9,11 NASB)

Knowing Jesus doesn’t guarantee a pain-free life or a pain-free marriage but our relationship with him gives us the capacity to overcome trials, grow more beautiful through them, and exude the joy of the Lord in our relationships. Why? Because NOTHING can separate us from the love of God.

The book of Romans tells us, “Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35, 37-39 NASB)

Faith Like A Child

September 12, 2012 By 13 Comments

Listening to my children’s conversations over meals gives me a very good idea of what’s going on in their noggins. This morning, Edan and Titus were talking about who their “best friends” were. They said the names of their cousins, each other, and then they said Jesus was their best friend. When I asked them why, Titus answered, “I like Jesus because he has lots of silver and gold!” He really meant this and then he also wanted to know if Jesus had lots of toys.

A few days ago, he went running around our house proclaiming Jesus to our house help. He went up to each one of them and very boldly asked, “Do you know Jesus? Do you know Jesus? Do you want to come with us to heaven? In heaven Jesus has many big buildings and houses!” He was practically jumping up and down with excitement. He also said a bunch of other things like yelling, “I want to be with Jesus!”

I know Titus is still young and his theology needs tweaking. But his innocent perspective on the personhood of Jesus makes me better understand what childlike faith is. Titus has been acting like a preacher with a prosperity gospel (we will work on that). But as he matures he will begin to love Jesus for who he is and not merely for what he can give. For now, I am thrilled to know that Jesus is real to Titus — that he is excited about heaven, that he wants to be with Jesus, and that he confidently says, “Jesus is my best friend.”

Confessions of a Semi-Hypochondriac

August 12, 2012 By 6 Comments

For the past couple of months, I have been feeling a discomfort in my right chest cavity. I can’t pin-point the exact location but I feel something like pressure on my ribs. It has troubled me because I haven’t been able to isolate the cause.

Last year, when I felt the same sort of sensation near my sternum, I had my heart checked and there were no significant findings. I did the 2-D echo thing and saw my heart for the first time. I thought to myself, That’s it?! That’s what sustains all the organs in my body? That’s sobering! I also had to do a stress-test which I passed. Yeah! So I ruled out heart problems.

When I began feeling a similar discomfort again and being the slight hypochondriac that I am, I started researching on-line about symptoms and how to detect tumors. I thought, maybe I have a tumor!

This fear was heightened when I found out that a friend of ours discovered she had breast cancer. Then one of my househelp had to go to the province because she had a very hard mass under her armpit.

I expressed to my doctor my concern and when she examined me, she found some nodules. So it was off to ultrasound and mammography for me. Years ago I had both procedures done because I was also worried about nodules. Nothing significant was found. But I thought, I am older now. My body is more weather-worn so it won’t hurt to be sure. 

I value peace of mind. I am the type of person who wants to know what is wrong or what is going on. Understanding only bits and pieces of a problem or issue can make me crazy.

So how did the procedures go? The ultrasound was sticky, cold, and long (well, 20 to 30 minutes). But it was and is a safe procedure for the body, according to the radiologist. An ultrasound looks for cysts which will appear different than breast tissue because cysts appear as dark and round spots on the screen. A sonologist will glide an instrument across the skin (just like when you get a pregnancy ultrasound). Then a radiologist will come in to check and explain what is seen on the screen.  Praise God there were no significant findings! Results were given right away, too.

The mammogram, on the other hand, was very painful. The technician who operated the machine said that women cry when they get this procedure done because of the pain. But if you have felt full blown labor pains, you will do just fine. The procedure is quick, awkward, and strange. They smash you! Let’s put it this way, it is not something I would ever ever want Edric to see me doing. He would be disturbed for life. There were a total of 4 images taken and I got the results a few days after.

Once again, nothing significant was found. Praise God again!

So what is wrong with me? I don’t know. AGE?! Phantom pains due to imagined diseases?

God is teaching me not to worry. I may not be a full-blown hypochondriac. But, I can be a little bit too preoccupied with physical health.  And I think this has transferred to my eldest son, Elijah. I’ve noticed that he has gotten more and more paranoid about his health. He doesn’t hear me talking about ultrasounds, mammograms and breastcancer. But he does hear me say things like, “Did you brush your teeth? If you don’t brush your teeth, you will get cavities. You need to brush your teeth after every meal.” “Did you wash your hands? Your hands are the dirtiest part of your body.” “Did you drink water today? Your body is 70% water. You need to drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.” “We shouldn’t eat too many fried things because eating too much oil is bad for our hearts.” “You need to get enough sleep because your body releases growth hormones when you sleep.”  ”Did you go outside today? Your body needs sunlight. Without Vitamin D, you can’t absorb calcium.” (I don’t even know if half this stuff is true and why I have to nag my kids about these things. But I must be programming some form of paranoia in Elijah!)

Now, he is the one that says things like… ”Mom, my mole is growing, I think it needs to be removed.” “Mom, we ran out of oxygen in the airplane. I had a hard time breathing.” “Do you think I ate too much cholesterol at McDonalds? I had fries, fried chicken, and a burger.” “My gum line is receding and there is plaque stuck inside my gums. I can’t get it out.” “Is this pork? I’m not eating pork.” “There is a pain that radiates from my kidneys to my stomach. Maybe I have UTI.” “Splinter!!! Aaah!!! Splinter!!!”

Whenever he gets this way, I want to tell him, “Relax! Don’t worry!” But wait a second. I am just the same!

So what’s the remedy for semi-hypochondriacs like me (and Elijah)? Philippians 4:6-7.

6  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

What a comfort this verse is! It is a promise of peace to all those who surrender their troubles to the Lord. But it also says that this peace of God is found in Jesus. When I was nine years old I made Jesus the Lord and Savior of my life. I entrusted my eternal destiny to him in faith. Because of this, I wasn’t afraid to die. I had a peace the surpassed understanding.

God promises eternal life to all those who have his son, Jesus.

1 John 5:11-12 And the testimony is this, that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has the life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have the life.

 

So do I know what is causing my chest discomfort? Nope. Is that okay? Yes. I’m doing my part to stay healthy and fit and consulting the people I need to find out what’s wrong. But I may not figure out what’s going on with my body. But that doesn’t have to rob me of my peace. Peace is knowing that if something should happen to my physical body, my eternity is secure. And that is what guards my heart and my mind. This is the peace that comes from God, in Christ Jesus! And it is a peace that he offers to everyone…

 

On the Rocks

November 13, 2011 By 22 Comments

Before the Rapids - Everyone is still smiling and confident

 

“I will always rescue you,” Edric said as we grabbed our helmets and vests and headed for the Davao Wild River Rapids.

Ever since I got pulled under the Gulf Coast waves in Florida as a young child, I developed a fear of drowning. This fear is the reason why I don’t like sports like surfing, scuba diving or anything that has to do with being under water. So when TMA Homeschool (the organization Edric and I are connected with) organized a team building activity that involved rapids, I was a little nervous.

It didn’t help that my thrill-seeking husband asked our guide to make the raft capsize. He was so excited about getting everyone to fall into the water. I kept telling him, “Please don’t make him do that, babe. You are scaring the whole team.” He just laughed and thought it was funny that everyone was freaking out. But to be considerate, he decided that only those who wanted a more adventurous experience would ride in our raft.

Riding the rapids taught me so many spiritual lessons. But I was happiest when it all ended and we made it out of the three-hour ordeal alive.

The first thing I learned was, pay attention to God’s instruction and heed it. In the same way that we had to listen to our guides and apply what they taught us, God gives us life principles to live by. These principles are meant to prepare us for the battles of life, protect us, equip us for everyday living, and help us finish well. Our guides were very specific about how to put on our protective gear, how to rescue one another, how to do a defensive swim, what each part of the raft was, how to use an oar, and we had to memorize the six commands for paddling. And like our guides who knew everything about the Davao river and it’s rapids, God sees the bigger picture so we can trust him with our lives.

Rough Water! Edric loving it!

My next lesson was, problems in marriage and life are inevitable. You can’t blame people when bad things happen. You have to focus on what is within your control and do what you can. In marriage, Edric and I learned this statement from authors, Harold and Darlene Sala: when things get tense in marriage and you want to blame your spouse, say this instead, “You are not the enemy.”

The first time our raft nearly capsized, I was upset at Edric. I felt that this would not have happened if he had not challenged our guide. He fell hard on top of me and I was forced under the the water — my worst fear! I was so disoriented and drank quite a bit of the river (which was brown from all the soil that mixed into it during rainy season). Edric found me right away and made sure I was okay. But, I had mixed feelings about my hero. A part of me was thinking, Is this what you wanted?! How could you have let this happen to me?! However, the current was so strong that Edric and I didn’t have time to discuss marriage issues. We were in survival mode. Blaming him for our treacherous predicament was the last of my priorities. I just wanted both of us and everyone else to make it out of there.

As he instructed me, I was more than glad to submit to his leading. Edric helped me maneuver myself to the “defensive position,” which the guides had explained as floating down the river feet first and holding on to the ore against your chest. I felt the rocks beneath me as I rushed past them. Admittedly, I was freaking out. Edric saw panic on my face and he said, “I got you.” He helped me dodge a huge, jagged rock and get to calmer water.

We eventually got rescued but this was just the beginning of the rapids. Later on, we found out that someone almost died in the same spot where we had nearly capsized! The water in that part forcefully sucks a person under and will repeatedly spin them around and around.

Edric and I did what we could to get back to safety. Eventually, we were both pulled up onto another raft by our friends.

Getting rescued made me realize that no person makes it through life as a lone ranger. The company we keep is crucial. We need to surround ourselves with people who will keep us going in the right direction. There will be moments when we will need someone to be there to help us through an obstacle or problem, pray for us, offer encouragement, or keep us grounded in the truth when circumstances get tough. Do we have people like that in our lives? Are we that kind of people to others?

Scary!

Back to the rapids…We all took a break to regroup and get over the crises of being flung off the rafts. We found a small shore to “park.” There were other people besides Edric and I who fell into the water. One of our friends was thrown off, pulled under the raft and came out without her helmet. Another one was stuck under the raft and said she felt like she was going to die. She was in tears. Many people were shaken up by what happened but we said to one another, “God is in control. He is going to protect us.” We decided to pray as a team. Of course our guides were completely calm. They didn’t seem fazed at all! This was normal to them.

I was NOT excited to keep going but there was no other way home. In my heart, I prayed, “Lord! Please, please, don’t let that happen again! You know how afraid I am. I don’t want to fall in again.” I didn’t act that afraid in front of the others because I didn’t want to add to the drama, but I was scared.

As we progressed down the river, I asked our guide if we had passed the worst parts. He said, “No, we still have level four rapids coming up.”

Yikes! I felt like throwing up. But, I chose to remember that I had asked God for protection. Everytime I started praying, I felt peace. I was still nervous but somehow I knew that God was going to answer my prayer. In the back of my mind, I was also thinking, why in the world did we choose to do this team building activity during this time of the year, which the guides said is the most hazardous time?! Did anyone ocular the dangers evolved?!

As I continued praying, I forgot to pray for Edric! And sure enough, at the longest stretch of rapids, he flew out of the raft. For the first time, our guide seemed concerned. He had a look of shock on his face. I yelled out, “Edric! Where is Edric?!” Yes, I was panicking! This part of the river had more rocks and the current was even stronger! There was no still water for a while. Thank God his head finally popped up above the water.

However, the raft I was in could not stop for him and we were about to come up against a pretty big drop. “Row forward! Row hard! Row harder!,” our guide commanded. We couldn’t wait for Edric. He had to be rescued by a guide who was following us on a red kayak.

When we lost Edric, fear started to grip me in a new way. Edric and I were front rowers on our raft (which I will not volunteer for again). Without him across from me, I felt alone. Everytime our raft bounced up and down on the water, I had the scariest view of the rapids. I wanted him to be there so badly to feel safe. And every time I thought of Edric being gone from our raft I was worried. He has always been my “knight in shining armor.” And he had said before we got on our rafts, “I will always rescue you.” He couldn’t do that now. And where was he, anyway?! Was he okay?

At this point I learned another valuable lesson. Our sense of security cannot revolve around our spouse or people. Ultimately, our sense of security has to be anchored on God. Finally, I said, “Lord, I get it! You want me to depend on you and you alone!” So, I just kept praying inside like a mad woman and we finally made it through to the end without any more “casualties.”

Where in the world was Edric? I saw the small red kayak coming down the river, braving the last part of the rapids. Edric was sitting on it, upright, and just fine. It was a beautiful site! Praise God!

My appreciation level and love for him was at all time high! Whatever resentment I initially had towards him about telling our guide to make us capsize, went away. I was so thankful that he was okay and that we were standing on land together.

The first thing he showed me when he walked up onto shore was that his ring finger was missing his wedding ring. At that point, I didn’t care. That wedding ring had sentimental value to us because he had it customized in Israel, but facing a life-threatening situation made me consider what is really important. Material things seemed so inconsequential.

This brings me to my final lesson. I began to see a parallel between what we went through and eternity. Getting to the end of the rapids and stepping on to shore felt like heaven to me. I was so happy to be away from the river, it’s twists and turns, all the rocking, unpredictable drops and precarious whirlpools. Sure, there were moments of calm and stillness that were great to paddle through, but towards the latter part, I was just tired of the paddling. I wanted it all to be over so I could be back on land!

Each one of us will have a customized set of hardships to face in this life. God knows what we can and cannot handle. And his purpose is the same. He wants to take us from faith to greater faith, to build and strengthen our character, and to ready us for his kingdom. Our part is to stay the course that will take us “Home” and persevere until the end. Revelation 21:4 says, ‘”He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’” It wasn’t until I was safely on shore that I felt relaxed and completely relieved. The feeling was incredible!

However, my joy was not complete until I saw Edric walk up on to shore to me. And then I looked around and saw that everyone was there. Our rafts arrived at different times but we all stepped out safely onto land.

We are saved!

 

Everyone is okay!

What about someday?, I thought. Will it be the same? Will all the people I love and know be in heaven? Will anyone be missing?

When my grandmother passed away some years ago, my grandfather said to her, “Kitty, you have a one way ticket to heaven and you are going there ahead of me. But I will see you there.”

I want to be able to say “I will see you there” to everyone I know and love. God used this on-the-rocks-experience to remind me of the One True Rock — Jesus Christ, the Rock of My Salvation. Am I telling people about Him? Or am I so busy paddling myself to shore and so preoccupied with my own concerns?

When we got back to the Crocodile Park to return all our gear, I said, “Hon, maybe you should share the gospel with our guide.” But he had already been planning to do so. So after we all took our showers, he went up to him and said, “Do you ever feel afraid when you are out on the rapids? What if something were to happen? Have you ever thought of the possibility that you could die out there?” Our guide said, “I do get afraid.”

Edric asked him if he wanted to know how to overcome this fear. Our guide was willing to listen. So Edric proceeded to share that God promises to give us eternal life through His son, Jesus. He shared with him John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” He also told our guide that he could have a personal relationship with Jesus by believing in him and making him his Savior and Lord. In the end, Edric prayed with and for our guide.

We may not be able to tell every single person in the world about Jesus but we can start by telling the people God has put right in front of us and around us.

Will I ride the rapids again? Probably not any time soon and maybe even never! But I can take the spiritual lessons I learned and let them make a difference in my life over and over again until I am HOME.

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