Joy T Mendoza

A Father’s Arena

June 19, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza Leave a Comment

Between Edric and I, I tend to be the more protective one with the kids. It is probably because I am a mom. Aside from wanting the boys to stay clean and sanitary, which is often impossible, I can be concerned about their physical safety…sometimes to a fault. They are boys after all. I have definitely relaxed over the years and now I notice how younger moms tend to be more obsessive than I am. But compared to Edric, I am still the more cautious one.

I am especially concerned about them when they are in a swimming pool. First of all, I have my own issues about drowning…my worst fear. Second, I find Edric’s teaching style, as swimming coach to the kids, a little bit unnerving. I mean this in the sense that he will push them to go outside of their comfort zone so they develop water confidence.

Sunday afternoon while I observed Edric instruct Titus, I was tempted to interrupt their session. Titus was gulping quite a bit of water and tearing as Edric taught him to swim a significant distance without assistance. As I was swimming past them doing my own laps, I reached out to grab Titus. However, Edric motioned for me to go away and to let Titus be. So I trusted him and resisted the urge to protect Titus and cater to his feelings. Sure enough, by the end of their “lesson”, Titus swam across the width of the pool without holding on to anyone.

Edric and I agree on the fundamentals and goals of our parenting, which is such a blessing, but we do have masculine and feminine perspectives that impact our approaches. Edric is able to encourage our sons’ masculine traits — bravery, perseverance, toughness, chivalry, and the like in a way that I can’t.

I remember a comment a soccer coach said about some of the homeschoolers he had to train. Unfortunately, it wasn’t positive. He shared that they seemed to be overprotected. When they felt tired or fell down, they would run to their moms, dads, or yayas who were sitting on the sidelines. He didn’t like this because he was trying to toughen them up and teach them how to resist giving in to discomfort. This made me consider my own cautiousness with my kids.

There is a place for nurturing, encouragement, and affirmation, but I have to know when it’s overkill and when it is appropriate. I have to consider what the character objective is and whether my interference will help or negate what ought to be accomplished in the hearts of my kids.

We just came back from Singapore and once again, Edric took over the training aspect for our sons. I was in charge of Tiana and he made sure the boys were disciplined and followed instructions. Whew. I praise God, too. They were very attentive to his leading. I could stroll along as we went from one activity to another. All I had to worry about was our little Tiana.

Edric used this vacation time to mentor our sons once again. He had them each carry a backpack and asked them to be responsible for their belongings and for one another. And he added teaching moments to instill character traits.

For example, since he knew that Titus was struggling with confidence in the water, he wanted to demonstrated courage. When we were at the Science Center, Edric volunteered to step inside a chamber which was zapped by electricity from a Tesla Coil. Of course it was safe but to young children, it looked like he was stepping into a dangerous situation. The kids were nervous about him doing it, but at the same time, they were proud of their dad. Afterwards, he talked about what it means to be brave and related it to their own experiences.

Edric and I share a dynamic as parents that God designed to be complimentary. There are roles we fill in that enable us to raise our kids as a team. I have to make sure I am aligned with what Edric wants the kids to do in a particular situation and avoid contradicting his approach (especially when he is not around which can be confusing for the children.)

I didn’t know what to do when I felt stressed about Edric’s swim lesson with Titus that Sunday afternoon. I wanted to step in and assert my mom instincts. However I was reminded to trust Edric’s leadership. He loves our kids and will not willfully harm them. And when I am not sure which hat to wear as a mom, I go back to what I do know. In that situation it was about supporting my husband who was trying to accomplish, not just a skill, but a character goal.

That same day I watched Elijah and Edan, who used to be afraid of the water, jump around everywhere in the deep pool while playing the game sharks and minnows with Edric. They were swimming with ease. In the near future Titus will probably be doing the same thing…especially if I sit back, relax, let Titus “rise to the occasion” as Edric puts it, and step outside of Edric’s arena so he can better mentor our sons to become men.

In the Garbage

June 12, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 5 Comments

My younger brother, Paul, told a hilarious story about losing his son’s mouth expander and having to hunt through restaurant garbage to find it. I thought the experience had some wonderful spiritual insights to it that I couldn’t resist writing about.

Caleb, my 7 year old nephew, has an expander which his dentist customized for him to give more room for his teeth to come in. For many months, Caleb has been very responsible about his retainer. It has been misplaced but it has never been lost for good, which is quite amazing considering that he has to remove it every time he eats.

During lunch at Brasas in Podium last Sunday, Caleb asked his dad (my brother, Paul) to hold on to his expander while he ate. Paul wrapped it in a tissue and set it aside. It wasn’t until about 4 PM, when my brother’s family was long gone from Podium, that Caleb realized he wasn’t wearing his expander. We had dinner with my parents and Paul requested that the family pray he could find it. The most logical place it would have ended up in was Brasas’ trash. Oh my.

Paul was determined to find it. He knew how important it was to Caleb that he recover the expander, especially since Caleb had entrusted it to him. So off to Podium Paul went that night. Brasas was packed. (It is a great restaurant. We all love it.) Paul asked Brasas’ management if he could go through their trash. I don’t know what they must have been thinking but they agreed, and my brother wouldn’t have taken no for an answer anyway. It would have been very unappetizing to the restaurant guests if he had sorted through the trash there, so he asked Brasas where they usually took their trash. They told him, “Basement 1.”

Dragging three large garbage bags from the restaurant into the service elevator, Paul went to basement 1 to look for the garbage room. The security personnel in the elevator curiously eyed him because it was such a bizarre scene. But my brother was a man on a mission. He really didn’t care what anyone thought.

He found the garbage room, laid out the garbage bags and started sorting through the trash. Logically, he thought of going through the earliest bag that was packed that day since he was one of the first customers. Feeling and squeezing through each discarded tissue he found, he prayed that God would help him.

As he was going through trash bag # 1, he noticed a man come into the garbage room. The man noticed him, too. He kind of looked my brother up and down like, Who are you? What are you doing here? This is weird!

Paul struck up a conversation with him to break the awkward silence. “So what do you do?” he asked casually. The guy said, “I’m the garbage man.” (translated)

“For how long?”

“Just a month because the other guy left.”

Paul was still intensely rummaging through the trash, explaining to the guy that he was looking for his son’s teeth expander. The guy was like, “Is there gold on it?” He was serious! He probably thought Paul was too concerned about his hunt to be searching for anything else! I mean what kind of person spends an evening in the garbage room of a mall unless he is hired to do so?!

The conversation shifted to spiritual matters and Paul talked to the guy about Jesus. He also added, “I believe he (Jesus) will help me find the expander.” And guess what? He did! At the bottom of the first bag, he saw the expander wrapped in the same tissue he had put it in earlier.

I thought it was a crazy story. As we were discussing it today and laughing in between scenes, my dad said it was a great illustration for the biblical stories of “the lost coin and the lost sheep.”

In the Bible, Jesus gave three parables to explain the love of God — the lost sheep, the lost coin and the prodigal son. The first two illustrate the relentless pursuit of something that was lost and the rejoicing that follows when that something is found. What is the worth of a single coin or a sheep among many? Are these things really worth the trouble and sacrifice of the search? As my brother narrated his story, I thought, “Would I have gone through all that to find an expander?!”

Honestly, I would’ve been embarrassed to even ask for the trash bags! And I would not have been able to stomach the ordeal of touching discarded food without gloves on. Paul was persistent in a way that I would not have been. Nothing was going to stop him from accomplishing the goal of finding that expander. His persistence was a great example of how God loves us.

The Bible uses the coin and sheep stories to convey a truth about who God is. Every lost person matters to the Lord. He looks for us. He seeks us out. He is absolutely committed to pursuing us.

Did my brother stick the expander back into his son’s mouth after he took it out of the trash? No way. My sister in law, Jenny, did a major disinfection ceremony to clean it thoroughly. Only then was it ready to be put back inside Caleb’s mouth. Similarly, when God finds us, we must be cleansed by him, purified by his Son, Jesus, to fulfill our original design. We have to leave life in the trash — the trash of sin.

Sometimes we like to stay buried in the “garbage.” Or we don’t even realize what kind of mucky predicament we are in. We are discarded, forgotten, left alone. But God will seek us out to save us and restore us for his greater purpose and plan. He will reach down into the mire to pull us up and out of the lesser life we are so wrapped up in to give us the abundant life he promises.

My brother was ecstatic when he found what he was looking for. It didn’t matter to him that it was among all the spit, saliva, bacteria, left-over and decomposing food. He was thrilled to be reunited with the lost expander.

God is the same way toward us. He is a father whose heart is turned toward us. He is for us. He treasures us. He rejoices over us when we are found!

“When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” (Luke 15:5-7 NASB)

Are we enjoying his presence, celebrating new life or still stuck in the garbage?

The Sacredness of a Promise

June 8, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 7 Comments

“I believe in the sacredness of a promise, that a man’s word should be as good as his bond, that character—not wealth or power or position—is of supreme worth.” John Rockefeller

My dad has said a number of times, “A man of honor, his word is his oath.” Aside from the fact that it is a matter of integrity — a principle my dad espouses because he wants to please God — this is one of his defining traits as a person. He has often encouraged my siblings and I to be the same way. “If you say you will do something, do it.”

The Bible says, Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one. Matthew 5:37 (NLT)

Yesterday, I was blessed to experience my dad’s dependability again. Earlier in the day, I asked him if I could take a photograph of him with a birthday greeting sign for someone in our church who had requested it. He was busy preparing a message for Sunday Worship, but he said I could. However, he was in casual house clothes and asked if I could wait until he put on a decent shirt. Since I had to accompany my mom to meet with some interior designers, my dad said we could take the photo when we saw each other again in the afternoon. In light of everything he had to do, the photograph really wasn’t major but he knew it was important to me.

I went off to the meeting with my mom. Half way through it, I received a call from my dad. He explained to me that he could still pass by to meet me but he also needed to go to the church office to finalize his Sunday message. Basically, he was giving me the option to decide. If I really wanted him to meet me, he would, just so I could take his photo. I knew it was more of a priority for him to go the church office so I said, “Dad, go on ahead to the office. I will just talk to your assistant to take the photo.” And sure enough, within 2 hours, the photo was emailed to me. I got a text message from my dad, “Sent the picture already.” I texted him back, “You are the best, Dad. You are so reliable and thoughtful. Love you.” My dad inconvenienced himself to keep his word to me.

Whether he makes a big or small commitment, my dad binds himself to it and treats it as sacred. I have always admired him for this, especially since it is very cultural in the Philippines to make statements that people never quite follow through with.

People often say “I will be there” but end up flaking out or canceling at the last minute. Or, “I will deliver by such and such date” but expectations are not managed. Sometimes I can be this way, too! It’s a rare Filipino who can stick to an agreed time or even a time-table.

We can think of it as a cultural phenomenon but let’s call it what it is. A person who does not keep his or her word is a liar. When I tell my kids, I will be home by 3 PM but I am an hour late, I told a lie. When I tell my husband, I will get your request done by today but fail to do so and make excuses when he asks me about it, I am a liar trying to look like a good person.

I want to grow in this area. I want to copy my dad’s example. His dependability has been a blessing and I want my kids to see the same faithfulness in me. But he has also modeled another trait that I have picked up on – be wise about what you commit to.

The Bible says to be very careful when you make a vow. If you are not sure that you can keep a promise or follow through with a statement you have made, then manage expectations sooner than later. Or better yet, just keep quiet.

I remember an incident where my dad asked me to edit a paper for him and I told him I would. After weeks, I had left the paper alone and got busy with other concerns. One day he called me about it thinking that I had already looked through it. I was embarrassed to say that I had not edited it. And he told me, “Next time, if you can’t do it then let me know rather than say you can but won’t get it done.” He wasn’t angry but he was disappointed. For a split second I thought of several excuses to rationalize my failure but instead, I apologized and used that situation as a learning experience. Speak less, do more.

The principle of keeping one’s word makes me think about God as a father. Imagine what it would be like if God did not keep his promises? What if he lured us with all kinds of enticing statements about his goodness and didn’t live up to the impression he painted of himself? What if we staked our lives on false hopes about forgiveness, salvation, or eternity? Where would we anchor our faith if we could not know with certainty that God’s word is true?

Thankfully, the Bible tells us, “Jesus is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8) Sometimes, we aren’t patient enough to wait for the Lord to fulfill his promises. We interpret his ability and commitment to do so by circumstances or by our limited understanding of who he is. Yet, we can be confident that there is no guessing with God. The truth he has presented in his word will never fail. He is the most reliable promise-keeper we will ever know. “Blessed be the Lord, who has given rest to His people Israel, according to all that He promised; not one word has failed of all His good promise, which He promised through Moses His servant.“ (1 Kings 8:56 NASB)

May the Lord make me a Christ-like promise-maker and promise-keeper and not allow me to become a “cultural” promise-maker and promise-keeper!

Have Belly, Will Travel

June 6, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 6 Comments

Three years ago, when I was pregnant with Tiana at 30 weeks, I was on a Holy Land tour. My doctor was hesitant to let me go at first, but she did give me her blessing before I left. By God’s grace, I was able to walk around everywhere without difficulty. In fact, it was great exercise! And the food was healthy — veggies, fruit, yoghurt, flat bread…Of course, the more wonderful aspect of the trip was being with Edric and my family, experiencing the Bible come to life.

I was going through my old files when I found a digital scrapbook I made of our time in the Holy Land. Thought I would share it here as a reminder that God delights to bless his children. Edric and I never dreamed of going on a trip like this. We thought it was way beyond our budget for travel expenses. But, my parents spontaneously decided to treat all of us siblings who were based in the Philippines. Pregnant or not, I was determined to go! Praise God, I came back in one piece with the baby safe in my womb.

When Fathers Say Sorry

June 5, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 2 Comments

This evening we were watching the movie, We Bought A Zoo, when Tiana nearly lunged towards the edge of the bed while jumping on Titus’ back. With almost superhuman reflex, Edric bounced out of his chair to come to her rescue. But he did so with a little too much emotion. Smacking his hand on the bed several times and raising his voice, he said, “I told you not to go near the edge of the bed!”

The three boys had troubled looks on their faces as they tried to take in his response. Tiana had not meant to be so careless. She was playing. But Edric had panicked. And he lost his cool. Afterwards, He ordered all the kids to sit in a row beside me so they wouldn’t be anywhere near the end of the bed. They complied but I could sense that it was out of fear and slight confusion.

I was surprised by the agitation and drama of his posture. He tried to explain to Tiana why he got upset but by then she had already started to cry. As for me, I felt annoyed that he had been so reactive. First of all, it was unnecessary. He could have just whisked her into his arms and spoken calmly to her. Second, I thought it was a bad example to the kids. He did seem angry and he has taught them not to do things like this.

At some point I knew he would recognize this and apologize to everyone but I waited for a bit until he had calmed down himself. About ten minutes later, I nudged his leg, which was resting right beside mine. He looked at me and knew what I was attempting to say.

“Oh you think I should say sorry?” He said this aloud so the kids would hear him. And Edan was quick to use the opening as an opportunity to remark, “I think you got too angry with Tiana.” Edan, of all our kids, is the type of person who expects people to follow rules and principles. It is unsettling for him when people don’t.

Edric was humble enough to acknowledge his perspective. He asked for forgiveness from Tiana first and then from all of us. And that was it. No one held on to their troubling thoughts. Forgiveness was readily given. Tiana started chatting away like nothing happened and the boys continued watching the movie.

Perhaps the night could have continued without addressing Edric’s blow up and we would have all justified it in our minds. Upsetting as it was to see him lose his cool, I know he did so because he was concerned that Tiana could’ve gotten hurt. He imagined the possibility of her bumping her head on the floor (a trauma that he hasn’t forgotten since he left Elijah on the bed as an infant and he fell off, but that’s another story.) Like most parents, Edric meant well. However, his method of conveying protective instincts and care were not appropriate. It was still wrong for him to raise his voice and smack his hand on the bed for emphasis. So the kids needed to hear him say sorry. It mattered.

Everytime a father says sorry it matters. A father’s willingness to admit his wrong and be restored to his children is healing to the heart. It preserves the tenderness of their consciences and keeps them from growing hard.

I was blessed to have a father who knew how to say sorry for his mistakes and it certainly kept me from developing bitterness or anger. It also kept me from rejecting his teaching.

I pray Edric will continue to be sensitive in spirit as he leads our family. Our children, especially our sons, look up to him and deeply respect him. And that is not a unique phenomenon to our family. Children have a special admiration for their fathers. If that can be handled with the utmost care, a father will not only have their admiration, he will have their attention, giving him the blessed opportunity to influence them for good. Humility allows him to strengthen that chord of influence.

We are a bible-believing family. Edric knows he cannot afford to be a hypocrite. He cannot tell our kids to be Christ-like if he doesn’t model it himself. This evening, he knew that the Christ-like thing to do was say sorry. And I praise God that he did.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (Colossians 3:21 NASB)

Your Child’s Best Tutor

June 5, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza Leave a Comment

I wrote this article for Smart Parenting last year and found out they re-published it on their website. If you stress out when tutoring your young children, check out this article. The same principles we apply as a homeschooling family are applicable to moms who tutor, too! Being Your Child’s Best Tutor

Childbirth Revisited

June 3, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 7 Comments

I think all pregnant women should consider attending a birthing class. Edric and I have always attended Chiqui Brosas-Hahn’s classes. She has five kids whom she delivered naturally and she has been a Doula to many others. So she knows what she is talking about. But more than that, I like her easy-going, matter of fact way of explaining everything. She is honest and not squeamish about describing exactly what is going to happen. Whether you give birth naturally or not, these classes are very practical.

As a mom-to-be, you need someone who can clearly explain what you are going to go through. I like that Chiqui combines theory and experiential knowledge when she prepares moms (and dads). It’s great when fathers-to-be recognize how challenging it is to bring a baby into this world, too!

Every time we give birth, Edric and I take a refresher course because most reputable hospitals will require a certificate to let a husband be present during labor and delivery as a coach. So even if this will be our fifth birth, it is important to have that certificate. And, with my horrible memory, it is always good to be reminded of what to expect. Well…I’ll be honest. I like knowing what to expect but at the same time, it terrifies me.

When Edric and I were at the most recent class, I looked around the room at the mostly newbie moms and thought, Oh my dears! This is going to be the hardest physical experience of your lives! Of course, I didn’t say that. I believe that women can do it and God has built us to endure pain like no man can. But, once that pain really starts to escalate, you can second-guess yourself and wonder, Can I really do this?! Listening to Chiqui talk about the whole process again made me think, Why am I doing this?!

I turned over to Edric while we were sitting in the class and told him, “I’m scared, hon. I’m starting to feel that same nervousness that I do at this stage.” Of course, Edric was very reassuring. But it was the quite reassurance of the Lord that really ministered to me. I will be there with you. Trust me. I will help you. We’ve done this together before.

At 30 weeks and into my third trimester, this is the home stretch for me. The anticipation often feels like the longest part of the pregnancy. And I am feeling that same fears that tend to trouble me when the weeks inch closer towards birth. I know the process that birth involves, but every one of my labor experiences has been different from the other.

Being pregnant reminds me that I am not control of anything. There is still a measure of uncertainty. I really don’t know what’s going to happen when the due day comes apart from counting the contractions and taking them on one at a time.

When I was in labor with Titus, my third son, my doctor informed me that he was “side-lying.” If he didn’t descend properly, I would have to opt for a C-section. Edric and I looked at each other and we were concerned. I had always done a combination Lamaze or Bradley for my previous births. C-section wasn’t something I was prepared for. My labor seemed to slow down when I hit 6 or 7 cm because I had only effaced on one side of my cervix.

We prayed hard and Edric called Chiqui who gave me some tips to try in the labor room. I rocked on all fours, swayed back and forth. I might have even hopped around for a bit. And the next time the doctor did an internal exam Titus’ head was down and engaged properly. It was really quite amazing.

However, at one point during my labor, during the transitional phase, I felt like I was going to die from the pain. My body started to tremble and I didn’t know if I could take it anymore. It was then that I really cried out to the Lord (not verbally, but in my heart), and I asked him to sustain me. God heard my prayers and I was able to give birth without anesthesia again.

In Genesis 4:1 it says, Now the man had relations with his wife Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain, and she said, “I have gotten a manchild with the help of the Lord.”

Author, Debbie Morris, in her book, “The Blessed Woman,” gives wonderful insight into this verse. She says that Eve acknowledged that it was through the Lord’s help that she gave birth to Cain, her first child. There was no mother, mother-in-law, sister or girl friend in her life to give her tips on childbirth. No birthing classes. No books to read. Not even Adam had a clue. He isn’t even mentioned as being helpful during her ordeal. This was an experience that she went through alone, with God.

This resonated with me because I have felt this way during every single labor and delivery. Edric is by my side physically and that makes a big difference, but it is an experience that I must endure by myself with only God to rely upon. His empowering presence gives me the peace and the will to finish.

Giving birth is one of the most grueling physical trials I go through. Yet, it is during these moments that I understand more fully how God is my only salvation. At the point where I feel like giving in, I am reassured that he will rescue me. And he does.

God will use experiences in our lives to awaken our spiritual consciousness to the reality of his beautiful presence and our need for it. And greater than the fear of abandonment, loneliness, or trials, will be the fear to move forward in this life without him.

The longer I am married, get to parent my children, and the more people I interact with, learn from, and journey alongside in the faith with, the more I realize that life begins and ends with God. I was made for him. And I believe that he allows us to be in predicaments where he is our only resource and help…where we feel a good kind of desperation. Pregnancy and most especially childbirth, makes me desperately dependent on him.

My encouragement is his promise, “I will never leave your or forsake you.” After four children, I can certainly attest to this. I go into labor and delivery with only one assurance – the Lord will help me – and that is enough security to know that I can do it by his grace and enablement!

Photos taken during childbirth class…

Biz Kidz

June 2, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 6 Comments

What a week we had! The kids had their violin recital and the very next day they were participants in a homeschool bazaar called “Biz Kidz.” Organized by homeschoolers for homeschoolers, this TMA Homeschool event encouraged kids to come up with a business idea, execute, and sell it.

The boys did origami art. Whew. Talk about labor-intensive. Next time, we are going to make cupcakes and cookies! (Our cupcakes topped with origami designs sold out and they didn’t take nearly as long to make.)

Three nights in a row, the boys stayed up way past their bedtime to fold paper hundreds of times. I was their quality control checker and I also helped them embellish their designs to make them marketable. So it was late nights for me, too.

We were all pleased with the finished products. But it was the process that was rewarding for all of us. My kids and I share a love for arts and crafts. We enjoy designing and creating. The kids were willing to push themselves to the limit with their lack of sleep. In fact, the evening before the bazaar, Edan fell asleep on a chair while waiting to be assigned another origami task. He was sitting upright with his eyes closed.

At the end of the day, the kids came away with P4,300 pesos. It was measly in terms of earnings, especially if we subtracted my part of the “investment.” But, the kids learned some great life lessons like…

Making money takes effort. The kids had to do the work and put in the time necessary to produce something sellable. I helped them out with conceptualization but they did the harder part. During the bazaar, the kids also discovered that selling origami products was a challenge. First of all, not everyone appreciates origami. Second, because all our stuff was laboriously hand-made, it wasn’t cheap.

Marketing and selling are an integral part of getting people to buy your product. In the beginning, we waited for people to come to our table. But after a while, I asked the kids to go around themselves. We saw other children doing this and it seemed to be much more effective. Edan learned that you can’t be self-conscious or afraid to talk to people. He didn’t want to go around with a tray at first. But, he ended up being a very good salesman! And he was very excited when he started counting how much money he earned. He told me afterwards, “It’s not scary!” (Referring to going up to potential customers.)

We also came up with a marketing idea that went something like this…Whatever origami art you buy, Elijah or Edan will give you a tutorial on how to make it. This got some people interested, especially kids who wanted to learn how to do origami.

Rejection is good for the soul. If the kids don’t learn this early, they will learn it later when there is more at stake. We didn’t sell everything. Elijah felt badly about some of his unsold goods because he thought they would surely interest buyers. But it was beneficial for the children to experience being turned down. Life will not roll out a red carpet for our kids. They receive a lot of affirmation at home, but it’s not always going to be like that when they finally go into a college or start working.

A recent Time article talked about the problems of the young people today. They jump from one profession to another because they have this entitlement mentality. They come into a job with high expectations about what others should do for them and when they don’t get what they want, they complain or leave. On the one hand, it makes corporations step it up in terms of benefits but on the other hand, there is a character flaw that we, as parents, have to weed out of our kids. Reality check: YOU ARE NOT A SUPERSTAR. I love you. I believe that God has gifted you to fulfill his plans and purposes for your life. But, honey, the world doesn’t revolve around you and your preferences. Get used to it.

Pray for success. When the kids began to be discouraged about having less than favorable sales, I told them, “Don’t worry. Just relax. If God wants us to sell our products, we will. He knows you worked very hard and you did your part. So pray and ask him to help you.” After they prayed, they started selling. But like I said earlier, they had to do what was within their control – go out and sell.

Be thankful and content. In Elijah’s words, “I learned to be thankful for the money we did make.” He wanted to earn at least P8,000, but it didn’t happen. Tempted to grumble, I reminded him to be positive and appreciative that we did make some money. We sold most of the items we had on our table.

“It’s fun to make money!” According to Elijah, it was rewarding to experience the fruit of his labor. Personally, I felt the experience was priceless for the kids for the character lessons more so than the actual money aspect. But it’s true, it is exciting to get paid for hard work.

Congratulations to the winners who received well-deserved recognition for all their effort, too! My personal favorite (besides my kids, he he), was a creative business idea by homeschooler, Isaiah Fernandez. He turned laundry clips into building materials and called them Clip Morphs. Over the years of hanging out with his mom while she did the laundry, he would play beside her and design all kinds of structures. So he turned it into a business concept. My kids are playing with his Clip Morphs right now! I thought it was a brilliantly simple idea that encourages hours of creative play.

Even if we toiled and struggled to prepare for this Biz Kidz event, I’m looking forward to the next one. Hopefully, we can come up with an even better concept. The event wasn’t nearly as big as the Kiddopreneur bazaar, which draws a very large crowd. But this was a good start for our kids. Many parents commented that they want another event like this soon and I agree!

More Fun With You

May 30, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 5 Comments

“I can run by myself, but it is more fun to run with you.” My husband, Edric, said this last week when we went for our morning jog. Previously, he went on two runs alone because I was too tired to go with him.

But I started running with him again. Very slowly! At a certain part I break my run with a walk. Edric will either circle back to be by my side or find a way to meet up with me as we do the last stretch. I appreciate how thoughtful he is about my growing incapacities (fitness-wise) due to pregnancy.

People ask me why I still run at 7 months or how I am able to do it. Well, like I said, my pace is significantly slower so it is not super athlete stuff. The youngest of my kids can outrun me for sure. But I keep at it, for as long as my body can bear the increasing weight, to spend time with Edric.

My secondary reason is I am mentally and physically preparing myself for labor and childbirth. It takes a certain kind of fortitude to do natural birth without anesthesia. And if I don’t keep myself fit, it makes me feel less in control and less able to rise to the challenge of working through labor pain.

I always feel scared when it is the last stage of pregnancy. But I am more afraid of taking anesthesia or getting a C-section! Personally, doing the Bradley method caters to the least of my fears.

Going back to Edric and running…

As I thought about what our runs are like, I realized some important parallels to marriage.

He said, “I can run alone.” Similarly, as a single person, a woman or man needs to be complete in the Lord. A dear single friend of mine once made a remarkable statement. She said she is so contentedly single that if God were to bring a man into her life he would have to be better than everything she has now. She is plenty fine to keep running alone with God until then.

However, if God should allow marriage to a person, and Lord willing, to one who shares the same love for the Lord, values and convictions, then praise God! For Edric and I, we have experienced that it truly is “more fun to run together.”

I can no longer imagine my life without Edric intertwined into every aspect of it. He is my favorite person to be with. I have the most fun with him!

When we got married 12 years ago, we were starry eyed, clueless about the realities of marriage, and it felt like we were riding an emotional roller coaster. Yet, just like running, at a certain point, we found our pace…we learned to adjust and accommodate one another’s personalities and differences with God’s help.

It is incredibly comforting to know that even if I cannot run fast because of pregnancy, Edric will circle back to me. He doesn’t hold it against me that I am going at a turtle’s pace compared to what he can do. And that’s marriage. There are seasons when we have to consider each other’s weaknesses and choose to stick around, for better or worse — to still run together. Edric and I have gone through seasons when we must pray for one another and patiently wait for one another to get out of a spiritual slump. Or, one of us goes through a crisis and the other must learn to be an encourager and motivator.

At present, I am “alone” in the changes that are happening to my body and I must contend with them. This is not a crisis. It’s normal. But this stage can be likened to the personal journey every person must take, married or not. There are some circumstances which will make you feel very alone. But, I have the bonus blessing of having Edric right beside me. And while my ultimate comfort is the Lord’s presence, Edric is certainly a tangible representation of how much God loves me.

It takes selflessness to be a blessing to one another. The reality is, as a couple, we need to keep fixing our eyes on Jesus to run the race that is set before us. Marriage is not a sprint. It has to last waaaay long after the honeymoon. It takes endurance, especially the spiritual kind. And unless we set aside the entanglements that keep us from Christ-centeredness (pride, anger, selfishness, unforgiveness, disobedience before God, and the like), we will not be able to run together, as a team.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1, 2 NASB)

I don’t know what the Lord has in store for us in the future in terms of challenges and trials, but my prayer is that Edric and I will always be “running partners.” I mean this beyond the literal sense. Although our morning jogs have been wonderful, I am talking about the relational aspect of our running partnership. We are two different people with varied needs, capacities, struggles, desires, and dreams. But as long as we are running together in the same direction, towards God’s purpose and plan for us and willing to support one another through life’s seasons, marriage is truly a joy!

During the recently held Global Discipleship Congress, speaker, Ann Chan, quoted Robert Browning. But I would like to paraphrase the “grow old with me” part and say, “Run with me, the best is yet to be…”

Are You A “Super” Model?

May 26, 2013 By Joy T Mendoza 18 Comments

A few days ago, I was watching a movie with my four children. My husband, Edric, had a meeting that night, so the kids hung out with me in our bedroom. At one point in the movie, my 7 year old son, Edan, said, “I’m scared.” Without being prodded to, my 2 year old daughter’s response was, “Aw, you are scared? Come here, I will take care of you.” And she motioned for him to sit on her lap so she could cradle him. Of course Edan who was much bigger refused and we all started laughing. Tiana had acted like a mini-version of me. This was not something I had taught her. It was something she picked up from observing me.

Like my children watch me, I watched my parents. The principle of modeling is: values are caught not taught. Our actions speak much louder than what we say. There were two particular areas demonstrated by my parents that made an impact on me — their example of being spirit-filled and their intimacy with the Lord.

My siblings and I were blessed to have parents who modeled love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I can talk about each of these but I want to highlight my more favorite observations about their modeling.

Moodiness was not allowed in our home. In fact, my mom told my sisters and I, “There is no such thing as PMS. Moodiness is selfishness. You can choose to be controlled by the Holy Spirit.” My mom could tell us to do this because she herself was a predictably joyful person. We didn’t have to guess, what mood will mom be in today?

She is in her 60′s now and I am sure at some point she went through menopause. However, I honestly don’t know when it happened because she didn’t burden any of us with her hormones!

Even my children have noticed the positive attitude of my parents. One morning, when we were visiting them, my eldest son Elijah spontaneously told my dad (his grandpa), “Angkong, you are always happy. I’ve never seen you get angry. Grandma, too. You are both so positive.”

Feeling a little bit jealous, I took Elijah aside and asked him jokingly, “What about me?” His politically correct reply was, “I can see that you are trying to change and you have improved a lot!” Nice one, son.

My parents’ attitude and perspective towards business-related stress, ministry stress, and people stress also impacted me. They would respond with peace and rested-ness when they encountered problems. Instead of panicking, they would invite us to pray along side them and commit the issue to the Lord. Because their confidence and security were in God, I learned to trust in God’s sovereignty and rest in him when I went through a personal crisis. I believed that God would cause everything to work together for my good as it says in Romans 8:28. But this was a perspective first passed on to me by my parents.

I also valued my parents’ example of receiving criticism and correction with grace. My parents would invite us to correct them anytime. I remember my dad telling me, “Criticism is a blessing. If it is false then praise God, take it as a warning, something to avoid. If it is true then praise God, learn from it. Either way it is a win-win.”

There was one occasion when I corrected my dad about his management style. I said, “I thought you were a bit harsh and unkind when you said what you did.” Instead of defending himself, he humbly said, “Thank you. That’s why I need you guys to hold me accountable…to tell me these kind of things.”

A question they often asked us was, “How can we improve? Is there anything we need to change?” They allowed us to be God’s instruments to help them grow in character and spiritual maturity.

My husband, Edric, and I have done this with our own children. I have had my kids tell me, “Mom, I think you need to say sorry to daddy for your attitude.” And I have appreciated this because they see my life closely. They know the areas I have to improve in. The blessing is, our kids also ask us, “What about us, how can we improve?”

Another area I appreciated in my parents was they didn’t put a premium on material things. For example, my mom had this “special ability.” She would accidentally bump every new car that my dad bought. She baptized each car with some sort of dent. My dad would tease and describe it as an uncanny ability to hit inanimate objects like the curb, fire hydrants, telephone polls and the like. But he never got angry about these things. His first concern was whether my mom was okay.

Very recently, I was blessed to see my dad respond to my mom’s carelessness with grace. She had destroyed a gadget that was pretty costly. It was a medical instrument that my dad used daily. When my mom chose to break the news to him he was seated on his lazy boy reading a book. I happened to be visiting them that afternoon so I saw the scenario unfold like a scene from a movie. My mom came up to my dad’s side and said, “Hon, I have a question. The chord of this machine isn’t working anymore. I think I must have bent it too far while I was carrying my stuff. Do you think I should have it fixed here by an electrician or send it back to the U.S. to have the chord replaced?”

My dad looked up from the book he was reading. There was not a single strained vein on his temple or neck to indicate stress or irritation. Considering that it was an $800 dollar machine, I thought, this unfortunate incident might have elicited some sort of negative response from his part. But he was quiet and calm. Instead of making a big deal out of it, he patiently discussed the possibilities with her, and it was decided that mom would send it back to the U.S. to have it fixed. I don’t know if my parents even realized that I was paying attention to their dialogue, but I remembered that incident and archived it in my brain for future reference.

Hold the things of this world lightly. That’s what I learned from incidences such as these. Do not make money and possessions more important than pleasing God, than people, than principles that we ought to live by.

One notable principle my parents lived by was integrity. When my parents were undercharged for a bill, they would inconvenience themselves to pay the balance. I know this wasn’t always easy for my dad who is a businessman. Any amount saved was good for business. But, neither he nor my mom compromised when it came to small things like paying a bill accurately. And I remembered this when I got older and found myself in similar predicaments: Do not love money.

Beyond all these examples, the greatest modeling they provided in our home was their intimacy with the Lord. This was the secret to their spirit-filled testimonies. I knew with absolute certainty that my parents loved God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. And that’s why they loved us, too.

They loved us unconditionally. My siblings and I made many mistakes growing up, but my parents always affirmed that we were loved and accepted. We didn’t have to earn their love. They pursued us relationally and often communicated and demonstrated to us that we were their priority, that we were special to them.

Almost every night my dad would ask me, “Who loves you?” just to remind me that he did. And he would follow up with, “Do you know that you are special to me?” (I know he did the same with my siblings.) He was a very intentional father, not sacrificing time with us for business or ministry. So my siblings and I knew that we were loved. We were very secure in the love of my mom and dad.

This morning’s message by Pastor Edmund Chan included a story about a Brazilian girl who left her home for the excitement and worldliness of Rio de Janeiro. Her mother went looking for her and posted photos everywhere. However, it wasn’t until years later that her daughter, bruised and battered by the realities of a painful world, found one of the pictures her mother randomly attached to the mirror of a shady hotel restroom. It was her mother’s photo. The young woman pulled it off the wall and on the back it read, “Whatever you have done, whatever you have become, it doesn’t matter. I love you. Please come home.”

As a child, I too needed and longed for the unconditional love of my parents. And because it was given, I greater understood the grace of God. Since my parents could embrace an imperfect me, it was easy to believe that God could love me, too.

I remember telling my dad one time, “My friends said our family is not normal,” referring to the fact that I had a loving family who seemed to have it all together. And my dad was quick to reply, “Joy, this is normal. Families should be Christ-centered and spirit-filled. That has always been God’s design.” The common hurt and pain we see in families is abnormal, it is not God’s plan.

This statement really struck me. I was beginning to believe this idea that good families were some sort of aberration. However, the reality was and is that parents who make Jesus Christ the center of their home will experience the blessings and joy of God’s design for their family, and their children will want to pass on this legacy.

Because my parents’ testimony at home made Jesus Christ attractive to me, I desired to have the same personal relationship with him. I desired to tell others about Jesus and minister to them like they did.

My parents didn’t model perfection, they modeled authenticity. The grace of God was manifest in their weaknesses, shortcomings and inadequacies. He was the source of their abilities and successes. When I got older, I prayed for a man who embodied the same love for God so we could have a marriage and family that was centered on Christ, too. And God helped me find one. Or should I say, God allowed me to be found by this kind of man. But all glory goes to God and not to my parents or to us. He alone is the reason my siblings and I and our spouses are committed followers of Jesus and teaching our children to do the same! He makes parents the “super” models they need to be!

Can we say to our children, Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ? (1 Corinthians 11:1 NASB)
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I shared part of this during the recently concluded Global Discipleship Congress. One of the workshops was given by my dad, entitled “Discipleship Begins at Home.” He invited my siblings and I to share about our family experience. There were five points to his talk. Parents need to be intentional about modeling, building relationships through open communication and time, teaching and training, and imparting a godly vision to their children. I was assigned to share about the importance of modeling.